Hi all.
I’ve had this thought for quite a while, but i think my fallen state (from grace) is really taking its toll on my mind. Every single day I’m battling unwanted thoughts to the point i am utterly confused, and not sure whether i had entertained in such thoughts or not. These type of unwanted thoughts are vile and disgusting, you know, the such that i’d rather die than intentionally think about. They can range from lustful thoughts to violent thoughts, and sometimes about my own family members to people on tv and etc.
What really effects me is when i’m so confused i can’t even trust myself. Sometimes i think in a despairing manner, like “how on earth can you think that? Shame on you!”, then i rebuttle, “But you would never think like that! You’re not that type of person!”. So therefore, I don’t know if i have ever entertained in such thoughts. Its getting to the point when I literally have to shake my head a little, to stop the thoughts.
I believe when i go to confession (i do plan to), my conscience will be at peace. My only problem is that i need to feel more contrite, and that i need to firmly agree not to do those sins again, without having to think “well if i fall again, there’s confession”…
I need some advice. Please help.
(from previous posts of mine)
Regarding unwanted thoughts
While Jesus makes it clear that one can sin in ones thoughts…just cause some lustful thought or other like thought happens does not mean that one has sinned…
What should we do with* unwanted* sexual thoughts or other “bad thoughts”…thoughts against God etc? Those pesky temptations that can come …even though we are not seeking them or doing anything to bring them etc…
Are they mortal sins?
For a mortal sin one needs a grave matter …full knowledge AND deliberate consent!!!
A. If you do not want the thought…it the thought displeases you: it can be a sign actually that you did not give any consent or do not give full consent.
B. Even if you felt a temptation for the thought – and were drawn to it involuntarily —but rejected it and maybe even turned right to God : again a sign not full consent (if there was any).
C. But what if one has a tempting thought --say of a sexual nature and even hesitated for a moment…but then rejected it for one did not want to sin?: it can be partial consent perhaps (and thus a venial sin)-- or it may be no sin at all but rather a strong temptation that drew you but then you saw what was happening and turned away.
D. A temptation can even be very strong or the thoughts very often – but this does NOT mean one has consented!
Remember --for it to be mortal there must be that deliberate consent!
What to do? on the spiritual side–relax first of all and remember the above.
Next – know that the more one fears the thoughts the more likely they are to come… or said another way --the more a person stress about seeking to avoid the thoughts the more likely he will have a problem with them.
for example: for the next 10 seconds try NOT to think of an apple.
tick tock …
tick tock…
Ok what did you think of?
Most likely an apple.
So it is best to ignore them and just not consent and then turn your attention to some other good thing…for instance whatever you are doing.
Simply do not consent and move on…
Another point – thoughts can just happen --they are the stuff with which we think…it is up to us to consent and take them further or not. And just because they are REAL VIVID and almost “think themselves” does not mean per se that one has given ANY consent.
They can be annoying…(and a torment) but need cause no actual harm …
(Now difficulties with thoughts can happen to anyone…and has for centuries…nothing new!..but I will note too that “some” have a condition known as OCD (I knew someone with this once…it was a painful experience)…From Jimmy Akin of CA:
jimmyakin.com/2005/04/a_crown_of_thor.html-even if one does not have OCD -read it anyhow – more there about thoughts (we are not here permitted to advise or seek to “diognose” such…and thus should seek further professional help to work at overcoming it and to live a more peaceful life…I saw this site
catholictherapists.com/))
(also some suffer from scrupulosity and ought to have a* regular confessor*)
Another help…is the distinction of “first thoughts and emotions” (as Baur calls em) what they call the prima of the prima…“the first of the first” (as one of my Professors called em…he was a Dominican)…these are the first involuntary things that just come up…such are not sins. They can tempt one of course to sin…or one can then proceed to some sin…but they are the stuff of the mind and emotions which “happen to one” …and really the are opportunities for growing in virtue etc as well…
How to deal with these? First of relax…don’t scruple…don’t fear them…to try to swat them all as the come…just simply turn to other things…or the thing you are doing…or to God…(of course do not consent)…but if you are too defensive against them…they may get worse actually…and confuse you more…instead turn to God or again other good things…accept that hey…somethings wild thoughts will come to you…
(and these can happen to all of us by the way…)
There is a story from the desert of the early Centuries of the Church where a younger hermit when to an older one with the problems of thoughts happening to him all the time…the older hermit told him to go outside open his cloak and catch the wind.
The younger hermit said such is not possible…
the older hermit replied --neither is it possible to stop all the thoughts that can come to you…your choice… is to consent or not…
