M
MarilynIN
Guest
We were at the family reunion over the weekend. I married into a big Irish Catholic family, so it’s a three-day event. One of the close family friends has been “adopted”. She is now divorced. At one time, she and her ex-husband were their next-door neighbors for years and they attended the same parish as my in-laws, so they all became very close and my in-laws considered them to be another son and daughter and grandkids.
About 5 years ago, the couple (who have 2 children) divorced. All I knew at the time was there had been one trial separation about 2 years earlier, then they got back together Two years later, they decided to part ways for good. All my husband and I heard second-hand was rather foggy. We heard one version that the husband had been fooling around, but then the ex-wive’s official version was that it was due to other issues and gross incompatiblity and the husband wanted out. He then moved four states away.
The divorced woman never remarried and has remained faithful to the Church and has raised the two children to be good Catholics, to her credit. Yet there has always seemed to be an inordinate amount of resentment among all the family members: kids and mother alike. I always thought it was strange that there was so much strong emotion on the children’s part held against their father. Kids of divorced parents, unless the home situation has been horribly abusive or sick, which this situation didn’t seem to be, usually still want to have visitation rights with their non-custodial parents. These kids wanted nothing to do with their father whatsoever. When their family was together, they were very active in the Church and the children and the ex-wife deny vehemently that there ever was any verbal or physical abuse. The children are respectful and also give no indication that they every experienced any form of abuse and treat members of the opposite sex with good manners and respect, so I know that that was never an issue. It just plain troubled me.
Last night when we returned home from the weekend gathering, my husband confided in me that the ex-wife had told him that the reason that the divorce took place was because her husband had come out of the closet, taken a male lover, and decided to call it quits. I don’t know if the rest of the family knows it or not, or only a few select members. I also don’t know if she knew that he was gay the first time they separated or not. But if I do recall, the kids seemed eager to continue to see their father during the first separation, so I do not believe the husband had come forth to announce he was gay during that first time.
What really, really bothers me is that from all appearances, it was a very devout Catholic, very role-model family when they were together. We were all saddened when we heard about the divorce. Now that I know a bit more, it makes more sense why this “perfect” Catholic family was torn apart and why their children have this tremendous negativity towards their father.
What really, really bothers me most is why on Earth did this man marry this woman to begin with? I can’t believe that someone would be that selfish or irresponsible to think that by marrying someone they would be able to sustain a healthy, normal and heterosexual relationship with a woman for long. I can’t believe he didn’t have some inkling that he was attracted to men before he married. Maybe I am being naive, but save for those wonderful and beautiful children, a lot of heartache and grief could have spared that wonderful woman and her family and she could have been in a true Catholic marriage with a good, Catholic man if the two of them had never met. Now as a good practicing Catholic, she isn’t able to remarry if she wanted to, not without a long and drawn out annulment process. And there’s no guarantees one way or another that an annulment would be a sure-bet.
About 5 years ago, the couple (who have 2 children) divorced. All I knew at the time was there had been one trial separation about 2 years earlier, then they got back together Two years later, they decided to part ways for good. All my husband and I heard second-hand was rather foggy. We heard one version that the husband had been fooling around, but then the ex-wive’s official version was that it was due to other issues and gross incompatiblity and the husband wanted out. He then moved four states away.
The divorced woman never remarried and has remained faithful to the Church and has raised the two children to be good Catholics, to her credit. Yet there has always seemed to be an inordinate amount of resentment among all the family members: kids and mother alike. I always thought it was strange that there was so much strong emotion on the children’s part held against their father. Kids of divorced parents, unless the home situation has been horribly abusive or sick, which this situation didn’t seem to be, usually still want to have visitation rights with their non-custodial parents. These kids wanted nothing to do with their father whatsoever. When their family was together, they were very active in the Church and the children and the ex-wife deny vehemently that there ever was any verbal or physical abuse. The children are respectful and also give no indication that they every experienced any form of abuse and treat members of the opposite sex with good manners and respect, so I know that that was never an issue. It just plain troubled me.
Last night when we returned home from the weekend gathering, my husband confided in me that the ex-wife had told him that the reason that the divorce took place was because her husband had come out of the closet, taken a male lover, and decided to call it quits. I don’t know if the rest of the family knows it or not, or only a few select members. I also don’t know if she knew that he was gay the first time they separated or not. But if I do recall, the kids seemed eager to continue to see their father during the first separation, so I do not believe the husband had come forth to announce he was gay during that first time.
What really, really bothers me is that from all appearances, it was a very devout Catholic, very role-model family when they were together. We were all saddened when we heard about the divorce. Now that I know a bit more, it makes more sense why this “perfect” Catholic family was torn apart and why their children have this tremendous negativity towards their father.
What really, really bothers me most is why on Earth did this man marry this woman to begin with? I can’t believe that someone would be that selfish or irresponsible to think that by marrying someone they would be able to sustain a healthy, normal and heterosexual relationship with a woman for long. I can’t believe he didn’t have some inkling that he was attracted to men before he married. Maybe I am being naive, but save for those wonderful and beautiful children, a lot of heartache and grief could have spared that wonderful woman and her family and she could have been in a true Catholic marriage with a good, Catholic man if the two of them had never met. Now as a good practicing Catholic, she isn’t able to remarry if she wanted to, not without a long and drawn out annulment process. And there’s no guarantees one way or another that an annulment would be a sure-bet.
