Understanding a husbands masterbation

[PennitentMan]

for me, that has nothing to do with it. It is my body.

I thought the Bible teaches that “our bodies are no longer our own”.

It comes down to this. If I don’t feel like doing it… I’M NOT. Marriage is not a free pass to a buffet

Then, you have to allow your husband to have that same mentality…when he feels like masturbating, HE WILL, since he is being denied his marital rights.

 

[actorgirl]

Then, you have to allow your husband to have that same mentality…when he feels like masturbating, HE WILL, since he is being denied his marital rights.

I don’t mind if he masterbates.

 

[actorgirl]

Exactly! Wel said Black Jaque!

This is what I have been saying too!

We are just expected to “deal with it” when our wives deny us the marital embrace,

Then we are expected by our wives to “deal with it” when we go out into the world and we see sexy billboards, TV ads, TV shows, Magazines, Bus stop ads, women waiting at bus stos, walking down the road…etc…or…just “deal with it” when that cute office colleague suddenly looks at you and start to twirl her hair…

Oh, sorry, I forget…men are all dirty-minded pigs who can’t get enough of sex…uhu…

I’ll stop my rant here…

I don’t think all men are dirty minded pigs. Men may have a higher sex drive, but that’s not a bad thing.

All I’m saying is this: would you really want to have sex with someone who has no desire to do it at that moment. And at the risk of getting too graphic (and I apologize if it does) For a woman, if she is not into it, there will be no “release”. Would you still be all gung ho if you knew there would not be a release
for yourselves

 

[PennitentMan]

I don’t mind if he masterbates.

So then, what are you doing posting on a Catholic board, diagreeing with Cahtolics about Cahtolic Doctrine?

 

[actorgirl]

I thought the Bible teaches that “our bodies are no longer our own”.
.

I don’t think it means no longer your own and your husband/wife can do whatever they please with it

 

[actorgirl]

So then, what are you doing posting on a Catholic board, diagreeing with Cahtolics about Cahtolic Doctrine?

1. the no masterbation thing is not just a catholic thing
2. My husband is Catholic, my son will be raised catholic. I like to get different points of views
3. As far as I can see, there are Catholics here disagreeing as well

 

[PennitentMan]

1. the no masterbation thing is not just a catholic thing
2. My husband is Catholic, my son will be raised catholic. I like to get different points of views
3. As far as I can see, there are Catholics here disagreeing as well

There will always be Catholics who disagree with certain teachings…I myself question things at times.
If your husband is Catholic, they you shuold respect his religion. His religion states that he is not allowed to masturbate. If he is a good, devout, practiving Catholic, he will have to adhere to it.

Think of the mental, physical and emotional pain and anguish you are causing him firstly by not sleeping with him, and secondly by no respecting his religion to the point where you force him to commit mortal sin…

Even if you don’t agree with Catholic teachings, have a heart!!!

 

[actorgirl]

There will always be Catholics who disagree with certain teachings…I myself question things at times.
If your husband is Catholic, they you shuold respect his religion. His religion states that he is not allowed to masturbate. If he is a good, devout, practiving Catholic, he will have to adhere to it.

Think of the mental, physical and emotional pain and anguish you are causing him firstly by not sleeping with him, and secondly by no respecting his religion to the point where you force him to commit mortal sin…
Even if you don’t agree with Catholic teachings, have a heart!!!

truth be told, my drive is pretty high.

The bold part I don’t understand. The mortal sin part, yes, but not respecting is religion…

See. I really truly do not think that this has to do with religion. Are you wanting to be with your wife to feel close to her? If that is the case I ask you again: would you still be willing to have sex if there wasn’t that final sensation. Or is it about urges? From what I’ved learned on this site, the pleasure is just the icing on the cake and not the “reason” to have sex. So if you (general you) are going to use doctrine as reason to have relations make sure YOUR reasons and the doctrine reasons match

 

[Black_Jaque]

I don’t mind if he masterbates.

Masterbation is a mortal sin.

A mortal sin separates us from God.

If we die separated from God, we go to hell.

What you just said:

“I don’t mind if my husband spends eternity in Hell.”

for me, that has nothing to do with it. It is my body.

So you should love your husband with it. Love him with a self-sacrificing love.

Relating having sex when you don’t want to, to going to a puppet show when you don’t want to is a bit far fetch. Unless there are some weird puppet shows I don’t know about.
There is just a little more involvement in sex.

Yes there’s more involved, but nothing that would invalidate the analogy.

It comes down to this. If I don’t feel like doing it… I’M NOT. Marriage is not a free pass to a buffet.

This is a selfish, immature attitude. “I do what I want, when I want.”

Your likening the marital embrace to a free pass to a buffet is part of the problem. Try using some words or phrases that describe married sex for what it really is and see what you think…

Marriage is not a free pass to intimacy

Marriage is not a free pass to love

Marriage is not a free pass to the marital embrace

Marriage is not a free pass to consummation of the vows

Marriage is not a free pass to man and woman becoming one

See, all those good things that can be said about our sexuality is precisely what a pure husband’s sexual desire is aimed at.

 

[PennitentMan]

I really truly do not think that this has to do with religion. Are you wanting to be with your wife to feel close to her?

Yes definately. It surely is about the closeness. It is the intimacy that I (and probably many other men here) crave. It’s not about the basic sexual urges, it’s about sharing your soul with your spouse. Being denied that is terrible (I’m speaking from experience).

Having said that, there is a difference between intimacy for husbands and wifex though…Wives usually get their intimacy through other things, but mostly husbands get shown love and intimacy through sex. But it really is all about the intimacy and closeness and sharing of souls.

If that is the case I ask you again: would you still be willing to have sex if there wasn’t that final sensation. Or is it about urges? From what I’ved learned on this site, the pleasure is just the icing on the cake and not the “reason” to have sex. So if you (general you) are going to use doctrine as reason to have relations make sure YOUR reasons and the doctrine reasons match

Yes I would. Again, I say, it’s about becoming one. not about the pleasure at the end.

I’m all for experiencing pleasure, and it is a real bonus that sex feels so good! But that is not the reason why I want to be intimate with my wife.
The reason why I started posting on this site, in fact was because I wanted to be close to my wife again, who is denying me intmacy. I’m yearning for her…and she is not understanding this. It’s tough…it’s aterrible struggle.

And after a while, it is possible that the yearning for intimacy will be sough in other, disordered places, like masturbation or extra-marital affaris, but usually, it’s the yearning for intimacy that is the cause…

So, as far as I understand my needs and desires for my wife, they are doctrinally sound.

Udnerstand that your husband needs to be shown that you lvoe him. He needs spousal intimacy, he needs and yearns to share himself with you and for you to share yourself with him…and most men show and let it be shown to them through intimacy.

PM

 

[actorgirl]

Masterbation is a mortal sin.

A mortal sin separates us from God.

If we die separated from God, we go to hell.

What you just said:

“I don’t mind if my husband spends eternity in Hell.”

well I’m not of the belief that one masterbates they are going to hell.

So you should love your husband with it. Love him with a self-sacrificing love.

I love my husband with my heart

This is a selfish, immature attitude. "I do what I want, when I want

."That’s what you are saying

Hey if having sex with someone who doesn’t want to works for you, great. but others may not share in that same thinking

 

[PennitentMan]

well I’m not of the beleif that one masterbates they are going to hell.

But this is integral in your husband’s faith. He believes this and by your actions you are giving him an option to either live through a very painful time, or put his soul in jeopardy.

Just because you don’t believe it doesn’t make it not true…he believes it and that makes it true, even if it is just for him. Try to see things fro mhis perspective…I know, I’m there too…

Give it a try and you will realise that you are causing him to hurt.

 

[actorgirl]

But this is integral in your husband’s faith. He believes this and by your actions you are giving him an option to either live through a very painful time, or put his soul in jeopardy.

Just because you don’t believe it doesn’t make it not true…he believes it and that makes it true, even if it is just for him. Try to see things fro mhis perspective…I know, I’m there too…

Give it a try and you will realise that you are causing him to hurt.

Again, I’m not denying my husband. And I just asked him. he doesn’t think masterbation=lifetime in hell. But when it’s all said and done, its between you/him/person and God.

I do agree if there is absolutely no sex in a marriage, there is a greater problem. Perhaps your wife feels a lack of intimacy. 9 times out of 10 people just don’t STOP for no reason. But if one is not getting as much as they like, well so be it

 

[Black_Jaque]

and secondly by no respecting his religion to the point where you force him to commit mortal sin…

PM, be very careful with the words you choose. A wife does NOT “force” her husband to masturbate. Her actions may put him into a situation where he is tempted, even VERY tempted. But she’s never the one to “force” him to do it.

A husband so struggling has two morally legitimate options to deal with the pain of his desires. He can A) suffer it out. Or he can B) start doing something to get his wife agree to share the embrace with him.

**In many, many, cases a husband need only to figure out the “key to unlocking her heart” so-to-speak. Flowers, dinner out, back rub, help with chores, play with the kids… **

In other cases a husband may be dealing with a woman who has a contaminated idea of sex. She may not understand sex as something sacred and holy to marriage. She may not understand sex as something important to building unity. She may have this idea in her head that sex is just some appetite guys have and it has nothing to do with marriage. She may have the idea that, if given the chance, any man (including her own husband) would use her body for their own selfish purposes. She may be so concerned with not becoming someone’s sex object that she is unwilling to risk giving that part of herself entirely. She needs to maintain control over this in order to prevent her body from becoming fodder for a man’s selfish pleasure.

**If a husband finds himself dealing with the latter, he will find that she quickly “catches on” to flowers, or evenings out and even those methods don’t work. **

If this is what a husband is dealing with, then he’s got an interesting challenge. He’s got to prove to her that his sexual desire is not a shallow, animal-like drive, but rather it is a desire to be intimate with the one and only woman he chose to spend the rest of his life with. He must prove this by demonstrating that NO OTHER OUTLET WILL SATISFY THIS DESIRE. He must remain pure. It may not be a bad idea to also demonstrate that this desire to become one flesh with his bride is so holy, so sacred and wonderful that he is willing to exhaust himself insisting that it be done. In a mature and civil way - though it may also be in a vibrant passionate way - as in your voice may get loud.

 

[PennitentMan]

Again, I’m not denying my husband. And I just asked him. he doesn’t think masterbation=lifetime in hell.

Actually: Unrepentent masturbation, done with full knowledge = lifetime in hell, as taught by the Catholic Church.

I don’t think your husband understands Catholic teachings. He is not living as a Catholic if he believes that.

I’ll pray for your husband.

 

[Mirror_Mirror]

Again, I’m not denying my husband. And I just asked him. he doesn’t think masterbation=lifetime in hell. But when it’s all said and done, its between you/him/person and God.

Not to get in the middle of all of this, but look at that following statement ** he doesn’t think masterbation=lifetime in hell** and realize that God did not ask your husband’s opinion on that. I am not trying to say that to be rude, but you must realize that God said it is wrong, therefore it is wrong.

Again, your husband is Catholic, he is to follow the teachings of the Church which state that sex is to be unitive (uniting the husband and wife as a renewal of their wedding vows) and procreative (open to life every time). If it is not, then it is a sin.

 

[PennitentMan]

PM, be very careful with the words you choose. A wife does NOT “force” her husband to masturbate. Her actions may put him into a situation where he is tempted, even VERY tempted. But she’s never the one to “force” him to do it.

Maybe “force” is too strong a word, I admit. I’ll leave it at that for now.

 

[actorgirl]

**In many, many, cases a husband need only to figure out the “key to unlocking her heart” so-to-speak. Flowers, dinner out, back rub, help with chores, play with the kids… **

ITA

. She may not understand sex as something important to building unity. She may have this idea in her head that sex is just some appetite guys have and it has nothing to do with marriage. She may have the idea that, if given the chance, any man (including her own husband) would use her body for their own selfish purposes. She may be so concerned with not becoming someone’s sex object that she is unwilling to risk giving that part of herself entirely. She needs to maintain control over this in order to prevent her body from becoming fodder for a man’s selfish pleasure.

I feel for anyone who thinks like this

 

[actorgirl]

Actually: Unrepentent masturbation, done with full knowledge = lifetime in hell, as taught by the Catholic Church.

I don’t think your husband understands Catholic teachings. He is not living as a Catholic if he believes that.

I’ll pray for your husband.

He understands. He just doesn’t agree. Which I know will be problematic for many of you here. This is also why I said ** When it all is said and done it will be between that person and God**

 

[searching06]

nope sorry. I can love my husband with everything I am without putting my body in a situation it rather not be in. Besides why couldn’t he sacrifice his needs.

How can it be good, if someone is just waiting to get it over with.

.
If I was having sex just b/c HE wanted to my marriage would suffer

That’s all well and good if you are trying to have a child.

.

huh? Are you saying If he doesn’t get it from me, he’ll get it elsewhere?

It’s waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay different.

My relationship with my hubby is pretty darn good. But if there comes a time where I wasn’t feeling it I am sure he would respect that.

As far as the topic, a lot of men masterbate REGARDLESS the frequency of sex

I’ll tell you that there were times when my wife was not in the mood, or overly amorous, but knew I needed her - sometimes physically, other times to be emotionally close - and she opened herself to me physically and emotionally. Because she loves me. She may have been passive and just let me love her softly, but she was there for me even when she was not “in the mood”. That is what people are talking about “sacrificing” - lovingly, not as an object. There’s a difference.