Unmarried and wanting to take Communion

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alex99

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A good catholic friend of mine is in a loving relationship with a guy, they have two children, and are a very happy family and have been together for many years.

But neither of them are married and neither can they get married.

My friend wants to take communion but none of her local priests will give it too her.

Is there any way she can take communion, is there a priest anywhere in the world who can give her communion.

Thank you in advance for your help.

Alex
 
Your friend needs to meet with her pastor and discuss this matter in detail.

I cannot fathom why two adults who are not married to other people would be unable to marry?

The short answer is no, she is living in a state of fornication and until she decides to change her circumstances and go to Confession, she cannot receive the Eucharist.
 
alex99 said:
Is there any way she can take communion
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Certainly.

As her priest has likely already explained to her, the path back to the sacramental life of the Church would be:


  1. *]Stop having sexual relations with a person she is not married to. This is a sin against the sixth commandment
    *]Either marry the person in the Church or commit to living in continence (no sexual relations). Since children are involved, they may be able to remain in the same household. But, really, they need to marry.
    *]Go to Confession
    *]Attend Mass regularly and receive the Eucharist

    Now, of course if she has no intention of reforming her life then of course she cannot yet go to Confession or resume the Eucharist. When it is important enough to her, she will do what is necessary.
 
The situation, even painted as an idyllic picture, is objectively immoral. Can a physician give a sustaining meal to a patient with an abdominal wound? No! To ignore the need to treat the wound before offering food would compound the severity of the patient’s situation.

Are you certain that it is impossible for the parties to establish that they might be free to marry? Many couples have tragically assumed they were bound by a previous valid marriage, when later investigation revealed that this was not so. If they are indeed married to someone else, they’re married to someone else. If one of them is bound by Holy Orders, he is bound. Bringing children into their illicit relationship didn’t mend that.

This is done so often by people who are admirable in so many other respects, and who demonstrate by their illicit relationship that they are more than capable of the demands of a true marriage. It is all really too bad.

It sounds as if she has talked to some priests? Has she only inquired about receiving Holy Communion, or has she had some in-depth discussions about her situation? I am concerned about whether the children are being denied their need to be baptised and being formed in the faith, as well.
 
It would do her no good to receive communion now. It would be eating and drinking damnation upon herself as St. Paul said. The priest is refusing her the sacrament because she is refusing a sacramental life. Marriage is indissoluble and not to be taken lightly, indeed the fact that one or both parties didn’t know this could be grounds for annulment, which is a statement from the church that no valid marriage took place.She may seek an annulment, but regardless she must stop living in adultery if she wants to return to communion.
 
Just to clarify, neither of the parties is married.

So as I understand it they can not be commiting adultary.

Other than this issue they seem to be good Catholics, the children are baptised, they go to church and confession regularly.

What is the sin if they love each other, and bring up a family without getting married ?

Maybe it could be considered a minor error rather than a deadly misdeed, if it has to be considered a sin.

It seems too harsh a punishment for what is really a technical issue.

Would you not agree ?

The Catholic Church teaches that human life and human sexuality are inseparable. Because Catholics believe God created human beings in his own image and likeness and that he found everything he created to be “very good”, the Catholic Church teaches that the human body and sex must likewise be good.

Surly sex before, and therefore outside marriage, can only be a celebration of Gods design ?
 
You have the wrong idea about adultery, it is having sex outside of marriage with someone who not your spouse. These people are not married to each other and are not each other’s spouses; they are commiting adultery and in the state of mortal sin. There is no way around that. They sound like really nice people and are doing the right thing by raising their children Catholic, but they are not in good standing with the Church and must refrain from Holy Communion, until they resolve their marriage situation.
 
alex99 said:
Just to clarify, neither of the parties is married.

So as I understand it they can not be commiting adultary. You are correct, they are not committing adultery. However, there is more than one sin contained within each commandment. Fornication is also a mortal sin against the 6th Commandment. In fact, because sex is sacred, all sexual sins are mortal sins.

Other than this issue** they seem to be good Catholics, the children are baptised, they go to church and confession regularly.**

Not sure if you are referring to the parents or the children here - if the parents go to confession regularly, they must not be confessing their living in sin! If so, they are committing additional mortal sins by making bad confessions.

What is the sin if they love each other, and bring up a family without getting married ?

**What is the sin? Are you serious? **

Maybe it could be considered a minor error rather than a deadly misdeed, if it has to be considered a sin. To be living with someone in a sexual relationship without being married a minor error??? You can’t be serious!

It seems too harsh a punishment for what is really a technical issue. **If they continue to live in this manner, they are seriously endangering their eternal lives. Objectively, they are in mortal sin. **

Would you not agree ? Clearly, I do not agree with you. You need to read the relevant chapter in the Catechism of the Catholic Church.

The Catholic Church teaches that human life and human sexuality are inseparable. Because Catholics believe God created human beings in his own image and likeness and that he found everything he created to be “very good”, the Catholic Church teaches that the human body and sex must likewise be good.

Surly sex before, and therefore outside marriage, can only be a celebration of Gods design ?
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Sex before marriage, or to another inside of marriage (other than with the spouse, is mortal sin - always. It is a rejection of God and His Commandments.
 
alex99 said:
Just to clarify, neither of the parties is married.

So as I understand it they can not be commiting adultary.

Other than this issue they seem to be good Catholics, the children are baptised, they go to church and confession regularly.

What is the sin if they love each other, and bring up a family without getting married ?

Maybe it could be considered a minor error rather than a deadly misdeed, if it has to be considered a sin.

It seems too harsh a punishment for what is really a technical issue.

Would you not agree ?

The Catholic Church teaches that human life and human sexuality are inseparable. Because Catholics believe God created human beings in his own image and likeness and that he found everything he created to be “very good”, the Catholic Church teaches that the human body and sex must likewise be good.

Surly sex before, and therefore outside marriage, can only be a celebration of Gods design ?
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No, they are not committing the sin of adultery. But they are committing the sin of fornication. Fornication is a mortal sin. The only remedy that would allow them to receive the Eucharist is to either marry in the Church or stop having sex, confess to the fornication, be absolved, and then receive Eucharist.

Again, the sin is that they are having sex outside of marriage and that is the sin of fornication. It doesn’t matter that they are committed to each other, raising a family, etc. What matters is that they are having sex outside of marriage.

This is not a “technical issue”. This is a mortal sin. No if’s, and’s, or but’s about it. The Church is very clear on this matter. If a person is having sex outside of marriage, they are committing the sin of fornication and it is a mortal sin.

If this couple wants to validly receive Eucharist they will have to marry or agree to stop having sex until they are able to marry.

They aren’t being “punished” for anything. They are simply being told they cannot receive Eucharist until they come in line with Church teaching. They can choose to marry or they can choose to continue sinning and not be able to receive the sacraments. The Church isn’t making the choice that prevents them from receiving. They are making that choice.
 
Wait, I’m confused? Why, exactly, can’t they get married? The most common reason why two people can’t get married in the church is because of prior marriages, but you said that neither is married. Do you mean that neither is legally married, but one or both was married in the past? In that case, they would need an annulment. Have tried looking into that? If you meant that neither had ever been married, then what else could be the problem? Is it because they don’t think that they have enough money (a classic excuse)? Is it because for some bizarre reason their parents are okay with them living together, but no okay with them being married? Is it because they’re both dudes (despite your pronoun use)? Do they have the same father? What is it? What could possibly justify this sob story about the mean old church not allowing your friend and her not-husband to take communion?
 
alex99 said:
A good catholic friend of mine is in a loving relationship with a guy, they have two children, and are a very happy family and have been together for many years.

But neither of them are married and neither can they get married.

My friend wants to take communion but none of her local priests will give it too her.

Is there any way she can take communion, is there a priest anywhere in the world who can give her communion.

Thank you in advance for your help.

Alex
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I am assuming from this that they have sexual relations? Why not abstain from relations or agree to live as brother and sister for the time being, confess the sin of sex outside of marriage, then return to Holy Communion, after getting married or separating from each other? What is stopping them from getting married?
 
Catholic1954 said:
You have the wrong idea about adultery, it is having sex outside of marriage with someone who not your spouse. These people are not married to each other and are not each other’s spouses; they are commiting adultery and in the state of mortal sin. There is no way around that. They sound like really nice people and are doing the right thing by raising their children Catholic, but they are not in good standing with the Church and must refrain from Holy Communion, until they resolve their marriage situation.
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Fornication not adultery -still a mortal sin.
 
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