I am curious about something, honestly curious.
My former parish had lots of candles. At all the statues of Saints…those candles are OK. We also have Baptismal candles…those are OK, those symbolize Christ’s light within us, but unity candles are wrong? I’m assuming that if it’s OK to light candles in honor of a saint, it would be OK to light them in honor of the sacrament of marriage. I don’t see it as something terrible or inappropriate at Mass.
Just curious, not really trying to cause controversy.
Here is how it was explained to us, when my husband and I were married 9 years ago in the (Roman) Catholic church:
The “traditions” such as giving flowers to Mary, the unity candle, et cetera, are all private devotions, meant to focus on the bride or the bride and groom. They are the fruit of our culture which emphasizes the individual.
The wedding Mass is really a public celebration. It is not just about the bride and groom. It is about the community (families and friends) of the bride and groom, and everything about the sacrament of marriage is public. A bride going up to offer flowers to Mary (which wasn’t allowed in the parish where I was married) is a private devotion and “shuts out” the community. It is something that, the priest said, could and should be done privately, before the ceremony, but not during. Same goes for the unity candle, it’s about the bride and groom, and puts the focus on them rather than the community and their place in it.
Any devotions that separate the groom and bride from the community are to be discouraged. I well remember my priest telling me, “if you really want to do the Unity candle, you can, but I discourage it because it’s not part of the wedding Mass.” It’s a custom that started showing up in American culture, but has never been a part of Catholic tradition. So we opted out of that, as well as the flowers to Mary. Here is something about that custom which I found on
catholicbrides.com:
Devotion to The Blessed Virgin Mary - (Tradition)
Mary, the mother of Jesus is the ultimate role model for the Catholic bride, as she will strive to mirror Mary’s perfect love for God and devotion to her family. Brides often wish to seek the guidance and blessings of The Lord, through a ceremony that requests the intercession ( to request on your behalf ) of the Blessed Virgin Mary, through prayer and the laying of flowers.
In some areas of the country this devotion will be requested to be included in the marriage ceremony and most Catholic guests will be familiar with it. In other areas of North America this addition to the ceremony is not prevalent. Devotions to The Blessed Virgin Mary have always been present in the Catholic faith, however they are not officially included in The Rite of Marriage.
The church will never discourage your personal devotions, however the wedding ceremony is seen as a time of inclusion and participation of your guests. if you are requesting to have The presentation of Flowers to Mary , carefully plan this additional portion of the ceremony.
As the ministers of your ceremony, you must strive to avoid any feeling of separation from the unity with your guests In the midst of your wedding ceremony. Including a Hymn or prayer that the entire congregation can sign or say, while you are laying your flowers, would be a way of including your guests.
For those areas of the country where this custom is not the norm, including a short explanation of this addition to your ceremony would also be helpful to both your Catholic and Non-Catholic guests.
For those who desire to have a more private act of prayer you may request a more intimate opportunity, such as before or after the wedding rehearsal. In order to permit time, this request should be made well in advance to your parish priest.
