Unhappy following daughters baptism

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Elle2018

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Hi all, I am wondering what advice anyone has. I completed RCIA and was baptised during the Easter Vigil this year. Following this I arranged for my 2 daughters aged 4/6 to be baptised this weekend. Non of my family is catholic (although one of the god parents are) half way through the service the Priest said I had written a homily but I’m not going to use it and started preaching at us about being Catholic & not being saved even after baptism if you don’t believe. He raced through the service and didn’t give anyone time to repeat anything. He didn’t even invite the God Parents to the front. I was completely embarrassed and felt very unwanted. My eldest daughter was so excited about the service and we all felt he ruined it. End of the day I am a catholic, I attend mass every week with my daughters and it was important to us. I feel like looking for a different church/parish now 😦😦
 
I am so sad for you and your daughters. Priest are human after all and like all humans they can be unloving. I would also have you consider that there might be something going on in his life that caused him to do this. Was this at mass? I wouldn’t blame you to going to another parish. I am glad you are Catholic and I know you realize that it isn’t the priest that we follow. It might be a good idea to talk to him privately about it. I know that this is a hard thing to do but I have found that it is better to know than to assume. My family has gone through some difficult situations with the passing of my sister and trying to have services for her. It is one caring priest who made the difference. Again I am sorry for this situation.
 
I’ve been to baptisms that happend during Mass, and those had a homily.

Baptisms outside of Mass do not have a homily.

Which sort of baptism was this?
 
Thank you for the replies. It was a baptism outside of mass. I actually said I’d prefer it during mass as felt it was more about welcoming the girls into the parish but was advised they weren’t done during mass as too many people complained.
 
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I do not recall a homily at the baptisms outside of Mass. I always give the benefit of the doubt, perhaps the priest received a call where he needed to go administer the Last Rites and he was in a hurry.

Sit down and talk to him.
 
Maybe he thought that because you are a convert, you might have a lot of non Catholic family there who could do with hearing the ‘good news’. Seems to me he saw a chance and took it. I am sorry you didn’t feel ok about it though. Maybe have their confirmations at a different parish ? Try and remember tho that you’re all home now and that is wonderful 🙂
 
There is no homily in the ceremony “Rite of Baptism for Children in Danger of Death When No Priest or Deacon is Available”. It also has: “22. In danger of death, the priest or deacon may also use the shorter form if necessary.”

Even the ceremony “Rite of Baptism for Children Administered by a Catechist When No Priest or Deacon is Available” can have a homily:

“After the reading, the catechist can give a brief homily in the way determined by the bishop.
  1. In place of the Scripture reading and the homily, the catechist can, if necessary, give this talk:
In baptism, Christ will come to meet these children. …”.

For the Rite of Baptism of One Child:

“82. After the reading, the celebrant gives a short homily, explaining to those present the significance of what has been read.”

There is nothing suggesting the homily be given only if the baptism is in a Mass.

[Excerpts from the English translation of the Rite of Baptism for Children © 1969, International Commission on English in the Liturgy Corporation. All rights reserved.]
 
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I completed RCIA and was baptised during the Easter Vigil this year.
It was a baptism outside of mass. I actually said I’d prefer it during mass as felt it was more about welcoming the girls into the parish but was advised they weren’t done during mass as too many people complained.
I am confused. Was your baptism during Easter Vigil (?Mass) or outside of Mass times?
 
Hi. My baptism was during the Easter Vigil Mass. My two daughters were baptised in a separate service outside of Sunday mass this last weekend.
 
All of my kids were baptized outside of mass, only one of them included a homily. The makes it sound like the priest did give a homily, just not the one he had prepared. As to the other problems mentioned: racing through the service, not inviting God Parents forward, etc, I would advice to just be happy your kids were baptized and keep in mind that priests are people to, they make mistakes. Or perhaps the priest had been called away and needed to get finished as soon as possible.
 
Thank you, I did not have the book available and thinking back, all but one of the baptisms outside of Mass I’ve attended were done by a Deacon.
 
Or, you could talk to your priest about your feelings.
This. Even if you’ve decided with certainty you will be leaving, OP, it could be he deserves to have you let him know why you felt his remarks were inappropriate, particularly if you felt they created a bad family dynamic on what ought to have been a day unmarred by any controversies.

I wouldn’t leave over one unfortunate situation, rather than a pattern of behavior or a prevailing attitude that is too much of a barrier to your full participation in the parish. If you can teach your children that we all mess up sometimes and we don’t hold a grudge when someone fails us, even when they fail us on a very important day, they will internalize that and see you’re a safe person to be around. I mean you can talk to them and say, “How would you like me to treat you, if you did something you thought was helping but instead ruined a big day I had? Even if I were very mad at first, I hope I would come around and forgive you instead of holding it over your head.”

Your daughters will learn from you how to balance mercy with healthy boundaries and reasonable expectations. This is an opportunity for you to develop as a Christian, after all, right? Of course you want to forgive him from your heart, to want the same mercy for him that you would want for yourself, whether he “gets it” and repents or whether it is a “Forgive him, Heavenly Father, he is clueless.” Make sure they know this is important. A Christian can of course take people’s most likely way of behaving into account when they decide where to trust them and where not to trust them but we should not carry around grudges over the times others have failed us. Mercy is the light load we are meant to carry.

After that, you need to decide carefully whether or not you as a family need some other parish with some other priest to be the pastor when your daughters go through their sacraments of initiation in the future. There is value in growing up in one parish and going through thick and thin with one group of fellow Catholics. (There is a reason St. Benedict was against monks jumping from monastery to monastery!)

You’ll have to use your judgment about whether talking to him about your feelings is a good idea or not. If it will boil down to “I don’t like it at all when you’re being yourself” you have to ask what good will be accomplished. If it will be “I want to let you know the difference between what you intended and what the actual effect was for our family,” that is another matter. He isn’t a mind reader. He may know he blew it and yet won’t approach you to apologize if you never bring up the subject. He may think he did a great job and will let you know by his reply that you can expect a repeat when First Holy Communion rolls around. It isn’t fair to expect him to change himself to suit you, but we all need gentle and constructive feedback, even when it is sometimes negative instead of positive. (This isn’t a bad matter to talk about to a different priest in confidence. It will usually help you avoid land mines to get (name removed by moderator)ut from someone who has walked in a priest’s shoes.)
 
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Priest are human after all and like all humans they can be unloving. I would also have you consider that there might be something going on in his life that caused him to do this.
Whilst I agree with this we do not readily apply this to others - I certainly would not accept this reasoning if a doctor messed up or if a teacher was verbally abusive to a child of mine. This is where clericalism can easily creep in - too many allowances are made and yet every respect is due.
 
It sounds to me that the priest needs refresher courses in theology and tact. However, being a Catholic is not about being comfortable. There are many trials on our path to heaven and some of them are priest-shaped.
 
Maybe he thought that because you are a convert, you might have a lot of non Catholic family there who could do with hearing the ‘good news’. Seems to me he saw a chance and took it.
just throwing it out there…I come from a very religious non-Catholic family. At our youngest’s baptism the priest took this chance as well. It was very uncomfortable (especially for me), 6 months later most of my family didn’t attend our oldest’s first communion due to this.
 
started preaching at us about being Catholic & not being saved even after baptism if you don’t believe. H
But is the priest theologically wrong? Why did you feel unwanted? Baptism does not guarantee Redemption. Maybe the priest saw many people taling Baptism as a miraculous superstition and wanted, on this occasion, to remind everyone that Baptism doesn’t solve it all.
 
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