Urban Legends about Christians of all sorts

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Syele

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Yes we have all encountered them! And CAF is like a breeding ground for them. Lets list them here for a reference. Try to keep debate to a minimum so we can jsut list them… If someone posts on you think is true start a new thread to debate it before complaining about it being on the list so we can keep on topic.

For Urban Legends to spread people must have:
  • The willingness to believe improbable stories without thinking.
  • The uncontrollable urge tell others anything so long as it supports our arguments.
  • A lack of desire to take 3 minutes to check to see if something is true.
  • A lack of desire to admit we are wrong.
I will list them regardless of who they are against or for in no particular order, please add your pet ULA (Like a pet peeve) to the list!
  • Catholics worship Mary
  • There are 33,000 Protestant denominations
  • No two protestants believe the same thing about anything
  • Catholics are not allowed to read the Bible
  • When Christians go to heaven, they get wings and sit on clouds all day being bored
  • Protestants think they can say one prayer, and be saved forever even if they don’t mean it or live it
  • Catholics think if they go to confession often enough, they can do whatever they want even if its bad and they aren’t repentant
  • Angels have Halos
  • God hates people to have fun or be happy
  • Christians believe that if you do more good things than bad things you go to heaven
  • Protestants are Antinominists
  • Protestants hate Mary
  • Christians aren’t allowed to study Science
  • All Protestants believe in all the 5 solas
  • Bad things dont happen to Real Christians
  • All protestants believe in sola scriptura
  • sola scriptura caused all the denominaitons
  • There were three wise men who visited the baby Jesus
  • If you sin ever you are not a Christian
  • All Catholics agree on everything
Well there is a start 😛
 

  1. *]Only Catholics believe in the Eucharist
    *]
    *]Baptist Church can be traced back to the Day of Pentecost
    *]
    *]Catholics have a different Bible
    *]
    *]You can be a Catholic and a Liberal
    *]
    *]Protestants are all liars
    *]
    *]Catholic Church supported Nazism
    *]
    *]Protestant churches were silent during WWII
    *]
    *]Catholics worship statues
    *]
    *]Divorce is only a venial sin
    *]
    *]Abortion is okay if it is life-threatening
    *]
    *]Euthanasia is okay if you cannot handle the pain anymore
    *]
    *]Pope Benedict XVI is a Fundamentalist/Traditionalist
    *]
    *]All Catholics are required to believe in apparitions
    *]
    *]Protestants have a very simplistic understanding of Biblical teachings
    *]
    *]All Protestants hate Catholics
    *]
    *]All Catholics hate Protestants
 

  1. *]All Protestants share the same beliefs
    *]The RCC was founded on the Ancient Babylonian Mystery religions.
    *]Catholics are not “Christians”
    *]All Protestants are afraid of Mary
    *]The Anti Christ will come from the RCC
    *]All priests are pedophiles.
    *]The New Pope is a Nazi.
    *]the RCC is the great whore of Babylon found in Revelations.
    *]No Protestant will have a crucifix or a depiction of a saint in their home.
    *]All Christians are Dominionists.
    *]Most Protestants look to Jack Chic for their Catholic (mis)information. LOL
    *]Depictions of The Virgin Mary prove by the halo around her head that she is a cleverly disguised goddess.
    *]OPUS DEI has ties to the Illuminati, will one day rule the world, and kill all “real Christians”.
    *]Most Catholics have a drinking problem.
    *]Most Protestants never drink.
    *]All Catholics love to play BINGO!
 

  1. John the Baptist was Baptist

    The Catholic Church was founded by Constantine

    The Filioque was a “Western Innovation”

    Catholics killde off the first Christians and until recently have been killing them off and covering it up.
 
  • All Southern Baptists have an accent
  • Baptists can’t dance.
  • (From pagan viewpoint)All Christian prayers are spells.
  • Since Pentecostals are not allowed to do much, you’ll see them eating out at Denny’s every Sunday, and Wednesday after church…
  • Pentecostal women only wear frumpy dresses and no makeup.
  • All Mormons have multiple wives.
  • The LDS idea of fun makes Ned Flanders look like a hell raiser.
  • All Fundamentalist home school their children.
 
  1. Christians don’t know there are other religions to choose from.
    LOL, because most Christians my age in my part of the world are converts from something else FWICS.😃
  2. Christians would stand there stunned, cry and beg for more shattering info if told about Danbrownism and other anti-Christan conspiracy blather, and then run to the churches and yell, “Wait! Don’t move. It’s all a lie!”😛
  3. Christians are afraid of sex and think it’s evil; they have to be told that it’s a natural biological process that creates life. They are trying to punish themselves, their children and the entire opposite sex for the existence of it, unaware it was built in the whole time.
  4. Christian converts are victims of a vast right-wing conspiracy to force Christianity on utterly happy, peaceful, innocent Buddhist pagans who were heretofore sitting in jacuzzis and eating strawberries all day long.
  5. Christian missionaries are prudes who are only trying to curry favor with their authority figures back home by forcing a dry and boring Christian worldview on said jacuzzi-sitting strawberry-eaters by violence.
 
5. Christian missionaries are prudes who are only trying to curry favor with their authority figures back home by forcing a dry and boring Christian worldview on said jacuzzi-sitting strawberry-eaters by violence.

PLEASE! It’s ARUGELEH-eaters.
 

  1. *]Catholic Mass is as dull as a door-knob
    *]Protestant services are uplifting
    *]Catholics are ashamed of sex
    *]Protestants love sex
    *]Catholic priests, Rabbis and Protestant ministers always hang out in bars
    *]Catholic priests, Rabbis and Protestant ministers always recognize one another in bars. Baptists don’t.
    *]Catholic priests, Rabbis and Protestant ministers always skydive together
    *]The Catholic Church moved to Salt Lake City and grumpy old men replaced its grumpy old cardinals
    *]Jesus Christ delayed His return because the SDA didn’t have an electronic calculator back then
 
  1. Science has elinminated the bible.
  2. Every Protestant is a Calvinist.
  3. Everyone knows what Protestant, Calvinist and Evangelical means.
  4. Only Catholics can translate the bible.
  5. The theory of evolution is no longer a theory.
  6. If you sober up soon enough to make it to church on Sunday, Saturday night’s activities don’t count.:extrahappy:
 
Auriel said:
MY bad! LOL

I meant a Southern fried accent!
Click to expand...
Ah my mistake, well over in England I’ve only met one or two Southern Baptists, they definately lived up to that stereotype, I think they were from Alabama, definately somewhere on the Bible Belt.
 
HankZ said:
  1. Science has elinminated the bible.
  2. If you sober up soon enough to make it to church on Sunday, Saturday night’s activities don’t count.:extrahappy:
Click to expand...
HAHAHAHA!!! http://i35.tinypic.com/2emzvon.jpg
  • Baptists believe the Apostles all spoke the King James English.
  • People who sit on the back pews are either backsliders, lost, or have a bladder problem. Pray for them. And make sure you turn around to look at them a few times.
  • The closer to the front row, the more spiritual you appear.
  • Baptist believe that Jesus passed out Welch’s Grape Juice and crackers,
  • Baptists believe Jesus turned the water into some really top of the line Grape Juice, even better than Welch’s.
  • If during a Baptist service someone says “Amen”, a Charismatic. sneaked in.
  • All Christians have read “The Purpose Driven Life”.
  • All nuns smack people with rulers.
  • Catholics invented guilt.
    http://i37.tinypic.com/14trc7d.jpg
 
It was actually the Jews who invented guilt.

There is a vast banking conspiracy to eliminate religion of every kind from the world. (Because in some way, not believing in God causes people to put their money in banks? 🤷 )

All religious TV shows are hosted by hucksters who are only trying to get your grandmother’s money away from her.

Elderly people are idiots who fall for scams on TV.

Jack Chick is the Antichrist.
 
jmcrae said:
It was actually the Jews who invented guilt.
Click to expand...
Oi vey is mir! :eek:
There is a vast banking conspiracy to eliminate religion of every kind from the world. (Because in some way, not believing in God causes people to put their money in banks? 🤷 )
Click to expand...
This is an “urban legend”??? :eek:
All religious TV shows are hosted by hucksters who are only trying to get your grandmother’s money away from her.
Click to expand...
I’ll give that one a 70% truth factor…😃
Elderly people are idiots who fall for scams on TV.
Click to expand...
Some truth there, but around here its phone hucksters that get their money…
Jack Chick is the Antichrist.
Click to expand...
Now, that one has some substance to it…

But my favorites have always been:

**1. Catholics have a tail they hide under their clothes.
  1. Catholics have a 3rd eye hidden under a flap of skin on their foreheads.
    **
 
  • The Catholic bishop’s mitre is derived from the headdress of the priests of Dagon.
  • The Pope has a tiara which has the title “Vicarivs Filivs Dei” on, which when calculated using numerology, totals 666.
  • There was a Pope Joan.
  • Constantine was the first real Pope.
  • Early Christians were Arian-style monotheists until Constantine forced the Council of Nicaea to invent Trinitarianism.
  • The Reformation would never have happened if Luther had eaten more bran.
  • The Catholic Church forbade Catholics from reading Scriptures.
  • Catholic nuns are divided into two groups: young ones who play guitars and old ones who are masters of ruler-fu.
  • The United Church of Canada is the religious wing of the New Democratic Party.
  • Anglicans don’t like to make dogmatic statements that might commit them to either the Evangelical or Roman camps.
  • The Catholic Church hates sex, and only allows it within marriage so that there will be more Catholics.
  • Jesuits are secularists/humanists who pay lip-service at best to matters of faith and doctrine, and their seminary training is devoted to finding “loopholes”.
  • Traditionalist Catholics go to Mass with a copy of the GIRM and a red pencil to tick off the abuses.
  • OF Catholics read the GIRM to see what they can improve upon.
  • Traditionalist Catholics believe that the Last Supper was actually chanted in Latin.
  • Protestants believe that Jesus walked around with a King James Version that He quoted from.
  • OF Catholics believe there is no holy space that can’t be improved upon by the judicious application of colourful felt banners.
  • OF Catholics believe Catholicism would be a perfect religion if they’d only stop that nonsense about morality and sin.
 
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