Ungrateful?

[amrin]

That’s how I feel whenever I think of talking to my boyfriend about me wanting to join the Church.

I know he thinks that religion is nothing but a “fantasy realm” in which some people lurk and who have crazy ideas, do bad things and also good things but mostly it’s just a imaginary world.

However, he has done a lot for me, he does love me and wants me and our son to be happy, and I do feel ungrateful when I know that he will not support me in the faith or marry me so I can join the Church. I will have to ask him for him to do something he does not believe in or values for the sake of a “imaginary world”. And I feel bad. The last couple of years have had ups and down mostly due to his family and his sibling in particular. Currently he is not in the best terms with his sibling because of us as a family.

I read somewhere in a post here on CAF that when Christ enters peoples lives one of two things happen. It either unites them or breaks them apart. I think I’m in for the second one and I don’t really want to. But I also don’t want to be away from God anymore.

I don’t even know how to start the conversation with him about it. A “Hey what do you think about we marrying so I can enter the Church” doesn’t seem like a good conversation starter. He does know that I’m not an atheist anymore, but I don’t think he ever thought that I might want to be catholic.

If he doesn’t marry me does that mean he doesn’t really love me because he’s not willing to do something that is important for me? Is he more selfish than he can be loving if “No” is his final answer?

Some weeks ago the marriage thing came up (we were just saying silly stuff and goofing around) and he told me “When you want to talk about marriage in a serious way let me know.” That also got me thinking if he has changed his mind about marriage.

After this Lent is over I’m hoping to join the RCIA and be received in the church next year as I don’t want to delay it any longer, but I just don’t know when to tell him about it or how to start the conversation. Help!

 

[Della]

When a man and a woman live together and have a child together the ties are very deep. Our modern world tries to deny this, but you and I know it’s true, yes? This is why all this is so difficult. God knows that we become deepy attached to each other. It’s a natural and a good thing–in it’s proper place. When not in it’s proper place it causes a lot of trouble, as you also know.

Marriage isn’t just about being with someone you’re in love with–that is a romantic fantasy propagated by sentimental fiction. Nor is having a child together the best reason for getting married. Catholic marriage is a man and a woman making a total commitment to one another in love (not just being in love) to be a family, be open to children, and to be united in purpose–that of helping each other gain heaven.

Having said that, if your boyfriend doesn’t want to be Catholic, you may still become Catholic and marry in the Church. He doesn’t have to be a believer, but for your marriage to be recognized your vows have to be witnessed by a bishop, priest, deacon.

However, you would have to live like brother and sister or separate before you could be received into the Church. If you wish to go through RCIA you have to sort all this out. I strongly recommend you discuss your situation with the priest.

I hope everything works out for you. Be patient and pray. Give it all to God and do what you know is right. God will be with you no matter how hard it becomes. You have my prayers.

 

[tawny]

When a man and a woman live together and have a child together the ties are very deep. Our modern world tries to deny this, but you and I know it’s true, yes? This is why all this is so difficult. God knows that we become deepy attached to each other. It’s a natural and a good thing–in it’s proper place. When not in it’s proper place it causes a lot of trouble, as you also know.

Marriage isn’t just about being with someone you’re in love with–that is a romantic fantasy propagated by sentimental fiction. Nor is having a child together the best reason for getting married. Catholic marriage is a man and a woman making a total commitment to one another in love (not just being in love) to be a family, be open to children, and to be united in purpose–that of helping each other gain heaven.

Having said that, if your boyfriend doesn’t want to be Catholic, you may still become Catholic and marry in the Church. He doesn’t have to be a believer, but for your marriage to be recognized your vows have to be witnessed by a bishop, priest, deacon.

However, you would have to live like brother and sister or separate before you could be received into the Church. If you wish to go through RCIA you have to sort all this out. I strongly recommend you discuss your situation with the priest.

I hope everything works out for you. Be patient and pray. Give it all to God and do what you know is right. God will be with you no matter how hard it becomes. You have my prayers.

Well stated.