Unequally Yoked Marriage

[mesl4]

Any advice for a christian married to another christian who just doesn’t seem to care about spiritual things? I’m obsessed w/spiritual things and think about God/pray all day. OK, maybe not ALL day, must very often. I have to force myself to talk about other subjects because I know it gets old for my hubby /others to hear me only talk about that. I’ve been married 10 yrs and have 2 kids and do not believe in divorce. I just feel so disconnected to him because his so world-oriented and I don’t care so much about the world stuff. I feel pulled in 2 different directions all the time. The closer to my hubby, the farther from God, closer to God, farther from hubby. He goes to church w/me but only because he knows it’s right, not because he wants to. If I’m gone, he never goes alone/w/the kids. We’ve talked about it so much and he admits he needs to spend more time w/GOd, but he just doesn’t do it. I’m going to start RCIA next wk and want him to join me (he was baptized and confirmed Catholic as a kid but says it meant nothing to him and he’s always gone to Baptist church w/me.). He says he’ll go to some, but I"m worried he won’t be any more devout a Catholic than he was a Protestant. Afterall, the stakes are higher in Catholicism.

Anyway, I pray and pray and see little if any growth. I’m always torn w/being a strong evangelical gospel spreader, make sure he stays in line w/the teachings, vs. being a submissive, respectful wife, and just let him go his way (not spend time in devotion/Bible/ spiritually leading the home, etc). How do I handle this role as a wife and Christian? I’ve tried backing down to see if he takes the reigns, but then nothing happens and I’m responsible for my kids’ spiritual formation so can’t just leave it alone, right?

 

[Danuska]

You love God in loving your husband - and I think that you just have to take him as he is - and if everyone talks about religion in your home, it does not make your house any more religious.

You can never be too spiritual, but you surely can be over-religious - and it is not a necessarily good thing. You see, those who live in convents, have to spend lots of time working, not just talking about spiritual things.

Find some time for yourself, when you can devote your time to being with the Lord and praying - maybe even fasting from time to time, you can pray for your hubby for God to convert him - and just leave it in His hands, just be a good companion for your husband and try to find some common ground - have some fun together. Maybe that is presumptuous on my part, but I think that God will find it more pleasing when you are a good wife (not necessarily submissive, but loving) than when you just talk about religion all the time - that can be sometimes fanaticism, and does not mean that you are any closer to God.

As for my husband, he is very religious, but I think that if he just wanted to talk about religion and would not have any other interests, I would just find him dead boring…

 

[thomfra]

Any advice for a christian married to another christian who just doesn’t seem to care about spiritual things? I’m obsessed w/spiritual things and think about God/pray all day. OK, maybe not ALL day, must very often. I have to force myself to talk about other subjects because I know it gets old for my hubby /others to hear me only talk about that.

Sounds like you need to broaden your outlook a bit. You need to engage in the world around you. As you say yourself, you are “obsessed with spiritual things”.

Maybe you could get more involved in social problems, hunger, the environment etc? i.e. something a bit more practical, but still Christian if you know what i mean.

 

[mesl4]

Sounds like you need to broaden your outlook a bit. You need to engage in the world around you. As you say yourself, you are “obsessed with spiritual things”.

Maybe you could get more involved in social problems, hunger, the environment etc? i.e. something a bit more practical, but still Christian if you know what i mean.

I am involved in the world…kids, school stuff, general day to day activities, but when I’m w/my husband, I want to connect spiritually, not just physically! We go golfing/bowling together, camping, etc. I just need more from him than that. I really wish we could have a spiritual connection. I even told him, half jokingly, that since I can give him my body and hour per wk, he should be able to give me his spiritual connection an hour /wk. We laughed about it, but he agreed. So far, he’s not coming through on his side of the bargain. As far as minstires to the communty/poor, I do have a heart for the homeless and we’ve served food to them a couple times. Maybe we could do that some more. It’s still not really a spiritual connection though. THat’s just outward. I just want to feel like we think alike/have the same values/ seek God first. By the way, I’m not religious, I just think more about spiritual/invisible things, than physical/Earthly. I find other stuff less interesting is all.

 

[Nordar]

Sounds like you need to broaden your outlook a bit. You need to engage in the world around you. As you say yourself, you are “obsessed with spiritual things”.

Maybe you could get more involved in social problems, hunger, the environment etc? i.e. something a bit more practical, but still Christian if you know what i mean.

Well I don’t know what you mean, being obsessed with God is not a disability nor is it impractical. I think your response was totally uncalled for!

 

[Nordar]

I am involved in the world…kids, school stuff, general day to day activities, but when I’m w/my husband, I want to connect spiritually, not just physically! We go golfing/bowling together, camping, etc. I just need more from him than that. I really wish we could have a spiritual connection. I even told him, half jokingly, that since I can give him my body and hour per wk, he should be able to give me his spiritual connection an hour /wk. We laughed about it, but he agreed. So far, he’s not coming through on his side of the bargain. As far as minstires to the communty/poor, I do have a heart for the homeless and we’ve served food to them a couple times. Maybe we could do that some more. It’s still not really a spiritual connection though. THat’s just outward. I just want to feel like we think alike/have the same values/ seek God first. By the way, I’m not religious, I just think more about spiritual/invisible things, than physical/Earthly. I find other stuff less interesting is all.

You don’t have to defend yourself, just keep doing what you are doing and praying for your husband, God is listening to you, he loves your husband more than you do, so put him in God’s hands.

 

[rpp]

You don’t have to defend yourself, just keep doing what you are doing and praying for your husband, God is listening to you, he loves your husband more than you do, so put him in God’s hands.

It may take many years, but that is what is meant by “praying your husband into Heaven” means.

As for the poster who suggested the problem was you, well, he does that to everyone.

Be patient, be prayerful. Perhaps you could get your husband to join you in some church activity or group, perhaps even an organized Bible Study. I am also in Oregon. PM me and I might be able to point you to a couple.

 

[GracedUpon]

I even told him, half jokingly, that since I can give him my body and hour per wk, he should be able to give me his spiritual connection an hour /wk. We laughed about it, but he agreed. So far, he’s not coming through on his side of the bargain.

If he has agreed to spend an hour each week in spiritual connection with you (outside of Mass, I hope?), I would suggest saying a mystery (5 decades) of the Rosary with him every other day, or at least 3 times a week. Each mystery takes about 20 minutes to pray, so 3 times a week would be an hour. Breaking up his spiritual hour throughout the week may make it easier to keep him engaged. Also, if he prays the Rosary regularly with you, your relationship will deepen spiritually, and he may be touched more easily by God’s grace.

Also, it concerns me that you seem to be making quid pro quo kinds of bargains with sex with your husband. Like you will “give him your body” in return for something else. God’s plan for sexuality is for each individual to be totally giving of themselves, not seeking a reward other than being one with your spouse in the “marital embrace.” Now I could totally be misjudging your off the cuff remark there, so I’m not assuming that that’s the way you and your husband share relations. I’m just saying that’s what it sounded like to me. The marital act is, in itself, a spiritual experience, when it is completed within the context with which God intended. A good basic book that gives a brief overview of sexual morality as taught by the Church is Good News About Sex and Marriage, by Christopher West. I highly recommend it for people who are unfamiliar with the Church’s teachings on sex.

Congrats on attending RCIA, and God bless you and your husband.

 

[thomfra]

Well I don’t know what you mean, being obsessed with God is not a disability nor is it impractical. I think your response was totally uncalled for!

Relax. You can’t talk about God all day. You have to live life as well you know.

 

[thomfra]

Also, it concerns me that you seem to be making quid pro quo kinds of bargains with sex with your husband. Like you will “give him your body” in return for something else

GracedUpon. You need to take a chill pill. It was *obviously * an off the cuff remark.

The woman didn’t ask for sex education.

 

[thomfra]

I would suggest saying a mystery (5 decades) of the Rosary with him every other day, or at least 3 times a week.

I think this would be the fastest way to turn the man off. BORING, is what he will think. You need to spark his interest, his intellect. Not just give him a chore.

 

[Nordar]

Relax. You can’t talk about God all day. You have to live life as well you know.

Who said anything about speaking about God all day and not having a life?
That is not what the poster said, quite the opposite, she said she was very involved in her childrens lives. She goes bowling, camping ETC. So where are you getting that she does not have a life?
And where are you getting that anyone else said that?"

Being in tune with God is having a life you know.

 

[Nordar]

GracedUpon. You need to take a chill pill. It was *obviously * an off the cuff remark.

The woman didn’t ask for sex education.

How Ironic!

 

[Nordar]

I think this would be the fastest way to turn the man off. BORING, is what he will think. You need to spark his interest, his intellect. Not just give him a chore.

Ok very obvious you are posting just to cause trouble so you will be ignored from now on. What a sad person you must be!

 

[kage_ar]

Relax. You can’t talk about God all day. You have to live life as well you know.

A Christian should talk about God every day. God is the most important thing in a Christian’s life!

 

[kage_ar]

One thing I have realized, it is rare I find spouses who are at the same spiritual place in the journey. Seems this one is ahead, then the other is ahead - that is good because one can help the other along.

Pray, be joyful, be happy, and be the best Catholic wife in town!

 

[rpp]

I think this would be the fastest way to turn the man off. BORING, is what he will think. You need to spark his interest, his intellect. Not just give him a chore.

As a non-Christian, you are in no position to offer any advice or suggestions to anyone as to how grow spiritually. Your participation on this thread is nothing less than an attempt to sabotage this marriage.

Shame on you.

 

[rpp]

Sounds like you need to broaden your outlook a bit. You need to engage in the world around you. As you say yourself, you are “obsessed with spiritual things”.

Maybe you could get more involved in social problems, hunger, the environment etc? i.e. something a bit more practical, but still Christian if you know what i mean.

Relax. You can’t talk about God all day. You have to live life as well you know.

I think this would be the fastest way to turn the man off. BORING, is what he will think. You need to spark his interest, his intellect. Not just give him a chore.

As a non-Christian, you are in no position to offer any advice or suggestions to anyone as to how grow spiritually. Your participation on this thread appears to be nothing less than an attempt to sabotage this marriage.

Shame on you.

 

[mesl4]

,

I would suggest saying a mystery (5 decades) of the Rosary with him every other day, or at least 3 times a week. Each mystery takes about 20 minutes to pray, so 3 times a week would be an hour. Breaking up his spiritual hour throughout the week may make it easier to keep him engaged. Also, if he prays the Rosary regularly with you, your relationship will deepen spiritually, and he may be touched more easily by God’s grace.

Thank you. I mentioned it to my pastor and he’s all concerned and ready to meet w/me asap. Great. He was catholic growing up and considered the priesthood.

 

[thomfra]

As a non-Christian, you are in no position to offer any advice or suggestions to anyone as to how grow spiritually. Your participation on this thread appears to be nothing less than an attempt to sabotage this marriage.

Shame on you.

Here you go again. Calling anybody who doesn’t agree with you “non-christian”.

And the woman never said her marriage is in trouble. They are your words. From what I can gather the OP has a very happy marriage with a nice guy.

I think one should pray every day. But one certainly doesn’t need to talk about god every day.

And I’m sorry. Saying the rosary, whilst for some is a very good way of communing with god, is not that interesting for many others. I certainly don’t think it is a good place to start if you want a person to explore their relationship with god.