Yes, it is true that by using an IUD for many years, I will never know if I lost a fertilized egg or not (real human being, child of mine, sent by God as the ultimate gift). Sadly, I expect that I lost many, both due to the length of time (about twenty years) that I used an IUD and the fact that I had good health and regular menstrual periods, which generally means that I produced an egg monthly. Also, I usually had other wise unprotected sex at least two times a week. Under these conditions it is probable, not just possible, that I lost several fertilized eggs a year.
You also asked if my not knowing whether or not I had lost a child of my own made a difference. Again, my answer is yes, and I can’t say that strongly enough. I stopped using the IUD (spontaneously aborted it) along with some uterine tissue that might have been a fetus of about four weeks old, or it might have been just some uterine tissue that had embedded around the IUD; I will never know. What I do know though is that now it is too late for me to have a child of my own, and now I very much want one. If one or more of these lost fertilized eggs had been allowed to live, he or she would be an adult by now, and I might be a grandmother even, and this is my own fault, not God’s fault. Every day I see young women with their babies and/ or young children, or middle aged women with their grand children, and I long for the closeness that I see between them. I miss my own mother (who passed away a few years ago), and I remember the closeness she and I shared. Each day it is hard to see this, and it is especially hard on the Holidays when families are stressed so strongly in our society. And so, in answer to your question of “whether or not I will ever know if I lost a fertilized egg and doesn’t that
matter?”; yes, it truly does matter. I know that I will live with this regret and sadness for the rest of my life, and I will be reminded of it nearly every day. I am soooo sorry that I made the choice I did all those years ago, and I write this now in hopes that someone reading it might be able to gain the fore sight that I lacked and might rethink any decision they may have made (or be in the process of making) regarding choosing contraception.
I have confessed this grave sin, done penance, and I continue to follow up with my confessor for spiritual direction. As an R.N., I hope to be able to make at least some amends by teaching others why most forms of contraception are, or sometimes are abortive as is true of the “pill”.
Beverly Jean