Unlimited Children?

[TheMadman52]

Hello everyone,

I have a question about having children as a Catholic.

So I am thinking about becoming a Catholic, but there is one thing which worries me. That is not being able to use contraception. See I am a married man, and I have a baby girl on the way. Which is a blessing from God, and I am fine to have more children. As many as we are able and willing to have.

But not uncontrollably, see I don’t make a lot of money and I live in the UK, and there aren’t any well-paying jobs at the moment especially for where I live and a low skilled worker, there aren’t even any jobs that could realistically support a single man’s life, never mind married with children.

So my question is how does a Catholic manage the growth of their family? Is the only way to abstain from having sex for years until we can support another child(This I think would be unrealistic)? Or is it just hoping that your wife doesn’t get pregnant again until we are ready?

I don’t want to become a Catholic knowing that I would be constantly and willfully sinning. It sort of seems pointless to do that.

It would be very irresponsible in my view to just have a child every year until my wife goes through menopause, and there is a long way to go before she gets there.

Thanks in advance, also I’m sorry if I have posted in the wrong section.

 

[1ke]

But not uncontrollably

Well, good news for you then. The Catholic Church does not teach providentialism.

So my question is how does a Catholic manage the growth of their family?

Responsible parenthood through the discernment of the spouses.

Is the only way to abstain from having sex for years until we can support another child

No. You can space children by abstaining completely OR by abstaining periodically through the scientific observation of your wife’s fertility— commonly called natural family planning.

Or is it just hoping that your wife doesn’t get pregnant again until we are ready?

You can do that if you want to, some people do so, but that isn’t a Church teaching.

It would be very irresponsible in my view to just have a child every year until my wife goes through menopause,

Well, most people don’t have a child every year. Even back in our grandparents’ and great grandparents’ time there were usually—- but not always— a few years between kids.

 

[Anicette]

As others have said, natural family planning is possible. (a accurate method teach by monitor of a serious organisation, not just app or self knowledge, for efficiency…)

Not true in many, many diocese. But the Church instances (for eg, the family section) often know the providers in their area and can give information and contacts.

Even when method of fertility observation are not used, the majority of couple would not end with a child every year.
First, by far, not all couple have such a high level of fertility, and couples marry much more later than before, and fertility decreased with age.
And for many women natural complete breastfeeding postpone the fertility for some months…

 

[Psalm30]

A common misunderstanding about the Catholic Church, that Catholics must have as many children as physically possible between their wedding day and the day menopause begins…

This is not what the Church teaches. You can use Natural Family Planning to space children and avoid pregnancy if you discern it is not prudent to bring another child into the family at a particular time.

Talk to your local parish/diocese to find out about NFP classes in your area. The Marquette Method is also easily self-taught by following the protocols online.

 

[JMMJ]

Best to make sure your wife would be willing to entertain NFP (and if she won’t, what the cost will be to your marriage) . Same with breastfeeding as a means of possibly controlling fertility. These things can be non-starters for many.

 

[TheLittleLady]

https://rcdow.org.uk/diocese/marriage-and-family-life/resources/natural-family-planning/

Various methods are listed.

 

[LaughingBoy1503]

Granted I have only been married for 8 months, NFP (Natural family planning) has worked for me and my wife. Now, it is a bit more complex when your wife is a bit irregular in her periods but a general rule of “when in doubt, abstain” has served us well. I think the longest we abstained was close to three weeks once but since then we have learned to use NFP better.

So, yeah, you will have to abstain sometimes if you have a reason to space having children but there is still plenty on time to be intimate. I honestly do not feel like it is too much abstinence.

 

[Norseman82]

A common misunderstanding about the Catholic Church, that Catholics must have as many children as physically possible between their wedding day and the day menopause begins…

This is not what the Church teaches

It may not be what the Church teaches, but watch out for the self-appointed NFP police who will question your motives for using NFP and imply your motives are not “grave” or “serious” enough in their eyes!

 

[Psalm30]

It may not be what the Church teaches, but watch out for the self-appointed NFP police who will question your motives for using NFP and imply your motives are not “grave” or “serious” enough in their eyes!

Those people are not correct. The OP should not listen to them. And, what you describe is a personal pet peeve of mine.

 

[Poet]

The implication behind your words is that artificial birth control only becomes a sin IF you become Catholic. In truth, if it’s against God’s will, it’s against God’s will, for anyone, for all time, no matter what religion or faith or denomination that individual professes.

So if ACT X is sinful and against God’s perfect will, then it’s sinful and against God’s perfect will. It doesn’t become less so by calling yourself a Hindu, Muslim, or Methodist. It doesn’t become more so by calling yourself Catholic. You don’t sin less by calling yourself an agnostic while committing a sinful act, if you see what I mean.

So if you believe the Catholic faith is the fullness of God’s truth on earth, the Church He established through Jesus by saying to Peter you are the rock and on this rock I build my church…then become Catholic.

If you believe the Catholic faith has had divine guidance, then trust her teachings.

Use natural family planning. Work toward a better paying job. Move to a place with more work available.

I’m not saying this flippantly. I have made a conscious choice to follow all the church’s teachings and I do have a large family. Very large. We never had a huge income. And we’ve been fine.

Best of luck to you.

 

[Jen7]

It may not be what the Church teaches, but watch out for the self-appointed NFP police who will question your motives for using NFP and imply your motives are not “grave” or “serious” enough in their eyes

You never have to divulge to anyone your reasons for abstaining! And these days with so much more awareness in the NFP community about fertility issues like low progesterone, PCOS, frequency of early miscarriage, etc. I don’t think you’ll find many people who will judge you when they see you have stopped having more babies / have a big gap between kids. The reasons are your business and yours alone.

Of course if you decide to blab your reasons around some of your listeners may comment n them… but that still may not be all bad. We have friends who were abstaining because they couldn’t afford a van. So their friends all pitched in and bought them one! They had three more kids!!