UNhappily Married

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adrgallardo

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We have been married a little over a year with a two month old and we fight/argue ALL THE TIME. Ever since the baby came, we can barely stand each other. He’s constantly telling me that I do nothing all day long. Plus we have polar opposite personalities; he definitely has that extreme type A personality and I’m an extreme type B. We use to be able to compliment each other’s differences, but it feels like things have changed for the worse ever since the birth of my beautiful baby boy. We both don’t believe in divorce but if this continues we will never have another child (–if you catch my drift)

I am asking for prayers that we learn how to live with one another and love each other more joyfully, Any suggestions for this newlywed would be greatly appreciated.
 
adrgallardo said:
We have been married a little over a year with a two month old and we fight/argue ALL THE TIME. Ever since the baby came, we can barely stand each other. He’s constantly telling me that I do nothing all day long. Plus we have polar opposite personalities; he definitely has that extreme type A personality and I’m an extreme type B. We use to be able to compliment each other’s differences, but it feels like things have changed for the worse ever since the birth of my beautiful baby boy. We both don’t believe in divorce but if this continues we will never have another child (–if you catch my drift)

I am asking for prayers that we learn how to live with one another and love each other more joyfully, Any suggestions for this newlywed would be greatly appreciated.
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Prayers said for you, your husband, and your little one.

As to a suggestion. First seek out a priest you are comfortable with and explain the situation. Ask for his (name removed by moderator)ut and possibly further contact with people who specialize in situations such as yours.

It sounds like a lot happened to you in a little over a year. You went from single, to married. Before you made the natural adjustments that come with time, you found yourself pregnant. Then along comes that little one and the two of you have been making constant adjustments without having had the time to get comfortable with your previous situation. And by the way, if you lived together before your marriage, that only compounds the problem. I think you are in a situation that is not all that uncommon, and seeking guidance from someone who deals with things of this nature on an ongoing basis might be the best place to start

Prayers and good luck

Shalom
 
adrgallardo said:
We have been married a little over a year with a two month old and we fight/argue ALL THE TIME. Ever since the baby came, we can barely stand each other. He’s constantly telling me that I do nothing all day long. Plus we have polar opposite personalities; he definitely has that extreme type A personality and I’m an extreme type B. We use to be able to compliment each other’s differences, but it feels like things have changed for the worse ever since the birth of my beautiful baby boy. We both don’t believe in divorce but if this continues we will never have another child (–if you catch my drift)

I am asking for prayers that we learn how to live with one another and love each other more joyfully, Any suggestions for this newlywed would be greatly appreciated.
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Since you asked, had you tried counseling? Sometimes health insurance will cover some visits. There’s also Retrovaille. I don’t know how it is, but it’s another option.

Praying for you and your little family.
 
This is a prayer intention forum. You may want to post this at the Family Life forum 😉.

Praying for you, your husband, Marriage and the baby the two of you have. Also for Medical Doctors that may be seen in the future for it is nice to have already prayed for them (Our Lord knows who they are even if not born yet:wink:). Prayer of Apology and Thanksgiving because of human forgetfulness to say “thank You” to Our Lord. . . . 😉 🙂

Act of Hope and Confidence in God
Saint Claude de la Colombiere
:signofcross:
My God,
I believe most firmly that You watch over all who hope in You,
and that we can want for nothing when we rely upon You in all things.
Therefore I am resolved for the future…to cast all my cares upon You.
People may deprive me of worldly goods and status.
Sickness may take from me my strength and the means of serving You.
I may even jeopardize our relationship by sin, but my trust shall never leave me.
I will preserve it to the last moment of my life, and the powers of hell shall seek
…… in vain to grab it from me.
Let others seek happiness in their wealth and in their talents.
Let them trust in the purity of their lives,
the severity of their mortifications,
in the number of their good works,
the enthusiasm of their prayers,
as for me, my Rock and my Refuge, my confidence in you fills me with hope.
For You, my Divine Protector, alone have settled me in hope.
“This confidence can never be vain. No one, who has hoped in God, has
…… ever been confounded.”
I am assured, therefore, of my eternal happiness,
…… for I firmly hope in it and all my hope is in You.
“In You, O loving God, have I hoped: let me never be confounded.”
I know too well that I am weak and changeable. I know the power of
…… temptation against the strongest virtue.
I have seen stars fall and foundations of my world crack;
…… these things do not alarm me.
While I hope in You, I am sheltered from all misfortune,
…… and I am sure that my trust shall endure,
…… for I rely upon You to sustain this unfailing hope.
Finally, I know that my confidence cannot exceed Your generosity, and that I
…… shall never receive less than I have hoped for from You.
Therefore I hope that You will sustain me against my evil inclinations,
…… that You will protect me against the deceitful attacks of the evil one,
…… and that You will cause my weakness to triumph over every hostile force.
I hope that You will never cease to love me and that I shall love You unceasingly.
“In You, O loving God, have I hoped: let me never be confounded.”

St. Claude de la Colombiere, pray for us!

Prayer for Medical Doctors
O merciful Father,
Who have wonderfully fashioned man in Your own image,
and have made his body to be a temple of the Holy Spirit,
sanctify, we pray You, our doctors and nurses and all those whom you have called to
…study and practice the arts of healing the sick and the prevention of disease and pain.
Strengthen them in body and soul,
and bless their work,
that they may give comfort to those for whose salvation Your Son became Man,
lived on this earth, healed the sick,
and suffered and died on the Cross.
Amen.

Apology and Thanksgiving Prayer
Heavenly Father,
Creator of all and source of all goodness and love,
please look kindly upon us,
as we ask for forgiveness for not giving You thanks.
Please receive our heartfelt apology for the lack of gratitude.
Remind us at all times that You are always worthy of our thanks.

Thank You, Heavenly Father,
for all the graces and blessings
You have bestowed upon us:
our faith and religious heritage;
the Priests who bring us the Sacraments;
our life, food and shelter;
our health, the love we have for one another;
our Police Officers and Firefighters who keep us safe;
our Soldiers and Veterans who fight and fought for our Country;
our family and friends.
Thank You for the people You so generously send us;
…everything You grant us
…and of which we are not even aware.
Dear Father, in Your infinite generosity, please grant us the grace of having
…less “give me” and more gratitude throughout the coming
…years so that we may be aware that anything from You is good
…for You turn the “bad” into blessings for us.
Please Lord, grant us the grace of not forgetting that we can thank You
…over and over again for the same gift – and if we
…forget, may our Guardian Angel remind us.
Thank You, Lord.
I Love You, Lord.
Amen… …by Luz María

Hail Mary,
full of grace,
…]
Amen.
:signofcross:

**Let Nothing Disturb You

Let nothing disturb you,
Let nothing frighten you,
All things are passing away:
God never changes.

Patience,
Obtains all things,
Whoever has God
Lacks nothing:
God alone suffices.

Santa Teresa de Jesús `
(Santa Teresa de Ávila
España: 1515—1582)**

Luz María
.
 
adrgallardo said:
We have been married a little over a year with a two month old and we fight/argue ALL THE TIME. Ever since the baby came, we can barely stand each other. He’s constantly telling me that I do nothing all day long. Plus we have polar opposite personalities; he definitely has that extreme type A personality and I’m an extreme type B. We use to be able to compliment each other’s differences, but it feels like things have changed for the worse ever since the birth of my beautiful baby boy. We both don’t believe in divorce but if this continues we will never have another child (–if you catch my drift)

I am asking for prayers that we learn how to live with one another and love each other more joyfully, Any suggestions for this newlywed would be greatly appreciated.
Click to expand...
Praying for all of you.

I don’t have any concrete suggestions, but I’m inclined to state that time could heal some of these wounds. The postnatal period is a stressful one for all concerned, and when you throw in obvious physical factors like sleep deprivation and physical discomfort, it’s a recipe for frequent fights and arguments. You need to give each other a wide berth and focus on the little guy for a while. (Of course, it takes two to tango. :o)
 
Any chance you could get a close relative to babysit so you two could have an occasional date night?
 
Simple question, who does he think is more important to you, the baby or him?

Being newly married and also new parents in a year is quite an adjustment. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be.

Having a new born means little sleep, change of habit, change in priorities and responsibility never experienced before. Suddenly it isn’t so easy to do things. Everything must be planned. The baby does not understand schedules and will not wait. Mom’s have every excuse to shut down the “wife” part of the marriage… how have you changed due to the baby that he sees. None of this is fair by the way. Nothing in marriage is fair. It is when one starts to think of self rather than the other that the real difficulty begins. Both spouses any day within any marriage can make a case that the other is not living up to their side of the marriage. If that is a spouse’s focus they will prove they are right… and usually lose or abandon the spouse… seeking “happiness” and believing “God would want me happy”. Those vows? “I didn’t expect this…” You may not have but God did. That is why it is a sacrament. You can’t do it without His help and special Grace.

I know some may not like this part but that does not make it any less true…

As a Wife/Husband your first priority is to your Husband/Wife… not your children. The man and women become one… Children are extremely important but not part of the Marriage. they are the gift of a Marriage, borrowed from God for 16 - 18 years. When they leave home most marriages have another 20 plus years to go.

So what to do? Well, understand you can only change YOU. You have no right to change him or punish him with no sex unless he treats you a certain way. That is a sin and selfish. Think of you and what he sees.

Your spouse has gone from the honeymoon to family man in a year. It doesn’t matter if it was the plan or not. He now has to worry about a fragile family. When it was you and him, he knew you would find a way with a child that is not the case.

Are you making an effort to greet him with a smile and without baby spit up on your outfit? Not fair… but he notices… Yes he should understand and so should you. You can only fix you if you want to see your marriage blossom. It is your choice to give a gift of self over and above what should be expected. When that is the case it may take a couple of weeks but he will see how you make an effort to do that for him. He will shift to more helpful when he sees you beside him, not with the baby between you. Is he a priority or is he the person met at the door with frustrations and yawns? What do his eyes see? If you are greeting him or hugging and the baby cries do you immediately react to the baby? Is the baby always being held? If the baby is the most important thing and a hug is cut short you have told your husband his place in the family. If a baby is dry, not hungry or sick crying for a few minutes won’t hurt them. Babies learn quick if they cry someone comes. Let the baby adopt to your life, not the other way around. TV, talking, stereo etc? If they get tired enough they sleep… and learn to sleep through it. Demand silence? They learn to demand the same. and your husband knows his place.

You are newly married and still learning how to be a couple. Refuse to allow anyone to get into the discussion except you and your spouse. Mom?
her opinion does not matter (unless you want to be living with her again soon). Your vow was to your husband Listen to others including me with the knowledge that you should ignore any advice that you do not agree with. But listen and consider the advice. Does it hurt to hear? Seek guidance from someone you know who is experienced enough to have been through it a couple of times. Choose those who you want to be like, not those who agree with you. Remember, married people will encourage you to stay married.If you get tempted to think of divorce get a book by Diane Medved PHD, not a Catholic or religious… she wanted to write a book on when it is time to divorce… her research led her to write “The Case Against Divorce” instead. It is an amazing read and involves deeper research than most of its type. Also check out Alturtle.com a free site on marriage and relationships… free unless you want to spend 3 bucks for a clip hearing him read one of the 100 papers available for FREE. Google Al Turtle if afraid of the link.His tenets are “everyone makes sense all the time” (they do- to themselves at that moment) He is blessed with a style that gently causes one to see themselves as they are without being defensive.

Instead of “you” start with “I” . Speak honestly to him but always from I… I feel like x when this happens… (not “when you do…”) When I can’t have dinner ready I feel… instead of "I’ve been busy… etc. If you tell him you lead with the baby. If he sees your situation and frustration with you seated beside him his reactions will shift. It takes effort. No you shouldn’t have to do those things he should love you anyway. Yep. And he deserves a wife that does… fill in the blank. You can be right or married. Love is not a feeling. We are commanded to love fact. Jesus understands when we choose “Me” instead of “We”. You gave your word. Unless danger is present you are to stay married and not separate… see Canon Law. Many ignore Canon Law. separation? Bishop must approve, not priest. and it is TEMPORARY, until the danger is no longer present then the marriage is to continue. if you are Catholic you have committed to a life long marriage, for better or worse. Focus on what you can do to make it better. Understand his experience and how it has changed. Focus on him and it will work. Yes it is unfair.
 
Thanks, RPR Psych. Someday, I hope, the world will get a chance to read your book.

How is RPR Junior doing?
 
Saint Michael, the archangel, defend us in battle, be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the devil, may God rebuke him, we humbly pray. And do you, O’ Prince of the Heavenly host, by the power of God thrust into Hell Satan and all the other evil spirits who prowl about the world for the ruin of souls.

Amen.

†

Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

Amen.

†

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.

Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

†

For Help in Trials

Most holy apostle St. Jude, faithful servant and friend of Jesus, the name of the traitor who delivered your beloved Master into the hands of His enemies has caused you to be forgotten by many. But the Church honors and invokes you universally as the patron of hopeless cases–of things despaired of. Pray for me who feels so hopeless. Make use, I implore you, of that particular privilege accorded to you of bringing visible and speedy help where help is almost despaired of. Come to my assistance in this great need, that I may receive the consolations and succor of heaven in all my necessities, tribulations and sufferings, in particular (adrgallardo and spouse), and that I may bless God with you and all the elect throughout eternity. I promise you, O Blessed St. Jude, to be ever mindful of this great favor, and I will never cease to honor you as my special and powerful patron, and to do all in my power to encourage devotion to you. Amen.

†

Prayer to Our Lady of Mental Peace

O Lady of Mental Peace,
Mother of Tranquility
and Mother of Hope,
look upon adrgallardo in this time
of weakness and unrest.

Teach her searching heart
to know that God’s Love
for her is unchanging and
unchangeable, and, that
true human love can only
begin and grow by touching
His Love.

Let your gentle Peace -
which this world cannot give
  • be always with her.
    And, help her to bring this
    same Peace into the lives
    of others.
Our Lady of Mental Peace,
  • Pray for us!
    Amen.
Jesus, Help Me!

In every need let me come to You with humble trust,
saying:
Jesus, help me!
In all my doubts, perplexities, and temptations:
Jesus, help me!
In hours of loneliness, weariness and trials:
Jesus, help me!
In the failure of my plans and hopes, in disappointments,
troubles and sorrows:
Jesus, help me!
When others fail me, and Your Grace alone can assist me:
Jesus, help me!
When I throw myself on Your tender Love as Savior:
Jesus, help me!
When my heart is cast down by failure, at seeing no good
come from my efforts:
Jesus, help me!
When I feel impatient, and my cross irritates me:
Jesus, help me!
When I am ill, and my head and hands cannot work and
I am lonely:
Jesus, help me!

Always, always, in spite of weakness, falls and short-
comings of every kind:
Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, help me and never forsake me!

Amen

†
 
jaimeleglise said:
Thanks, RPR Psych. Someday, I hope, the world will get a chance to read your book.

How is RPR Junior doing?
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Thank you very much!! :):)🙂

As for Junior, he’s now 19 months and expanding his vocabulary! Loves playing with rosaries, but I have to keep reminding him they’re not edible… 😃
 
Praying for you. I hear “Love after Marriage” is quite good for helping marriages.
 
RPR Junior is very cute.

May I also suggest to the OP to read “The Five Love Languages: Secrets to a Love that lasts” by Gary Chapman. ( Available on Amazon). It is a great book for better communication within a marriage. The idea behind it is very simple to implement.

Also, I recommend the article published in the Huffington Post, called " How I Saved My Marriage", by Richard Paul Evans, available online at huffingtonpost.com/richard-paul-evans/how-i-saved-my-marriage_b_6958222.html

This concept is very simple and straightforward and easy to implement, too. Both concepts are helpful for people of all faiths and walks of life.

Again, don’t forget date night. Also, remember the other posters suggestions of seeing a priest for counseling or attending a Retrouvaille retreat.

Also, try praying a decade of the Rosary together. God bless you.
 
I know times are hard and I pray for some good times to come…

Lord, have mercy.
Christ, have mercy.
Lord, have mercy.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.
Amen.

:gopray2:
 
My husband and I had our first baby within 2 years of getting married. She is a fussy baby who got up 6 times a night. My husband does shift work so there were arguments because I am a stay at home mum and felt overwhelmed at times and accused him of not pulling his weight with bub. 4 months later we were both exhausted by juggling parenthood with work on broken sleep. This left very little time for our relationship.

We decided to sit down and calmly talk about things honestly and consider our options. We decided to make some small changes:
  1. If he has an early shift, I look after bub at night and hubby sleeps uninterrupted. If he has an afternoon shift, he cares for her at night while I sleep uninterrupted. Takes a little adjusting but now we are running like clockwork and we are getting more sleep, feeling more alert and happier.
  2. After our girl turned 6 months old, we decided to introduce date night every second Friday night. My mother-in-law, my sister or hubby’s aunt babysit. Luckily for us they all live in our town. Our girl is very comfortable with all of them because they have been a part of her life since she was born and she sees all of them at least once a week. We trust them with her.
  3. Exercise. Hubby gives me 30minutes a day to walk around the neighbourhood. I usually go after dinner while he watches our girl. When I return, he takes a 15minute walk. We are getting more “restful” sleep and find we have more energy.
  4. Cut out junk food, caffeine and white sugar. Drink 2ltrs of water a day. We were eating junk meals at least 3x a week. We have cut it out and the change has been amazing, we feel and look so much healthier. This was the most difficult one, the first week I got severe headaches every day due to not having my daily coffees/with sugar etc but I don’t miss it now.
These are small changes but they have made a world of difference to our mental and physical well being.
 
Go to the Church and speak to your priest … Catholic Charities has a service that helps with marriage counseling … praying for you …

Divine Mercy Chaplet

O Blood and Water, which gushed forth from the Heart of Jesus as a fountain of Mercy for us, I trust in You!
O Blood and Water, which gushed forth from the Heart of Jesus as a fountain of Mercy for us, I trust in You!
O Blood and Water, which gushed forth from the Heart of Jesus as a fountain of Mercy for us, I trust in You!

Our Father, Who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name; Thy kingdom come; Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread; and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us; and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil, Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace. The Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death, Amen.

I believe in God, the Father almighty, Creator of heaven and earth, and in Jesus Christ, His only Son, our Lord, who was conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of the Virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died and was buried; He descended into hell; on the third day He rose again from the dead; He ascended into heaven, and is seated at the right hand of God the Father almighty; from there He will come to judge the living and the dead. I believe in the Holy Spirit, the holy catholic Church, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body, and life everlasting. Amen.

Eternal Father, I offer you the Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity of Your Dearly Beloved Son, Our Lord, Jesus Christ, in atonement for our sins and those of the whole world.

For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

Holy God, Holy Mighty One, Holy Immortal One, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
Holy God, Holy Mighty One, Holy Immortal One, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
Holy God, Holy Mighty One, Holy Immortal One, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
 
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