Valid marriage not blessed by God?

[Parklover]

I’m getting married in a few months in the Catholic Church. My fiance and I have been married before, and we both obtained declarations of nullity from the Catholic Church last year. Even though we have a beautiful God-centered relationship that has been very blessed, is it possible that our upcoming marriage wouldn’t be blessed by God because of how it began?

A few years ago, we had an emotional affair because we fell in love with each other while my fiance was previously married, although we didn’t know how each other felt until he was going through his separation. He said he and his ex-wife were not close friends and had a relationship based largely on a sexual relationship. After he and his ex-wife separated, but before they were divorced, he and I began to date and had a sexual relationship. We have since stopped our sexual relationship until we are married, and we have confessed our sins of emotional/physical adultery and the pain we’ve caused his ex-wife. My fiance’s ex-wife hates me with a passion and squarely blames me for the ending of their marriage. I should mention they have two lovely kids who I have a great relationship with. My fiance says that I’m not the reason for the divorce in his opinion; he says I was there, but not the reason things had been or did ultimately fall apart.

Because of her struggles with mine and my fiance’s relationship and how our relationship began, I’m so scared that God will not bless our marriage. I guess another issue I have is, can I be an effective Christian if I am in a marriage that his ex-wife and her friends/family (and perhaps others) sees it as immoral? I’ve discussed this with my priest and my Christian counselor but I can’t see to get a straight answer regarding these issues.

 

[bzkoss236]

The Church declared that you two are free to marry. So, as long as you intend on having a valid and God-centered marriage and keep up with the Faith, then I can’t see how God wouldn’t bless this marriage.

 

[Regina_Love]

God doesn’t have people vote to decide what’s right & what’s wrong. We didn’t take a vote on what was gonna be in the ten commandments. God knows what hurts people, and what endangers their immortal souls. He calls these things sins. God teaches us what He knows is right or wrong. What the Church declares is important. People will choose to believe all kinds of stuff about you. That doesn’t make it true.

Be kind, be loving always. Eventually people will like, and then love you. If they find you trustworthy, and approachable they will come to you with any questions they may have. You are responsible for your own actions only. You have no control over what people choose to believe. Ask God to heal any wounds in relationships. Then take this problem to God, and leave it there.

I will pray for you.

 

[VivienneJ]

I’m getting married in a few months in the Catholic Church. … Even though we have a beautiful God-centered relationship that has been very blessed, is it possible that our upcoming marriage wouldn’t be blessed by God because of how it began?

Your marriage will be: valid, sacramental and blessed by God.

My fiance and I have been married before, and we both obtained declarations of nullity from the Catholic Church last year.

The Declaration of Nullity that you each received means that at the time your previous marriages were contracted there were circumstances present which prevented both marriages from being actual marriages. So, while you each thought you were married, in effect you weren’t.

A few years ago, we had an emotional affair because we fell in love with each other while my fiance was previously married

This is what outsiders will see and may give them the thought that you were the cause, as his former wife claims, of the break-up - remember the Declaration of Nullity? The marriage was not a marriage right from the start; God knows that.

we have confessed our sins of emotional/physical adultery and the pain we’ve caused his ex-wife.

You have sincerely confessed your sins, performed whatever penance you were given, and been forgiven by God; those sins no longer exist as far as God is concerned; blessings will not be withheld because of your previous sins; again, you have been forgiven.

My fiance’s ex-wife hates me with a passion and squarely blames me for the ending of their marriage.

On one level, she is probably right in the way she is, and maybe needs to be, looking at it, but remember the Declaration of Nullity - the marriage was not a marriage right from the start.

My fiance says that I’m not the reason for the divorce in his opinion; he says I was there, but not the reason things had been or did ultimately fall apart.

Your fiance’s opinion does not matter. Your prior marriages have been examined by the Tribunal and have been found to have been invalid (not contracted at all).

Because of her struggles with mine and my fiance’s relationship and how our relationship began, I’m so scared that God will not bless our marriage.

Again, God will not withhold blessings. Your prior marriages were not valid marriages. You have repented and confessed your sins. You are free to marry. You have been forgiven the wrong you did.

I guess another issue I have is, can I be an effective Christian if I am in a marriage that his ex-wife and her friends/family (and perhaps others) sees it as immoral?

This could be a real difficulty, as many people, possibly, will think this way. Cling to the truth that God has forgiven you; you can’t break what is not a real marriage.
Also you can minister to other Christians who are in a similar position, from your experiences.

I’ve discussed this with my priest and my Christian counselor but I can’t see to get a straight answer regarding these issues.

Sorry you have not been able to get a straight answer from your priest and Christian counsellor - one thought, is your counsellor Catholic? If not, I suggest you go back to your priest, discuss this aspect of your difficulties with him, and only with him, in order to get the Catholic perspective on this. That may be where your confusing answers are coming from.

 

[Parklover]

Thank you all for the thoughtful responses!