Please don’t attack me on this…I’m willing to get an annulment and will begin the process probably as early as next week. And I’d love to be married to her.
As for her, she is deathly afraid of her ex and doesn’t want any contact with him or him knowing anything about her life. But to get an annulment, someone somehow is going to try to contact him. You’d think that the priest’s own knowledge of that marriage and the abuse would be good enough.
Several of you come across as condemning me. I didn’t ask to be condemned, simply for personal opinions. Thank you.
I am not sure if I am one of the ‘
several,’ but I’d like you to re-read your OP:
I met my fiance 17 months ago. I divorced 13 yrs ago after a bad marriage of 24 yrs. My ex was Catholic, I was not. Fiance divorced a couple years ago after years of mental and physical abuse. I attended the local parish a few times with fiance. Liked the mass, liked the people, wanted to know more about the Catholic Church. Started RCIA last September. This brought us to the attention of the Pastor. He questioned us and our plans. His final words to the two of us together was not to get married outside the church or he would not let her have communion.* Of course we were intimate.** I love her very much and would marry her today.** If she gets married she loses her opportunity to get social security from her ex’s account. Therefore she doesn’t want to ever get married, at this point. *
She gave us sex with me for Lent. Now half way through Lent she says that we can never be intimate again because it’s a sin. She doesn’t understand I don’t want to be in a lifetime relationship without intimatcy. I say that the church is more understanding than that and our intimacy is not a grave sin. Sure the Pastor would be thrilled if we got annulments and married in the church (and I am willing) but he never said don’t have sex. He never said don’t live together. Is she wrong or am I? WE are both 56 and neither can have kids nor should we.
“*** Of course we were intimate.***” This comes across as though you had no problem with sex outside marriage, and almost as if you had no other choice - like waiting until you
were married.
"* If she gets married she loses her opportunity to get social security from her ex’s account. Therefore she doesn’t want to ever get married, at this point. *
" If her marriage were as abusive as you say, why would she want
any ties to her ex-husband, including financial ones? This sounds like
money is
the reason for not wanting an annulment, not the past abuses.
Our intent, as I understand from re-reading posts here, is to see you both do what is best for both of you. It sounds to me like you need to have further discussions with your priest, and with each other. Your only choices really are to live as brother and sister, or get the annulments and get married in the Church before you have sex again. You, as do all of us, need to have priorities in order. Money, and sex("
She doesn’t understand I don’t want to be in a lifetime relationship without intimacy."), should not be at the top of the list. Sorry, but your OP does read that way. I am not making a judgment. Love means wanting the best for one another, which is to go to Heaven.
**
"
You’d think that the priest’s own knowledge of that marriage and the abuse would be good enough." He wants what is best for both of you. In the eyes of God and the Church, you are both still married. Intimacy with each other is adultery. Your priest cannot simply ignore that, no matter what. He wants you both to be in a state of grace.
Trust me, I understand a difficult past marriage. You are in my prayers.
God bless.
duh.