P
Pyramidsloth
Guest
Hang on to your hats, this will be a LONG post.
Brothers and sisters, I need your prayers, advice, anything you can offer! My wonderful DH and I are both 34, we are approaching our 10th wedding anniversary this summer, and we have three beautiful, healthy children. I gave birth to our daughter Gianna this past August, and we couldn’t be more in love with our sweet little girl. Unfortunately, ever since the birth of our son (our first child) back in 2011, I’ve had a good amount of health issues. I almost died of a uterine infection when our son was 12 days old. When he was 9 months old, the gallbladder attacks that I had been having for months landed me in the hospital (I had so many gallstones, they were beginning to block my liver and kidneys). I had my gallbladder removed, but I was in such bad shape I was hospitalized for a week, and I had a stent put in my intestines, and that was removed 2 months later. When I was pregnant with our daughter Alessandra in 2013, I started experiencing terrible back pain, to the point where I had a hard time walking. After I gave birth, I was sent in for an MRI, and then sent to a neurosurgeon, as my back looked pretty awful. I was diagnosed with degenerative disk disease, and a “massive” herniated disk (my L5 and S1). I tried everything from physical therapy, to an epidural injection, chiropractic care, pain meds, the works. Nothing was helping, and my back pain was getting worse. It was at that point-November 2014-I discovered I was pregnant again.
The Army moved us from Georgia to Colorado (my husband is active duty), and I saw a wonderful CNM and a neurosurgeon here. The neuro basically said, “well, come back and see me when you’re not pregnant,” and my CNM had to prescribe pregnancy-safe pain meds for me to take, because at this point my back pain was just unbearable. (Not to mention I tend to give birth to larger than average babies!). After Gianna was born, my husband and I firmly agreed that until my back was fixed, we were going to TTA. I had a microdiscectomy in early January, and as soon as I woke up in recovery, my neurosurgeon was standing over me, and he said (exact words), “I’m regretting doing the microdiscectomy. Your L5 wasn’t so much herniated as it is completely disintegrated, and you basically don’t have a lower back right now. I have absolutely no idea how you’ve even managed to walk. You need spinal fusion surgery, but I want to wait awhile before you go under the knife again.”
Well, definitely not what I was hoping to hear.
Since then, my pain has been horrific. I can’t even begin to describe how much I hate taking pain medication, but I have no choice. Well, my cycles have been off these past few months, and I was having difficulty charting. I noticed at the end of February my period was a few days late, and I thought, “hey, finally, my body is starting to right itself!” When 12 days went by, I began to get nervous. I was convinced there was no possible way I could be pregnant, but I thought I would take a test to put my mind at ease. I’m sure you know where this is going…
It didn’t even take 10 seconds for the second line to show up on the test. I started sobbing hysterically, my husband was in shock…I’ve never felt so lost, so depressed. To be clear, I’m not unhappy about a fourth baby, but the timing could not be worse. Gianna is only 7 months old. It was my goal to nurse her as long as possible, but since getting pregnant, my milk supply completely dried up. The thought of going through another pregnancy with chronic pain makes me want to vomit. Not to mention, I knew my family was going to go ballistic.
Both my husband and I are converts to the faith. My parents are not religious at ALL (though they consider themselves Christians) and they are extremely unsupportive, if not downright hostile, towards NFP. My mother has the mentality of “there is absolutely no reason anyone should have more than 2 children, unless they’re 2 children of the same sex, and you feel the need to try for a third.” If she was just concerned for my health and my back pain, I would understand. It’s a valid concern. But she’s made several remarks about how three children is MORE than enough, she criticizes large families all the time, and she asks very personal (and I feel, inappropriate) questions about our family planning.
Well, my husband told my parents today while FaceTiming with our kids. My dad just looked at him and walked out of the room. My mom immediately began berating me, asking what was WRONG with me, how in the world could I do this, etc. DH cut her off right away, and told her that I didn’t do anything wrong, there were two of us involved, and he wasn’t going to stand for her or my dad putting shame and guilt on my shoulders. (Did I mention he’s a wonderful man? I don’t know what I would do without him). I just feel…so discouraged. So depressed. I love my family dearly, and while I understand their concern about my health, I don’t understand why they act as though another grandchild is a fate worse than death. I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. I also come from an Italian American family (my parents are SUPER traditional), and disappointing my parents has always been devastating to me. I’ve always been the “good” child, and when I do something even slightly out of the ordinary, my parents, particularly my mom, act as though I’ve ruined their lives.
I am in desperate need of prayers, and if anyone has any advice, I will gladly take that as well! A huge glass of wine (or whatever your poison) if you’ve made it through my novel. Thanks for listening.
Brothers and sisters, I need your prayers, advice, anything you can offer! My wonderful DH and I are both 34, we are approaching our 10th wedding anniversary this summer, and we have three beautiful, healthy children. I gave birth to our daughter Gianna this past August, and we couldn’t be more in love with our sweet little girl. Unfortunately, ever since the birth of our son (our first child) back in 2011, I’ve had a good amount of health issues. I almost died of a uterine infection when our son was 12 days old. When he was 9 months old, the gallbladder attacks that I had been having for months landed me in the hospital (I had so many gallstones, they were beginning to block my liver and kidneys). I had my gallbladder removed, but I was in such bad shape I was hospitalized for a week, and I had a stent put in my intestines, and that was removed 2 months later. When I was pregnant with our daughter Alessandra in 2013, I started experiencing terrible back pain, to the point where I had a hard time walking. After I gave birth, I was sent in for an MRI, and then sent to a neurosurgeon, as my back looked pretty awful. I was diagnosed with degenerative disk disease, and a “massive” herniated disk (my L5 and S1). I tried everything from physical therapy, to an epidural injection, chiropractic care, pain meds, the works. Nothing was helping, and my back pain was getting worse. It was at that point-November 2014-I discovered I was pregnant again.
The Army moved us from Georgia to Colorado (my husband is active duty), and I saw a wonderful CNM and a neurosurgeon here. The neuro basically said, “well, come back and see me when you’re not pregnant,” and my CNM had to prescribe pregnancy-safe pain meds for me to take, because at this point my back pain was just unbearable. (Not to mention I tend to give birth to larger than average babies!). After Gianna was born, my husband and I firmly agreed that until my back was fixed, we were going to TTA. I had a microdiscectomy in early January, and as soon as I woke up in recovery, my neurosurgeon was standing over me, and he said (exact words), “I’m regretting doing the microdiscectomy. Your L5 wasn’t so much herniated as it is completely disintegrated, and you basically don’t have a lower back right now. I have absolutely no idea how you’ve even managed to walk. You need spinal fusion surgery, but I want to wait awhile before you go under the knife again.”
Well, definitely not what I was hoping to hear.Since then, my pain has been horrific. I can’t even begin to describe how much I hate taking pain medication, but I have no choice. Well, my cycles have been off these past few months, and I was having difficulty charting. I noticed at the end of February my period was a few days late, and I thought, “hey, finally, my body is starting to right itself!” When 12 days went by, I began to get nervous. I was convinced there was no possible way I could be pregnant, but I thought I would take a test to put my mind at ease. I’m sure you know where this is going…
It didn’t even take 10 seconds for the second line to show up on the test. I started sobbing hysterically, my husband was in shock…I’ve never felt so lost, so depressed. To be clear, I’m not unhappy about a fourth baby, but the timing could not be worse. Gianna is only 7 months old. It was my goal to nurse her as long as possible, but since getting pregnant, my milk supply completely dried up. The thought of going through another pregnancy with chronic pain makes me want to vomit. Not to mention, I knew my family was going to go ballistic.
Both my husband and I are converts to the faith. My parents are not religious at ALL (though they consider themselves Christians) and they are extremely unsupportive, if not downright hostile, towards NFP. My mother has the mentality of “there is absolutely no reason anyone should have more than 2 children, unless they’re 2 children of the same sex, and you feel the need to try for a third.” If she was just concerned for my health and my back pain, I would understand. It’s a valid concern. But she’s made several remarks about how three children is MORE than enough, she criticizes large families all the time, and she asks very personal (and I feel, inappropriate) questions about our family planning.
Well, my husband told my parents today while FaceTiming with our kids. My dad just looked at him and walked out of the room. My mom immediately began berating me, asking what was WRONG with me, how in the world could I do this, etc. DH cut her off right away, and told her that I didn’t do anything wrong, there were two of us involved, and he wasn’t going to stand for her or my dad putting shame and guilt on my shoulders. (Did I mention he’s a wonderful man? I don’t know what I would do without him). I just feel…so discouraged. So depressed. I love my family dearly, and while I understand their concern about my health, I don’t understand why they act as though another grandchild is a fate worse than death. I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. I also come from an Italian American family (my parents are SUPER traditional), and disappointing my parents has always been devastating to me. I’ve always been the “good” child, and when I do something even slightly out of the ordinary, my parents, particularly my mom, act as though I’ve ruined their lives.
I am in desperate need of prayers, and if anyone has any advice, I will gladly take that as well! A huge glass of wine (or whatever your poison) if you’ve made it through my novel. Thanks for listening.
