Unexpected Move - Overwhelmed!

[UbiCaritas]

IMHO (and my husband’s) throwing her son out for something small, which he sought guidance for from his father, and then his priest, because she was ‘so offended’ about it, hearing about it from a third party, after he had begun working on it.

Overall, he’s a good kid. He has good grades, he is generally respectful, goes to church with us without complaint, helps me clean to make up for living with us. He’s never been out late without getting permission from us and his father, and has never failed to do any small favors I asked for (like going to the corner store to buy milk, taking out the trash, running this or that over to so-and-so’s).

His mother’s rejection of him, at least in my mind, is because she’s very very controlling, and she’s probably more angry that she wasn’t allowed to ‘punish’ him for whatever he did, and so is punishing him like this. This is the same woman who insisted they’d help with our wedding expenses, then bailed on doing so. This is the same woman who threw a fit when my husband informed her it was not okay for her to plan a vacation to our honeymoon destination during our honeymoon, and we would not ‘share a hotel room’ to save costs. This is the same woman who tried to call me and get my BBT and mucus information so she could keep a chart on my cycle and call my husband to remind him when we should have sex so she can have a grandchild sooner.
From what I can tell, she needs to be needed, and becomes rather upset when people aren’t constantly involving her in every aspect of their lives.

Bolded for emphasis.

Why do you still have a relationship with this woman?!

All sarcasm aside, and I imagine why you’d still have one (ie, to support the BIL)…good gosh! Boundaries, much? If my MIL EVER did either of those things, it would be the last time she’d speak to me for a good long time…if ever. You have my sympathies.

Monicad: the comment about being OT was about my post, not yours. No worries. Frankly, I subscribe rather less to the point of view that God blessed me during that time of my life and rather more to that which suggests that He helps those who help themselves. I must say that from what the OP says, it sounds as though this is an okay kid who’s usually rather more considerate than this one action suggests.

 

[mandajane]

Haha. I still have a relationship because my DH is still cutting the apron strings. He’s come a long, long, looooooooooooooooong way, but he still feels an unreasonably powerful sense of obligation to his family, in no small part because of the **** MIL put him through. We have been setting boundaries with her, but she always tries to push them. Thankfully, DH is quite firm on the ones we sat down and talked about, though sometimes I discover new ones we still have to discuss. XD I’ve railed about this woman before on here, but at the end of the day, if she is the cross I am asked to bear to keep my hubby, I can think of much worse things.

That being said, there are days when I have to sit and say a few rosaries before I am ready to deal with her.

 

[CountrySinger]

Haha. I still have a relationship because my DH is still cutting the apron strings. He’s come a long, long, looooooooooooooooong way, but he still feels an unreasonably powerful sense of obligation to his family, in no small part because of the **** MIL put him through. We have been setting boundaries with her, but she always tries to push them. Thankfully, DH is quite firm on the ones we sat down and talked about, though sometimes I discover new ones we still have to discuss. XD I’ve railed about this woman before on here, but at the end of the day, if she is the cross I am asked to bear to keep my hubby, I can think of much worse things.

That being said, there are days when I have to sit and say a few rosaries before I am ready to deal with her.

You are a much better person than me. I would drop off BIL at their house, change phone numbers, and not tell them the new address. She sounds more like Monster-in-Law than Mother-in-Law.

 

[Xantippe]

mandajane said:

“…and thinks if his parents realize he can’t support a 17 year old, they’ll be unsupportive when we have a child as we’re ‘not ready’.”

No way–take a walk through the baby aisle at the store. You can feed a big baby for an entire day with just a dollar or so of purees (and that’s going store bought). Anybody who knows anything knows that (barring unusual situations) teenagers are the most expensive kind of child.

 

[Xantippe]

MIL sounds like such a nut.

Work BIL hard on the move. Not in a mean way, of course, but this should be a learning opportunity for him.

NFPWife said:

"If his father would EVER have the nerve to question how you two could afford to have a baby, the first response is “I don’t think questioning us on our ability to raise/ govern a family is a place you want to go.”

Funny!

 

[mandajane]

I know, LOL, my husband and I even sat down and budgeted how much a baby would actually cost us through the pregnancy and first year. He knows we can, but his mother has filled his head with unrealistic expectations of what he ‘should’ be able to do. He felt guilty about marrying me when we’d been friends for 6 years and dating for 3, because he couldn’t afford to buy a house and shower me with jewelry and such. She had told him since childhood that you don’t get married unless you can support your spouse and any children that come along already. He’s still learning that a) those things aren’t as hard as he believes, and b) it’s better that we married, rather than spend all our most fertile years at arms length because of his erroneous beliefs.

Anyway, Thanks for all your help with the moving. While I’ve been chatting today BIL and I got my bedroom, my dining room, my living room, and my studio all packed up. I also washed all my dishes. So tomorrow I just need to pack the kitchen, BIL’s bedroom, and the two closets, and I’ll be done. My DH will be home from work in a bit and I think we’re going to watch a movie.

 

[Xantippe]

mandajane said:

“I know, LOL, my husband and I even sat down and budgeted how much a baby would actually cost us through the pregnancy and first year. He knows we can, but his mother has filled his head with unrealistic expectations of what he ‘should’ be able to do. He felt guilty about marrying me when we’d been friends for 6 years and dating for 3, because he couldn’t afford to buy a house and shower me with jewelry and such. She had told him since childhood that you don’t get married unless you can support your spouse and any children that come along already.”

Yeah, ideally you guys should be ready to support 10 kids right off.

“He’s still learning that a) those things aren’t as hard as he believes, and b) it’s better that we married, rather than spend all our most fertile years at arms length because of his erroneous beliefs.”

Good luck with the deprogramming effort!

“Anyway, Thanks for all your help with the moving. While I’ve been chatting today BIL and I got my bedroom, my dining room, my living room, and my studio all packed up. I also washed all my dishes. So tomorrow I just need to pack the kitchen, BIL’s bedroom, and the two closets, and I’ll be done. My DH will be home from work in a bit and I think we’re going to watch a movie.”

Awww.

Best wishes!