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3DOCTORS
Guest
I know probably a lot of us go through changes whether gradual or sudden in our prayer and spirituality practices and attitudes as we live out our Catholic Christian lives. I have kind of a doozy that’s been going on for a few years and has affected me. I think overall things are getting better but I’d be interested in what people have to say.
It’s necessary to be a little cryptic about some of it so as to be discreet, because another party is involved whose privacy I don’t wish to violate. (Not a CAF member, just someone I know.)
Years ago I met “Mrs. A” during a time when my own life was in upheaval, and she had left the Church and was living an objectively immoral way. But we became friends, and over the years I would try to present the Church’s teachings. A few years later I met “Mrs. B” who was also going through some spiritual trials. “Mrs. B” really helped me grow in my own Faith, got me turned on to going to Adoration and frequent weekday Mass attendance.
Over the years, “Mrs. A” did return to full communion with the Church.
She first went to a Protestant church and wasn’t all the way on the moral issues just yet. But often we would pray together, out loud, for our needs and those of our loved ones. Somewhere along the way, though, I began to be uncomfortable because Mrs. A would get really intense and lengthy and almost like a “holy roller” in the prayer. I guess I was more drawn to Mrs. B’s more quiet devotional style.
Unfortunately, the differences - and some other strains in the friendship for a time - caused me to come right out and make my opinions known to Mrs. A about praying together. I said I would feel okay about more traditional prayers such as the Rosary (by this time Mrs. A was back to Catholicism). Also Mrs. A has the sometimes scrupulosity of the convert or revert and I’m not meaning to judge (and I had it myself, is why I recognize it) but sometimes she finds things in the world around us more sinful or worth worrying about that I do. She has some OCD such as fear of germs and about safety which has also caused dissension at times.
I feel bad in some ways that I made a big deal about it, though, because I hurt her feelings. And yet I was just, I don’t know, feeling really like “this way of praying is becoming too much of a distraction and a hindrance for me right now.” I apologized for things I said or ways I said them that were wrong, and we have a sort of understanding that some of those prayer styles she should practice with others. We’re doing the best we can, and I’m glad our friendship has survived.
Mrs. B lives further away so we don’t get together as often, so our former patterns have faded away but I have other friends I can go to Adoration or Mass with - but it was nice to have that frequent motivation. Also, Mrs. B was/is more laid back and has a sense of humor that keeps things from feeling so serious and heavy. We can be reverent and still lighthearted.
Still - this is the kicker - sorry it took so much backstory to get to the point - I find that I obsess in my mind about all this and am still distracted in my own prayer focus. Or like I am stymied and lost. There’s so much that’s obvious on an intellectual level - it should be about God, not me, for starters. Don’t let someone else and what they do be something I feel like I have to react against. Different gifts, same Spirit. Just make a fresh start. Etc. Soooo . . . how can I get there?
It’s necessary to be a little cryptic about some of it so as to be discreet, because another party is involved whose privacy I don’t wish to violate. (Not a CAF member, just someone I know.)
Years ago I met “Mrs. A” during a time when my own life was in upheaval, and she had left the Church and was living an objectively immoral way. But we became friends, and over the years I would try to present the Church’s teachings. A few years later I met “Mrs. B” who was also going through some spiritual trials. “Mrs. B” really helped me grow in my own Faith, got me turned on to going to Adoration and frequent weekday Mass attendance.
Over the years, “Mrs. A” did return to full communion with the Church.
She first went to a Protestant church and wasn’t all the way on the moral issues just yet. But often we would pray together, out loud, for our needs and those of our loved ones. Somewhere along the way, though, I began to be uncomfortable because Mrs. A would get really intense and lengthy and almost like a “holy roller” in the prayer. I guess I was more drawn to Mrs. B’s more quiet devotional style.Unfortunately, the differences - and some other strains in the friendship for a time - caused me to come right out and make my opinions known to Mrs. A about praying together. I said I would feel okay about more traditional prayers such as the Rosary (by this time Mrs. A was back to Catholicism). Also Mrs. A has the sometimes scrupulosity of the convert or revert and I’m not meaning to judge (and I had it myself, is why I recognize it) but sometimes she finds things in the world around us more sinful or worth worrying about that I do. She has some OCD such as fear of germs and about safety which has also caused dissension at times.
I feel bad in some ways that I made a big deal about it, though, because I hurt her feelings. And yet I was just, I don’t know, feeling really like “this way of praying is becoming too much of a distraction and a hindrance for me right now.” I apologized for things I said or ways I said them that were wrong, and we have a sort of understanding that some of those prayer styles she should practice with others. We’re doing the best we can, and I’m glad our friendship has survived.
Mrs. B lives further away so we don’t get together as often, so our former patterns have faded away but I have other friends I can go to Adoration or Mass with - but it was nice to have that frequent motivation. Also, Mrs. B was/is more laid back and has a sense of humor that keeps things from feeling so serious and heavy. We can be reverent and still lighthearted.
Still - this is the kicker - sorry it took so much backstory to get to the point - I find that I obsess in my mind about all this and am still distracted in my own prayer focus. Or like I am stymied and lost. There’s so much that’s obvious on an intellectual level - it should be about God, not me, for starters. Don’t let someone else and what they do be something I feel like I have to react against. Different gifts, same Spirit. Just make a fresh start. Etc. Soooo . . . how can I get there?
It just takes time for old patterns and habits to die off. I’ll find some ways to pray and to grow closer to God - including some with the friend in question - and keep thinking positively that things really are progressing the way they should if I’m trusting in Our Lord. :yup: