Upset over my marriage convalidation

[TomH1]

Making an issue of it suggests that she is deliberately trying to cause a problem. All she is looking for is in accordance with the Church and her pastor is the one making an unnecessary issue. We all have a right to appeal to a higher authority if our pastors are not doing things in accordance with the Church.

 

[Diaconia]

Witnesses do not need to be married or Catholic.

The absolutely CAN be the best man and maid of honor. Or parents, or whoever, as long as they are not young children.

If it’s important to you, call the Tribunal, one of the canonists can call the priest.

He may simply be conflating matrimonial witnesses and sponsors of baptism/confirmation. Fr. could be aged, confused or the like.

Deacon Christopher

 

[Trishie]

CONGRATULATIONS for your approaching Convalidation.
Regardless of all else, including personal preferences, this is wonderful news, news that many wish they also could receive, and sometimes cannot to their great sorrow, because of their marital situations.

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[TC3033]

It’s very accurate. God is the embodiment of marriage, of endless self-giving love where all truths come from. For a person that doesn’t believe in this higher order of marriage won’t understand what is a perfect marriage.

This is a very strange thing to say, especially with such a broad brush, about people who aren’t Catholic and may be where I need to step out.

I, for one, believe that myself and my wife have a marriage that many should be able to confide in us for marital advice whether I’m Catholic or not.

 

[rightness]

This is a very strange thing to say, especially with such a broad brush, about people who aren’t Catholic and may be where I need to step out.

I, for one, believe that myself and my wife have a marriage that many should be able to confide in us for marital advice whether I’m Catholic or not.

It’s not about generalizing the idea of who knows how to explain love better. It is absolute truth that God is love, the embodiment of marriage. If there are people who seek the understand God’s love, they will be better equipped to explain how marriage should be like, even if they aren’t married.

St. Thomas Aquinas taught that truths exist in every teaching, every experience, whether it’s the complete or partial truth. Your experiences have a lot of truths in it, but if it isn’t reflecting the perfect truth that is God, then it falls short from perfection, however, it can be very good advice, indeed. I say “can” because I don’t know what your advice will be, but I’m believe you do have good advice as you speak confidently about your marriage.

Let me just take an example that I hear being used to solve relationship problems in this day and age. A lot of people’s advice, Catholic or non-Catholic, for people who are fighting is for them to separate and take time apart from each other. I hear this portrayed like good advice when it’s not. It’s absolutely the opposite of what should be done. If anything, the couple should get even closer, forgive each other, love each other. That is what represents perfect love. Obviously, humans aren’t perfect beings with instantaneous though processes, so it’ll take time to figure out what to say, and sometimes we have to look to the Bible, God’s Word, for answers, but the longer the separation, the worse the relationship gets.

I’ve seen testimony from married Catholic couples who were on the brink of divorce that was given advice by a priest to look up what the Bible taught about marriage, and after, their marriage became stronger than ever.

 

[TC3033]

It’s not about generalizing the idea of who knows how to explain love better. It is absolute truth that God is love, the embodiment of marriage. If there are people who seek the understand God’s love, they will be better equipped to explain how marriage should be like, even if they aren’t married .

I guess I’m lost as to why you’d say it would be a problem to go to her friend for advice only (or more so a problem) because she’s not Catholic…and why you’d say she doesn’t understand the value of marriage because she’s not Catholic.

To me that sounds strange…and a generalization…¯_(ツ)_/¯

 

[rightness]

I guess I’m lost as to why you’d say it would be a problem to go to her friend for advice only (or more so a problem) because she’s not Catholic…and why you’d say she doesn’t understand the value of marriage because she’s not Catholic.

To me that sounds strange…and a generalization…¯_(ツ)_/¯

The problem is “only”. The OP should talk to many people if she has problems in her marriage.

The thing you have to understand about true Catholic beliefs is that Catholics don’t believe divorce is even possible, and it is only Catholicism that believe this, not even other Christian religions. When a non-Catholic gives advice, divorce is a possibility for them. I’m not saying every non-Catholic will recommend divorce. I’m saying that it is an open option for them to say, especially in these days where divorces are celebrated with 50% of first marriages, in America, ending up in divorce. There’s even a
lucrative industry for divorced people to celebrate their separation.

When all understanding is ordered towards God, there will be no need for civil divorces. There is so much depth I could talk about, but I would be going on for a long while. Catholics have been standing alone on this sole belief that divorce is not possible since it started.

 

[TC3033]

When a non-Catholic gives advice, divorce is a possibility for them.

Interestingly enough…I know Catholics who believe that’s a possibility as well. I just try not to paint a wide brush across Catholics or non-Catholics…

The problem is “only”. The OP should talk to many people if she has problems in her marriage.

I believe that you misunderstood my statement. It was said that it’s even more so problematic that the OP go to their friend because they aren’t Catholic…the only reason given for not going to them was that they’re not Catholic.

 

[TheLittleLady]

Catholics don’t believe divorce is even possible

Catholic do know divorce is possible, the Catechism addresses it (this is one paragraph out of the larger article on divorce).

From the Catechism: [2383] The separation of spouses while maintaining the marriage bond can be legitimate in certain cases provided for by canon law.

If civil divorce remains the only possible way of ensuring certain legal rights, the care of the children, or the protection of inheritance, it can be tolerated and does not constitute a moral offense.

only Catholicism that believe this, not even other Christian religions. When a non-Catholic gives advice, divorce is a possibility for them.

This is a sweeping statement. There are non-Catholics who believe that marriage is a permanent institution ordained by God, entered into freely and vowing “til death”. In fact, the majority of mainline Christians believe and teach this.

It is rather odd to assume every non-Catholic is thinking “well, I can always just get a divorce so to heck with this marriage!”

 

[jrgmercado]

When my friend got married in Puerto Rico, his best man wasn’t Catholic and he wasn’t allowed to be. I ended up being his witness. His soon to be wife’s sister served as her witness and she was Catholic so it wasn’t a question of one being Catholic and not the other…ironically, she was divorced and he was married (though not Catholic)

 

[TheLittleLady]

I’m sorry that the Canon Law was not followed

 

[jrgmercado]

At the end of the day, I was already a groomsman and he was a groomsman for me so I wasn’t a stranger to them but I can understand why the OP would be upset. If I was told that my best friend, who is like a brother to me and in many ways closer than my actual brothers, who is also the godfather to my first born, couldn’t be my best man because he wasn’t Catholic, I would be upset also.

 

[Gingersnaps4]

I had my marriage convalidated and one witness was a non catholic friend (married, but no one asked if she was married) and the other witness was my single catholic daughter. I wouldn’t worry about it if I were you, though. I would still invite the people you had wanted to be witnesses to the wedding and they can still have whatever other role you wanted them to have. Witnesses mean nothing, other than a set of eyes that saw the marriage.

 

[maryjk]

This is a sweeping statement. There are non-Catholics who believe that marriage is a permanent institution ordained by God, entered into freely and vowing “til death”. In fact, the majority of mainline Christians believe and teach this.

It is rather odd to assume every non-Catholic is thinking “well, I can always just get a divorce so to heck with this marriage!”

Exactly. My own husband abhors divorce. He isn’t Catholic. Heck, he isn’t Christian. But he does believe that marriage is permanent.

I would also say, if someone is having problems within their marriage, they should be talking to, first and foremost, their spouse. Not a friend, not the witnesses to the ceremony, but their spouse.

 

[TheLittleLady]

Not a friend, not the witnesses to the ceremony, but their spouse.

Agree.

Marriage trouble talk to your spouse, your priest, your professional counselor.

Do not talk to family and friends. Why? Because they can never “un know” the things you tell them.

You are mad at your husband because he did thus and such, you later forgive him and move on. Thing is, you told your sister and she will never be able to look at him the same way again.

 

[emtedee]

This all seems very strange to me. At our church during the Easter Vigil, three candidates will be baptised and confirmed and then they will receive their first Holy Communion under both kinds, I have witnessed this in at least 4 parishes in Australia and one or two in the UK. The candidates will be accompanied by their RCIA trainers as sponsors and witnesses but I don’t know if that is mandatory.

 

[0Scarlett_nidiyilii]

Why do you think the witnesses are supposed to be the persons you “confide in” about your marriage?

 

[maryjk]

Because that is what the poster was told. It is mentioned in the first post.

I see no reason why, after the ceremony the poster would have to ever even speak to these people. I don’t mean that the poster should be rude and run away or turn their back whenever the couple is near. But I mean that the poster is free to choose whomever they want, when they want to speak about their marriage.
As I said before, I would choose my husband.