Under Spiritual Direction . .

[mercygate]

Under spiritual direction, have you ever left a spiritual director because you flat-out rejected counsel you thought was difficult or incomprehensible? Did you leave without engaging in dialogue to clarify what your director intended? Why? In hindsight, do you think the director was in error, or do you believe that you were simply not ready to deal with the advice?

I have encountered two people in the past 24 hours who have left longstanding, well-established relationships with spiritual directors because the director gave them counsel they found unacceptable.

In the first case the person resented being told that professional counseling would help more than spiritual direction for the thing that was most troubling in his life; he also judged a specific penance to be too difficult and instead of going back to the director to renegotiate, has written him off.

In the other case, the the person under guidance was offended at being asked to offer the pain of a recent tragedy in his life as penance for the sins of his past life.

Do I have it too easy? I have always been able to dialogue with my director, and far from asking me to do things that are too “hard”, he has sometimes asked me to lighten up.

 

[JimR-OCDS]

mercygate

some people seek out a spiritual director, in order to hear the things they want to hear, rather than the things the need to hear.

The purpose of spiritual direction is, direction in spiritual life. Sometimes, people bring emotional problems, which a spiritual director is not qualified to handle. They will correctly recommend counseling from a psychologist.

However, the bottom line for you is, don’t let other people’s experience good or bad, influence your own.

Jim

 

[Joannm]

mercygate

some people seek out a spiritual director, in order to hear the things they want to hear, rather than the things the need to hear.

The purpose of spiritual direction is, direction in spiritual life. Sometimes, people bring emotional problems, which a spiritual director is not qualified to handle. They will correctly recommend counseling from a psychologist.

However, the bottom line for you is, don’t let other people’s experience good or bad, influence your own.

Jim

Jim makes an excellent point. The purpose of spirtual direction is for spiritual guidance. I have often disagreed with my director…the last time I actually considered looking for a new one because what he said was very difficult to reconcile with where I was at the time. He asked me to pray about it and while I still have difficulty with what he is saying I am open to it. He is OK with my disagreement with him and it hasn’t really affected our relationship. I good director doesn’t try to force his agenda on the directee but works with where the person is at the present moment.

I would be concerd if I was suffering with something and he told me to “offer it up.” That seems sort of flippant. One of the things in Pastoral Counseling that we were taught was never to say that to someone who is suffering. It is like telling someone after a loved one died that it was “'God’s will.” That is not what they need to hear at that moment.

 

[mercygate]

mercygate

some people seek out a spiritual director, in order to hear the things they want to hear, rather than the things the need to hear.

Heh, heh. We call this “seeking an accomplice.”

The purpose of spiritual direction is, direction in spiritual life. Sometimes, people bring emotional problems, which a spiritual director is not qualified to handle. They will correctly recommend counseling from a psychologist.

It should be no surprise either that the person who most needs counseling will be the least likely to recognize it.

However, the bottom line for you is, don’t let other people’s experience good or bad, influence your own.

Jim

Not a chance. I am very fortunate to be working under someone who is both patient and strong. And my confessor is both mild and tough. Come to think of it, when I came into the Church and walked into this guy’s confessional for the first time, he aimed a bullet right between my eyes. I think a lot of people would have been shaken by it: he was pretty tough, considering that I was a stranger. But instead of skulking away or huffing out of the confessional, I asked him to be my regular confessor. That was 7 years ago!

So much for lengthy “discernment.”

 

[mercygate]

Jim makes an excellent point. The purpose of spirtual direction is for spiritual guidance. I have often disagreed with my director…the last time I actually considered looking for a new one because what he said was very difficult to reconcile with where I was at the time. He asked me to pray about it and while I still have difficulty with what he is saying I am open to it. He is OK with my disagreement with him and it hasn’t really affected our relationship. I good director doesn’t try to force his agenda on the directee but works with where the person is at the present moment.

I would be concerd if I was suffering with something and he told me to “offer it up.” That seems sort of flippant. One of the things in Pastoral Counseling that we were taught was never to say that to someone who is suffering. It is like telling someone after a loved one died that it was “'God’s will.” That is not what they need to hear at that moment.

I would generally agree that “offer it up” is not helpful in the heat of crisis and with people one does not know. I would be inclined to respond with, “I’ll offer it up you nose!”

But the relationship here was an established one, and it centered on the person’s deep sense of call to conversion. Ergo, “offer it up” would seem to have been the perfect thing to advise.

Funny thing, the first time I met this guy, I just KNEW what his past transgression(s) had been, although it took him nearly a year to share that with me.

 

[Andruschak]

Under spiritual direction, have you ever left a spiritual director because you flat-out rejected counsel you thought was difficult or incomprehensible? .

In my case, I have had only one SD, my current one, and have just finished my 3rd monthly session with him.I feel quite comfortable with this Jesuist Brother. No real experience to answer your question

 

[Shoshana]

I have been in direction for over 20 years. More than once through the years, I wanted to search for another one…for whatever reason. I have read much on spiritual direction, and it would be unwise to change for the trifling reasons we conjure up. it must be soemthing very serious to turn your back on a director.

It was just a year ago when I had a very troubling memory come to the surface and I talked abvout it with my husband. I knew I had to tell my director but I wanted his permisiion to go to someone else to deal with this. He refused. He told me to go in front of the blessed Sacrament and pray about it. I wanted to hold somepne’s hand and cry…not pray! Well, believe it or not, after only two sessions in front of jesus, I received peace. Then I gave my director the results of my time with Jesus. And believe it or not, it had to do with sexual molestation back when i was a very young child. No fanfare, no tears…(although I was crying within before he told me to go to Jesus in the blessed Sacrament). He had the right words and the right direction for me.

I look upon him as Christ…it does not matter that I know so very much more than him…he is Christ to me. And when i feel I want a new director for my life, whether he admonishes me or not, it is the devil whispering sweet nothings in my ear.

On top of all of that, he is a very good friend!

 

[mercygate]

I have been in direction for over 20 years. More than once through the years, I wanted to search for another one…for whatever reason. I have read much on spiritual direction, and it would be unwise to change for the trifling reasons we conjure up. it must be soemthing very serious to turn your back on a director.

It was just a year ago when I had a very troubling memory come to the surface and I talked abvout it with my husband. I knew I had to tell my director but I wanted his permisiion to go to someone else to deal with this. He refused. He told me to go in front of the blessed Sacrament and pray about it. I wanted to hold somepne’s hand and cry…not pray! Well, believe it or not, after only two sessions in front of jesus, I received peace. Then I gave my director the results of my time with Jesus. And believe it or not, it had to do with sexual molestation back when i was a very young child. No fanfare, no tears…(although I was crying within before he told me to go to Jesus in the blessed Sacrament). He had the right words and the right direction for me.

I look upon him as Christ…it does not matter that I know so very much more than him…he is Christ to me. And when i feel I want a new director for my life, whether he admonishes me or not, it is the devil whispering sweet nothings in my ear.

On top of all of that, he is a very good friend!

You are blessed. See? the longstanding relationship and trust you have gives you confidence in him. What I do not understand (and it IS none of my business) is that in the 2 cases cited in my OP BOTH relationships were well established but one challenge sent the customers packing.

Perhaps to some extent we all want an accomplice. And God help us if we get one.

 

[John_Russell_Jr]

My SD told me when I first saw him almost 18 yrs ago I think, that God sometimes uses him to torment his subjects. He said this is something he has no control over. St Teresa of Avila spoke of this. All I can say is he was right but we’re still together.

 

[mercygate]

My SD told me when I first saw him almost 18 yrs ago I think, that God sometimes uses him to torment his subjects. He said this is something he has no control over. St Teresa of Avila spoke of this. All I can say is he was right but we’re still together.

I’m glad my SD doesn’t torment me but I agree. Just as when the priest, who is now my regular confessor, “tormented” me the first time I came to him for confession, it is good to be able to judge when the torment is for one’s own good.

 

[puzzleannie]

i would be very concerned about the professional ethics of a spiritual director who attempted to do psychiatric counselling or any other treatment outside his realm for which he is not qualified. an SD who did not refer someone for psychological counselling or other professinal help, who truly needs it, would be failing in his duty to his client.

it is in the nature of the relationship with the SD, or the priest in confession, that the client or penitent is going to hear things and receive directions they disagree with or don’t understand. that is because it is in the nature of spiritual growth that God sends or says things we don’t understand, or can agree with. If the SD is only going to tell us what we want to hear, why do we need him?

 

[Joannm]

iit is in the nature of the relationship with the SD, or the priest in confession, that the client or penitent is going to hear things and receive directions they disagree with or don’t understand. that is because it is in the nature of spiritual growth that God sends or says things we don’t understand, or can agree with. If the SD is only going to tell us what we want to hear, why do we need him?

That is so true. Right now I am involved with sort of a debate with my SD. He is not in the states right now so we correspond by e-mail and occasional Skype calls. He is very challenging and won’t let up until I come to an understanding. I would think many people would give up at this point and move on to someone else who wasn’t so tough. I don’t have to always agree with him, but he wants me to come to very informed decisions. BTW he will not tell me what to do, he feels that is getting in the way of the Spirit, but he pushes me into doing what the Spirit wants me to do.

 

[John_Russell_Jr]

Obedience, whether required or voluntary, to your SD is more pleasing than your spiritual exercises.

 

[Shoshana]

I love this story from the Servant of God Catherine Doherty. She had her spiritual director but was not pleased with him to say the least. She decided to visit another priest for direction and told him of her woes with her SD. The priest got up, took the holy water bottle, soaked her with it and said ‘Begone, Satan!’ and told her to go back to her own SD.

 

[Shoshana]

i would be very concerned about the professional ethics of a spiritual director who attempted to do psychiatric counselling or any other treatment outside his realm for which he is not qualified. an SD who did not refer someone for psychological counselling or other professinal help, who truly needs it, would be failing in his duty to his client.

it is in the nature of the relationship with the SD, or the priest in confession, that the client or penitent is going to hear things and receive directions they disagree with or don’t understand. that is because it is in the nature of spiritual growth that God sends or says things we don’t understand, or can agree with. If the SD is only going to tell us what we want to hear, why do we need him?

I do not know if you are directing this to me. But having gone to this priest for over twenty, every month on the whole, he knew exactly what to do with me. I did not even have to share my sexual molestation to this day. (This was about a year ago). The Lord showed me His Word (after admonishing me at the first visit), the second visit was like a balm to my soul. As the Word from Scripture jumped up at me, I could not believe what I was reading. It was a personal maessage. God surely knows His own.