there was a situation where a protestant could have been able to help me. in my experience they get excited when there is someone in need they can help. i was thinking that this person would at least tell me i would be in her prayers. All she told me was “no, but I hope God helps you.” For a moment I thought I should just forget about it but I got very bothered because I felt like she rejected me because I’m Catholic. I told her that rejecting me and telling me she hopes God will help me sounded ungenuine empty and uncaring and that there could have been something she could have done. I do not know this person personally. Was I wrong? Did I make Catholics look bad?
I don’t help everyone who asks me. Well, for one thing, I can’t. I don’t have the money. Day in, day out, there are people up and down town asking for money. If I gave to everyone who asked, I’d be with them at the day asking for myself! Some of them are in legitimate need. Some have problems with alcohol, drugs and more. I no longer feel qualified to know which is which.
I’ve been “had” so many times that often, sadly, I tell most people who ask, especially downtown, “no”. Well, for a time, I was giving to people on the street who had these strange sores, the likes of which I had never seen.
This went on for a time, months or more. Then, there was an article in Yahoo Mexico, where it said there was a new drug out, which they had nicknamed the “poor man’s heroine”. I looked at the sores these people had downtown, and they looked an awful lot like these there.
I once gave a guy money to buy crutches. I went back after a time, no crutches. He was one with the sores, so, in all probability, that money might have been used to support his drug habit!
I once gave people money for their daughter’s school uniform, and it seemed that money got used for a party, instead.
Times I have just given people money, often times later, the people would be in the same hole the next day, anyway, because there was something underlying. People often didn’t know how to manage money, budget, save, work or had problems with alcohol, drugs, something. If I gave to those with drug and alcohol problems, especially, I was doing them a disservice, enabling them to continue on, worsening the situation.
I had a friend who would spend, spend, and spend. We went out together. I paid for her dinner. She bought a new dress right while we were out together. At the time, I was buying my clothes, used, at the local thrift shop.
She had borrowed money from me a time before, told me she’d pay the following month. I think it was only around $20. Anyway, it took more than the agreed-upon month for her to pay me back. She asked for me the next time for more like $40 or $50 US. When I told her “no”, she got furious with me.
Now, there are many reasons people don’t want to help, especially if it’s about lending money.
I’ve gotten “burned” so many times, more times than not, actually, that I have to really know the person and all before I’ll even consider it.
People may not help, even if they are able, because they had a bad experience, like those I mentioned.
Now, it also depends on the relationship one has. I hesitate to ask for money even from my own family. I would try not to ask for money from acquaintances or strangers.
Further, it depends. Once, a former acquaintance of mine asked me for about $200 US. She had also had problems, previously, in her work, got fired due to taking funds out of her employer’s account.
So, I didn’t give this girl any money, but many times, I’ve tried giving. Most of the time, I regretted it, because it backfired.
It makes a big difference the quantity of money someone asks. If someone asks for $5, it’s a big difference than $5,000, for example. Do you see why details are so important on knowing in this situation?
Sometimes, we also might want to give, realize there is a legitimate need, but through our own need (medical bills, etc., etc., etc.) not be in much of a position to give, monetarily, at the time.
I’ve had experiences where I’ve given when friends have asked, only to later realize the only reason these people seemed around me was to receive money. If I once said, “no”, the person would withdraw. Some were also not really grateful.
So, in a nutshell, giving money often can cause problems, especially in friendships, because it creates a kind of dependency which will often being ongoing, creating resentments if the one giving can’t for any reason.
When we ask friends a lot for help, it’s also harder to know what their true motives are. Are they with us for money or friendship?
