Unity candle for Convalidation?

[Mary_Gail_36]

The wedding Mass is really a public celebration. It is not just about the bride and groom. It is about the community (families and friends) of the bride and groom, and everything about the sacrament of marriage is public. A bride going up to offer flowers to Mary (which wasn’t allowed in the parish where I was married) is a private devotion and “shuts out” the community. It is something that, the priest said, could and should be done privately, before the ceremony, but not during. Same goes for the unity candle, it’s about the bride and groom, and puts the focus on them rather than the community and their place in it.

Thanks Catherine for your point…I’m still somewhat perplexed, the Wedding Mass might be a “public celebration” but at the same time the bride and groom can be validly married if only the Priest and the witnesses show up. I’m not sure I understand not being able to give flowers to Mary either. We love Mary, why can’t the whole community show their love for her when the bride gives her flowers?

I don’t mean to say that I don’t believe you…it’s just after almost 11 years of marriage, I’ve never heard that these things were sometimes considered problematic.

 

[catherineajt]

Thanks Catherine for your point…I’m still somewhat perplexed, the Wedding Mass might be a “public celebration” but at the same time the bride and groom can be validly married if only the Priest and the witnesses show up. I’m not sure I understand not being able to give flowers to Mary either. We love Mary, why can’t the whole community show their love for her when the bride gives her flowers?

I don’t mean to say that I don’t believe you…it’s just after almost 11 years of marriage, I’ve never heard that these things were sometimes considered problematic.

Because the flowers to Mary is a custom which may or may not be familiar to every guest, and not a part of the official wedding Mass, I have seen people be very confused as to what the heck is going on while the bride steps over to the statue of Mary with flowers. Unless it is somehow explained in the wedding program, or by the priest, it instead becomes a “huh??” moment unless all the weddings guests are familiar with the custom. Therefore, it can make some guests feel as though they’re “left out” of a part of the ceremony. My SIL’s wedding was the very first time I had ever seen this custom, and though everyone attending was Catholic, I saw several puzzled faces–obviously these were people who had not grown up with this custom in their parishes.

It’s a personal devotion, and certainly it is proper to venerate Mary. However, the key word here is ‘personal’. It is not an official part of the Church’s official wedding Mass.

My SIL did one neat thing to honor Mary at her wedding, which was not, I felt, too personalized. Her favors were cards with a Miraculous Medal tied onto it with ribbon, and the bride and groom’s names and the date stamped, along with a short history of the Miraculous Medal. She also had the rosary said before the ceremony, for anyone who wished to take part. The rosary is a wonderful way of commemorating and honoring Mary, and most Catholics are familiar with it.

 

[CatholicNerd]

Pardon me for asking, but just how are those of us who were given the option of a unity candle in our OFFICIAL marriage prep from the CHURCH supposed to know that it was not “authentically” Catholic? I did not know it was invented on a soap opera (which claim I am not sure I believe) or anything else about it. It was offered as part of the OFFICIAL structure of my nuptial Mass, so I accepted it.

It seems, at worst, this thing is an inoffensive, brief, and essentially meaningless detour. Yet it does have some beauty and meaning for some people. If the church allows it or even offers it, then what is the problem? How does it damage the liturgy? How does it damage the sacrament? If every guest at the wedding watches you lighting the candle and listens to the music playing while you do it, it’s not exclusionary nor is it excessively private. And how is it different from other cultural accommodations?

Catherineajt’s explanation was very thorough. I’d like to add a little bit, though. The Church herself neither allows nor offers it in any official capacity. She often ignores this sort of minor abuse for the immediate good of souls. But those of us who know better (and I’d argue that as a literate American, you should) should stay away from anything that is not approved by the Church. When we introduce our own innovations into the Liturgy, the graces we receive are diminished.

Furthermore, priests and parish liturgists are people too and can be very wrong about things. One of the fruits of the Second Vatican Council has been a reawakening of the rights and duties of the layperson. If you have not studied the rubrics of the Mass already, you are encouraged by the Church to do so! You have a right to a liturgy that is unblemished.

 

[brshooter]

Thanks for the replies.
Just love this site. A person can ask a very simple question about a unity candle and get 40 plus replies and 30 mentions of “abuse”.

 

[catherineajt]

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Thanks for the replies.
Just love this site. A person can ask a very simple question about a unity candle and get 40 plus replies and 30 mentions of “abuse”.

I hope I didn’t come across as thinking the unity candle is an abuse. It isn’t, of course! It is simply a custom that is derived from outside the church, and as such, can be incorporated into a ceremony (wedding or convalidation), with the guidance of the priest. Some parishes are nitpickier about such customs than others. The parish I was married in was, and frankly, I was glad, because I had a genuine excuse when my mom wanted me to do the Unity candle (which I thought was hokey, personally).

Same deal for the flowers for Mary, “No, mom, can’t do it. Church won’t allow it.”

“No, we can’t have the Wedding March music. The church only lets us use approved church music.” (Ha!)

“No, we’re not playing Disney music.” (See above.)

 

[CatholicNerd]

Thanks for the replies.
Just love this site. A person can ask a very simple question about a unity candle and get 40 plus replies and 30 mentions of “abuse”.

And I love snarky replies to honest answers.

 

[jmcrae]

Thanks for the replies.
Just love this site. A person can ask a very simple question about a unity candle and get 40 plus replies and 30 mentions of “abuse”.

I get the feeling that a lot of people think that a Catholic wedding is supposed to be a sentimental performance art piece on the subject of “Love,” produced and directed by the bride, to entertain her new husband, her mother and her mother’s friends - and that the Church has no business interfering with her creative freedom.

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

Pardon me for asking, but just how are those of us who were given the option of a unity candle in our OFFICIAL marriage prep from the CHURCH supposed to know that it was not “authentically” Catholic? it’s a candle, for crying out loud. What are you going to do, go back in time? It’s an option, one that you obviously liked. Let it go. I did not know it was invented on a soap opera (which claim I am not sure I believe) or anything else about it. This was all I could find on Wiki:
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unity_candle I want to say the Young and Restless. I know it was definitely not Luke and Laura.

It was offered as part of the OFFICIAL structure of my nuptial Mass, so I accepted it.

It seems, at worst, this thing is an inoffensive, brief, and essentially meaningless detour. Pretty much. Yet it does have some beauty and meaning for some people. If the church allows it or even offers it, then what is the problem? No problem with me! I just don’t like them. You can have a million candles if you want- as can the OP.How does it damage the liturgy? How does it damage the sacrament? If every guest at the wedding watches you lighting the candle and listens to the music playing while you do it, it’s not exclusionary nor is it excessively private. And how is it different from other cultural accommodations? Fine by me, as long as the recessional isn’t “Freebird” and everybody doesn’t hold up their lighters when the couple lights the unity candle.

Thanks for the replies.
Just love this site. A person can ask a very simple question about a unity candle and get 40 plus replies and 30 mentions of “abuse”.

LOL. Told ya you should’ve asked your wife what she wanted and go from there.

 

[duskyjewel]

Fine by me, as long as the recessional isn’t “Freebird” and everybody doesn’t hold up their lighters when the couple lights the unity candle.

 

[brshooter]

I really do appreciate the answers.

Our convalidation was yesterday and it was a beautiful ceremony that we will remember for the rest or our lives.

I thank our Lord for blessing me with such a wonderful wife and the opportunity to pledge my love to her a second time. This time in the presence or our Lord.

BTW, no unity candle. My wife’s call made with no outside influence. I would have done whatever she wanted regardless. I have learned that much in our 20 years of marriage.

 

[duskyjewel]

Congratulations!

 

[jmcrae]

Congratulations!

AMEN!!

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

I really do appreciate the answers.

Our convalidation was yesterday and it was a beautiful ceremony that we will remember for the rest or our lives.

I thank our Lord for blessing me with such a wonderful wife and the opportunity to pledge my love to her a second time. This time in the presence or our Lord.

BTW, no unity candle. My wife’s call made with no outside influence. I would have done whatever she wanted regardless. I have learned that much in our 20 years of marriage.

Smart man!:yup: Congratulations, and many happy years together- and all the pyrotechnics thereof!