Unwed baby on the way -- what to say?

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Wryman

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My nephew just announced on Facebook that he and his girlfriend are expecting a baby. They’ve been shacking up for some time. The parents are both expressing satisfaction, as are the free-thinking members of the family (none of these people is Catholic).
I’m torn. Obviously I’m glad they didn’t abort, but “congratulations” doesn’t quite seem the thing to say. I have a feeling that they would be a great couple, seem right for each other, but marriage for the sake of the baby isn’t a thing to advise necessarily without more knowledge than I have of the situation. Thoughts?
 
Hmm. That is tough.

Maybe a neutral statement like, "A new bundle of joy! What a gift!

It’s a tricky position to be happy and congratulatory but not supportive of that lifestyle.

Regardless, I would just not respond on Facebook.
 
If you are going to respond, the only appropriate response to a baby announcement is congratulations or the like.

Pray that their baby will help them to grow in faith and convert their hearts.
 
DO NOT judge them.

I was in a similar situation with my husband. We got pregnant before we got married.

Guess what?
We are happily married and devote Catholics now.

Things change…especially when one finds out they are pregnant. Big decisions get made. For us…it was a total lifestyle change. We got married a year later in the Church.

If you have nothing nice to say…then don’t.
 
Actually I think “Congratulations” is the right thing to say. Or more on the lines “God has blessed you with a precious gift! How wonderful!”
 
Kelfa28 said:
If you have nothing nice to say…then don’t.
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I am in agreement. Why do you have to respond? Especially on facebook? If you see them face to face and they mention it, a sincere wish that the baby is healthy is all that is required
 
“Congratulations”

Followed with:

“So when do you plan to make everything legal for God and the State?” 👍
 
Been there, done that, got the t-shirt (as they say) - on both sides of this post :o

My advice -

Speak joyfully and positively or don’t speak at all - and I mean that with all kindliness! 🙂

What you don’t want is for something to slip out that they interpret as being against their child (I know you would never intend for anything like that to happen, but alas, in my experience, if something could possibly be misinterpreted, it will be.) :rolleyes:

So stick with the classics such as - oh, you seem very excited, babies are so wonderful, and as situation warrants, polite concern for the mom and infant - how are you feeling? Did the doctor visit go well? And always, pray for them.

I honestly don’t know how they did it, but I give thanks to the relatives and acquaintances who were able to convey to me support and shared happiness over my baby without judging me … and it was the example of those same people that both made me a better parent and helped me to return to the church.

So like I said, pray - The Lord is, has been, and will continue, to work in their hearts and you never know when they may start listening 😉
 
“A baby - how exciting!! Babies are blessings, I hope nothing but the best for you all.”

We are a people of life. Any hint of disapproval could influence the next person who hears your reaction to think abortion is a better answer. This woman could tell a friend, “do you know what this relative said to me about my baby???” and that could be the one thing that sticks in this other woman’s mind when she accidentally gets pregnant herself. And it could keep her from ever going to the Catholic Church or any organization associated with the Catholic Church for help because, “they are very judgmental, those people… you don’t want to even approach them or they’ll start preaching…”

Be a person of Life. Celebrate life. Ignore the sin. Leave it to God to deal with that.
 
I don’t understand why congratulations would be at all problematic. A baby is a gift and a blessing, no matter how his/her parents are living. The baby is something to congratulate them on.
 
thewanderer said:
I don’t understand why congratulations would be at all problematic. A baby is a gift and a blessing, no matter how his/her parents are living. The baby is something to congratulate them on.
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That’s how I feel too. A baby makes a family bigger and just adds to the love. That’s the OP’s great niece or nephew, and it’s someone’s child, someone’s grandchild, and may someday be a big brother or sister to other kids. This is something the be happy about.
 
This baby is a gift from God, a miracle. It should be loved and treasure as a person God wanted in this world and told it is wonderful. beautiful and loved by God. Make sure this baby is loved like no other.
 
thewanderer said:
I don’t understand why congratulations would be at all problematic. A baby is a gift and a blessing, no matter how his/her parents are living. The baby is something to congratulate them on.
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My sentiments exactly.
 
I just had this come up too. I decided not to say anything. I’m glad that they’re keeping the baby, obviously. If my friend committed abortion we would never speak again. But how can I say “Good job fornicating!” when it would be a sin for me to encourage sin?

I don’t think that it promotes abortion to fail to congratulate someone for not murdering their baby. When I see one of my single male friends for dinner I don’t say “Hey, I heard you didn’t rape anyone last week. Keep up the good work!” They’re not doing anything special by avoiding grievous crime… it is what is expected of them.
 
My sister’s children are like that. One of my nephews has been living with his girlfriend for about 5 years now, and they have 3 kid (he also has another child that he rarely, if ever, sees, from a high school romance 10 years ago). My niece has been living with a total loser for about 4 years now, and has a 3 year old. My youngest nephew has 2 children, almost 4 and about 18 months, with 2 different girls, neither of whom he is dating now. My sister has been married 3 times herself, lived with all her husbands before marriage (was pregnant when she married her first one, actually), never had any of her kids baptized or raised with any faith, outside of occasionally mentioning that “our family’s (as in, extended, generational) Catholic”. I say “congratulations” whenever a pregnancy is announced. The baby’s on the way, there’s nothing more to say, really. I’m grateful they all seem to be pro-life.

In Christ,
Ellen
 
Francoist said:
I just had this come up too. I decided not to say anything. I’m glad that they’re keeping the baby, obviously. If my friend committed abortion we would never speak again. But how can I say “Good job fornicating!” when it would be a sin for me to encourage sin?

I don’t think that it promotes abortion to fail to congratulate someone for not murdering their baby. When I see one of my single male friends for dinner I don’t say “Hey, I heard you didn’t rape anyone last week. Keep up the good work!” They’re not doing anything special by avoiding grievous crime… it is what is expected of them.
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The point is that you are not congratulating them for having sex, but for the child which they are expecting. It is never sinful to have a child. It is always something to be congratulated. The situation of the parents is not always something to be congratulated, but the birth of the child is.

Would you also refuse to congratulate a married couple for having a child? After all, all their doing is what is expected, not murdering their child, so hey, why would you ever congratulate them for doing something that is expected of them? And if you say that you would congratulate them anyway, but not because they are just doing what is expected, not murdering their child, then what are you congratulating them for? Having marital relations? Do you really think they would appreciate being told congratulations if they knew that was what you were congratulating them for? I seriously doubt it.
 
Wryman said:
My nephew just announced on Facebook that he and his girlfriend are expecting a baby. They’ve been shacking up for some time. The parents are both expressing satisfaction, as are the free-thinking members of the family (none of these people is Catholic).
I’m torn. Obviously I’m glad they didn’t abort, but “congratulations” doesn’t quite seem the thing to say. I have a feeling that they would be a great couple, seem right for each other, but marriage for the sake of the baby isn’t a thing to advise necessarily without more knowledge than I have of the situation. Thoughts?
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Keep it simple like “I’ll keep you all in my prayers and that the baby is healthy”.
 
I agree with what others have said. “Congratulations” is the only proper response, and a baby is always good news. Let’s hope they get married and raise it together. 👍
 
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