Unconditional Love and mariage

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Do you love your spouse unconditionally…is it possible or not. Can a person’s actions Kill Love?

All of us that have bore children (who are emotionally stable) understand unconditional love…and love at first sight too for that matter 😃

When you answer this poll’s question think good and hard please…I have heard some folks put stipulations on their love such as: as long as you stay thin (very cruel IMO), don’t become an addict, Don’t cheat, stay passionate, and this is NOT unconditional.

Do you have stipulations, or not?
 
Yep, love given should be unconditional, just as Jesus’ love for us was, is, and always will be.

What people don’t realize is that the burden is on us, the one giving the love…all on us…it’s something we have to constantly work on as it is not easy at all.

We don’t do anything for any person on earth, but we do everything for God. If we have that perspective on life then how others respond to our love does not matter as much because the love we are giving them is God’s love, not ours.

We personalize way too much, imo. As if we own anything in this life. We don’t. It’s all given to us as stewards.
 
I agree whole heartedly! But some people apparently do no, or else the divorce rate would not be so high! I understand when folks have to be divorced because of abuse and such, but a ton of people just walk away “fallen out of love”

Possibly I won’t get a good result from this poll because embarrassment, or everyone at CA agrees 😉

For those who do not agree…vote anyway…no need to explain if you don’t want to.

Have you ever fallen out of love due to a persons actions?
 
For a lifetime of being married to a person love must be unconditional. Spouses are not saints and will hurt us sometimes becuase they fallen natures like the rest of the people in the world.

Loving unconditionally does not mean accepting bad behavior, I think some people get confused about that. Let’s say a spouse cheats on you comes to you begging for forgiveness then as a couple you must work toward forgiveness. But if a spouse cheats and says that’s just the way I am, deal with it. Then it’s time to put the suitcases on the doorstep with a note saying when you’re ready to act like a commited married man (or woman) you can come back and we’ll work on resolving the hurt to our marriage.
 
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rayne89:
Loving unconditionally does not mean accepting bad behavior, I think some people get confused about that. Let’s say a spouse cheats on you comes to you begging for forgiveness then as a couple you must work toward forgiveness. But if a spouse cheats and says that’s just the way I am, deal with it. Then it’s time to put the suitcases on the doorstep with a note saying when you’re ready to act like a commited married man (or woman) you can come back and we’ll work on resolving the hurt to our marriage.
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:amen: Ditto for abuse and addictions.
 
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Lillith:
Do you love your spouse unconditionally…is it possible or not. Can a person’s actions Kill Love?
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Yes, I would say I do love my spouse unconditionally. It is my choice to do so, as it is yours dear Lilleth. Yes, a person’s actions can put a damper on your feelings, make the need for forgiveness even more clear. I know and do understand this for sure. But keep in mind this is NOT killing Love. This is most understandable. It is merely a “work thru” of stuff. I have been there. BUT, I choose to love my H anyway, and throughout. I choose to be faithful despite. I choose the path of Love. No matter what has ever happened, I think we can always choose to Love through it, and do what it takes. It is a matter of choice really. To Love, when it really gets down to it, is a choice, not a feeling. Yes, a person’s actions seemingly can “kill love”. Let’s think of it more like it can affect it, not kill it. It can warrant some change. And that’s OK. I’m there now, matter of fact. So I do know what you must be feeling. Hang in there and try to COMMUNICATE.
God Bless You and Your Loved Ones~~
Your Friend,
Sparkle

P.S. Have you ever gone on a Marriage Encounter weekend? I would really recommend it.!
 
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sparkle:
Yes, I would say I do love my spouse unconditionally. It is my choice to do so, as it is yours dear Lilleth. Yes, a person’s actions can put a damper on your feelings, make the need for forgiveness even more clear. I know and do understand this for sure. But keep in mind this is NOT killing Love. This is most understandable. It is merely a “work thru” of stuff. I have been there. BUT, I choose to love my H anyway, and throughout. I choose to be faithful despite. I choose the path of Love. No matter what has ever happened, I think we can always choose to Love through it, and do what it takes. It is a matter of choice really. To Love, when it really gets down to it, is a choice, not a feeling. Yes, a person’s actions seemingly can “kill love”. Let’s think of it more like it can affect it, not kill it. It can warrant some change. And that’s OK. I’m there now, matter of fact. So I do know what you must be feeling. Hang in there and try to COMMUNICATE.
God Bless You and Your Loved Ones~~
Your Friend,
Sparkle

P.S. Have you ever gone on a Marriage Encounter weekend? I would really recommend it.!
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Sparkle…it really isn’t about me personally, but I am in debate with a dear friend of mine who is a little bitter that her ex-husband did not love her unconditionally, and she feels like no one can really love anyone unconditionally the exception being children…but good advice non-the-less! I wanna go to a marriage encounter weekend with my DH…always room for improvement!
 
You didn’t have a poll option for middle ground. I answered you must love unconditionally, but I would have preferred a less emphatic option.

Certainly, we should strive to love our spouse, and everyone else for that matter, unconditionally. As imperfect humans, though, I don’t believe it is possible to act unconditionally loving at all times. I’m sure there will be plenty of times when I want to throttle my fiance once we’re married, and there will be other times when I act like a jerk and he feels like doing the same to me.

The important part is realizing when you are not behaving in a loving manner, and apologizing for doing so. It is also important for the other party to realize that even when the spouse is not demonstrating his or her unconditional love, it is not because they don’t love them.
 
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vluvski:
You didn’t have a poll option for middle ground. I answered you must love unconditionally, but I would have preferred a less emphatic option.
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Hmmmm…I can’t figure out what the middle ground would be. I saw it as black and white…either you love unconditionally or you don’t…possibly you have an idea for middle ground? Can you give an example?

Peace
 
I wanted to thank the folks who are voting truthfully what they believe…even if it is not PC…I really wanted to see a good poll on this question…I bet the outcome would be different in a secular forum.
 
I must not have specified clearly enough in my post, I apologize.

I differentiate giving unconditional love from acting unconditionally loving. Yes, you must love unconditionally, no question. But there will be times when pride, anger, jealousy, and other human emotions get in the way of behaving in a manner that demonstrates this unconditional love.

In other words, you must choose have unconditional love in your heart (and it is a conscious choice), and do your best to curb ‘conditional’ love in practice. Only God can truly and perfectly offer us unconditional love. Does that make sense?
 
I think that you can love your spouse unconditionally. I believe that it is probably one of the most difficult things to do, but it is possible. My husband and I are getiing a divorce after 6 years of marriage. He has an addiction and has chosen that path rather than me and our two kids. Yes, I’m hurt very badly and I have some pretty bad days, but I do still love him. I believe that I will always love him. My love is changing though, I was in love with him and believed that I couldn’t be without him, but I’m starting to realize that I can still love him and not be with him. I love him as a fellow human being and I will always have a special place in my heart for him. I actually look forward to him and I both living happy lives. I want him to be happy even if it’s not with me.
 
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ceceswa:
I think that you can love your spouse unconditionally. I believe that it is probably one of the most difficult things to do, but it is possible. My husband and I are getiing a divorce after 6 years of marriage. He has an addiction and has chosen that path rather than me and our two kids. Yes, I’m hurt very badly and I have some pretty bad days, but I do still love him. I believe that I will always love him. My love is changing though, I was in love with him and believed that I couldn’t be without him, but I’m starting to realize that I can still love him and not be with him. I love him as a fellow human being and I will always have a special place in my heart for him. I actually look forward to him and I both living happy lives. I want him to be happy even if it’s not with me.
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I am sorry that you are going through this difficult time, and that is the definition of unconditional love!

God Bless you
 
I voted that a person’s actions can kill love…

Why? the first week back from our honeymoon, my husband got drunk and broke into the home of his ex-girlfriend. He’s lucky she didn’t call the cops.

Why? my husband was happy for 5 minutes after I told him that I was pregnant. Then he was upset because some of the other children and my parents weren’t happy.

Why? my husband chose to fight me instead of love me.

Why? my husband chose alcohol over his marriage.

Why? after my miscarriage my husband expressed relief.

I’m GLAD that he left us so that we don’t have to walk around on eggshells trying not to upset him so that he won’t fly into a rage.
 
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Philena:
I voted that a person’s actions can kill love…

Why? the first week back from our honeymoon, my husband got drunk and broke into the home of his ex-girlfriend. He’s lucky she didn’t call the cops.

Why? my husband was happy for 5 minutes after I told him that I was pregnant. Then he was upset because some of the other children and my parents weren’t happy.

Why? my husband chose to fight me instead of love me.

Why? my husband chose alcohol over his marriage.

Why? after my miscarriage my husband expressed relief.

I’m GLAD that he left us so that we don’t have to walk around on eggshells trying not to upset him so that he won’t fly into a rage.
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I’m really sorry that all of that happened to you. Our husbands actually have a lot in common. His addiction isn’t to alcohol, but I know what it’s like to be put to the side. Do you have other children with him? I’m only asking because I wanted to know if he is still in your life for them. My husband and I have two little ones, so I know that he will always be in my life.
I’ve been through all of the emotions, so believe me, I know how you feel, but I’ve finally decided that God has something else in mind for me and my children, and I actually hope that my husband will have a better life also. Do you think that you will get to that point?
 
We both have children from previous marriages and none together, thankfully.

After all that I’ve gone through the past few years, I’m honestly beginning to wonder if God really cares.
 
If Marital Love were unconditional, why would we need vows?

I know it sounds curt, but I’m being serious. Should we strive for unconditional love? I’m not sure. My husband has a cousin who is in the process of walking out on his wife and two little girls. I love the little girls and his wife dearly, so this is really affecting me, along with the fact that the oldest is the same age that I was when my parents divorced. Should he try to come back I would counsel her to welcome him with open arms and an appointment for counseling. To many people that sounds like a condition. To me it sounds like guiding a person toward God, which is our ultimate responsibility as spouses.

I also have a brother whose wife has been unfaithful persistently. He won’t leave her because he feels responsible for her, so they’re pretty much living as roommates right now, since he can’t trust her. I think he’s enabling her by staying, and should leave her until she wants to be a wife. (notice I didn’t say actually divorce her, and there are no children involved there) So unconditional love sounds nice, but sometimes what seems loving is actually enabling.

So I would have to say that unconditional love is almost impossible for us fallen humans, and that it isn’t something we should expect from our spouses, because too often it ends up with the one who “loves unconditionally” becoming a doormat.

I’m sorry if this sounds like I’m losing hope. I’m not. I am incredibly lucky to have a wonderful husband, but I’ve been thinking about all of this a great deal since I’m now at the age when all of my friends seem to be getting divorced. It hurts a great deal, even if you’re not the one involved in the divorce.
 
I think we are all called to love our spouses unconditionally. However I think it’s humanly impossible to actually acheive that goal.

That’s why we have the Sacrament of Matrimony. We are incapable of loving unconditionally without the graces of the sacrament. If no sacramental marriage exits, because one or more of the parties is unbaptized or because the marriage is invalid for other reasons, then the couple could love each other, but they haven’t much chance to be loved unconditionally.

As others have said unconditional love does not include unconditional acceptance of all behavior. Seeking what is good for a spouse might mean depriving them of the benefits of continuing the bad behavior however painful that might be for either or both parties.
 
The love I have for my husband is unconditioinal. I have already made that choice to love him no matter what mistakes he makes in life. Thank God he is a very moral and loyal man and he has never tested it. I know he would never cheat but if for some crazy reason he did, I would forgive him.

He claims not to feel the same way about this issue, says he would dump me, but I would never cheat on him so nothing to worry about!

As tough as it may be, marriage is a lifetime sacrament till death do us part. This is why it is so important to only become involved with a mate who fits the criteria for a good husband or wife.
 
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