Unmarried friends edifying for husband/father?

[JLCecilia]

I had a bit of an epiphany today. DH has gone to visit his buddies out of town this weekend. I love his friends dearly and I admire that they have been friends for so long (since middle school or before, he will be 28 on tues). I completely sympathize w/ DH’s need to be w/ his buddies, but it occurred to me today, are these friendships w/ single young men edifying for a married man and father?

Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against having single friends (this constitutes our entire pool of friends). But I think DH could benefit from the insight and consolation of other married men who are fathers. I actually work w/ one of his buddies’ moms and she often tells me how her son sees everything my DH has (a wife and kids) and wishes he had it too.

I love the mother’s group in my parish - why don’t they have a gentleman’s group for young married fathers of the parish? Our KofC is mostly older men and I think these guys need a separate gathering just for fellowship.

Your thoughts?

 

[Larowyn]

I can’t think of any married men in my parish under the age of 40, which would explain why my parish probably doesn’t have such a group and might explain why yours doesn’t as well. I’m the only male between 17 and 30 as far as I can tell, and I know but one woman in that range.

My parish did have a men’s club, but it was the idea of the exclusively female Rosary Society, and I think that when it seemed that the men’s club would serve as the “Git 'er Done” arm of the Rosary Society it fell apart.

 

[Ellyakamommy]

I think you’ve asked an excellent question to promote your home life

Yet, I don’t necessarily thing it’s true that unmarried friends =unedifying for a husband and father. It really will depend on what these people are or aren’t doing while unmarried. Are they looking to become married? Are they dating seriously with a mind toward marriage? Are they using their (perhaps temporary or perhaps permanent) vocation to the single life to dedicate their time to one ministry or another? Or do you mean that they go out drinking and fliriting with no serious intention to do anything else?

My DH has three friends from college who went on to become priests. Two went on to become consecrated laymen. Others are family men now, and one is still single and dedicated to youth ministry. This single friend and my husband work together in a youth program and see each other often. This single friend seems to have a special sense and ability to challenge my husband to grow in his faith. It is definitely borne out of the time they spend together.

So perhaps it’s not that your husband has single friends so much as the activities they pursue together and/or the topics of discussion?

While a men’s group is a good thing, it may or may not be an option in your parish. (While some husbands click with the other men, some feel like “my wife sent me” and never really fit)

Are their any couples’ groups you and your husband could get involved with together that would support your vocation of marriage? Something like Teams of our Lady or Familia? It is possible to start your own Teams of our Lady, you’d just need to get in touch with the sector or regional couple in your area, and have a few other couples in mind to get started with. We were invited to join when another couple did exactly this.

My husband and I have benefited greatly as we both get to pray, share and reflect on our marriage and parenting. As well as draw support and share friendship with the other wives and husbands. We’ve really drawn together in the two years we’ve participated. I hope you are able to find something that might benefit you and your husband.

 

[JLCecilia]

Precisely. My husband and I are not such a devout couple - I would like to be a couple that prays together and as a family, but even my cradle Catholic family did not practice this growing up and DH did not grow up in any faith.

DH’s friends are not of any faith and do not practice any ministry. I won’t say that they go drinking and partying and just hooking up (although this has been the story in the past for a few, DH never engaged in this as he met me fairly young). As we all near our 30s, though, it is becoming clearer (to some) the longing for a less superficial, more genuine relationship. I really would challenge these guys just how they expect to meet a ‘good’ woman living as they do.

If DH were strong in his faith (currently a fallen-away Catholic), I would be confident that he could minister to his friends in one way or another. However, they all get into philosophical debates which I feel is only damaging to DH’s already fragile faith.

I don’t mean to put these guys down, I do genuinely care for all of them. I think we all secretly hope the end up living in the same neighborhood w/ our families. I agree though that w/ husband’s current state of faith, any such young men’s group would just feel like a ‘my wife sent me’ situation.

 

[kage_ar]

Many Knights groups have a mixed group of men, if no one under 70 joins, then, they will not have members under 70. If younger men start joining, the Knights will benefit.

You may also want to check into Cursillo. natl-cursillo.org/

 

[monicatholic]

JLCelia,

My best friend of more than twenty years has always been unmarried and childless. Two decades ago, we both shared the same quasi-eastern mystical philosophy of things (read false.) I have been married for 20 years, have 10 kids and I’ve expreienced profound reversion to the Faith, all the while maintaining the wonderful friendship. She’s grown closer to God, too. Our friendship was never based on bar crawling or partying, so there was a lot of room for each of us to grow.

Your husband is a grown man. So long as they’re not sinning and so long as your husband isn’t causing scandal to his marriage or ignoring his responsibilities, his friendships are his. A grown man with certain intentions will seek out like-minded comapny. Considering their philosophical conversations, it sounds like your husband and his pals are all in various stages of seeking SomeOne. In this, his friends will not influence him so much as your prayers will.

Your question about Catholic male society is a good one, though. There’s not a lot out there that isn’t overly activist. Many women are content with times of community, prayer and sharing. Many men feel like they have to accomplish something when they gather.

 

[kristie_m]

Our pastor instituted the Holy Name Society at our church. It’s basically a way for the dads of the parish to support the school, but it’s also been a really good opportunity for my husband to spend time with other men who are “in the same boat” as far as being a Catholic husband and father of school aged kids. The funny thing is…our kids don’t attend our parish school, but he keeps going back to the HNS meetings!

As another poster said, Cursillo is also an excellent way for men of all walks of life to gather together in prayer and friendship.