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whatevergirl
Guest
You will get a lot of advice here, Iris–ultimately, PRAY about how God leads you to deal with the situation. Only you are close to it, and the advice we give, might be how WE would handle it…but not the best advice for you. I pray that you will handle it in the way God leads you to…God bless you and your children, Iris…you sound like such a dear person–and I knnow this may look bleak now, but God is watching it all, and He will take care of you. 
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Brennypants
Guest
Sorry Honey, but I think it’s time to get a lawyer. If I were you I would get on a plane and go home. Then I would file for divorce before he has the chance, and do whatever necessary to make sure that my children were well taken care of. He has already stated that his happiness means more to him than anyone elses - INCLUDING his children! This is NOT your fault. A marriage takes two, and it is pretty obvious your husband is not willing to try and make it work.
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BeeSweet
Guest
Is there a reason why a person should be the first to file for divorce? I mean is there a benefit somehow to being the first to file? I would think it would be best to file for a separation and let the other individual file for divorce if that’s really what they want. A separation is not a divorce, you’re still legally married, and can not marry anyone else, but it protects your rights where money and credit and child visitation are concerned. There’s still the chance of a reconciliation later with a separation, but a divorce is final.
Iris, make sure you talk with a priest about everything you’re going through, and you may want to see a marriage counselor to deal with some of the grief I’m sure you’re feeling right now. You can find one through Catholic Charities for a reduced cost.
What does your family say about your situation? Are they as supportive as you need them to be?
Iris, make sure you talk with a priest about everything you’re going through, and you may want to see a marriage counselor to deal with some of the grief I’m sure you’re feeling right now. You can find one through Catholic Charities for a reduced cost.
What does your family say about your situation? Are they as supportive as you need them to be?
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Brennypants
Guest
YES!!!
Especially if the grounds for the divorce is adultery. There are huge benefits. Depending on if the OP contributes financially, or is a SAHM, she may get alamony as well as child support. It is also helpful with regard to custody.
I really do feel awful for advocating divorce, but I feel that the circumstances warrant it.
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cecilia97
Guest
I can speak to my situation, and I have no children. My divorce attorney (we were in Illinois) told me that it wouldn’t matter in my case who filed. He actually told me it was better for my husband to file since he’d have to pay the filing fee to the court (a few hundred dollars). We were dealing with a pretty clear “no fault” situation, which I think is pretty common because it’s hard to prove adultery. No fault can mean no trial, too, which makes it faster and supposedly less painful.
That said, if you’re talking to an attorney, I think it’s best to keep it secret.
All the calls for patience and calm, slow action are smart advice. Except, if it were me, I’d talk to an attorney immediately, get home immediately, and get tested for STDs pretty soon. The rest can be handled when emotions are running a little calmer.
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mastda
Guest
Hello, I read the first few posts and skimmed throught the rest of them so I apologize if I say something that someone else did. Here is my opionion…I would get the biggest feminist liberal lawyer in Texas and go after everything he has and is going to have. I would not let that other woman enjoy anything. In fact if Texas laws allow it I would have him pay for you to go back to school and upgrade your education.
Men who cheat on their wives and then need “time to reflect” really need a nice kick in the cojones!
Men who cheat on their wives and then need “time to reflect” really need a nice kick in the cojones!
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Brennypants
Guest
:clapping:
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dulcissima
Guest
Who files first can make a difference, especially if you are not going to be living in the same county or state. Who files first determines which court will be handling the divorce or separation.
When I moved out and went to my parents’ house, I filed for a legal separation from the county my parents lived in, 5 hours to the north. I told my then husband that I was filing, and he avoided being served, filed for divorce himself, and succeeded in having me served with divorce papers for an ex-parte hearing in 48 hours and seeking full custody of the kids with supervised visitation only, saying I had “kidnapped” the kids by going to my parents’ house. So, I had paid a retainer to a lawyer up north who ended up being useless to me, then had to find an attorney down here with almost no notice and had to pay yet another retainer.
For the OP, a lot of women do end up losing custody this way. Fortunately I was able to write my own response to his allegations which I gave to my attorney the morning of the hearing and was able to keep full custody with supervised visitation for him and since I was ordered to stay down here with the kids, the judge ordered a restraining order against him as well as a kick out order that he had to leave the home for us.
I think that you need to think about where you want to live and you need to take steps to be the first to file in that county. Please do not tip your husband off as to what your intentions are, because I think you can already see his own self-interest is the only thing that he is serving. Someone needs to be thinking about what is best for the children.
When I moved out and went to my parents’ house, I filed for a legal separation from the county my parents lived in, 5 hours to the north. I told my then husband that I was filing, and he avoided being served, filed for divorce himself, and succeeded in having me served with divorce papers for an ex-parte hearing in 48 hours and seeking full custody of the kids with supervised visitation only, saying I had “kidnapped” the kids by going to my parents’ house. So, I had paid a retainer to a lawyer up north who ended up being useless to me, then had to find an attorney down here with almost no notice and had to pay yet another retainer.
For the OP, a lot of women do end up losing custody this way. Fortunately I was able to write my own response to his allegations which I gave to my attorney the morning of the hearing and was able to keep full custody with supervised visitation for him and since I was ordered to stay down here with the kids, the judge ordered a restraining order against him as well as a kick out order that he had to leave the home for us.
I think that you need to think about where you want to live and you need to take steps to be the first to file in that county. Please do not tip your husband off as to what your intentions are, because I think you can already see his own self-interest is the only thing that he is serving. Someone needs to be thinking about what is best for the children.
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cecilia97
Guest
Wow…the differences in all our answers about filing first just goes to show why it’s so important to talk to a lawyer ASAP.
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dulcissima
Guest
This is so true because family law varies so much from state to state and even county to county. In comparing notes with my cousin in Texas who is currently going through a divorce, the process is totally different than here in California (and I would say that the way they do things in Texas makes a lot more sense.)
So, Iris, take all of our advice as food for thought, but it is a lawyer that you really need to see.
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RomanCrusader
Guest
You and your kids need to go back to your house immediately and stop taking orders from this adulterer. Why should you live in exile because of his sinful ways?
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SeekerJen
Guest
I agree. Iris, if you’re worried about his possibly angry reaction (don’t give a second thought to his unhappiness- that doesn’t matter a lick), can you take your father or a brother with you for moral support and bodyguard duty?
And talk to a lawyer! You have rights. If your husband tells you that you don’t, he is lying. You need to make sure that your kids are protected and provided for, as he has admitted that he doesn’t care about them.
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Iris79
Guest
I want to thank all of you for your responses. I have contacted a few lawyers here but they weren’t available today so I will try again tomorrow. I did however get a response from a lawyer in Florida and he informed me that I would not be charged for kidnapping because the kids are mine. He also said not to worry about desertion, especially when adultry is involved. I have to call him back on Wednesday to see what my options are. I decided that the kids and I will not be going back to Florida because I at least have my family here and they are very supportive of me. Over there I don’t have anyone.
I emailed my husband and his response was that since we have been married I have been too critical of him, and that I have put to much pressure on him. That he will always love me but not sure if it is the same love he felt when he fell in love with me. And he is still trying to figure things out. He wrote that if we go back soon that he would have to find another place to stay. I’m just so heartbroken, and this marriage just seems hopeless. It would take a miracle for this marriage to be restored.
I emailed my husband and his response was that since we have been married I have been too critical of him, and that I have put to much pressure on him. That he will always love me but not sure if it is the same love he felt when he fell in love with me. And he is still trying to figure things out. He wrote that if we go back soon that he would have to find another place to stay. I’m just so heartbroken, and this marriage just seems hopeless. It would take a miracle for this marriage to be restored.
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SeekerJen
Guest
Ah, the excuses that people will give for breaking their marriage vows. It amazes me how people will blame their spouses for their own weaknesses and sins. You did not drive him to this, he chose to do this. Even if he was unhappy, that was no excuse for him to say and do what he did to his family.I emailed my husband and his response was that since we have been married I have been too critical of him, and that I have put to much pressure on him. That he will always love me but not sure if it is the same love he felt when he fell in love with me. And he is still trying to figure things out. He wrote that if we go back soon that he would have to find another place to stay. I’m just so heartbroken, and this marriage just seems hopeless. It would take a miracle for this marriage to be restored.
I can understand why you want to stay with your family, but don’t let his comment about “having to find another place to stay” keep you from going to your own home. He’s the one who broke up the family, so the burden of finding a place to stay should be on him, not you.
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dulcissima
Guest
Hopefully you can talk to a lawyer there. I’m not sure, but I think that I heard that there is no legal separation in Texas. You might have to file for divorce. I also don’t know if there will be any residency requirements for filing there though.I want to thank all of you for your responses. I have contacted a few lawyers here but they weren’t available today so I will try again tomorrow. I did however get a response from a lawyer in Florida and he informed me that I would not be charged for kidnapping because the kids are mine. He also said not to worry about desertion, especially when adultry is involved. I have to call him back on Wednesday to see what my options are. I decided that the kids and I will not be going back to Florida because I at least have my family here and they are very supportive of me. Over there I don’t have anyone.
I emailed my husband and his response was that since we have been married I have been too critical of him, and that I have put to much pressure on him. That he will always love me but not sure if it is the same love he felt when he fell in love with me. And he is still trying to figure things out. He wrote that if we go back soon that he would have to find another place to stay. I’m just so heartbroken, and this marriage just seems hopeless. It would take a miracle for this marriage to be restored.
You are sounding stronger already. I know that this has got to be a terrible thing to be going through.
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RomanCrusader
Guest
My prayers Iris.
Now, about your husband. He claims to love you, but his actions speak for themselves. He has said that he values his own happiness over your children. He has exiled you from your own home. And he has, of course, cheated on you. He has displayed no love, only selfish hedonism.
That scandelous women’s (the one who is involved with your husband) family has been destroyed as well.
Your husband has no one to blame but his own evil actions. Do not let him blame you for being “too critical”.
Now, about your husband. He claims to love you, but his actions speak for themselves. He has said that he values his own happiness over your children. He has exiled you from your own home. And he has, of course, cheated on you. He has displayed no love, only selfish hedonism.
That scandelous women’s (the one who is involved with your husband) family has been destroyed as well.
Your husband has no one to blame but his own evil actions. Do not let him blame you for being “too critical”.
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Liberanosamalo
Guest
Oh, if Texas is her legal residence, they have jurisdiction over where the kids live. And so the husband, if he chooses, can force her to stay here. I ran into a problem collecting alimony here because you have to be married for ten years to collect, unless there are special circumstances. my xh filed at 9.5 years. Ain’t that sweet?
But if you can prove he was a bad boy, I’ve heard tell in Texas you can get as much as 90% of everything. He might be in a mood to negotiate rather than have the whole situation examined too closely by a judge. Some of them don’t go for guys kicking a mom and her wee babies out of the family home so he can carry on with a married woman.
Just sayin’… depending on who and where your judge is, and how your lawyer chooses to frame things… it might go your way.
But if you can prove he was a bad boy, I’ve heard tell in Texas you can get as much as 90% of everything. He might be in a mood to negotiate rather than have the whole situation examined too closely by a judge. Some of them don’t go for guys kicking a mom and her wee babies out of the family home so he can carry on with a married woman.
Just sayin’… depending on who and where your judge is, and how your lawyer chooses to frame things… it might go your way.
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dulcissima
Guest
Her husband is in Florida and that is where they lived as a couple, so I don’t know if Texas can be considered her place of residence. That’s where talking to a lawyer is important.
BTW, what part of Texas are you in Liberanosamalo?
BTW, what part of Texas are you in Liberanosamalo?
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Iris79
Guest
There is another thing too. My husband recently lost his father. My husband took it really hard because he hadn’t seen his father since he was a small child. So maybe that is one of the reasons he is acting the way he is. I don’t know.
Thankyou Whatevergirl for your private message
Thankyou Whatevergirl for your private message
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