Valentine's marriage advice

[Xantippe]

This is very sweet advice from an unexpected source, Dr. Amy Tuteur of the Skeptical OB.

I’ll pull out the paragraph headings:

“Marry someone who is kind”

“Marry someone who is smart … but don’t let him know exactly how smart you think he is”

(I disagree with that last part–feel free to tell your spouse exactly how brilliant you find them.)

“Marry someone who will be a good parent”

“Marry your best friend”

“Don’t get married unless you can’t live without him”

skepticalob.com/2016/02/marriage-advice-on-valentines-day.html

 

[GreyWings]

Yeah… this is good advice.

In other words, don’t settle. Don’t compromise who you are and your faith. Don’t settle for crumbs when you are worthy of the bread. (Is that a good analogy? lol)

 

[Xantippe]

Yeah… this is good advice.

In other words, don’t settle. Don’t compromise who you are and your faith. Don’t settle for crumbs when you are worthy of the bread. (Is that a good analogy? lol)

Right.

 

[Anglewannabe]

“Marry someone who is smart … but don’t let him know exactly how smart you think he is”

(I disagree with that last part–feel free to tell your spouse exactly how brilliant you find them.)

I agree with you. I can’t help but think it would be very lonely to not be able to tell your spouse their good traits. It almost seems like she is suggesting married people should compete with each other

 

[808Catholic]

This is very sweet advice from an unexpected source, Dr. Amy Tuteur of the Skeptical OB.

I’ll pull out the paragraph headings:

“Marry someone who is kind”

“Marry someone who is smart … but don’t let him know exactly how smart you think he is”

(I disagree with that last part–feel free to tell your spouse exactly how brilliant you find them.)

“Marry someone who will be a good parent”

“Marry your best friend”

“Don’t get married unless you can’t live without him”

skepticalob.com/2016/02/marriage-advice-on-valentines-day.html

How about a different perspective? Who did Christ choose as His “Bride”? Did He pick the kindest people? Or the smartest? Or the best parents? Or only His best friends? He chose us. We are sent by Christ to bring His light to the world. If we’re looking to “trade up” in this world, we are NOT like Christ! We love our spouses for all their faults, all their shortcomings, all their failures. Just as Christ loves us His “Bride”.

 

[Xantippe]

How about a different perspective? Who did Christ choose as His “Bride”? Did He pick the kindest people? Or the smartest? Or the best parents? Or only His best friends? He chose us. We are sent by Christ to bring His light to the world. If we’re looking to “trade up” in this world, we are NOT like Christ! We love our spouses for all their faults, all their shortcomings, all their failures. Just as Christ loves us His “Bride”.

Ah, but that’s Christ choosing his “Bride.” That’s not “the Bride” choosing her husband!

Also, even a kind, smart person that you can’t live with will have faults, shortcomings, and failures. But if they are kind and smart and you love them madly, there’s hope that the two of you can get through just about anything. If they aren’t kind and smart and you don’t love them madly, there’s not a lot of hope.

 

[Xantippe]

How about a different perspective? Who did Christ choose as His “Bride”? Did He pick the kindest people? Or the smartest? Or the best parents? Or only His best friends? He chose us. We are sent by Christ to bring His light to the world. If we’re looking to “trade up” in this world, we are NOT like Christ! We love our spouses for all their faults, all their shortcomings, all their failures. Just as Christ loves us His “Bride”.

Here’s another way to look at it.

Let’s say that I have found someone who is kind, smart, my best friend, looks like he would be a good parent, and I feel like I can’t live without him.

Would you look at that and insist that I leave that person and instead marry a person I didn’t like as much?

Marriage is hard already even with good people who love each other–let’s not make it harder than it has to be.

Also Christ chose everybody. We individuals have to narrow it down a bit when deciding who to marry.

 

[Anglewannabe]

How about a different perspective? Who did Christ choose as His “Bride”? Did He pick the kindest people? Or the smartest? Or the best parents? Or only His best friends? He chose us. We are sent by Christ to bring His light to the world. If we’re looking to “trade up” in this world, we are NOT like Christ! We love our spouses for all their faults, all their shortcomings, all their failures. Just as Christ loves us His “Bride”.

Actually, God died on the cross so we could become kind and smart and all those other wonderful things.

Of course once we are married we should love our spouses warts and all, but to purposely pick someone wtih bad qualities really is not too sane

 

[808Catholic]

Ah, but that’s Christ choosing his “Bride.” That’s not “the Bride” choosing her husband!

Also, even a kind, smart person that you can’t live with will have faults, shortcomings, and failures. But if they are kind and smart and you love them madly, there’s hope that the two of you can get through just about anything. If they aren’t kind and smart and you don’t love them madly, there’s not a lot of hope.

As Christians, if we are to follow Christ, we think and act like Christ. Love is the basis of marriage; kind and smart are not.

 

[808Catholic]

Actually, God died on the cross so we could become kind and smart and all those other wonderful things.

Of course once we are married we should love our spouses warts and all, but to purposely pick someone wtih bad qualities really is not too sane

Is it your contention that the salvation promised by Christ is about getting smarter or kinder? Or is it about loving God first then others as we love ourselves? Nowhere do I say select a spouse who is unkind or insane. As we all know, people do and can change. What happens if your spouse has a psychological break? Do you have “reason” to divorce her? What is someone you’ve married has a hidden bad streak? Do you divorce him/her? Christ accepts us as we are and transforms us into who He meant us to be. If we pick and choose the “better” spouse, we are no better than those who religion hop from one religion to another searching for one that meets our expectations.

 

[808Catholic]

Here’s another way to look at it.

Let’s say that I have found someone who is kind, smart, my best friend, looks like he would be a good parent, and I feel like I can’t live without him.

Would you look at that and insist that I leave that person and instead marry a person I didn’t like as much?

Marriage is hard already even with good people who love each other–let’s not make it harder than it has to be.

Also Christ chose everybody. We individuals have to narrow it down a bit when deciding who to marry.

Selection of a spouse is very important; I don’t dispute that in any way. My opinion is that we be like Christ and accept the one we choose despite their faults.

 

[808Catholic]

This is wonderful!

Also if I may add the goal in a Sacramental marriage is not earthly happiness but to help each other gain eternal happiness. We are supposed to help each other get to Heaven. So when my husband has behaviors that I find challenging to deal with, those may actually be God’s little GIFTS to me (go figure) , helping me to grow in grace and virtue. Hard to see it that way when I am in the midst of a snit I will admit but that’s the big picture.

I partially agree with your post: spouses are to help each other grow spiritually but that’s not the only reason why God put us together. I can help a friend, co-worker, and/or a complete stranger grow spiritually as well. Single people can do this and clergy/religious are ordained or take holy orders specifically for this vocation.

Married couples are asked to procreate and instruct their children in the ways of God. To raise them to be Catholic/Christians.

 

[Xantippe]

As Christians, if we are to follow Christ, we think and act like Christ. Love is the basis of marriage; kind and smart are not.

Kind and smart have a lot to do with love.

My husband says, “Love requires you to be as kind and smart as you can be.”

Also, God is Love, and God is well known to be kind (all-good) and smart (all-knowing).

 

[Xantippe]

Selection of a spouse is very important; I don’t dispute that in any way. My opinion is that we be like Christ and accept the one we choose despite their faults.

But we’re talking about how one chooses to begin with.

 

[Xantippe]

I partially agree with your post: spouses are to help each other grow spiritually but that’s not the only reason why God put us together. I can help a friend, co-worker, and/or a complete stranger grow spiritually as well. Single people can do this and clergy/religious are ordained or take holy orders specifically for this vocation.

Married couples are asked to procreate and instruct their children in the ways of God. To raise them to be Catholic/Christians.

In which case, it’s awfully helpful when the other person is kind, smart and a loving parent.

 

[808Catholic]

Kind and smart have a lot to do with love.

My husband says, “Love requires you to be as kind and smart as you can be.”

Also, God is Love, and God is well known to be kind (all-good) and smart (all-knowing).

It all starts with Love/God.

 

[808Catholic]

But we’re talking about how one chooses to begin with.

Married couples discover there are key anniversaries that tell a lot about successfulness and longevity of a marriage. The first year is getting to know each other. By the 5th year, each realize there are quirks that, by the 7th year, may become irks. I personally don’t know too many couples who are still married ,after their 10th anniversary, that haven’t told me they’ve each had to accept little things that they found out in the first few years of marriage. Some have accepted bigger things and thought they may not have married that person if they had known at the start.

If we’re talking about how to choose a spouse, okay, smart and kind are good attributes but love is still the key to me. Love as in agape (Biblical love).

 

[808Catholic]

In which case, it’s awfully helpful when the other person is kind, smart and a loving parent.

I think we’re talking very similar concepts; not enough to continue clarifying from my end.