Unsupportive husband

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emom

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My husband and I from different religious backgrounds. I was raised Catholic and he has no religious background. We had my son attend a Christian preschool and Kindergarten which did a good job teaching him about Christ. We decided to have my son attend public school and take catectism at our Church. I’ve been talking about Jesus and trying to live like him. I’ve been pointing out almost everything to the kids about Jesus - thanking him, living like him, ect. My husband says I am going over board and said that I am being evil because I am going to far - making my son talk about Jesus in a public school will only get him teased and beat up. I told my husband that I am trying to make my son strong and resistant to perscution. My husband said that he hates me because I am doing this and I better stop.

Why can I do? I am at a loss. When talking to him about it, he gets into profane argumnets in front of the kids. I have shut my mouth for the sake anger but I need some insight - I have been praying.
 
It sounds like you have some problems other then religion in your marriage. Your husband tells you that he hates you and uses profane arguements in front of the kids. This is pretty bad behavior. Has he always been this way or is this a new deveopment? 😦

I feel for you and will pray, but I think that you need to get him in some therapy.
 
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emom:
My husband and I from different religious backgrounds. I was raised Catholic and he has no religious background. We had my son attend a Christian preschool and Kindergarten which did a good job teaching him about Christ. We decided to have my son attend public school and take catectism at our Church. I’ve been talking about Jesus and trying to live like him. I’ve been pointing out almost everything to the kids about Jesus - thanking him, living like him, ect. My husband says I am going over board and said that I am being evil because I am going to far - making my son talk about Jesus in a public school will only get him teased and beat up. I told my husband that I am trying to make my son strong and resistant to perscution. My husband said that he hates me because I am doing this and I better stop.

Why can I do? I am at a loss. When talking to him about it, he gets into profane argumnets in front of the kids. I have shut my mouth for the sake anger but I need some insight - I have been praying.
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Public schools have kids that come from all cultures and faiths. I would bet the majority of kids would be Christian (maybe not Roman Catholic) since that is the predominate faith in this country. I don’t think your son would be teased or beat up for talking about Jesus - look at all the cool bracelets and t-shirts out there for kids with Jesus logos and WWJD on them. Wearing some kind of Jesus item of clothing and talking about Jesus might even be considered “cool”.
 
sounds like the issue of religion is just the flash-point that erupts to disclose an underlying problem that has nothing to do with raising children or religion. Please get counselling fast, there is a lot of control and anger revealed in your husband’s response, and you need help fast. We are all praying for you.
 
I am at a loss here…why cant the problem be as simple as he has a problem with religion? As he grew up with no religion he could feel strongly that what his wife is teaching or perhaps in his eyes pushing is just too much why does there need to be anything else wrong??
 
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Karin:
I am at a loss here…why cant the problem be as simple as he has a problem with religion? As he grew up with no religion he could feel strongly that what his wife is teaching or perhaps in his eyes pushing is just too much why does there need to be anything else wrong??
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  1. Because REAL men don’t use profane language to their wife let alone infront of their children. That is ABUSE.
  2. REAL men don’t call their wife EVIL just for living a life as Christ would have us.
This guy has more than religion issues.
 
Donna P said:
1. Because REAL men don’t use profane language to their wife let alone infront of their children. That is ABUSE.
Really…I thought hitting her was?!
  1. REAL men don’t call their wife EVIL just for living a life as Christ would have us.
This guy has more than religion issues.
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As a person that has no religious background etc. perhaps he has no idea that these things are unacceptable?! To him calling his wife evil for living a life as Christ would may be acceptable as he has no religious upbringing /background etc.
 
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Karin:
As a person that has no religious background etc. perhaps he has no idea that these things are unacceptable?! To him calling his wife evil for living a life as Christ would may be acceptable as he has no religious upbringing /background etc.
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Karin, I think you might be a little naive. My husband sounds a lot like this poster’s. He doesn’t hit me, but he IS verbally and emotionally abusive. It is my spirit that he is trying to kill, and he very nearly succeeded. These are real problems and counselling is definitely needed.
 
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dulcissima:
Karin, I think you might be a little naive. My husband sounds a lot like this poster’s. He doesn’t hit me, but he IS verbally and emotionally abusive. It is my spirit that he is trying to kill, and he very nearly succeeded. These are real problems and counselling is definitely needed.
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Well that is the first time i have been called that. I did not say that counseling is not in order but I said that his behaviour could be because of a religious background. It seems that in the OP the arguments revolve around religion and the differing views of what is acceptable or not.
 
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Celeste88:
Public schools have kids that come from all cultures and faiths. I would bet the majority of kids would be Christian (maybe not Roman Catholic) since that is the predominate faith in this country. I don’t think your son would be teased or beat up for talking about Jesus - look at all the cool bracelets and t-shirts out there for kids with Jesus logos and WWJD on them. Wearing some kind of Jesus item of clothing and talking about Jesus might even be considered “cool”.
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LOL, it has clearly been a while since you were in a public school, if ever. I went to private school and such things were not considered “Cool”.
 
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Celeste88:
Public schools have kids that come from all cultures and faiths. I would bet the majority of kids would be Christian (maybe not Roman Catholic) since that is the predominate faith in this country. I don’t think your son would be teased or beat up for talking about Jesus - look at all the cool bracelets and t-shirts out there for kids with Jesus logos and WWJD on them. Wearing some kind of Jesus item of clothing and talking about Jesus might even be considered “cool”.
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I have never seen the public school kids on our town wear any of these things and in all honesty in the NY/NJ area that we live if my kids went to public school wearing these things they would get picked on or laughed at (not a religious area unless you are Orthodox Jewish)…that is one of many reasons they go to and will go to Catholic school!
 
Donna P said:
1. Because REAL men don’t use profane language to their wife let alone infront of their children. That is ABUSE.
  1. REAL men don’t call their wife EVIL just for living a life as Christ would have us.
This guy has more than religion issues.
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AMEN. This needs to be shouted from the rooftops. A man is not worthy of the name until he is serious about growing up and being a man.

No excuses.
 
No matter how angry he gets (and he gets pretty angry on rare occasion) my husband would NEVER swear in front of our child.

I do agree that many non-Christian people don’t get that is wrong. Obviously society right now doesn’t “get” that that is wrong, as they are allowing more and more profanity on t.v. and in the movies, and even in G rated films.

Pray for him for a change of heart, and keep trying to live a Christian life. Personally I am one who believes you shouldn’t be too religious, because that often just pushes people away, but that is between you and God to decide when it is going too far for you. If he feels you are going to far in asking the children to speak up for Jesus in schools, try to consider his point of view and work out a compromise on that.

I was raised in public schools, and I can tell you that even some TEACHERS are going to be jerks about that. We all have to face persecution as Christians but depending on the kid, you may want to hold off on it for a little bit.
 
Thanks for all your post. I’ve read them and find it very helpful. To answer all of you. He have a very profane mouth infront of the kids to try to get me to look bad. He really hates that catholic faith. He did not start out that way. He wanted to covert to be catholic when we got married and when through the RCIA program. Then just this year he has made it a point to denounce the religion. Always calling us hypocrites and liars. I thank you all for the prayers. I pray every day. I think I will need them. 🙂 Just don’t know what to do.
 
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emom:
Thanks for all your post. I’ve read them and find it very helpful. To answer all of you. He have a very profane mouth infront of the kids to try to get me to look bad. He really hates that catholic faith. He did not start out that way. He wanted to covert to be catholic when we got married and when through the RCIA program. Then just this year he has made it a point to denounce the religion. Always calling us hypocrites and liars. I thank you all for the prayers. I pray every day. I think I will need them. 🙂 Just don’t know what to do.
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What caused his reversal of faith? Did you not say he had ‘no’ religious backround? You just said he went through RCIA. Did he practice his faith before leaving it ‘just this year’? There seems to be a contradiction here.

-D
 
My husband also grew up without any religious beliefs. I prayed for years to St. Anthony. Just a quick prayer whenever I thought about it. “Dear St. Anthony please come around something is lost and cannot be found. Please help my husband find his faith.” My husband joined the RCIA and was baptized, confirmed and had his first communion Easter of 2001. A little prayer that does big things. My husband has a great connection with St. Anthony, even though he hadn’t known I had been praying to him.
 
He did not grow up with any religious background as a child. He believes in God. He went to RCIA for me to get married in the church but did not believe in it. After that, we would go to church on and off but never understood the catholic faith even after the RCIA. I think that the RCIA program we went to did not go into the catechism, but just wanted to draw more people to the church. Then when I started researching the catholic and and understanding that we were in sin - he pretty much denounced the catholic church.
 
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emom:
Then when I started researching the catholic and and understanding **that we were in sin **- he pretty much denounced the catholic church.
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There is the cause of reversal of the opinion of the Catholic faith. Please don’t feel you have to get into this but my gut tells me these “sins” are related to intimacy. You’re changing and it scares him which is where the anger is coming from.

I returned to church before my husband eventually converted and although he never swore at me (not really in his personality) it was freaking him out. I would progress very slowly. It’s probably best to speak about Jesus to your children outside the presence of your husband until he feels a little more secure. Be as loving and as kind as you can be. Live you faith more, and speak about it less -at least for right now.

Pretend for a moment your husband decided to be another religion, a religion that required you to change your life style and give up things that you really enjoyed. Imagine he expected your children to follow all the tenants of this new religion even though you don’t agree with it. This is where your husband is at.

Pray, be compassionate, empathic and loving. Be a good example to your children. And come here for support. I will pray your situation. God Bless.
 
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emom:
He did not grow up with any religious background as a child. . He went to RCIA for me to get married in the church but did not believe in it. After that, we would go to church on and off but never understood the catholic faith even after the RCIA. I think that the RCIA program we went to did not go into the catechism, but just wanted to draw more people to the church. Then when I started researching the catholic and and understanding that we were in sin - he pretty much denounced the catholic church.
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**He believes in God …
, we would go to church on and off but never understood the catholic faith
I started researching the catholic and and understanding that we were in sin - **

If these statements are true, you would appear to be telling me that you are in a dilemma of faith yourself, having had no deep knowledge of your faith before. Your husband must have turned sour upon the realization that you were not offering him anything better with your faith. Now you want your young kid to behave like a super-catholic to tell your husband that the catholic faith is great?
I agree with others who think the problem goes a step beyond belief. If you can recall what attracted you to him in spite of his agnostic background and work on those initial sentiments, you might win him back faster than devoting all attention to your child. Love is deeds, not words.The man is for you to win, the child is for both of you to train.
 
It might help to also simply not speak with him about issues of religion for the time being. After my marriage, I became a Christian. I knew that if I tried to convince my husband to join my new found faith that he would get resentful, so although I did practice my faith, I did not do anything that he could construe as witnessing to him. Instead I spent a couple of years in secret prayer. He is a Christian now, but I put his conversion in God’s hands.
 
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