Hi, there.
I feel pretty confident in saying that God does NOT want your marriage to end in divorce. As a child of divorced parents, I want to tell you that no matter how civil the two parties are, and how involved they both are in the lives of the children, there are still messy problems and sad situations years down the road, for the children and grandchildren. Also, if an anullment is denied, you may be forced to choose between remarrying and staying faithful to the Church you know to be the one true Church. I just want to encourage you not to consider divorce.
From one mom to another, I want to encourage you to make sure you are taking care of yourself. Of course I can’t know exactly what’s going on with you, but this is something I’ve found to be true in my own experiences. I have 5 little ones, ranging from 7 yrs to 7 mo. I know how precious children are and how much they can drain you. Make sure you are getting the basics to help you function well: enough water, enough protein and vegetables, not relying too much on sugar and caffeine (although I admit a Diet Coke does help make it through some mornings!
), an occasional walk in fresh air, a few minutes of Bible reading, etc. I find that when I ignore myself too much, I lose my temper more, am less grateful, more pessimistic, more easily annoyed, and quicker to take offense. I’m also less able to deal with problems, less creative, and quicker to throw in the towel. When I am a little more rested and nourished, I am not just in a better mood, but I can also deal better with the true problems in my life, not being distracted by the exagerated ones. I can think more clearly. So please make sure you are taking care of yourself as you go through this trying time.
If you help with the kids and house, just ask for it. Many people around would you would I’m sure love to help you. When people from church or wherever ask what they can do to help, TELL THEM. They could cook meals, run errands. If you don’t trust a babysitter to watch kids while you’re gone, the preteen neighbor girl could come over and play with the kids while you get some paper work done.
As far as the tension with extended family, what has worked for me has been to “love them from a distance.”. In other words, do right by them, but don’t invest yourself emotionally. Celebrate holidays and birthdays, don’t gossip or deceive, but don’t count on them to support you socially or emotionally.
There is a Bible verse that says “He gently leads those that have young…”. Be sure to tell Him your troubles. It may sound wierd, but when I’m distressed I pray in the shower. Then the kids can’t hear me and they aren’t surprised when I come out with wet eyes.
Jesus loves you, and He wants your marriage to work. There are a lot of people out here also who are caring about you and wanting you and your husband to be happy together.
and the real offenses, without being distracted by the exaggerated ones.
