Understanding Family Members

[PelagiathePenit]

My youngest sister complains she cannot stand the way I talk down to her when I am correcting her. Why does it matter? It is what it is. Maybe if you would listen the first time, this would not be happening. My anger does not come out of nowhere. When correcting others I am very honest person, I get irritated when people cannot handle the truth or they cannot own up to their own mistakes.

 

[LaughingBoy1503]

Maybe they are not asking for your opinion, so they are irritated that you keep giving it to them? How old are you and how old are your sister? If more than one person is saying that you have a thing with talking down on them, maybe you need to change your approach.

 

[Xantippe]

My youngest sister complains she cannot stand the way I talk down to her when I am correcting her. Why does it matter? It is what it is. Maybe if you would listen the first time, this would not be happening. My anger does not come out of nowhere. When correcting others I am very honest person, I get irritated when people cannot handle the truth or they cannot own up to their own mistakes.

Maybe your sister is being honest with you and maybe she gets irritated when you can’t handle the truth or own up to your mistakes…

That’s a two-way street.

 

[Xantippe]

More seriously, I’m an oldest sister. My daughter is an oldest sister. It is unfortunately common for big sisters to be bossy and condescending–it’s the negative flip side of being responsible and helpful. My oldest daughter (almost 13) is often unbearable to listen to when she’s talking to her 10-year-old brother. I expect I did the same when I was a late tween/teen…

Work on your tone of voice and budget what things you make a big deal of. Everything is not a big deal. Be critical about at most one or two things that you think you can change, not everything, and be sure to say positive things to your sister and others 5X as often as you say negative things. When you’re older, this will help a lot with dealing with your husband and your kids.

Good luck!

 

[hesso12]

Here is the structure of family,the older brother/sister is to lead the younger brother/sister and take responsibility for them,and look after them,and in return the younger brother/sister is to follow to there older brother/sister and obey the parents.
The birthright is emphasized in the Bible because it honored the rights or privileges of the family’s firstborn son. After the father died, or in the father’s absence, the firstborn son assumed the father’s authority and responsibilities,do not to imitate Esau who, on impulse, gave away his birthright for a bowl of stew (Hebrews 12:16-17; Genesis 25:19-34). Because of his foolishness, Esau lost his birthright and the blessings of his father (Genesis 27). The lesson for us is to respect what is holy. We should never throw away what is important, godly, or honorable for the sake of temporary pleasure.

 

[hesso12]

The church is a hierarchy and so is the family.

                      God                                              
                     Father                                           
                     Mother                                        
                 Older children(first born) 
               Younger children

 

[Antegin]

Here is the structure of family,the older brother/sister is to lead the younger brother/sister and take responsibility for them,and look after them,and in return the younger brother/sister is to follow to there older brother/sister and obey the parents.
The birthright is emphasized in the Bible because it honored the rights or privileges of the family’s firstborn son. After the father died, or in the father’s absence, the firstborn son assumed the father’s authority and responsibilities,do not to imitate Esau who, on impulse, gave away his birthright for a bowl of stew (Hebrews 12:16-17; Genesis 25:19-34). Because of his foolishness, Esau lost his birthright and the blessings of his father (Genesis 27). The lesson for us is to respect what is holy. We should never throw away what is important, godly, or honorable for the sake of temporary pleasure.

Actually, primogenetur laws had to do with keeping large quantities of goods and property together in one piece which had a stabilizing effect on the community. The other children could stay or go off on their own as Esau and Lot both did.

 

[Antegin]

The church is a hierarchy and so is the family.

                      God                                              
                     Father                                           
                     Mother                                        
                 Older children(first born) 
               Younger children

I recognize that this may be the case in Pakistan. In the United States, that hierarchy might read

• God
• Parents
• Children

I have a brother 13 years younger than me. If I ever tried to pull seniority on him, he would either get pissed or laugh his head off that I thought I’d get away with it.

 

[Sunbreak]

There is a way to correct someone without insulting them or antagonizing them. You seem to have an anger problem.

 

[slh3016]

My youngest sister complains she cannot stand the way I talk down to her when I am correcting her. Why does it matter? It is what it is. Maybe if you would listen the first time, this would not be happening. My anger does not come out of nowhere. When correcting others I am very honest person, I get irritated when people cannot handle the truth or they cannot own up to their own mistakes.

Live by this motto:

THINK before you speak.

T: Is it TRUE?
H: Is it HELPFUL?
I: Is it INSPIRING?
N: Is it NECESSARY?
K: Is it KIND?

Owning up to mistakes goes both ways, unfortunately. So does irritation.

 

[Giggly_Giraffe]

The church is a hierarchy and so is the family.

                      God                                              
                     Father                                           
                     Mother                                        
                 Older children(first born) 
               Younger children

 Given that God gave the firstborn this position of prominence, I find it interesting (this study came about from my own curiosity) that God chose to bypass the firstborn, and make a younger brother a leader in some HUGELY prominent situations in the Old Testament.

Aaron was 3 years older than Moses (Ex 7:7), but God chose Moses to lead the Israelites out of Egypt (Ex 3:1-4:17).

God chose to use Joseph (the 11th of 12 brothers) to be a leader and second in command to Pharaoh in Egypt (Gen 37:5-11).

God chose David to be king rather than one of his 7 older brothers (1 Sam 16:1-13).

God chose to make Jacob (later named Israel) the father of the 12 tribes of Israel (His chosen people) over his brother Esau (Gen 25:22-23)(Rom 9:12). (They were actually twins, but Esau was the first out: Gen 25:24-26.)(Esau also sold his birthright [rights as firstborn] to Jacob for some stew to eat: Gen 25:29-34, Heb 12:16.)

God chose Gideon, who was the youngest in his family, to deliver Israel from the Midianites (Judg 6:11-16).

Solomon was chosen by God to be king instead of older brothers (1 Chr 22:6-10)(1 Chr 28:5).

With God’s guidance, Jacob chose to bless Joseph’s younger son Ephraim, saying God would make a “multitude of nations” from him, and that he would be “greater” than his older brother Manasseh (Gen 48:1-22).

God accepted Abel’s offering over Cain’s (Gen 4:1-7)(Heb 11:4).
In addition, 4 of these men were direct descendants of Jesus: Abel, Jacob, David, and Solomon. [jesusalive.cc/ques241.htm](http://jesusalive.cc/ques241.htm)

 

[Giggly_Giraffe]

m.youtube.com/watch?v=BpF_CLOSQWc
On a lighter note, it reminds me of my theme song:

Sister and me were in the living room, Busy coloring chairs that we lay on, No signs of gloom, a quiet affair, That is until I borrowed her crayon

I cannot lie it’s the one she loves the best and I don’t know why I put her to the test - But I had no idea she’d get this distressed! Now she’s having a meltdown. Didn’t know that she felt down - A m-m-m meltdown

Then Dad walked in and stared at us in awe - Couldn’t quite understand what the deal was Or what he saw, I took my sister’s hand Gave her her crayon and said sorry cause
I was aware that we were in a bind - Dad’s antique chairs were covered in colored lines And I guess he not a fan of those rainbow designs. Now he’s having a meltdown Didn’t know that she felt down A m-m-m meltdown

I’d stop the world and wait for you to KETCHUP
But it turns and turns and you must be heard you
MUSTARD must be heard

We’re all having a meltdown
We’re all having an M-E-L-T- down.

And I’d stop the world and meltdown with you.

 

[pensmama87]

More seriously, I’m an oldest sister. My daughter is an oldest sister. It is unfortunately common for big sisters to be bossy and condescending–it’s the negative flip side of being responsible and helpful. My oldest daughter (almost 13) is often unbearable to listen to when she’s talking to her 10-year-old brother. I expect I did the same when I was a late tween/teen…

Work on your tone of voice and budget what things you make a big deal of. Everything is not a big deal. Be critical about at most one or two things that you think you can change, not everything, and be sure to say positive things to your sister and others 5X as often as you say negative things. When you’re older, this will help a lot with dealing with your husband and your kids.

Good luck!

Yup. I’m an oldest sister too and this rings true for my experience. I also like slh3016’s motto.

 

[Indigo_Cardinal]

What makes you so all-fired sure it’s your place to correct your sister?

If you’re getting this angry, it may be you who has the problem, not her.

 

[tawny]

Live by this motto:

THINK before you speak.

T: Is it TRUE?
H: Is it HELPFUL?
I: Is it INSPIRING?
N: Is it NECESSARY?
K: Is it KIND?

Owning up to mistakes goes both ways, unfortunately. So does irritation.

 

[Lorelei12]

Unless you have some sort of legal guardianship over your sister, I can’t think of a good reason why you would need to be “correcting” your sister, or why you think she is required to listen to you? Perhaps you are being condescending and acting out of place, and should step back and not assert an authority you don’t have.

 

[agnes_therese]

My youngest sister complains she cannot stand the way I talk down to her when I am correcting her. Why does it matter? It is what it is. Maybe if you would listen the first time, this would not be happening. My anger does not come out of nowhere. When correcting others I am very honest person, I get irritated when people cannot handle the truth or they cannot own up to their own mistakes.

Some things to consider:
Why is it your place to “correct” her, instead of your parents’?
What tone of voice do you use?
Are you doing it to help her, or to make her do things your way? (It’s not necessarily the same thing.)
How would you feel if someone were constantly telling you that you were doing things wrong?

 

[pensmama87]

In the OP’s defense, since I’ve been there myself, other posters are right that this is not the OP’s place, but at the same time, sometimes parents drop the ball spectacularly.

Even though I’ve been out of my house for 10 years and live far away from my parents, I’m still occasionally angry on behalf of my siblings that they were shortchanged so badly in their adolescent years. My parents just completely gave up. Oh, they put food on the table, sure, but they did not offer moral guidance, enforce rules (or even establish any, really), or do anything. And the maturity level of my younger siblings, who are now all adults, reflects that in a big way.

That doesn’t mean it’s right for the oldest sibling to attempt to take away the rightful authority that parents have, or to meddle, and I get that the OP is probably not handling it in the best way, but I can definitely understand the frustration if that’s the situation OP is dealing with, especially if the OP is young. Over time that frustration has subsided, but I will admit I still try very hard to provide a good role model when I do see my younger siblings, since my parents frankly aren’t interested in that.