I am 26 years old, live with my dad, am financially dependent on him (due to highly unusual circumstances). As a result we spend all too much time together and get into a lot of little and sometimes big fights and arguments. We are italian and can be, as the stereotype goes, very stubborn and given to anger. Well he brought up a subject that is kind of sensitive to me this morning, which was fine. He did not know that it caused me to suffer or that it put pressure on me and I expressed it to him in todays talk. But he immediately said, in so many words that my suffering had no grounds and that I should just bear it, adding that he overestimated the amount of faith I had. I was so offended and hurt by what he said and asked him, then, if he was an idiot, obviously implying that he was. The moment before I said it I thought that I shouldn’t but that thought was so close to the time that the words were going to start spilling out of my mouth…but I still made a split second decision to say it. He can be very insensitive and I am very sensitive about certain things. But I’ve done this before several times and always confessed it but I wanted to know whether it is a mortal sin or not according to traditional Catholic teaching. Does anyone have any advice or the answer?
Most 26 year-olds are not living with their parents. At that age, there is a degree of independence that is going to cause a lot of conflict, no matter what side of the bed each party uses to get up in the morning.
Spats such as you got into are not the least unusual; you are living in close quarters with someone who knows you better than just about anyone else (and that is not to say they are always accurate).
It would be my suggestion that you get a third part to act as a sort of referee, it you will; someone who can guide you in how to avoid getting into these spats.
I am not necessarily suggesting a priest; they may or may not have the counseling background, but you could certainly try that. Otherwise, it may be up to you to get some counseling to learn where your triggers are (we all have them, and families are notorious at not only knowing them, but using them), and how you can avoid having those triggers tripped, or how to gracefully avoid reacting when someone trips one.
Not to make too fine a point of it, it means having to “grow up” so that you don’t get dragged into the same old parent/child reactions. Your parent(s) generally have your best interests in mind; additionally, you are living in their territory. And territory is something that is important to adults on a very basic level, and one we react to often without understanding that we are doing so. So you are faced with two issues that put you at a disadvantage; territory that is not yours, and “parenting” that you may not want or appreciate.
The likelihood of getting your parent(s) to not “parent” you is low to none, so it is going to be up to you to modify your behavior - not theirs. The alternative is finding other living arrangements, which may be more difficult than learning how to not be dragged into more parent/child reactions.
As to the issue of mortal sin - that is for a priest to determine, not someone on the internet.
Note: my comment about “growing up” is not meant to be insulting. You are getting dragged into a parent/child reaction. While you may always be their child, you need to find a way to not react as a child (and those reactions tend to be automatic, due to the triggers I mentioned).
