Unsure What to Do

[w2bp88]

This is my first post so I wasn’t sure where to write this. I hope this is ok! A little background on me: I am 20 and just recently started attending Catholic Church with my boyfriend. He got me into it and I am thinking of doing RCIA in the near future. My problem is that I struggle a lot with doing what I think is right and looking “cool” and wanting to be liked. I am pretty insecure and I have trouble making friends and being placed in new situations.

Now to my issue. In a couple of days I am leaving for half of the summer to study abroad. I am really worried because I’m not really going to know anybody, aside from one sort-of friend who I don’t think is the best influence. A lot of the people attending this session are party-minded individuals who are going to want to go out and drink and I’m trying to stop doing that. I’ve had problems with that in the past (getting too drunk, blacking out, and ending up in very bad situations) and I’m scared I might revert back to that because I’m going to feel so uncomfortable. I’m not strong enough in my faith to feel confident to not do these things. I’m trying really hard not to and I know in my heart that I don’t want to go back to all of those bad things I used to do before. Does anyone have any suggestions? I’ve tried praying about it but I get more worried each day, as my departure grows closer. I’m scared that I won’t make friends and everyone is going to think I’m a loser. I want to be pure of heart, body, and spirit but I get so tempted to do what I know which is get drunk to feel comfortable around others.

Sorry this was long but I wasn’t sure where else to turn for good, sound advice.

Thank you and God bless you all!

 

[w2bp88]

I forgot to add this in my last post…

I know this is an opportunity of a lifetime, to be able to visit Europe and spend half of my summer in Italy, but I’m so hung up on not making friends. I wish I could just relax and be excited about this wonderful adventure.

 

[Trishie]

Hi
Instead of being fearful, as you wish to grow as a person, why not determine to see this as opportunites to change your attitudes and behaviour. If you’re in a safe situation, you’re not going to be able to make the choices to become more mature. Whereas with this trip, you have the perfect opportunity to grow your moral muscles.

By standing up for yourself and doing the right things, you might even encourage just one person to show the same courage. Above all, you may become the person YOU are comfortable with.
Best wishes, and God bless you,

Trishie

 

[tuviskazinai]

Hi there,
Three things first – a), welcome to the forum, b) welcome to RCIA if you decide to go that route, and c), have a wonderful time in Italy!! What city will you be in? Let me just say that it is an absolutely wonderful country. You couldn’t have picked a better place for your first time in Europe.

You have much to look forward to. I do definitely understand your worries about friends and pressure and everything. First of all, remember that as difficult as resisting those temptations may be, you have truth on your side. You are making the decision to live your life with more dignity and to grow in responsibility and self-control. Even if now and then you spend an evening alone rather than going out, that is already a great reward.

Perhaps there will be other like-minded people that you will meet in the program? Every time I’ve studied abroad in a college program there have always been at least a few other people who are happy to just stroll around on a Friday night, get gelato, explore the city, hang out and talk… Or perhaps, since you will be in Italy, you can arrange some weekend trips (since most drinking takes place over the weekend, right?) where you can visit some of the great cities of Italy (or even elsewhere in Europe – with cheap airlines like EasyJet and Ryanair, it’s simple and cost-effective to go to Paris, Prague, etc. for a 3-day weekend) and maybe convince your travel companions to focus on enjoying the sights during the day and then returning at the hotel at a decent hour to get rested up. I guess it’s hard to say how feasible that will be until you actually get there…maybe some of them will want to go out on the town at night… but it is worth looking for other activities to do with people so that you can be social without being irresponsible.

I am a total non-drinker, by the way…I hate going to bars…and that has sometimes been an obstacle to my weekend social life in college and grad school. But if you can find someone or a small group of people who are like-minded, then believe me, it’s worth it – you can have some truly fulfilling friendships with people who would rather go to a ballet or opera or movie on a Friday night, or talk about the meaning of life till 3am on a Saturday morning.

Will you be in touch with your boyfriend this whole time? He can be a definite support…you can lean on him! Write him emails if you are getting lonely, or figure out a way to call with Skype (free international calling via the computer) so that you can keep in touch and hear about each other’s days.

And of course, if you need additional support, you can always keep in touch with any of us on this forum – and tell us about how gorgeous Italy is!

Let us know where in Italy you are going…there are often great things to do at night and on weekends, like hearing free concerts at a church or just strolling around an exciting city at nighttime. Also, as someone who is becoming interested in Catholicism, you will see that the churches in Italy are (well, in my opinion, anyway) more beautiful than anywhere else in the world. Especially in Rome. I had no idea how many gorgeous churches it was possible to have in one city, all within blocks of each other!!



Peace,
+AMDG+

 

[Shin]

I don’t know the full story so I can only say keep good living arrangements and make true spiritual friends not ‘friends’ who cause you harm.

Instead of making it a party journey, make it a holy journey, one meant for improving your spiritual life instead of putting yourself in spiritual danger.

Avoid the near occasion of sin. If you know you will sin in a particular event or occasion, do not go to it. It’s better to be uncomfortable for a time than regretful. This will be a pleasing sacrifice to God.

We’re not allowed to drink to the point where our reason is seriously impaired and we give free reign to passions better kept in check that are dangerous to us.

Buy and read holy books, learn to pray, visit churches, perhaps even talk to priests and jumpstart the process of learning about the faith through them.

You might well make some spiritual friends by attending spiritual events that last forever. Be careful, be prudent with people of all kinds.

Do your best to use this time to prepare yourself for the next steps of RCIA, et all.

Perhaps you will find an Adoration Chapel. Sitting before the Monstrance is a wonderful way to begin the journey. And you will meet the best people there.

 

[w2bp88]

Thank you for your responses, you have all made me feel more at ease about going.

Hi
Instead of being fearful, as you wish to grow as a person, why not determine to see this as opportunites to change your attitudes and behaviour. If you’re in a safe situation, you’re not going to be able to make the choices to become more mature.

It’s interesting you say that because my boyfriend always tells me that. If everything is going fine you aren’t going to change, but when you are placed in a difficult situation you have the opportunity to grow. This is a nice way of looking at my trip.

tuviskazinai,
My program is in Florence so I will be spending most of my time there with a few trips planned within Italy. I’m really hoping there will be other people who do not want to go out and drink but it seems like the majority of the kids are the sorority/fraternity type. Luckily, yes, I will be in touch with my boyfriend by phone but I can only talk to him for long periods of time at internet cafes because I’m not bringing my laptop. I heard those are pretty common so maybe I’ll be able to find one close by.

Avoid the near occasion of sin. If you know you will sin in a particular event or occasion, do not go to it. It’s better to be uncomfortable for a time than regretful. This will be a pleasing sacrifice to God.

You’re right, I should just avoid the situation so that I won’t be tempted to drink and I won’t regret anything. I’ll just find something else to do while people go out and party. Hopefully some of the other kids will feel the same way as I do.

Thank you all again

 

[j2c99]

Yeah, you’ll have fun on your trip and see alot of beautiful places, and grow alot spiritually, and not hang around any poopy people, and love that BF of yours even MORE than you did before the trip!

Note to everyone: I’m the BF the OP was talking about. Shes an amazing girl and I know she will do amazing things and become the person she wants to be. I am so proud of her and blessed to be with her for as long as I have and only hope for more to come. I LOVE YOU!!!

 

[tuviskazinai]

Yeah, you’ll have fun on your trip and see alot of beautiful places, and grow alot spiritually, and not hang around any poopy people, and love that BF of yours even MORE than you did before the trip!

Note to everyone: I’m the BF the OP was talking about. Shes an amazing girl and I know she will do amazing things and become the person she wants to be. I am so proud of her and blessed to be with her for as long as I have and only hope for more to come. I LOVE YOU!!!

 

[AdriannaJean]

A good place to make friends that are good influences is in Mass. If you go to Mass and introduce yourself to people, you’ll be sure to make some friends that won’t pressure you into things you don’t want to do. Another way to see which of the people in your session are Godly is to mention to everyone that you’re going to Mass and invite everyone to come with you. You accomplish two things by doing that, you see who is willing to go to Mass and you make plans with them all in one go!

 

[KarenElissa]

I did a couple of semesters off campus, one in Ecuador and one in Chicago. One thing that I learned was to be independent. I’ve never been interested in the drinking and partying scene, so I avoided that. So I just learned to go off and do stuff, even if I didn’t have anyone to go with.

So that is my advice, just get out and go somewhere. Go to all of the museums, the churches, the parks, whatever. If all else fails, grab a book and head to the closest coffee shop just to get out and watch people go by.

 

[j2c99]