Unwilling to attend Mass

[hydrochief]

I am increasingly finding myself unwilling to attend Mass. I had a bad experience with a Priest a while back - to include comments by him outside the Confessional - that have put me on guard of my comments and actions. I haven’t found a Priest I can aquaint myself with since, someone whom I would feel comfortable speaking with in or out of the Confessional. As a result, I feel great anxiety over going to Church.

I know it’s not right to skip the Mass. How do I get past all the baggage I’ve collected from the above, and everything else Catholics have suffered over the past few years?

 

[Chris_Jacobsen]

Find a Catholic church and a Mass that you feel comfortable attending. Go to a different church and/or Mass every Sunday until you find one.

Also, find a church where you feel comfortable going to confession. It doesn’t have to be the same church where you go to Mass.

There really is no reason to become aquainted with a priest. Most people are not aquainted with their parish priest.

If you have problems with a priest, stop talking and arguing with him. Then you will not have problems with him.

Also, pray for your priest every day. Perhaps say an Our Father, a Hail Mary, or pray an entire Rosary for him.

 

[space_ghost]

i don’t know enough to comment… and i am not asking you to bare your soul… i guess the simple answer is to find another parish, but talk to a few people and get a feel for the church and pastor…

I don’t guess i will ever understand this “i’m not going to church anymore” remedy… as long as human beings are part of the church you will find sin, but you will also find an abundance of love.

I promise you this… you can’t make it alone in this world, you need the body of Christ and we need you… i feel that the devil loves nothing moore than to divide and conquer… like a wolf splitting a sheep off from the flock, it only makes it easier to catch and kill… There are safety in numbers… wa can help to protect you… seperating yourself from God and his body i really feel is not the answer…

I wish you peace… i still don’t know enough about your specific situation…

Don’t give up on The Catholic Church… she will not give up on you!

 

[Mary3]

Since I don’t know the details, (and am not asking you to bare your soul), this advice may be off the mark. But here goes.

Don’t let yourself be fooled into believing that any priest or Bishop, or fellow Catholic, represents or IS the Catholic Church. No one else’s bad behavior should be sufficient to separate you from the Church which is Christ’s body.

This may be a wonderful opportunity for you to exercise mercy and forgiveness. I don’t know what has been done to you, and the experience may be too fresh to consider forgiveness right now, but ultimately you must forgive. It is your only path to healing. Take seriously the words Jesus taught us to pray: “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us”.

Put some space between yourself and those who have hurt you. Keep looking around until you find another parish. Run to Jesus in the Eucharist, and ask Him to heal your pain. Receive the Eucharist often, daily if possible, to support you through this painful time.

May God bless you. Please don’t leave the Body of Christ. Make use of the sacaraments, and be patient with yourself. Jesus can tranform your situation into good if you will entrust your problem to Him.

 

[hydrochief]

Thanks for the replies. As far as just plain getting up and going to church, these are the same things I’ve been telling myself… I guess part of what makes my situation so difficult for me is that I know everything you guys are telling me.

I’m sort of in a unique environment in that where I get stationed there seems to be only one English speaking Priest (especially overseas).

The one thing that made going to Mass great for me is that I had become a Eucharistic Minister over 10 years ago. Now, having moved, and especially being forward deplyed hither and yon, I feel like an interloper when trying to participate in a Parish in this way, especially knowing that I’ll be gone again within a few months.

I know that sins are of the man, not the Priest. But again, you have to get to know the Priest to be recommended for ministerial roles within the Parish. The one Priest where I’m at now (where I don’t have daily use of a personal vehicle) seems very nice, but he started off being way to nice in my mind by inviting me to his apartment, and that just made me feel a bit leary of associating myself with him; I’m afraid of having another bad experience with someone whom I’ll have to see at least every week for four months…

I hope I’m not beating a dead horse here. This forum seemed to be the best (and only?) place for me to discuss this and get solid feedback from fellow Catholics.

Thanks for helping…
Rob

 

[BayCityRickL]

Your story is a bit complicated, I guess.

I suggest setting a goal or perhaps have several goals when you go to a new parish. You may have various talents and they may not all be useful in each place. So, with short-term assignments, perhaps you should just set short-term goals for each place.

With respect to stubborn priests or narrow-minded priests, there are only limited options available. With a priest that invites you to his apartment, suggest meeting in a public place and pick up the tab, if you can – if there’s any point in meeting with the priest in the first place.

God bless you.

 

[Beaver]

hydrochief at every Mass the priest bring forth the greatest seed that man has ever known and the bride the church should be like any bride on her wedding night. Thank your priest so very much for this very special seed we call the Eucharist. May it be fertile for you always. This we ask in Jesus name. Amen.

 

[misericordie]

hydrochief:

I am increasingly finding myself unwilling to attend Mass. I had a bad experience with a Priest a while back - to include comments by him outside the Confessional - that have put me on guard of my comments and actions. I haven’t found a Priest I can aquaint myself with since, someone whom I would feel comfortable speaking with in or out of the Confessional. As a result, I feel great anxiety over going to Church.

I know it’s not right to skip the Mass. How do I get past all the baggage I’ve collected from the above, and everything else Catholics have suffered over the past few years?

I a have met many cold priests, but many holy ones too. This also applies to certain parishes. For example, in some orthodox parishes(even in some very tridentine Mass parishes) most of the people are unwelcoming and cliquish. A friend of mine who is hispanic told me he went to a parish where he was treated very coldly by the snobbish members there, and given very nasty looks, and he even heard a person in the pew say, “he seems to be in the wrong part of town.” Now, my friend is well mannered, attended an Ivy league college, is faithful to the Magisterium and is politically very conservative. He was also well dressed(suit and tie) when that incident occured to him a few weeks ago at a certain Church here in Manhattan of the Archdiocese of New York(downtown) which has the Indult to celebrate the Tridentine Latin Mass from the Cardinal.
Now, I ask, how can anyone in their right mind call themselves Christian, yet look down upon anyone in the Church because they are not the same race and of the same ethnicity as the majority? I wonder what Christ would say? Furthermore, the word Catholic means=universal=all. My friend did not mind, or say anything, but, I know I would have not only told the pastor, but the person. But, that’s me.
Anyway, be calm, find a parish where you feel their is community, which is warm, yet very traditional and orthodox. But don’t stop going to mass because of some very ignorant people. Go for Christ.

 

[S_Corda]

1. Pray, pray, pray.
2. Pray. At least once a week, go to a Catholic Church when there aren’t many people there and spend an hour. If you can’t pray, then just sit and read **or just sit. **
3. Always remember: The reason for attending the Mass is the Mass. Remind yourself of this often.
4. There are many protestants who unwisely choose a church simply because it “feels good.” Read #3.
5. Go to a Catholic bookstore and get a good book about forgiveness. Go to ewtn.com library and read about forgiveness. Get out your New Testament and read about forgiveness.
6. In reading the lives of the saints, you’ll see that many saints have undergone such trials, some similar, some not so similar. Read some of these if you can. Think about this often. Read #1,2,3 above.

You might consider counseling if you are feeling so badly about "everything else Catholics have suffered over the past few years " that you won’t attend Mass. The proportion of Catholics in this category is extremely small. Pray for them! Yes! but you are not responsible for them.

*Missing Mass **will make things worse: ***
When we commit a mortal sin we are **no longer in a state of grace. God’s grace will help you immensely. **
If you need to, find a priest you don’t know, even go to another town to do it, but get to confession.

Know that many of us who have read your message are praying for you.

 

[BayCityRickL]

The issues may be deeper than they appear at first.

I’m also not willing to attend Mass in anything but an orthodox, genuine Catholic church – not the Liberal American Catholic church. The latter is simply a Protestant church – get over it.

Some people tell you have to put up with anything. I don’t think so. St. Paul said, “examine everything, keep what is good.”

Don’t blame yourself for everything.

 

[S_Corda]

BayCityRickL:

The issues may be deeper than they appear at first.

I’m also not willing to attend Mass in anything but an orthodox, genuine Catholic church – not the Liberal American Catholic church. The latter is simply a Protestant church – get over it.

Some people tell you have to put up with anything. I don’t think so. St. Paul said, “examine everything, keep what is good.”

Don’t blame yourself for everything.

Does this mean you will willingly miss Mass on Sunday (a mortal sin) if you can’t attend at the church you like? Wow!

And some say “liberals” are the only cafeteria Catholics.

 

[otm]

Reading between the lines, I was left wondering if you flet that the priest was making a pass at you, or if you were being hypersensitive.

My background; in high school, I met with several other students in a suburb, and we all caught rides with one of two priests who taught at the high school. For some reason, one of the priests made me feel very uncomfortable; nothing I could put my finger on, but if given the choice, I always rode with the other priest. About 20 years later, the one who made me uncomfortable was accused of molesting teenage boys. Hmm…

In the Army, I became friends with both the priest and the chaplain’s assistant, and we along with one or two others, would go over to his apartment for dinner. It was mostly in a group; I don’t recall whether or not I was over “one on one”. He was a friendly priest, and lonely. There was nothing sexual at all, and I had many good conversations with him. A non issue.

Very few priests have molested anyone. But I get the feeling that this may be an issue here; either something said, or something suspected. Examine what is bothering you, and act appropriately. And if there is an issue, pray for him. And if there is an issue of impropriety, go to his superior; bishop or abbot, etc.

 

[Fortiterinre]

When I was in the military overseas it was common for chaplains to socialize and invite people over. I would have no hesitation in going to his apartment. Conversely, I would have no hesitation in busting him if he made a pass at me or got creepy. I missed an opportunity to bust a priest who was really creepy with me, and ten years later he went to prison in a pedophile sting. Try not to be paranoid, but don’t overlook suspicious behavior.

 

[cestusdei]

Priests have bad days too. Go to confession to another priest. You can confess to any priest you wish. As an ex-protestant I can say I didn’t join the church because of its priests nor would I leave it because of them. Focus on our Lord in the Mass not the priest saying it.

 

[Prester_John]

Hi Chief;

I love the people on this forum, I really do, but I think that the overwhelming majority have no idea what it is like to be a NCM in service to their country, let alone be a career man ( or… woman… I guess).
Part of the problem you might be having, as I see it, is that the way we work together, especially guys like us that are career, we get be be close like brothers with our shipmates, and go through stuff like nobody (outside in the world of civilians) knows. Everybody (like us) gets a bit stuck, (like you), sometimes, when they get another new post, a new parish (or Chapel), and have to build up from scratch again …
– and run into problems…
First off, problem #1: Don’t Know this Guy.
Come on, I don’t think I need to remind you, the SOP’s here! Give the man a chance. Whether he is a civilian, or military, just because he’s never sailed with you for a hundred years, DOES NOT MEAN that he can’t be a trusted freind, confessor *and *minister of Sacraments.
Second, problem #2 : He Wasn’t There - How The @#$!! would He Know Anything About It (and etc).
We are professionals,we are veterans, they are - er, inexperienced, untried. We have been there, they have no right to criticize… But there is a another edge to that sword, and the down-side to this is that sometimes we get so used to “our own”, or “our mates” or “our peers” and so used to the authority we weild and the priveledges of our status and rank, that we forget that “new” people have just as much of an existence, with experience - however different from our own - as we do. Look, to cut to the chase, just because the new priest or Padre wasn’t with me in Afghanistan, or Bosnia, or in the Arctic, or in the Arabian Sea, or whatever, does not mean I should stop going to Church on Sunday, or going to regular confession. Maybe he wasn’t there… that doesn’t mean he wasn’t somewhere just as crappy, and MAYBE IF YOU JUST TALKED TO THE GUY, you might find find he isn’t so… what’s the expression… “New To The World” ? Priests can can really surprise a guy, Chief. They carry a lot of crosses. Stop being so hide-bound, and give them the benefit of the doubt!
Third, and VERY IMPORTANT, Problem # 3 : He’s treating me like I’m some kind of Human Garbage.
Before I went into the Navy, I had 11 years in the Army. Believe me, I’ve had my share of civilian priests that were just FLOORED by what I brought to the confessional. I’ve done a lot of things in my days gone by;and So Have You, I reckon. I did not let this priest be my excuse to stop doing my job; and he tried me awefully, oh yes; but I didn’t stop going to church. I just stopped going to his church.
People treat us like human garbage ALL THE TIME. You know this. You probably have the same pre-prepared lectures for your people as I do for mine… at work.Well: Remenber your honour, DO NOT LOSE YOUR TEMPER! Find another place to seek Christ and His Peace. If you have no other place to go, go to your berth and pray there; you can make a spiritual communion and say an act of contrition anytime, anywhere. We have, as members of the military, a dispensation from the obligation to attend Sunday Mass, for reasons of our special duty to the human race - remember? those people who cannot protect themselves; and do not feel guilty that you are disturbed in your heart and your conscience, that you feel you must stay from this priest and the other parishioners… but, I say again, do not not deny yourself Grace, or the right to pray, or Christ’s Peace The things we do to serve our country are burden enough on the heart and mind - you don’t don’t have to add to them Chief.He understands that better than you are willing to admit to yourself, I think…