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LionsDen66
Guest
Any other unhappy Catholic lawyers out there?
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LionsDen66
Guest
Friends, I’d like to start a discussion about the nature of mid-life crisis and career direction. I recently read a book by Anselm Grun relating to mid-life (“The Spiritual Challenge of Midlife”) and he suggests that this crisis happens to us all. I am struggling to determine the career path God has set for me. I am in my 40’s and have had been a practicing lawyer for 20+ years. I find that I am deeply dissatisfied with “the law” and am looking for a career change. I struggle with my responsibilities for my family with my desire to follow God’s lead. Does anyone else feel this tension in their lives?
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Yeoman
Guest
Not only do I feel this way, I logged on specifically to post a question about this, this morning.
Odd how that works. Sometimes you can real feel synchronicity at work in the world. I’m pretty convinced that these odd coincidences are not coincidences at all.
Anyhow, while I don’t mean to hijack your post, I’m going to post here as this is the same thing I was going to post on.
Here’s my story. I’m 50 years old, married for 20 years, and I have two teenage children. When I was in my teens my mother became desperately ill, and my very kind father basically raised me while taking care of my mother for my teen years, which means I basically sort of skipped my teen years. At the time I was graduating from high school I really wanted an outdoor career. Living in ranch country, I really wanted to be a rancher, but we didn’t have the means for me to do that. I went to college (partially funded by the Army National Guard) and graduated with a degree in the sciences right as the bottom dropped out of that particular field. I applied to law school, but didn’t go as I wasn’t too sure I wanted to, and spent a year out trying to find work, and couldn’t. I then went ahead and went to law school. I graduated and went right to work at a firm in my home town, where I still am…
Shortly after I graduated my father died, although my mother had partially recovered. A year after he died, I met my wife, and we married just about 20 years ago. Some time ago, my mother relapsed and declined into dementia, and now is in a local nursing home.
So here I am, a partner in a law firm, working as a trial lawyer.
I’ve hated every single day of being a lawyer. I looked at working for a state agency in an outdoor job and received an offer of an entry summer position right as I became engaged. I’ve made every decision in my 25 years of being a lawyer based on economic necessity. I didn’t have a job, I found a job, it pays okay (not super great like some believe, but better than many). I’m married with two children. My wife has a persistent illness and my mother is descending into increasing dementia. People like to praise me for being a “good lawyer”, which is praise I detest as I just hate the very fact that I’m a lawyer.
I have a trial coming up and this always focuses this sort of thing for me, but it seems I can’t get a break. I’m not depressed about anything when I’m not here, but I never have a good day at work. I hate the fighting my job entails and I don’t like most lawyers either. I don’t want to transition into something that uses my law degree, I want to forget I was ever a lawyer. I’m close to despair. With a trial coming up, I find myself fighting thoughts that I wish I would become ill and be removed by conditions from this torment.
What I really want to do is just to be rancher, which is all I’ve ever wanted to do. I can’t talk to anyone here about this as my wife won’t listen to complaints of this type, just telling me to focus on the good. Maybe that is the only answer to this topic. My life is probably overall better than the vast majority of people’s, but I’m down here on a Saturday doing the very thing I despise most in the world, wondering if I’m doomed to do this until I die, or if I’m just an idiot for keeping on.
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Yeoman
Guest
Oops, I actually posted this in the wrong thread, but yes, I’m an extremely unhappy Catholic lawyer.
More synchronicity at work again.
I hate my job as a lawyer, and I hate being a litigator. I wish I could go back and wipe out the fact that I am a lawyer, and wipe out the past quarter century of being a lawyer. I know I’ve helped some people, but my gosh this is a horrible situation.
More synchronicity at work again.
I hate my job as a lawyer, and I hate being a litigator. I wish I could go back and wipe out the fact that I am a lawyer, and wipe out the past quarter century of being a lawyer. I know I’ve helped some people, but my gosh this is a horrible situation.
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Yeoman
Guest
I tried to post to this and it went to another thread, which you also put up, so I’ll repost here. Somehow, I missed the first time that you were a lawyer, which I am also. I’m just a little older than you, and I’ve been practicing law for the same amount of time.
Here’s what I said:
Not only do I feel this way, I logged on specifically to post a question about this, this morning.
Odd how that works. Sometimes you can real feel synchronicity at work in the world. I’m pretty convinced that these odd coincidences are not coincidences at all.
Anyhow, while I don’t mean to hijack your post, I’m going to post here as this is the same thing I was going to post on.
Here’s my story. I’m 50 years old, married for 20 years, and I have two teenage children. When I was in my teens my mother became desperately ill, and my very kind father basically raised me while taking care of my mother for my teen years, which means I basically sort of skipped my teen years. At the time I was graduating from high school I really wanted an outdoor career. Living in ranch country, I really wanted to be a rancher, but we didn’t have the means for me to do that. I went to college (partially funded by the Army National Guard) and graduated with a degree in the sciences right as the bottom dropped out of that particular field. I applied to law school, but didn’t go as I wasn’t too sure I wanted to, and spent a year out trying to find work, and couldn’t. I then went ahead and went to law school. I graduated and went right to work at a firm in my home town, where I still am…
Shortly after I graduated my father died, although my mother had partially recovered. A year after he died, I met my wife, and we married just about 20 years ago. Some time ago, my mother relapsed and declined into dementia, and now is in a local nursing home.
So here I am, a partner in a law firm, working as a trial lawyer.
I’ve hated every single day of being a lawyer. I looked at working for a state agency in an outdoor job and received an offer of an entry summer position right as I became engaged. I’ve made every decision in my 25 years of being a lawyer based on economic necessity. I didn’t have a job, I found a job, it pays okay (not super great like some believe, but better than many). I’m married with two children. My wife has a persistent illness and my mother is descending into increasing dementia. People like to praise me for being a “good lawyer”, which is praise I detest as I just hate the very fact that I’m a lawyer.
I have a trial coming up and this always focuses this sort of thing for me, but it seems I can’t get a break. I’m not depressed about anything when I’m not here, but I never have a good day at work. I hate the fighting my job entails and I don’t like most lawyers either. I don’t want to transition into something that uses my law degree, I want to forget I was ever a lawyer. I’m close to despair. With a trial coming up, I find myself fighting thoughts that I wish I would become ill and be removed by conditions from this torment.
What I really want to do is just to be rancher, which is all I’ve ever wanted to do. I can’t talk to anyone here about this as my wife won’t listen to complaints of this type, just telling me to focus on the good. Maybe that is the only answer to this topic. My life is probably overall better than the vast majority of people’s, but I’m down here on a Saturday doing the very thing I despise most in the world, wondering if I’m doomed to do this until I die, or if I’m just an idiot for keeping on.
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Yeoman
Guest
Your situation is so close to mine, I’ll add, that on my way up the hall to read depositions in preparation for a trial, I’m going to say a prayer for you. Please say one for me. I know we’ll never meet, but I really feel for you, as you are posting as if you are me.
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InflatusMaximus
Guest
Constantly.
I am 33. So I am not that late in life just yet. But I have changed my career several times. I started working when I was 11. Delivering papers mowing lawns. Did pretty good for myself. Looking back I made a lot of choices. A lot of moves. A lot of wheeling and dealing.
As I begin to ascend to where I really think God wants me in my career I constantly have crises of conscience. Should I really do it? What is wrong with me? Is this what God really wants for me? From your post you know what I am talking about.
But looking on these choices and these emotions and movements of heart I am focused on me. Lots of I’s and me’s and such.
And it seems when I am becoming settled and get that promotion and stuff I become even more unsettled. Keep in mind the farther up you go or the farther down the path you go the farther you have to fall. Spiritually, through your career, in your family…etc.
I have come to understand that this idea of questioning where we are is essentially from the diabolical. We lose focus on God, on His sending His son for sacrifice…and it seems once I set my sites on the sacrifice God has provided me I can be anything but grateful whether I am cleaning bathrooms…or teaching…or cooking…or driving a bus…or lawyering…or policing…or anything.
When we expect to have a midlife crisis we will definitely have one. If I focus on the fact that the grass is greener over there it will always be greener. But what happens when you are at peace with whatever you do? What if you start looking at your own grass an accept it’s yellowing?
There is a divine spark there. God’s Will is for you to be content. It is a lot easier than we “post-modern” westerners make it.
The only exception I can see is that if your job is not compatible with your faith you may need to make a move. But other than that try the acceptance thing, it is cheap and quick and bears fruit.
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christofirst
Guest
I would not say that my situation is so much a midlife career crisis as it is a midlife transition. I worked in construction for 30 years, and took (or was encouraged to take, thanks to the bad economy) an early pension. Now I am in my early 50s, my son is grown, my pension covers my expenses, but I find myself spending much time caring for my elderly mother, and happy to be able to do it. She is nearly 90, and I do wonder what I will do next, once my care for her is no longer needed. But I feel no sense of urgency. I am able to wait patiently to see what comes next. In its own way, construction was very demanding too, both mentally and physically, and I find that I am much more at peace now that it is behind me, and this is a real blessing!
I hope and pray that all of you are able to make a smooth transition to the next stage of life, whatever it may be.
I hope and pray that all of you are able to make a smooth transition to the next stage of life, whatever it may be.
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jilly4ski
Guest
You could say so, though my “unhappiness” is based more on my lack of employment as a lawyer than actually being a lawyer. As a relatively new graduate, with no legal connections in my state, I have been relegated to contract attorney/document review attorney. So my work is sporadic, temporary, mind numbingly dull, and doesn’t pay enough to pay back my law school loans. So it is more the financial obligations of being an attorney (I have to report my CLEs this year) combined with the lack of a decent paying job. Oh well, I keep making steps to gain skills and experience needed to actually get hired or something.
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LionsDen66
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I hear you, brother. As you know as a trial lawyer, we are always fighting - other lawyers, judges, clients, victims, police officers, and the list goes on. And the stresses of our clients become our stresses too, simply added on to our own stress list. It’s a brutal profession and, like you, if I could achieve a “do over,” I would. It is no surprise that our profession is on the top 5 list for suicides. Depression is rampant and general unhappiness is the norm rather than the exception. I recommend Grun’s book for you – you might actually find some encouragement from it as I did. It will, at the very least, confirm that nothing is wrong with you except that God is calling you to deeper relationship with Him and He wants you to start thinking less of your own ego/title/career/ and more of what He wants you to contribute to His Kingdom. I will pray for you, brother. Promise.
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LionsDen66
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Jilly, I truly empathize with you. I wouldn’t want to just starting out in this profession. I hope you find something that brings you joy in the profession, although I hesitate to even suggest an area of law which can bring ‘joy.’ I never found it. I’ve done prosecution, defense, juvenile, civil, disciplinary, estate planning, sole practice. No joy. It is so adversarial in nature and the consequences always so profound for the client. In truth, though you might feel bored, you probably have less stress (forgive that assumption if incorrect) from a work standpoint – though your stress is financial-related. Keep networking and, of course, praying for God’s plan for you – not your own plan. Peace to you, sister.
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bardegaulois
Guest
It is said that a period of aridity in prayer is often a prelude for a period of great spiritual growth. I wouldn’t be surprised, however, if this were true of aridity generally in work and life as well. Indeed, I’ve been through such periods myself, and though they seem long and languid, I’ve been quite surprised at the suddenness of their end, an end for which I’d made no provision.
If you gentlemen don’t have spiritual directors, it might be a beneficial idea to find one and to work through this with them. Another suggestion I could give would be to consider a run for public office. It is only fitting that those who’ve practiced law should become the lawmakers, as is evident from history. Moreover, heaven knows we could use some more Catholic leaven in public life.
You’ll remain in my prayers. God bless you.
If you gentlemen don’t have spiritual directors, it might be a beneficial idea to find one and to work through this with them. Another suggestion I could give would be to consider a run for public office. It is only fitting that those who’ve practiced law should become the lawmakers, as is evident from history. Moreover, heaven knows we could use some more Catholic leaven in public life.
You’ll remain in my prayers. God bless you.
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jilly4ski
Guest
It is true the work itself is not stressful. We are hired generally by big litigation firms who are working for big clients, and big IT companies. So if it there is a problem, it is not our problem. I get to leave my work at work, and the schedule is flexible enough that I get to spend some time with my kids. (When I am off and such).
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InThePew
Guest
Trial lawyers in particular are under appreciated for what they do. The system is, by its nature adversarial and this, combined with the lack of appreciation (especially from clients) can be very draining. However this makes it all the more important for Catholic lawyers to ensure that they bring the gospel to bear in their work and in their relations with others in the system. It’s easy to overlook just how much good a lawyer can do for people even if it seems at times that you’re just patching them up and sending them on their way fully expecting to see them again with new problems for your to “fix”.
My advice to unhappy Catholic lawyers would first of all be to pray and to make time in your day for silent prayer in order to listen to God and let the Holy Spirit nourish you. If you truly feel that you are not where you should be then you should explore other options in order to discern where God might be calling you to. Most of all, if you have families, let them love you as much as you love them.
My advice to unhappy Catholic lawyers would first of all be to pray and to make time in your day for silent prayer in order to listen to God and let the Holy Spirit nourish you. If you truly feel that you are not where you should be then you should explore other options in order to discern where God might be calling you to. Most of all, if you have families, let them love you as much as you love them.
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Yeoman
Guest
This will sound awful, but I actually envy you. I wish that 25 years ago when I graduated from law school there’d been no jobs, or perhaps that the market would be like it is now in my home state, where new lawyers can go into mineral title work, which was not something that was active at that time. I took the “good” job available to me, and due to some defect in my character, I’ve been there ever since, supposedly good at it, but utterly miserable in it, a fact known only really to me and my family.
I don’t know why anyone would even go into law now. The word on how awful of job it is, is out there. Practicing attorneys are also much more open than before about the job being a terrible one. With a bad job market in most places, and the information on the true nature of the work being out there as well, a person would have to truly want to do it for some reason to pursue it now. I also wish that sort of information would have been out there at the time I entered into law school, but perhaps I would have fooled myself anyway. I know that a few people I knew were surprised by my choice at the time.
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Yeoman
Guest
Thanks you for the book recommendation, I looked it up, and I will follow up on that.I hear you, brother. As you know as a trial lawyer, we are always fighting - other lawyers, judges, clients, victims, police officers, and the list goes on. And the stresses of our clients become our stresses too, simply added on to our own stress list. It’s a brutal profession and, like you, if I could achieve a “do over,” I would. It is no surprise that our profession is on the top 5 list for suicides. Depression is rampant and general unhappiness is the norm rather than the exception. I recommend Grun’s book for you – you might actually find some encouragement from it as I did. It will, at the very least, confirm that nothing is wrong with you except that God is calling you to deeper relationship with Him and He wants you to start thinking less of your own ego/title/career/ and more of what He wants you to contribute to His Kingdom. I will pray for you, brother. Promise.
Recently I’ve been trying to really weigh my options. I’ve debated trying to return to school, but I’m 50 years of age and fear it would be foolish. If I did, I’d pursue dentistry or veterinary medicine, but how responsible that may be for a person who would be at least 55 years old when they were done is questionable, particularly as in that period of time my son would enter college himself with my daughter doing so soon after. I’ve thought about trying to make a transition out of litigation but my portfolio is mostly just that, and my one recent serious attempt at it ended up going nowhere as the prospective new employer was only interested in what litigation I could bring with me, and then do. I’ve even contemplated just quitting work at the law when my aged mother passes away, at which time I’ll probably have a small inheritance. That would get my by at a subsistence level and I could probably find work in a store or something for extra income. So far, however, I’ve not really done anything, and have a trial starting tomorrow to look forward to.
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Yeoman
Guest
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Yeoman
Guest
I’ve often noticed that there are “groups” here, of which I’m not a member of any. I’m wonder if it would be worth creating something like a “Saint Alphonsus Maria de Liguori Society” group for we Catholic lawyers who are questioning our career choice? He was the Saint who had started off as a lawyer, and upon making his decision to abandon the law stated:
“My friend, our profession is too full of difficulties and dangers; we lead an unhappy life and run risk of dying an unhappy death. For myself, I will quit this career, which does not suit me; for I wish to secure the salvation of my soul.”
“My friend, our profession is too full of difficulties and dangers; we lead an unhappy life and run risk of dying an unhappy death. For myself, I will quit this career, which does not suit me; for I wish to secure the salvation of my soul.”
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Captain_America
Guest
Years ago I was accepted at a top law school but turned it down, since I was working at a job that was fantastic. . . and I had already run into (a) a lot of lawyers who HATED their work and felt it was meaningless and unproductive, and (b) a couple of my college classmates ALREADY were jumping out of law.
Law is weird in that pop culture really hasn’t portrayed its everyday reality very well.
I’m pleased I abstained.
Law is weird in that pop culture really hasn’t portrayed its everyday reality very well.
I’m pleased I abstained.
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Yeoman
Guest
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