Valid marriages in the Bible

[JosephJohn]

I have a friend who struggles with skepticism and scrupulosity (something I empathize with a good deal). He is afraid because someone told him you are married to anyone of the opposite sex -or at least the first- whom you have sex with.

They cite
-St. Paul claims you are one flesh with a prostitute if you have sex with her. This is strong language and evocative of genesis and Christ’s words on marriage
-In the OT there is a law you have to marry anyone you have sex with or else commit adultery
-Christ also calls the woman at the wells sexual partners her husbands.

Now there are some obvious problems with this view- first and foremost that the church explicitly disagrees. But for my friend with anxiety who is worried he is sinning if he now having repented from behaviors with his ex girlfriend starts discerning marriage properly with other people. That relationship was really toxic and my friend is really anxious so having a simple answer- especially a simple biblical or natural law answer would help him. God bless and Happy Easter!

 

[JosephJohn]

I certainly take your point. The Catholic Church has authority on this and all matters of faith and morals. And no my friend was never married (we are both young men from a relatively secular community)- he is returning to the faith no matter what. His question is Why the church says that sex isn’t always sacramental and why he is free to discern marriage with other people in the proper way moving forward. Like push comes to shove I think he’s on the right track and will default to the church position but understanding why helps.

Also sorry my op was confusing let me try to refine it.

 

[Thorolfr]

So my skeptic friend has had this question for a bit. The sacrament of matrimony for Catholics is conferred when the couple first has sex after saying their vows under the right conditions and the right knowledge and with full and freely given consent and assent (not the exact language of the catechism but I think it is accurate- correct me if I’m wrong).

I don’t think Catholics used to do marriages like they do now where a priest must be involved and it usually takes place in a church. According to Wikipedia:

Matrimony, for most of Church history, had been celebrated (as in traditions such as the Roman and Judaic) without clergy and was done according to local customs. The first available written detailed account of a Christian wedding in the West dates only from the 9th century and appears to be identical to the old nuptial service of Ancient Rome…

[W]ith few local exceptions, until in some cases long after the Council of Trent [held between 1545 and 1563], marriages in Europe were by mutual consent, declaration of intention to marry and upon the subsequent physical union of the parties. The couple would promise verbally to each other that they would be married to each other; the presence of a priest or witnesses was not required. This promise was known as the “verbum.” If freely given and made in the present tense (e.g., “I marry you”), it was unquestionably binding; if made in the future tense (“I will marry you”), it would constitute a betrothal. One of the functions of churches from the Middle Ages was to register marriages, which was not obligatory.

Marriage in the Catholic Church - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

And on the issue of marriages in the Old Testament, Abraham’s wife Sarah was his half sister, so I doubt that their marriage would have been a valid Catholic marriage.

 

[JosephJohn]

I mean, it’s definitely true that church law changes. It’s also true that marriage was not sacramental and insoluble for OT Jews like it is for Catholics because Christ declared divorce impossible for these. But the thing is someone told him basically that he accidentally married a woman he didn’t mean to. If he did that’s like not great for anyone … but he didn’t and he wants to understand why the church is sure he didn’t.

 

[Michael_Anthony]

St. Paul is warning of the dangers, and power of the bond that forms, both biological (oxytocin) and spiritual (I have heard stories of people being afflicted by demons because they slept with their wife who was a Wiccan), the Old Testament law sounds like a legal law as much or more than a moral one. The woman at the well had had multiple husbands “the one you are with now is not your husband”, due to death or divorce she had had multiple previous marriages. Fornication is a sin precisely because it expresses vows with one’s body that have not been outwardly made between the two until the vows are made (particularly ones that are recognized by the church as binding), the marriage has not been entered, and is not then completed until they consummate.

 

[JosephJohn]

Ok yeah that’s good thank yo. The last piece is the the word for fornication I’m told actually broadly means sexual immorality not fornication specifically. Is there another example where premarital sex is specifically mentioned so I can be like premarital sex exists because it’s prohibited so you’re definitely ok- or maybe is there an unmarried biblical person who was told to leave their sexual partner. if not this is plenty to get the point that this is pretty straight forward through. thanks

 

[Michael_Anthony]

Use Google, I am having difficulty finding quotes where the Catholic and protestant ones translate similarly, but most new testament ones that reference sexuality seems to leave it as “having sex with your wife” and “having sex with someone who isn’t your wife,” and if you aren’t married, then surely there must be some way to violate this with another person (of the opposite sex) before being married (maybe another person with more dedication can find the quotes. or me if I get a lot of time on my hands).

 

[Tis_Bearself]

I have a friend who struggles with skepticism and scrupulosity (something I empathize with a good deal). He is afraid because someone told him you are married to anyone of the opposite sex -or at least the first- whom you have sex with.

If your friend has scrupulosity, he needs to be speaking to a priest. It is not really advisable to try to have logical discussion with someone suffering from this mental condition.

 

[TheLittleLady]

-St. Paul claims you are one flesh with a prostitute if you have sex with her. This is strong language and evocative of genesis and Christ’s words on marriage

Sounds as if they deeply misunderstand scripture:

1 Corinthians, CHAPTER 6 | USCCB

 

[Gorgias]

The last piece is the the word for fornication I’m told actually broadly means sexual immorality not fornication specifically.

No, that’s not true. What someone was trying to say is that the Greek word ‘porneia’ can be translated as ‘sexual immorality.’ However, it’s used to indicate fornication.

He is afraid because someone told him you are married to anyone of the opposite sex -or at least the first- whom you have sex with.

I’ve heard of some Protestant groups who believe this. They call it ‘soul bonding’ or some such thing. It’s not in the Bible; it’s just their personal interpretation of Scripture (which, as it turns out, Scripture itself tells us we must not do).

In the OT there is a law you have to marry anyone you have sex with or else commit adultery

That’s the OT. The context is that women had no other prospects than getting married as a virgin. If a man took a woman’s virginity, he was literally preventing her from marrying anyone else. So, by taking her virginity, he was consenting to marry her. The situation is much different today, wouldn’t you say?

Christ also calls the woman at the wells sexual partners her husbands.

Actually, he says that her current sexual partner isn’t her husband. That kinda flies in the face of the whole theory, don’t you think?

Here’s the other thing, though: in the Gospel of John, Jesus tells the woman caught in adultery “go and sin no more”. So, there’s forgiveness for sexual sin, and it comes directly from Jesus.

There’s nothing to the theory. The Church that Jesus founded has never taught it.