Understanding Gossiping

[jmfiore]

Can someone please help me understand gossip and when it is sinful?

I’ve gotten to a point where I don’t want to talk about certain things or people or situations because I think it is gossiping and then think I gravely sinned and cannot receive communion.

I might talk about a friend’s situation with my wife or something that happened at work that upset me that someone did/ said. I don’t do these things to be mean but to either get it off my chest or discuss how I/ we feel about things going on.

I read in another post that said to ask 3 questions regarding whether or not it is gossip:
Is it true? Is it necessary? Does it build up or tear down the person?

I’m still learning and am trying to understand, please help.

Thank you.

 

[Trident_H]

Look man, you’ve got to get stuff off your chest. But I mean it’s all in the how that is important here. I mean you can get your anger and frustration vented without turning someone else into a target. There is a way to do it that leaves them unharmed. I like to just pretend that person is in the room with me. Either that or I like to think that what I say they will hear eventually because the person I’m talking to will eventually rat me out. So this helps me to pick my words in a careful way. It helps me to think about what I want to get across and what I don’t.

So sometimes I would then start with something good about that person if I had to identify them. I mean if it was about my boss I would say that he was really getting guys working harder than normal today. He must have a stressful job. There might also be something going on in his life that is causing him trouble. Because he’s not normally like this. Normally he’s a great guy. But I mean he even called me out today and made me look stupid in front of everyone. I really felt like I couldn’t do anything right for him today. I don’t know if maybe I’m just losing my edge or what. I’m sort of depressed about it actually. Maybe I should talk to my boss about it tomorrow and see what’s up.

I mean it’s all about what you need to do to stay sane. But at the same time other people have to matter right? I mean other people could be going through tough times. Other people could be hurting. I once got yelled at by a customer because I didn’t look like I was paying attention to what they wanted. But when I didn’t get mad they sort of realized they had crossed the line and apologized. They explained they had just started going through a divorce and they were still trying to deal with it. They were actually pretty broken up about what it was going to do to their kids. So I mean we just never really know.

And of course sometimes people are just bastards. But I mean we don’t want to be one of those people do we? Hopefully not ever.

So I don’t know if that helps. And I mean you can always vent to me, right? I mean I don’t know any of those people in your life so I’m a good place to deposit your sad.

Take care man.

Peace jmfiore.

-Trident

 

[Domiy]

Those 3 questions definitely seem like a good self analysis. There’s a fine line between informing someone/chatting about certain events, and gossiping.

Is it necessary? Probably not, but there’s nothing wrong with talking about people you know. It’s all about your intentions and knowledge. If I’m not completely sure about something being true, I’ll always make that point clear to whoever I’m telling. “Look, I’ve heard a few crazy rumours, and I’m not sure if this is even true so don’t go believing it, but apparently…”.

If everyone made that clear before “gossiping”, then the effects would be a lot less severe on the person. Unfortunately, things always get mixed up in translation due to the negligence or bad intentions of other people, who’ll start to give the impression that certain things are true even though they’re not even sure themselves. This is when it becomes slander, which is a despicable mortal sin.

 

[thistle]

Can someone please help me understand gossip and when it is sinful?

I’ve gotten to a point where I don’t want to talk about certain things or people or situations because I think it is gossiping and then think I gravely sinned and cannot receive communion.

I might talk about a friend’s situation with my wife or something that happened at work that upset me that someone did/ said. I don’t do these things to be mean but to either get it off my chest or discuss how I/ we feel about things going on.

I read in another post that said to ask 3 questions regarding whether or not it is gossip:
Is it true? Is it necessary? Does it build up or tear down the person?

I’m still learning and am trying to understand, please help.

Thank you.

Modern Catholic Dictionary:

GOSSIP. Idle talk, especially about others. The morality of gossip is determined by the degree to which time is wasted in useless conversation, by the failure in justice or charity committed against others, and by the damage done to people’s reputation by those who gossip.