Using NFP to abstain, but sad every month

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ilovemary90

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My husband and I have been using the SDM for almost a year now, The reason we are wanting to postpone conception is because I have a year of college left. I already took a year off to stay home with our now 2 year old.

Is it normal for me to be disappointed every month when I see that I have not conceived? I know now is not the best time because I have an important task I am trying to complete (plus I’m very young, so most would say “no hurry”) but I still can’t help but be sad every month…I love being a mother, despite all the hard work.

I also think about how radically counter-cultural my thinking must be at times. The LAST thing most girls my age want is a child…especially not TWO.

Part of me knows the “world” will think I’ve wasted my life away if I don’t get a degree. Part of me cares, part of me doesn’t.

I just keep trying to remind myself that the reason we are not conceiving is because maybe God has it in his plans for me to graduate first. It will happen in time, right?😦
 
All right.

First of all, I was a single mom in college and I loved EVERY minute of it. So keep that in mind when you read the following -

Who gives a (edited) what the “world” thinks? You have a husband who (hopefully) would be supportive if you conceive again. Even if you do conceive again, that will push your degree out by (at most) one semester, so what would be the big deal?

I agree that an education is important for women, even if you want to stay at home for the indefinite future. In fact, college is a great time to have kids. Profs are more flexible than employers and understand that college students have “other” priorities. So much the better for you if your “other” priorities include kiddos.

Anyway, women in my family seem to get pregnant whenever God decides it’s going to happen (regardless of what OUR plans are ;)) so just trust in God, enjoy your husband, and know that finishing your degree is not contrary to His plan.

You are in my prayers. PM me if you want more details on the logistics of managing the parenthood - college thing.
 
Not saying you should or shouldn’t. I finished my degree when my older son was 2 and I was 5 mos. pregnant with his little brother. I was going part-time when my older son was younger. I was glad I finished when I did - I wanted to quit but hubby urged me to hang in and finish up. There is no way I would have finished with 2 sons 27 mos. apart. But I was older, too. That was a big factor. You can always take night classes when your kiddos are a little older and hubby can watch them.

I can totally understand your sadness. You want children! 🙂
 
Thanks for the reply and offering PM help if I need it.
You had asked what the big deal is if my school is delayed, well here it is…

My husbands job knows I have 1 yr of school left. They have agreed to let him stay in the area for one more year so I can finish, then they are probably moving us to a bigger store.
As you can see, this is kind of my last chance to finish school. A baby may or may not mean no degree for me.

EDIT: Can’t take night classes either; I’m studying to be a teacher so all my time is spent in elementary classrooms! :rolleyes: hehe
 
Well, put me in the camp of you could have a baby. A college degree is something you can do anytime. Even if you are pregnant. Plus if you are sad that you are not pregnant every month then perhaps you already know the answer.
 
Also, nowadays so many colleges offer online classes. Maybe you can finish without leaving the house! 🙂

It’s natural to feel sad if you haven’t conceived. I went through that last year so you are not alone. And try not to worry about what the world thinks. It’s hard, especially when your own family starts coming after you. But you need to follow what Christ wants you to do, and not worry about what others think.
 
I had 2 kids in law school and finished on time. (I had my first right before spring finals my first year, took a week off and then went back took my finals, then had the summer off. I had my second 6 hours after my last fall final my third year and then got 4+weeks off for winter break :p).
But if you and your husband are discerning now is not the right time then that is fine too. Can you take summer classes to speed up your degree. (I understand you probably have some student teaching that you can’t miss, thus you would have to plan around that).
 
ilovemary90 said:
My husbands job knows I have 1 yr of school left. They have agreed to let him stay in the area for one more year so I can finish, then they are probably moving us to a bigger store.
As you can see, this is kind of my last chance to finish school. A baby may or may not mean no degree for me.
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Given the circumstances my advice is to finish it first, then have a baby. You are so close. After that you will be free to do whatever you want. You could also get pregnant during that last year.

I finished my PhD when my son was one and I was also pregnant. It is doable, as long as you have support at home and from your lecturers.

Good luck!
 
MrsFlapjack said:
Also, nowadays so many colleges offer online classes. Maybe you can finish without leaving the house! 🙂

It’s natural to feel sad if you haven’t conceived. I went through that last year so you are not alone. And try not to worry about what the world thinks. It’s hard, especially when your own family starts coming after you. But you need to follow what Christ wants you to do, and not worry about what others think.
Click to expand...
Actually, probably not with the online - with teaching, you generally have to do lots of time student teaching -this is not something that can really be done online. Your husband has made some major concessions so you could finish your degree - his company even has - there aren’t alot of companies that do that sort of thing that I’m familiar with. Also (i know on here many hate stats) the stats do point towards those that drop out of college with the intention of going back more often then not don’t wind up going back. I’m not saying you wouldn’t just i’ve known a few women who have thought they would go right back after the baby was a couple of years old - some got into a cycle where there was often a new baby they didnt’ want to leave another didn’t want to leave the baby with a sitter. Also,once you’re done and cerified, you’ll have the option of teaching or if you prefer and your budgets will allow then you can be a SAHM.
I really believe that God has allwed some pretty extraordinary things to occur that seem to point towards you finishing your degree - who knows you might wind up being the teacher that inspires the boy or girl who grows up to find a cure for cancer (or while teaching that child you might give birth to the next president) - only God knows.
It’s really hard to go back to school - I had to put mine off for a while because I was so sick with kidney disease. Then when we moved getting everything to transfer was a never ending nightmare. I hope and pray everything works out for you - with your love of kids I have no doubt you’ll enjoy teaching.
God Bless
Rye
 
Had my baby girl while in the middle of school.

Still working on my degree and we’re holding off on another kiddo only because we need a some time after a VERY crazy past year.
 
MrsFlapjack said:
Also, nowadays so many colleges offer online classes. Maybe you can finish without leaving the house! 🙂

It’s natural to feel sad if you haven’t conceived. I went through that last year so you are not alone. And try not to worry about what the world thinks. It’s hard, especially when your own family starts coming after you. But you need to follow what Christ wants you to do, and not worry about what others think.
Click to expand...
I know when I was finishing my education degree, I had to spend all day student teaching (no way to do it online or at night), with classes in the evening, which usually revolved around what happened in the classroom. Yeah, senior year of an education degree is very hard Her university might be different, but we were worked to the bone our senior year. I couldn’t imagine being married, having a little one, and working 70-85 hours a week on a degree. I was usually at the school from 5am-4 pm, with classes at university from 4:30-10p. And on the weekends, I was planning lessons, attending seminars, looking for teaching jobs, etc. And I wasn’t an extraordinary case. It was just what was done. And I wasn’t paid for that year. I did ace my student teaching and classes. 👍

On a side note, teachers deserve more respect in society.
 
This:
ilovemary90 said:
Part of me knows the “world” will think I’ve wasted my life away if I don’t get a degree. Part of me cares, part of me doesn’t.
Click to expand...
makes me wonder if part of your angst isn’t that you’re reconsidering, on some level, whether or not you actually want to actually finished the degree at all with all that implies for your future life. Do you still really want to become a teacher, or deep down inside, do you really want to be a SAHM?
 
I’m guessing you know what you need to do given your particular circumstances. We can all come here with our own individual stories and suggest you follow suit because it worked for us, but that won’t help you one bit.
It’s HARD to abstain when you desire a child… very hard. I’m sorry you have to endure this experience.
Ask God to continue to lead you and guide you in every decision. ***HE ***is the only one who knows what is RIGHT for YOU… not random Catholics online who are trying to figure all this out for ourselves as well.
What I will tell you is this… YOUR story will be PERFECT for YOU. Yes, there WILL be some challenges along the way… they may be struggling with abstaining, or they may involve dealing with pregnancy/childbirth while you’re still in school. Both are extremely challenging.
Stay close to Our Lady… she is your mother and will comfort you through your challenges, whatever they may be.
(((HUGS)))

For I know well the plans I have in mind for you—oracle of the LORD—plans for your welfare and not for woe, so as to give you a future of hope.
When you call me, and come and pray to me, I will listen to you.
When you look for me, you will find me. Yes, when you seek me with all your heart,
I will let you find me—oracle of the LORD—and I will change your lot; Jer 29:11-14
 
Nobody can tell you that you should or shouldn’t have a child, of course. However, I think that your spirit is quite possibly trying to tell you something… 😉
 
Contra_Mundum said:
Given the circumstances my advice is to finish it first, then have a baby. You are so close. After that you will be free to do whatever you want. You could also get pregnant during that last year.

I finished my PhD when my son was one and I was also pregnant. It is doable, as long as you have support at home and from your lecturers.

Good luck!
Click to expand...
Thanks for the advice and encouragement.
I do need to keep into perspective how close I am…
I’m just scared for some reason that God will choose to never give me any more babies! lol:p
 
Em_in_FL said:
I’m guessing you know what you need to do given your particular circumstances. We can all come here with our own individual stories and suggest you follow suit because it worked for us, but that won’t help you one bit.
It’s HARD to abstain when you desire a child… very hard. I’m sorry you have to endure this experience.
Ask God to continue to lead you and guide you in every decision. ***HE ***is the only one who knows what is RIGHT for YOU… not random Catholics online who are trying to figure all this out for ourselves as well.
What I will tell you is this… YOUR story will be PERFECT for YOU. Yes, there WILL be some challenges along the way… they may be struggling with abstaining, or they may involve dealing with pregnancy/childbirth while you’re still in school. Both are extremely challenging.
Stay close to Our Lady… she is your mother and will comfort you through your challenges, whatever they may be.
(((HUGS)))

For I know well the plans I have in mind for you—oracle of the LORD—plans for your welfare and not for woe, so as to give you a future of hope.
When you call me, and come and pray to me, I will listen to you.
When you look for me, you will find me. Yes, when you seek me with all your heart,
I will let you find me—oracle of the LORD—and I will change your lot; Jer 29:11-14
Click to expand...
thank you!
Yeah, I didn’t think anyone would be able to give me an answer…I was just venting about how hard it is to abstain when you feel like the Lord has something else he wants you to finish first.

I guess that’s why we have not had an oops yet despite the 95% “success” rate. It just must not be our time!👍
 
ryecroft said:
Actually, probably not with the online - with teaching, you generally have to do lots of time student teaching -this is not something that can really be done online. Your husband has made some major concessions so you could finish your degree - his company even has - there aren’t alot of companies that do that sort of thing that I’m familiar with. Also (i know on here many hate stats) the stats do point towards those that drop out of college with the intention of going back more often then not don’t wind up going back. I’m not saying you wouldn’t just i’ve known a few women who have thought they would go right back after the baby was a couple of years old - some got into a cycle where there was often a new baby they didnt’ want to leave another didn’t want to leave the baby with a sitter. Also,once you’re done and cerified, you’ll have the option of teaching or if you prefer and your budgets will allow then you can be a SAHM.
I really believe that God has allwed some pretty extraordinary things to occur that seem to point towards you finishing your degree - who knows you might wind up being the teacher that inspires the boy or girl who grows up to find a cure for cancer (or while teaching that child you might give birth to the next president) - only God knows.
It’s really hard to go back to school - I had to put mine off for a while because I was so sick with kidney disease. Then when we moved getting everything to transfer was a never ending nightmare. I hope and pray everything works out for you - with your love of kids I have no doubt you’ll enjoy teaching.
God Bless
Rye
Click to expand...
Just wanted to say thank you, your post encouraged me. You are right, it really is a miracle that I got an opportunity to go back to school based on the situation
 
Personally, I HAD to get out of school because of how worldly it was and how IMPORTANT it is to strive for holiness… If people around you are sinning it is difficult for their behavior NOT to affect you… I’m HOMESCHOOL myself and I don’t care if I have a degree or not… My boss’ grandfather said, “if you want to be poor all life, you are going to be working.” And well, I love it. Opus Dei!! Work at a little small Organic General Store and LOVE it more than any degree government or corporate job… if you’re going to a good Catholic school or a simple small and God Loving college, I see why you are having a hard time leaving… but if you’re in secular university, always know College is not for everyone. Love you and hope you the best… you will find support, and what His Truth is for you.
 
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