upset...

[stefina]

feeling upset… i have a problem with thinking low of myself every once and awhile… i tend to compare myself to other girls… i try not too but i get really sad… any advice? I hate going thru this and putting my bf thru it, its not fair I know…

 

[cmmamula]

I think this is something most of us, as women, go through. There’s so much emphasis on the body when what we should be concerned about is our health. Every magazine with it’s perfect size 2 model (who probably have some eating disorder). It’s really wrong. Keep in mind that God doesn’t make mistakes, okay? Also, those girls that you compare youself to, are probably doing the same thing.

Fortunately, I’m happy to say that the older you get, the more accepting you become of yourself, at least for me and people I know. You start to realize that darn it, all those things you didn’t like in your teen’s and 20’s, you’d love to have back in your 30’s and 40’s. LOL, one day you’ll understand that comment.

So, hold your head high, sweets. Know that you are exactly as you were meant to be. Be proud of who you are and what you have. Try not to compare yourself to others, as God didn’t make robots, he made us. And each one of us are unique.

 

[Christy_Beth]

If it happens only occasionally, you might track when it happens. It may be partly due to PMS. That can hit some women real hard.

 

[cthulhubryan]

I think this is something most of us, as women, go through. There’s so much emphasis on the body when what we should be concerned about is our health. Every magazine with it’s perfect size 2 model

Size 2? What a Cow! Eva Longoria is a size 0.

Just kidding. Everyone is unique and all women are beautiful. My beautiful wife is a size 2(with the size 0 following ie 20) and is as beautiful as ever.

I feel terribly sorry for men (and women) who focus on the body shape of others as the crucible for dating them. The mind, the humor and the soul are much more important.

 

[leonie]

Aw…I know the feeling. I wasted so much of my time and energy when I was young feeling fat and ugly. I wish I would have spent that time and energy becoming a better person.

I have some tips based on that experience:

Pray to God to take away these feelings.
Find someone to help. Helping another person is the best high.
Do not watch any tv or read any pop. magazines or romance novels.
Exercise (it’s good for uplifting your mood), but only do things you enjoy so it doesn’t become a vanity feeder
If you find yourself dwelling on these thoughts, it might fall into the sin of vanity–go ahead and confess it.

Don’t talk about your anxieties too much, esp. to your boyfriend. If it is interfering with living your life, look for a Christian Counsellor.

I think it is wonderful that you recognize that this is a problem in your life. Now, you can work on it.

And, concentrate on turning God’s head with your virtue. Your bf will love that, too.

 

[gam3rchic]

I feel this way too, mostly because my PCOS causes me to have excessive facial and body hair and have extra weight on my abdomen giving me a “pear” shape rather than an “hourglass” shape. I feel bad for my husband at times because he hears me talk about how I hate my body at times and he hates hearing that. To him, I’m beautiful, and you know what? That’s all that matters. I just need to stop being so negative about what I don’t have and concentrate and what I do have, same for you. From a previous post, sounds like you have a wonderful boyfriend who values you very much. He probably thinks you are the most beautiful woman.

The problem is that we are bombarded with images of “perfect” models and we become programmed to think “that’s how I should look” but reality is that we all have body “quirks” and no one body is “perfect”. But that’s the beauty of the human race in that we each have our own individual personality and body to go along with it. No two people are alike. It’s kinda amazing to think about the billions of people and no two are the same.

But I ramble again.

:hug1::hug1::hug1: I know it’s hard because I struggle with it to, but try not to be so hard on yourself.

 

[raindr0ps]

Every morning after you wake up, go into your bathroom. Look into the mirror and stare into your eyes. Tell yourself (out loud if you can) one positive thing about yourself. About your personality, something you accomplished, etc. If you find that too hard, just pop a prayer asking for the grace to view yourself in the light of Christ.

I know it sounds awkward and weird or whatever, but srsly it can go a long way.

Keep your head up, hon :hug1:

 

[whatevergirl]

aw stefina…i’ve been there myself. My husband always told me how beautiful he thinks I am…I dated a lot, and had other men tell me such, but self esteem and so forth, comes from another place, not from others’ compliments. It comes from within, and not outside of ourselves. I think for me, it was because I had a BIL (now ex BIL) who always put me down, told me I was stupid. God bless him now, we have since grown to be good friends since my sister’s divorce from him. But suffice to say, that often, the bad thoughts we have of ourselves, come from our childhoods, and a man that we thought should love us, put us down. My dad died when I was 9,so my BIL raised me, during my very impressionable years. I never really felt loved etc…because he would put me down a lot.

When I began dating and men told me I was pretty…I doubted it for some reason. Next month, I turn 40…and I feel great! I have an awesome relationship with God, and that’s all that matters.

Take the advice of others here too…it’s good advice.

But, maybe look back to your childhood and see if anyone (a man especially) put you down in any way…if you weren’t validated by your dad, etc…as a kid, then it’s not a surprise that you would look for validation from your bf now. It is part of the growing up process for a girl to be validated by her dad…that she is pretty, smart, funny, a good person, etc…if you heard ANYTHING to the contrary enough times, then it’s no wonder that you’d be looking for validation from your bf.

Just my thoughts for the day. Praying that you will get past this. It’s a lousy way to go through life, always comparing one’s self to others. Care about who you are in Christ, and He will help you get past this.

God bless.

 

[withwind]

feeling upset… i have a problem with thinking low of myself every once and awhile… i tend to compare myself to other girls… i try not too but i get really sad… any advice? I hate going thru this and putting my bf thru it, its not fair I know…

It is very nice and important for you to recognize your feeling might affect your boyfriend and it could affect your relationship with him in the long run.

Pray that you recognize the tender love of God for you; with this Love, you will quickly learn to love yourself. With this love, you can bring that love to others…However, before you want to love somebody, you need to love yourself in a positive way.

 

[stefina]

thanks a lot everyone it helps… and ya i can just be so up and down… totally is being part of a women!.. thanks for all your advice though makes me feel better

God bless!

 

[Salonika]

stefina:

feeling upset… i have a problem with thinking low of myself every once and awhile… i tend to compare myself to other girls… i try not too but i get really sad… any advice? I hate going thru this and putting my bf thru it, its not fair I know…

I wonder if there is anyone - male or female who doesn’t do this to some degree! Even the person who seems so confident, the person who looks like a model, the person who is an academic success.

Good on you for deciding to overcome this habit which takes up energy that could be used for postive things - like pleasant times with your boyfriend.

Agree with what the other posters have said about ways to feel better about yourself. Will try not to repeat any. My penny’s worth is:

• comments that people make about you, especially ones that suggest things that are wrong/not so good with you often tell you more about them than about you
• sometimes what we dislike about ourselves/our appearance is what someone else thinks is a plus (I have very fine straight hair which used to be dark and I have been amazed when people have said how great my hair is)
• sometimes we compare ourselves not to the average but the best and forget how long it takes to become an expert (to overcome this I think about where I on the continuum and where would most people be if they had the same amount of experience)
• no one is perfect and if some people appear to be what is the price they pay - eg not trying new things because they don’t want o appear incompetent, hours in front of the mirror trying to look perfect
• often things that we think are not so good about oursleves and are certain that other people are criticising us for, others don’t notice as they may be doing their best to hide their “faults” from us

And a practical suggestion - when you think other people might be criticising you, think what would I say to/think about someone who had the same characteristic or lacked them. You’ll probably find you would be undertanding/charitable to them than you are to yourself.

Hope this helps.