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ela2

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Hi everyone, I need advice on how to handle this situation in the most charitable way possible.

A man wants to visit me and my husband next week. We have met him a couple of times and we do not like his company. We do not have any communication with him expect for a few Catholic articles he emailed to my husband. Although a Catholic he takes away our peace as his conversations are very loose and offensive. For instance the conversation always goes to women in a way not appropriate for a Catholic. He is separated from his wife and lives alone with his son.

He has a meeting nearby to where we live and so sent us an email if he could stop by after the meeting. We know we don’t want to meet this person but we don’t know how to reply to him that isn’t a lie or impolite.

Thank you!
 
If he’s asking your permission to meet, you can always say “no, thank you” and leave it at that.

If you feel the need to say more, then you can say that you are too busy (perhaps you may be) or you could muster up the courage to tell him how you feel when you last visited.

You could even copy this thread and email it to him… 🤷

But if you choose honesty, be constructive and charitable.

I don’t envy you in your situation, but I have something similar happening with an old buddy of mine from the Army. He’s a bit rough, but has a good heart.

Unfortunately his visits are discordant to my wife, and I can see her point. He hasn’t been around in a long time. :nope:
 
People with generous natures like yourselves tend to overthink these situations. You know he isn’t your cup of tea and he’s not going to die if he spends the evening watching an inhouse movie or having an early night. Just be firm, apologetic and non-commital in saying that you’re sorry but you have other plans for that evening and you hope he has a great time while he is in town. You don’t need to prove yourselves unavailable. It’s your prerogatival entitlement to make boundries of this sort.
 
ela2 said:
Hi everyone, I need advice on how to handle this situation in the most charitable way possible.

A man wants to visit me and my husband next week. We have met him a couple of times and we do not like his company. We do not have any communication with him expect for a few Catholic articles he emailed to my husband. Although a Catholic he takes away our peace as his conversations are very loose and offensive. For instance the conversation always goes to women in a way not appropriate for a Catholic. He is separated from his wife and lives alone with his son.

He has a meeting nearby to where we live and so sent us an email if he could stop by after the meeting. We know we don’t want to meet this person but we don’t know how to reply to him that isn’t a lie or impolite.

Thank you!
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Just say no, sorry, we can’t. You don’t have to give an explanation.
 
Nice people such as yourself are far more worried about these types if situations than you need to be. You do not want to be in his company and you don’t have to entertain him. You are not lying when you email him back that it isn’t possible to meet with him, hope he has a good trip.
 
Thank you all for your replies.

We replied:

*Sorry it’s not possible but thank you for remembering us.

Hope your meeting is a fruitful one.

Best regards*
 
Or you could let him come visit…its not always clear why God puts people in our paths but He does so for a reason. Perhaps this person could/needs to learn from your family. Perhaps the example you set is what draws him to you 🙂 you could be the one who gently helps him see how to walk closer to Christ 🙂
 
shelly5254 said:
Or you could let him come visit…its not always clear why God puts people in our paths but He does so for a reason. Perhaps this person could/needs to learn from your family. Perhaps the example you set is what draws him to you 🙂 you could be the one who gently helps him see how to walk closer to Christ 🙂
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I’ll have to disagree with you, shelly. Everyone that we meet or come in contact with is not necessarily someone that God puts on our path. God, IMHO, doesn’t micromanage our lives that way. If you have a flat tire, don’t ask God, “What are you trying to tell me here?” God is likely not behind the flat tire, you just happened to run over broken glass.
 
ela2 said:
Hi everyone, I need advice on how to handle this situation in the most charitable way possible.

A man wants to visit me and my husband next week. We have met him a couple of times and we do not like his company. We do not have any communication with him expect for a few Catholic articles he emailed to my husband. Although a Catholic he takes away our peace as his conversations are very loose and offensive. For instance the conversation always goes to women in a way not appropriate for a Catholic. He is separated from his wife and lives alone with his son.

He has a meeting nearby to where we live and so sent us an email if he could stop by after the meeting. We know we don’t want to meet this person but we don’t know how to reply to him that isn’t a lie or impolite.

Thank you!
Click to expand...
Why not say sorry you have other plans and go out for the evening. Or just say it’s not a good time.
 
ela2 said:
Thank you all for your replies.

We replied:

*Sorry it’s not possible but thank you for remembering us.

Hope your meeting is a fruitful one.

Best regards*
Click to expand...
I think your reply was perfect for the situation and the relationship you’ve established with the person.

Another thought for the future-- there are some friends/acquaintances I don’t mind being around for a set period of time out in town. Meet for dinner, or coffee etc. in a casual relationship, but don’t really want to deepen it to visiting in our homes. If a similar situation arises in the future you consider that-- meeting out in town for coffee or dinner.
 
ela2 said:
Thank you all for your replies.

We replied:

*Sorry it’s not possible but thank you for remembering us.

Hope your meeting is a fruitful one.

Best regards*
Click to expand...
👍

Great reply!

I brought a similar issue up with my priest years ago, and he said that it was up to me who I let enter into my life. He also told me that I don’t have to allow “friends” that don’t act like true friends, and it also applies to difficult family members.

It’s been working pretty well since then.
 
Thank you Michael, this is very helpful as we often find ourselves in such situations with ‘friends’ and difficult family members.
 
styrgwillidar said:
I think your reply was perfect for the situation and the relationship you’ve established with the person.

Another thought for the future-- there are some friends/acquaintances I don’t mind being around for a set period of time out in town. Meet for dinner, or coffee etc. in a casual relationship, but don’t really want to deepen it to visiting in our homes. If a similar situation arises in the future you consider that-- meeting out in town for coffee or dinner.
Click to expand...
for sure, thanks:thumbsup:
 
shelly5254 said:
Or you could let him come visit…its not always clear why God puts people in our paths but He does so for a reason. Perhaps this person could/needs to learn from your family. Perhaps the example you set is what draws him to you 🙂 you could be the one who gently helps him see how to walk closer to Christ 🙂
Click to expand...
This is what we thought, but unfortunately it doesn’t seem to work with this person as he was even more annoying the second time and we just ended up feeling angry at his comments.
 
You handled this very well. For any future readers of this thread, another response could be:
“No that won’t be possible.” and just leave it at that. No explanations needed.
 
Michael57 said:
👍

Great reply!

I brought a similar issue up with my priest years ago, and he said that it was up to me who I let enter into my life. He also told me that I don’t have to allow “friends” that don’t act like true friends, and it also applies to difficult family members.

It’s been working pretty well since then.
Click to expand...
A priest told me something similar once as well. I was really struggling with whether or not I could cut off contact with a family member that had been abusive. I knew it wasn’t wise to put myself in a potentially dangerous situation, but at the same time this person is family. I wasn’t sure if it was actually the right thing to do. The priest told me I wasn’t required to be a hero. I didn’t have to ever see that family member or keep in touch but it would be a good idea to pray for the the person regularly. It was such a weight off of my shoulders!
 
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