Update on me for those who remember me

  • Thread starter Thread starter Susansmum
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
S

Susansmum

Guest
Hi,

It’s been a very long time since I posted here. Unfortunately I’ve had some tough times.

I am now divorced. I won’t go into the ins and outs. I will just say that we were both responsible for the destruction of our marriage.

The positive thing at least is he is still very active in the children’s life. We share equal custody and as far as I can tell, and I’ve consulted other relatives they spend time with as well as teachers that they are coping really well.

My son who witnessed a few things he shouldn’t have is now a lot less stressed and anxious thankfully.

You may remember that I converted to catholicism during the marriage and my husband was not supportive. I don’t question if it was even a valid marriage and have been told conflicting advice by local priests. And my husband wasn’t willing to participate in anything which would make it either valid or sacramental.

I have not been to mass since my separation. I am so ashamed. I don’t know how to face people.

My priest knows. And waits for me to come back.

But I am still young. Am I to live out the rest of my days alone?

I need reconciliation but I am ashamed.

My current lifestyle will not allow me to return.

I feel so lost.

A Christian friend at work has suggested I attend her church. But if I can’t attend the Catholic Church, my only church, what is the point?

I don’t know what I want from this post.
I just want to reconnect with my church but I don’t know how.
 
There is nothing to be ashamed of. Anyone who makes you uncomfortable is not worth their salt.

All I can think of is the Prodigal son. So ashamed to return home yet his father saw him coming and ran up to great him.

Please go to mass ASAP. The longer you wait, the more you will be scared to go
 
Go to Mass! Don’t receive til you have been to Confession, but go to Confession ASAP. If you are not involved with anyone else and are willing to pursue an anullment and wait for the answer, then you are fine for receiving the sacraments.

As to whether your marriage was null or not, there should be a person at your parish who will give you an initial interview. Most likely there are grounds, because one of the reasons is planning to use artificial birth control.

To be totally honest, most people will realize they haven’t seen you for a long time, but they won’t assume that you were not attending Mass; they will think you were attending a different Mass or something like that. And so many people have gone through a time of not going that few are going to say anything negative. Just be very happy to be back and they will be happy for you 🙂

This is a wonderful time to return…
 
A couple things come to mind:
  1. Go to Mass. No amount of embarrassment is worth staying away from Jesus in the Eucharist.
  2. Go to confession.
  3. You can return to the Eucharist, after confession, even with a divorce. Of course, in the eyes on the Church (and God) you are still married, so you shouldn’t “date” or be having sexual relations with ppl other than your husband. If you fall, stop, repent, confess, return to the Eucharist (we all sin and fall short of the glory of God after all)
  4. If you think you might want to date and marry again, seek an annulment.
  5. If the ppl at your current parish make you feel uncomfortable, find another Catholic parish to attend.
  6. Always, always, always remember the eternal salvation of your soul is the most important thing. Don’t let Satan keep you away from Christ for any reason. The eternal consequences are not worth it.
  7. I’ll pray for you.
 
I would go to mass or nondemonination church where ever you feel most at home. You don’t need to disclose your personal history to folks at church. If you feel uncomfortable going to your local parish go to a new one and make a fresh start. Prayers and best of luck. I would also see counseling.
 
Please go to Church, we’re all sinners- even the priest (which our priest emphasizes in his homilies, he’s one of us and has his struggles too).

The Church does recognize that divorce is sometimes necessary for safety and financial protection.

I am divorced, and my Church was supportive, continuing to allow me to teach CCD the entire time. While separated and after being divorced. For teaching, they did ask that I follow the teachings of the Church on living singly to avoid scandal via setting a poor example to students.
 
Go and sit in your church during the day when no one is there and just be with God for a bit. I did this a while back when I was having trouble with my divorce and other things I’ve been doing and was afraid. It really helped praying for a bit and then just sitting there in His presence for a while.
 
Please go back to church. Just because you are now divorced does not mean you can not receive the Eucharist. You are not remarried. Hurry back to the loving arms of God.

I will keep you in my prayers.
 
Start with confession and then go back to Mass and receive Communion again. Whatever you are involved in, it is not worth cutting yourself off from the Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity of Jesus in the Eucharist. If you are uncomfortable with your current parish, then go to another one and start over. Welcome (back) home to the one, true Church; we missed you, but not as much as all of Heaven!
 
I can’t recieve communion. Unfortunately there are some things that can’t be undone.
 
The Father’s door is always open. He is waiting for YOU. Not ‘you’ in the generic term but YOU, Susansmum specifically, to come home.

He accepts all and expects all to return. To think that you can’t be accepted back is to belittle his ability to love and forgive. Your ‘yes’, like Mary’s that we keep in mind this Advent, is the only precursor to the wonderful love and life saving mercy of his Son, a Son that he gave to YOU, even unto death.
 
Susansmum said:
I can’t recieve communion. Unfortunately there are some things that can’t be undone.
Click to expand...
Susan, read and reflect on the story of the prodigal son. Think of your own children and how eagerly you would anticipate their return if they ever left home. The Lord LOVES you. He craves you. He wants to be close to you. All you have to do is come home.

Are you remarried? If not, I have a hard time imagining what could not be forgiven in the confessional so that you would begin receiving communion again. Of course you can’t undo your past sins, but none of us can. All we can do is start where we are, confess what we’ve done wrong, and move forward.
 
I went to the church today but it was closed. I don’t even have my rosary beads, I have a feeling they were destroyed along with my bible, and other possessions when I left my husband. I’ll try again tomorrow. Hopefully it will be open.
Confession is my first priority then
I will look into getting an annulment.

I believe in marriage still and don’t want to have to leave the church just because I find love again. Someone who views marriage the same way I do.

I’ve made some many mistakes, so much sin.

How can I even approach Gowith so much sin. If you knew what I had done you would not be being so nice to me.
 
Susansmum said:
I went to the church today but it was closed. I don’t even have my rosary beads, I have a feeling they were destroyed along with my bible, and other possessions when I left my husband. I’ll try again tomorrow. Hopefully it will be open.
Confession is my first priority then
I will look into getting an annulment.

I believe in marriage still and don’t want to have to leave the church just because I find love again. Someone who views marriage the same way I do.

I’ve made some many mistakes, so much sin.

How can I even approach Gowith so much sin. If you knew what I had done you would not be being so nice to me.
Click to expand...
Why not? Who am I to judge, I have made my mistakes as well.

You are my sister in Christ. I know He wants you to be reconciled with Him! How could I want any less, if I am my Lord’s servant?

I gain nothing from your separation from the Church, no matter what you have done. But Christ said the Angel’s will rejoice over the return of a sinner to the Lord. I’d kind of like you to give them a reason to rejoice… the thought of it pleases me.
 
There is nothing in the world you cannot get forgiveness for, my dear. We are all sinners, believe me. You are so welcome to come back. It would do you good.
I will pray for you.
 
From a sermon on the Song of Songs by Saint Bernard, abbot
Where sin abounded grace has overflowed
Where can the weak find a place of firm security and peace, except in the wounds of the Savior? Indeed, the more secure is my place there, the more he can do to help me. The world rages, the flesh is heavy, and the devil lays his snares, but I do not fall, for my feet are planted on firm rock. I may have sinned gravely. My conscience would be distressed, but it would not be in turmoil, for I would recall the wounds of the Lord: he was wounded for our iniquities. What sin is there so deadly that it cannot be pardoned by the death of Christ? And so if I bear in mind this strong, effective remedy, I can never again be terrified by the malignancy of sin.
Surely the man who said: My sin is too great to merit pardon, was wrong. He was speaking as though he were not a member of Christ and had no share in his merits, so that he could claim them as his own, as a member of the body can claim what belongs to the head. As for me, what can I appropriate that I lack from the heart of the Lord who abounds in mercy? They pierced his hands and feet and opened his side with a spear. Through the openings of these wounds I may drink honey from the rock and oil from the hardest stone: that is, I may taste and see that the Lord is sweet.
He was thinking thoughts of peace, and I did not know it, for who knows the mind of the Lord, or who has been his counselor? But the piercing nail has become a key to unlock the door, that I may see the good will of the Lord. And what can I see as I look through the hole? Both the nail and the wound cry out that God was in Christ reconciling the world to himself. The sword pierced his soul and came close to his heart, so that he might be able to feel compassion for me in my weaknesses.
Through these sacred wounds we can see the secret of his heart, the great mystery of love, the sincerity of his mercy with which he visited us from on high. Where have your love, your mercy, your compassion shone out more luminously than in your wounds, sweet, gentle Lord of mercy? More mercy than this no one has than that he lay down his life for those who are doomed to death.
My merit comes from his mercy; for I do not lack merit so long as he does not lack pity. And if the Lord’s mercies are many, then I am rich in merits. For even if I am aware of many sins, what does it matter? Where sin abounded grace has overflowed. And if the Lord’s mercies are from all ages forever, I too will sing of the mercies of the Lord forever. Will I not sing of my own righteousness? No, Lord, I shall be mindful only of your justice. Yet that too is my own; for God has made you my righteousness.

Peace
 
Susansmum, I note that you are Australian. The Catholic Church has a pastoral care arm called Centacare (or CatholicCare in NSW) that provides counselling services among other things with a Catholic focus. See if you can find one near to you as they seem to have little branches in many regional areas also.

It sounds like you don’t know where to start putting your spiritual life back together but don’t let shame stop you making that first step. You are in the perfect vulnerable place to be really open to Christs healing. Do you have a confirmation Saint? Take her to your heart and let her be your patron as you get back on your feet with things.

God bless.

Edit to add…they also negotiate the cost with you if you are experiencing financial hardship.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top