C
canadiannurse
Guest
Hello everyone,
I’ve posted a few times before and am hesitant about posting again but would like some (name removed by moderator)ut.
The last three years have seen a deepening in my faith, and I spent some time discerning becoming a sister early last year. Ultimately I felt God was calling me to marriage, so I pursued online dating which I had done before. I had one previous relationship from Catholic Match, so I thought I would try Catholic Match again. That relationship, he wasn’t as deep as a Catholic as I would have liked, and also a city boy and very material which did not work for either of us since I’m kind of a country bumpkin that just knows how to dress well once in awhile
I met a man who was 37, and who I believed him to be turned out to be different than who he was. He was not honest about some things that I really wish he had been. Things from his past kept coming up as the relationship evolved that made me uncomfortable. He claimed that God had forgiven him, and the past doesn’t matter, but when you are 37 and getting drunk at a rodeo and then taking a girl back to her hotel room two weeks before we met, I felt that showed me a lot about who he still was - not something he had done years before but only two weeks prior to us meeting.
He has MS, which I felt I could handle, but it turns out that only seemed to be one of many things he brought to the table. He was very insecure and seemed to need to make up for this by being very dominant, adding in his temper, and he would grab me a lot if I tried walking away when he wasn’t done talking to me. The day I noticed bruises on my forearms was a bit wakeup call to me. His moods were also very unstable, and I can’t diagnose him but he has every single symptom of bipolar disorder. I’m a nurse and I watched this very carefully, his grandiose ideas, flight of thoughts, elevated moods and personality, racing thoughts, unable to sleep, and then going back to periods of hopelessness and depression. His work stability has never been stable which for 37 worried me, especially since he thought he should be the primary bread winner.
I am going to seek counseling for having stayed in this relationship - obviously I have my own issues that led me to stay and be in this relationship. I have had one appointment so far, another one this week. I also saw my spiritual director last week and will see her again next week.
He said a lot of mean things to me, he could be very mean. I ended up losing almost 20 lbs over the span of this relationship and I don’t think I have much more room to lose weight. I hadn’t considered myself chubby. He was constantly bringing up how beautiful other women were and once said something along the lines of a beautiful tv star wouldn’t be interested in a man like him. Somewhere in there was supposed to be a compliment for me, I still haven’t figured it out. He broke up with me and changed his mind many times over the course of the relationship, the lack of stability was really hard on me. I can see now that after my first visit to see him when he broke up with me right after, that I should have said Adios and take care.
I ended up losing a lot in this relationship - it was long distance so I made some decisions to pursue it that I shouldn’t have. I can see now that God kept opening the doors until only so far, and in this is the biggest learning lesson of my life, the hardest and most painful.
This does give me a chance to start fresh - and maybe God has plans in that. I think the most confusing part for me is that we prayed together a lot, went to Mass when we were together, spent a lot of time with his family (siblings and their families). We made a lot of mistakes, one of them having slept together. We went to Confession and did not repeat it, but my heart sits very heavy as I wait to find out if I am pregnant.
Before this I felt like I had had my life together - my own house, full time job, had worked on myself and my relationship with my family. It all kind of came crashing apart, and all because I met a man who turned out to be someone very different than I thought.
This is still all very fresh and raw in my head and heart - things ended on Christmas Day. I had left so many of my things with him, as we are from different countries (he is american). I think I will call all those a loss.
I still feel called to marriage but this one will take me awhile to sort through. I will remain faithful to God especially in this time, especially because I am in a pretty vulnerable place right now.
Thanks for listening
I’ve posted a few times before and am hesitant about posting again but would like some (name removed by moderator)ut.
The last three years have seen a deepening in my faith, and I spent some time discerning becoming a sister early last year. Ultimately I felt God was calling me to marriage, so I pursued online dating which I had done before. I had one previous relationship from Catholic Match, so I thought I would try Catholic Match again. That relationship, he wasn’t as deep as a Catholic as I would have liked, and also a city boy and very material which did not work for either of us since I’m kind of a country bumpkin that just knows how to dress well once in awhile
I met a man who was 37, and who I believed him to be turned out to be different than who he was. He was not honest about some things that I really wish he had been. Things from his past kept coming up as the relationship evolved that made me uncomfortable. He claimed that God had forgiven him, and the past doesn’t matter, but when you are 37 and getting drunk at a rodeo and then taking a girl back to her hotel room two weeks before we met, I felt that showed me a lot about who he still was - not something he had done years before but only two weeks prior to us meeting.
He has MS, which I felt I could handle, but it turns out that only seemed to be one of many things he brought to the table. He was very insecure and seemed to need to make up for this by being very dominant, adding in his temper, and he would grab me a lot if I tried walking away when he wasn’t done talking to me. The day I noticed bruises on my forearms was a bit wakeup call to me. His moods were also very unstable, and I can’t diagnose him but he has every single symptom of bipolar disorder. I’m a nurse and I watched this very carefully, his grandiose ideas, flight of thoughts, elevated moods and personality, racing thoughts, unable to sleep, and then going back to periods of hopelessness and depression. His work stability has never been stable which for 37 worried me, especially since he thought he should be the primary bread winner.
I am going to seek counseling for having stayed in this relationship - obviously I have my own issues that led me to stay and be in this relationship. I have had one appointment so far, another one this week. I also saw my spiritual director last week and will see her again next week.
He said a lot of mean things to me, he could be very mean. I ended up losing almost 20 lbs over the span of this relationship and I don’t think I have much more room to lose weight. I hadn’t considered myself chubby. He was constantly bringing up how beautiful other women were and once said something along the lines of a beautiful tv star wouldn’t be interested in a man like him. Somewhere in there was supposed to be a compliment for me, I still haven’t figured it out. He broke up with me and changed his mind many times over the course of the relationship, the lack of stability was really hard on me. I can see now that after my first visit to see him when he broke up with me right after, that I should have said Adios and take care.
I ended up losing a lot in this relationship - it was long distance so I made some decisions to pursue it that I shouldn’t have. I can see now that God kept opening the doors until only so far, and in this is the biggest learning lesson of my life, the hardest and most painful.
This does give me a chance to start fresh - and maybe God has plans in that. I think the most confusing part for me is that we prayed together a lot, went to Mass when we were together, spent a lot of time with his family (siblings and their families). We made a lot of mistakes, one of them having slept together. We went to Confession and did not repeat it, but my heart sits very heavy as I wait to find out if I am pregnant.
Before this I felt like I had had my life together - my own house, full time job, had worked on myself and my relationship with my family. It all kind of came crashing apart, and all because I met a man who turned out to be someone very different than I thought.
This is still all very fresh and raw in my head and heart - things ended on Christmas Day. I had left so many of my things with him, as we are from different countries (he is american). I think I will call all those a loss.
I still feel called to marriage but this one will take me awhile to sort through. I will remain faithful to God especially in this time, especially because I am in a pretty vulnerable place right now.
Thanks for listening