Unfriendliness of the Catholic Church

[momto7kids]

I am a cradle Catholic. I fell away from the church about 6 years ago and now have a feeling in my heart to take another look. Many things led up to us leaving but 2 deal breakers happened that made me feel justified. 1) the priest pedophile scandal 2) 2001 was a very stressful, hard year for my family and my parish and the parish of the school my children attended seemed not to care. We had a house fire where we were home. I had 3 children 5 and under and I was 7 months pregnant at the time. My 4 year old sustained minor burns but is fine (he is 11 now) and the rest of us were safe. We lived in a hotel for 4 months while they fixed our house and I had the baby early while there. He was in NICU for a week. Churches I had never laid eyes upon sent us care packages and put us on their prayer chains. My parish didn’t even call. We kept attending Mass and told our priest about the event ( we liked him very much and he had married us) he said oh sorry that happened. I was not looking for handouts but maybe some compassion. We pressed on but I felt a little bitterness creep into my heart. Then in August I found out I was pregnant again unexpectantly. We were happy about it! Not long after that September 11th happened and 2 weeks after that I had a miscarriage. My priest was told and again nothing from my parish. The hospital pastor contacted me but my own parish was uninterested. I continued to go to Mass but after the priest pedophile scandal I had enough. I left and went to a undenominational Christian Church. This past year I have felt a tug from God to try again. To quit looking at my selfishness and look at the Catholic church for what it is, and not how I am treated necessarily. I am starting to get that. I have been to many parishes over my life time and all seem so unfriendly and cold. The Christian church I attended bent over backwards to make everyone feel included and loved. I feel in my heart something about the Catholic church keeps drawing me back. Maybe it is my mission to make other Catholics feel more welcomed in the church? I have only been back to Mass for 2 weeks. So we shall see. I would like to hear what other people think or have experienced. thanks

 

[MarcoPolo]

I am a cradle Catholic. I fell away from the church about 6 years ago and now have a feeling in my heart to take another look. Many things led up to us leaving but 2 deal breakers happened that made me feel justified. 1) the priest pedophile scandal 2) 2001 was a very stressful, hard year for my family and my parish and the parish of the school my children attended seemed not to care. We had a house fire where we were home. I had 3 children 5 and under and I was 7 months pregnant at the time. My 4 year old sustained minor burns but is fine (he is 11 now) and the rest of us were safe. We lived in a hotel for 4 months while they fixed our house and I had the baby early while there. He was in NICU for a week. Churches I had never laid eyes upon sent us care packages and put us on their prayer chains. My parish didn’t even call. We kept attending Mass and told our priest about the event ( we liked him very much and he had married us) he said oh sorry that happened. I was not looking for handouts but maybe some compassion. We pressed on but I felt a little bitterness creep into my heart. Then in August I found out I was pregnant again unexpectantly. We were happy about it! Not long after that September 11th happened and 2 weeks after that I had a miscarriage. My priest was told and again nothing from my parish. The hospital pastor contacted me but my own parish was uninterested. I continued to go to Mass but after the priest pedophile scandal I had enough. I left and went to a undenominational Christian Church. This past year I have felt a tug from God to try again. To quit looking at my selfishness and look at the Catholic church for what it is, and not how I am treated necessarily. I am starting to get that. I have been to many parishes over my life time and all seem so unfriendly and cold. The Christian church I attended bent over backwards to make everyone feel included and loved. I feel in my heart something about the Catholic church keeps drawing me back. Maybe it is my mission to make other Catholics feel more welcomed in the church? I have only been back to Mass for 2 weeks. So we shall see. I would like to hear what other people think or have experienced. thanks

Bless you for looking beyond bad experiences with individuals and to the Church Herself, the unspotted Bride of Christ! Always remember, just because you encounter a Judas, it does not mean you are in the wrong place. All Catholics should shine the light of Christ…for we have the fullness of revelation and the Church He instituted. Anything less is indeed scandalous, and does not come from Christ’s Church, and I am sorry you were hurt by it.

One of the things that might help you is to counter the dry experiences you’ve had with some passionate ones. Have you ever heart the Conversion of Scott Hahn? You can get that CD for free here. If you have an MP3 player, I would listen to conversion stories.…often times someone who is a convert can better reveal what the Church has to offer because of their zeal.

I think you are indeed called to bring some zeal back to the Church. God bless you…you have come to a good place, for there are many here who are passionate, prayerful, and loving as we are called to do.

 

[dang71]

i have been graced with the ability to travel to many parts of the world, and have seen that in the developed countries the Catholic community tends to be very reserved and cold, while in the undeveloped countries the Catholic community is very vibrant and friendly.

 

[strngrnrth]

What parishes are these observations coming from (rhetorical)?
Mine is extremely friendly. Not to the almost-love-bombing extent of some churches out there but very much a friendly place. We have a gathering place and we have refreshments there, but even when it’s not open, we smile, talk and do many things to help each other out. Social life is intense. People care about people and give gifts and drive over to see if people are OK or need anything.

 

[Cari]

Dear Momto7kids,

I’m so sorry to hear about all the trials and persecutions you’ve dealt with in the past few years! I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that God’s grace and mercy is abundant and helped you get through it all- too bad you didn’t see a more tangible example of that grace and mercy in the parish you attended.

Know, however, that it is God calling you back to Holy Mother Church, and now, you’ve got a whole new perspective that you wouldn’t have had without the “trial by fire” (literally and figuratively). Keep asking for the Holy Spirit to reveal to you God’s plan for you.

As for personal experience dealing with unfriendliness of the Church, I know that Protestant communities in general and Evangelical ones in particular excel at making everyone feel welcome. This is a wonderful gift they have.

For a variety of reasons, we switched parishes a year or so ago. The priest from our old parish, who had personally and privately instructed both my husband and me for RCIA, Confirmed us, baptized three of our children AND lived in our neighborhood never called us or stopped by to see why we were no longer attending.

I could speculate why this seeming disconnect exists, but I turn it all over to God and pray all the harder for priests and religious.

Here’s what I do know, with every cell of my being- for all the fellowship and friendliness Evangelical communities have, they lack the True Presence of Our Lord. Even if every single human being on the face of the planet has turned his face away from me, I can still go to the Church, and receive the only One who really matters- Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity. And if anyone knows about being abandoned and forsaken, it’s Him.

Again, my thoughts and prayers go out to you. I hope you continue having the courage to keep following Our Lord where He’s leading you!

 

[momto7kids]

What great responses you all have given to me. I was a little weary that people would see me as being petty or overly sensitive. I don’t want to be that way and I am trying hard not to be. I am finally seeing that the Church and the Mass are more than that. Still, I have always viewed and hoped that the church would be a gathering place for people to seek social interaction and refuge in time of need. I have been thru many parishes over the years and have encountered most to be unfriendly. I am hoping to change my mindset and maybe in the mean time change our new parish to a place where looking people in the eye and being sincerely interested in their lives is a normal thing. Thank you again.

 

[sskelly]

I had the very same experience as you did. And I also found the other churches were so much more friendly to newcomers, and I really do think that’s important. Why are Catholic churches like that? I attend the Latin mass now, but before that, the last time I went to a local church - I had to strain to get around the “greeters” to get a bulletin while they were engrossed in their conversation. oyi!

What brought me back? — THE EUCHARIST!!!
Is there eucharistic adoration near you? You must go.

 

[JimR-OCDS]

I went through some bitter experiences many years ago, with my parish. I never thought of leaving the Catholic Church, but the hurt was real. While on retreat, I talked to a priest about it.

His words, hit home for me.

He said, when religion has done you wrong, reflect on the Blessed Mother. Here was a devote Jewish woman, who observed all the Jewish laws. Went to the temple often and prayed deeply. Yet, look at what her religion did to her son? Even so, she still remained a faithful Jewish woman. Ask her for the help in getting you through these feelings.

He was right on!

Hope this helps!

God Bless
Jim

 

[the_phoenix]

Dear momto7kids (hope and pray things will get better for you!) and all:

I really appreciate this thead. So many experiences, each and every person here with something valuable to teach, about things like:

1. Putting God first, particularly as we worship Him as Our Eucharistic Lord.
2. Forgiveness.
3. Humility.
4. The real need to reach out to others on an individual … and SINCERE … level, to care for practical needs.

I am witnessing a heartbreaking situation which a fellow CAF forum member is going through right now … falling through every crack there is, and she herself believes that the only reason she’s still alive right now is through God’s love and the kindness of people praying for her … she’s started prayer threads in the Prayer Intentions section of the forum. When it comes to “charitable” organizations … even those you would THINK to be the place to go in the Catholic Church if you need help … so far they’re not coming through when it comes to dire material needs, and you’d likely be mighty surprised if I were to name one of the organizations.

Please pray for her.

Mother Teresa of Calcutta, pray for us … We need an increase in true charity.

~~ the phoenix

 

[Veritas41]

I am a cradle Catholic. I fell away from the church about 6 years ago and now have a feeling in my heart to take another look. Many things led up to us leaving but 2 deal breakers happened that made me feel justified. 1) the priest pedophile scandal 2) 2001 was a very stressful, hard year for my family and my parish and the parish of the school my children attended seemed not to care. We had a house fire where we were home. I had 3 children 5 and under and I was 7 months pregnant at the time. My 4 year old sustained minor burns but is fine (he is 11 now) and the rest of us were safe. We lived in a hotel for 4 months while they fixed our house and I had the baby early while there. He was in NICU for a week. Churches I had never laid eyes upon sent us care packages and put us on their prayer chains. My parish didn’t even call. We kept attending Mass and told our priest about the event ( we liked him very much and he had married us) he said oh sorry that happened. I was not looking for handouts but maybe some compassion. We pressed on but I felt a little bitterness creep into my heart. Then in August I found out I was pregnant again unexpectantly. We were happy about it! Not long after that September 11th happened and 2 weeks after that I had a miscarriage. My priest was told and again nothing from my parish. The hospital pastor contacted me but my own parish was uninterested. I continued to go to Mass but after the priest pedophile scandal I had enough. I left and went to a undenominational Christian Church. This past year I have felt a tug from God to try again. To quit looking at my selfishness and look at the Catholic church for what it is, and not how I am treated necessarily. I am starting to get that. I have been to many parishes over my life time and all seem so unfriendly and cold. The Christian church I attended bent over backwards to make everyone feel included and loved. I feel in my heart something about the Catholic church keeps drawing me back. Maybe it is my mission to make other Catholics feel more welcomed in the church? I have only been back to Mass for 2 weeks. So we shall see. I would like to hear what other people think or have experienced. thanks

God bless you for not giving up on the Church, and I’m sorry for the terrible experiences you’ve had. I’m a convert, and that was something I had to adjust to – the Catholic parishes I attended were generally not as friendly as the evangelical churches had attended. One parish in particular was very unfriendly. When my husband had surgery, we called the priest to come and give him anointing of the sick and he never showed up! We went to that parish for 6 years (until we moved), and I struggled with the unfriendliness all those years. What kept me going was knowing I was in Christ’s church, and I gained alot from Eucharistic adoration. I think one reason for the unfriendliness is that many Catholics are “habit” Catholics – they show up for Mass on Sunday and that’s it. It took getting very involved in my parish to meet the dedicated Catholics who are true friends.

 

[Sheeniac]

Welcome back home! I hope you can take your spirit of compassion and love (brought about through your pain) and spread it to many other people in need.

 

[allhers]

When you said that you keep feeling something in your heart that keeps drawing you back, I thought, yep, that’s Him, that’s Jesus!!
Welcome home and know that you are very much loved by HIM.
I will keep your family in my prayers and as you continue to be strenghtened by His love, and become more involved in His Church, I am sure you will find the “home” you have always longed for.
I am so sorry about your little baby that you lost, that must have been such a painful time for you, at the same time, I rejoice that your other little one’s are alright and safe. God bless you and always give you the comfort that you seek.
I agree with the poster who said “Go to Adoration”. He will be right there, waiting for you and your family. May you always know His Peace and love.

 

[momto7kids]

Thank you to all that responded and for your prayers! This new parish I am attending (we moved here about 2 years ago) is pretty much the same. My girls and I went to Mass last week and no one so much looked our way. This is a small town and I am sure someone noticed we were new. I am not going to get discouraged. I decided to keep trying and when we shook peoples hands and offered peace I looked at everyone in the eyes and smiled. I am a introvert by nature so it is difficult for me to come out of my shell but I find it crucial that parishes make a bigger effort to truly care about other’s lives. It has inspired me to be more proactive helping others. Maybe that is what God intended all along. I am not sure but there needs to be a change of genuine out pouring of concern and love for parishoners and not just collecting for the people in other countries. I think those causes are important too but look in front of you and see who is in need right in your own house! It doesn’t have to be money, it can be a smile, a pat on the back or a how are you? When we went to that Christian church, it meant a lot that the pastor and the congregation seemed very happy and interested to see my family. We need to adopt that attitude and welcome people in the Catholic Church to be part of this family. I will get off my soapbox now and wish everyone a great day!!!

 

[stacybks]

Thank you to all that responded and for your prayers! This new parish I am attending (we moved here about 2 years ago) is pretty much the same. My girls and I went to Mass last week and no one so much looked our way. This is a small town and I am sure someone noticed we were new. I am not going to get discouraged. I decided to keep trying and when we shook peoples hands and offered peace I looked at everyone in the eyes and smiled. I am a introvert by nature so it is difficult for me to come out of my shell but I find it crucial that parishes make a bigger effort to truly care about other’s lives. It has inspired me to be more proactive helping others. Maybe that is what God intended all along. I am not sure but there needs to be a change of genuine out pouring of concern and love for parishoners and not just collecting for the people in other countries. I think those causes are important too but look in front of you and see who is in need right in your own house! It doesn’t have to be money, it can be a smile, a pat on the back or a how are you? When we went to that Christian church, it meant a lot that the pastor and the congregation seemed very happy and interested to see my family. We need to adopt that attitude and welcome people in the Catholic Church to be part of this family. I will get off my soapbox now and wish everyone a great day!!!

I was blessed that both parishes I have attended at different times in life (including the one I attend now) were so vibrant and so REAL that they made a lasting mark on my life. In the midst of despair and religious/emotional Pentecostalism the Catholic Church remained a strong impression upon my heart.

To this day, I realize just how much the Catholic Church is the TRUE, HOLY, CATHOLIC, and APOSTOLIC Church because of those people.

I remember reading a post in this thread where one say it may be your calling to be the one that brings that vigor back into the parish… From this post, I have to say I agree.

Be the best vessel that you can be for the Holy Spirit…

Sorry about your past experiences, but they can only drag you down if you let them.

 

[puzzleannie]

I really think OP’s former pastor deserves to hear her story, because he is the only one that can change the parish culture from the top down. Sadly her story is not uncommon, we do a great job of serving the people who can walk in the door during office hours, but a lousy job with people with needs beyond the admin, registering, sacraments, CCD etc. The parish pastor needs to hear the truth.

 

[whatevergirl]

Hi Amy;

Your story is very moving. I marvel that you went through so much, and have remained steadfastly strong in faith–praise be to God for all of it.

You know, when the priest scandal happened, I too went away for a time from the Catholic Church. Never God, nor Christ…but sadly, I allowed that scandal to taint my view of the entire Church. The Church leaders could have done a better job with how things were handled, but I believe that now, looking back, I misjudged a bit, and it wasn’t the faith that was the problem. Christ’s intent for the Church wasn’t tainted, but since we are a human church, human beings can and will fall. Even as horrific as what happened. My dh and I eventually came back, confessed, and have been faithful mass goers ever since. So, I understand why you might have felt bitterness towards the Church through the scandal.

Now, as far as your parish goes…it’s a downright shame that no one reached out to you from your parish. I won’t make up excuses, there really are none. There might be reasons, like the priest from the parish was stretched too thin with other responsibilities to pay attention to what was happening in your life, etc…Again, not making excuses. But, again, humans make up the church, and they sometimes disappoint us.

And I have been to parishes that were cold, sterile, and unfriendly, also. Sometimes, it takes a revival from someone like you or me or whoever to get people excited about the faith again. Or it can be as simple as changing your parish.

I noticed the title of your thread, and thought…oh boy, let me see this. Because at times, I have felt unfriendly eyes staring at a baby crying during mass, or unfriendly eyes staring at someone who is wearing a mini skirt at mass. So, I sometimes see it, too. And you know what? They need prayers just like the rest of us. I used to judge those unfriendly people…but maybe they are hurting. Maybe they are looking for a kind smile to shoot their way. There’s always another view to every situation.

Welcome back to the Church…She’s missed you. I hope that I’ve helped a bit, and if you ever want to chat, please feel free to pm me.

God bless you on your journey. We’re all in this together.

 

[Trishie]

It shows a wonderful spirit in you that now instead of bemoaning the darkness, you have decide to light candles yourself! Your decision to be the one who smile and welcome the newcomer…and anyone…in your parish, is a healthy and Christlike one!

 

[stacybks]

I really think OP’s former pastor deserves to hear her story, because he is the only one that can change the parish culture from the top down. Sadly her story is not uncommon, we do a great job of serving the people who can walk in the door during office hours, but a lousy job with people with needs beyond the admin, registering, sacraments, CCD etc. The parish pastor needs to hear the truth.

You do have a point… thanks for bringing this up because at least now I know what to do if the situation ever arises on my behalf…

 

[adelore]

I am so very sorry to hear that your Parish didn’t respond to your family with love and compassion. I believe you should talk to your Priest and if that fails look for another Catholic Church. Not all Catholic Churchs are a like, as far as friendly or not friendly people.

I’d like to give a different view for just a moment. I was raised in the Catholic Church since the Craddle. After High School, I wandered in and out of several different churchs, yet something always pulled me back to the Catholic Church, for “visits” you know.

As I attended, (but never joined) a lot of different churchs, it is Very truely, they are friendly, warm, and talk to you.

However… I did notice something in Every Church, so unlike the Catholic Church…

Before, during, and even after the service in these other churchs people talked, kids were allowed to play with toys, on the floor and in the pews, draw and color during the Church Service.

As I watched people over the years, (like 30 years) I just couldn’t ever “Get it”. I mean here we were in church to worship our Father and yet, it seemed to me “anything and everything” (or pretty much) was allowed. I never did really “see” any True worship…now this is not to say that several people really weren’t worshiping…(yet with all the “things” going on, I really don’t see how they could.) I know I had a hard time with it.

In the Catholic Church when one enters it, it sure does seem like the people are “Cold”. But as I look a little further I know from my up bringing… it’s not cold, they are there to worship and before Mass, most people in the Church are busy Praying. It’s not a social hour, like other churchs have.

I must admit I’m very disapointed that your Parish and the people weren’t there for you during the very sad things that happened to your family.

 

[John_Tersidi]

I am a cradle Catholic. I fell away from the church about 6 years ago and now have a feeling in my heart to take another look. Many things led up to us leaving but 2 deal breakers happened that made me feel justified. 1) the priest pedophile scandal 2) 2001 was a very stressful, hard year for my family and my parish and the parish of the school my children attended seemed not to care. We had a house fire where we were home. I had 3 children 5 and under and I was 7 months pregnant at the time. My 4 year old sustained minor burns but is fine (he is 11 now) and the rest of us were safe. We lived in a hotel for 4 months while they fixed our house and I had the baby early while there. He was in NICU for a week. Churches I had never laid eyes upon sent us care packages and put us on their prayer chains. My parish didn’t even call. We kept attending Mass and told our priest about the event ( we liked him very much and he had married us) he said oh sorry that happened. I was not looking for handouts but maybe some compassion. We pressed on but I felt a little bitterness creep into my heart. Then in August I found out I was pregnant again unexpectantly. We were happy about it! Not long after that September 11th happened and 2 weeks after that I had a miscarriage. My priest was told and again nothing from my parish. The hospital pastor contacted me but my own parish was uninterested. I continued to go to Mass but after the priest pedophile scandal I had enough. I left and went to a undenominational Christian Church. This past year I have felt a tug from God to try again. To quit looking at my selfishness and look at the Catholic church for what it is, and not how I am treated necessarily. I am starting to get that. I have been to many parishes over my life time and all seem so unfriendly and cold. The Christian church I attended bent over backwards to make everyone feel included and loved. I feel in my heart something about the Catholic church keeps drawing me back. Maybe it is my mission to make other Catholics feel more welcomed in the church? I have only been back to Mass for 2 weeks. So we shall see. I would like to hear what other people think or have experienced. thanks

I am also a craddle Catholic, and also lapse Catholic returning to the faith. One of the reasons I became lapse was also because of “the unfriendliness of the Catholic Church”. But after a lot of experiences and observations, I think the cause is maybe the unfriendliness of some or many Catholics__ not the Catholic Church__ who are humans composed of flesh and blood. Now I cannot blame them and do not depend on them, as long as I practice my Catholicism. I just do not care, whether they pay attention to me or not. But, you know, I used to be envious of the Protestant congregation who were greeted friendly one by one by their pastors on Sundays at the door steps of their church which was in front of my boarding school.