Valid Marriages vs. financial and legal arrangements

[cascademountains]

Hello,

My thoughts are not very organized at this moment, but I’m losing faith in the sacrament of marriage and looking for answers.

I tend to have a pattern of thought out of concern for the community, together with a feeling of loyalty to the Church, and I have seen so much at this point between trying to survive a custody arrangement, the trauma to my children, family dynamics, navigating the dating scene, assistance with spiritual discernment from the religious, working on divorces as a paralegal, pretentious behavior from Catholic religious and the faithful, and observations of lasting marriages. Marriage or intimate relationships seem to inherently be some sort of financial arrangement, and heavily influenced over the years in terms of success by parents of the parties waging approval or disapproval. Children build attitudes toward their parents patterning how each parent treats the other.

Does grace flow from the marriage? Do the partners show a financial chemistry? Is the male sexually satisfied by the female and her behavior toward him? Psychology seems to tell us that females are more lovely when they harbor, project, and receive emotional benefits from their partner.

Are couples required to execute a legally bound marriage within the state to receive the sacrament of marriage in the Church? I was told me the Church caters toward the law of the land… with so many financial incentives, status incentives and divorce… and disgrace in the Church.

Please let me know if there is an authoritative source that addresses the sacrament as separate from the law and supernatural beyond meeting our needs for food, status, community, etc.

God bless you.

 

[cascademountains]

what signs can a couple look for of such grace as flowing to know they should receive the sacrament?

 

[DarkLight]

There are parts of canon law that deal with this. In general, the church does not perform marriages aside from the law of the land. There can be exceptions for serious reasons, but I doubt we would find any in the U.S., where generally any single man and single woman can marry each other legally (and most legal impediments would also be impediments in the church).

 

[cascademountains]

yeah, that makes sense… for the salvation of their souls… such that they couldn’t achieve this otherwise?

 

[Titivillus]

Are couples required to execute a legally bound marriage within the state to receive the sacrament of marriage in the Church? I was told me the Church caters toward the law of the land

The institution of marriage, naturally, pre-dates the elevation by Christ of marriage to a sacrament. Therefore the Church will not ordinarily celebrate the sacrament of marriage except it be recognized by the state.

(Should the Church, for some reason, celebrate a marriage outside of the state’s purview, it would of course truly be a marriage even while not recognized as such by the state)

 

[InThePew]

Please let me know if there is an authoritative source that addresses the sacrament as separate from the law and supernatural beyond meeting our needs for food, status, community, etc.

In a number of countries, Catholic marriage celebrants perform a dual religious/state role meaning that the couple need only have one ceremony. However, there are some countries where a separate civil ceremony must be conducted first (Spain is one iirc). Besides this, the state also recognises marriages which the Church doesn’t - divorcees and same-sex couples being the obvious examples. So while it’s certainly convenient for the civil and religious aspects of marriage to happen together this isn’t an absolute requirement.

Marriage, in Church teaching, involves a mutual (and total) self giving by the parties in imitation of Christ’s spousal love for the Church. Grace flows from any sacrament and in marriage it is the couple themselves who administer the sacrament to each other. The reading from Genesis a couple of Sundays ago expresses the theology nicely - man and woman are made for each other and a drawn together in marriage by God. Just as we need food and shelter we also need an intimate relationship with another (“it is not good for man to be alone”). Financial / social status, and favour on the part of others have no place and the Rite of Marriage itself makes this clear in both the consent (ensuring the couple have come freely and without coercion) and in the vows (for richer, for poorer etc).

 

[Vico]

yeah, that makes sense… for the salvation of their souls… such that they couldn’t achieve this otherwise?

Catechism

1641 "By reason of their state in life and of their order, [Christian spouses] have their own special gifts in the People of God."147 This grace proper to the sacrament of Matrimony is intended to perfect the couple’s love and to strengthen their indissoluble unity. By this grace they "help one another to attain holiness in their married life and in welcoming and educating their children."148

1642 Christ is the source of this grace . "Just as of old God encountered his people with a covenant of love and fidelity, so our Savior, the spouse of the Church, now encounters Christian spouses through the sacrament of Matrimony."149 Christ dwells with them, gives them the strength to take up their crosses and so follow him, to rise again after they have fallen, to forgive one another, to bear one another’s burdens, to "be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ,"150 and to love one another with supernatural, tender, and fruitful love. In the joys of their love and family life he gives them here on earth a foretaste of the wedding feast of the Lamb:

How can I ever express the happiness of a marriage joined by the Church, strengthened by an offering, sealed by a blessing, announced by angels, and ratified by the Father? . . . How wonderful the bond between two believers, now one in hope, one in desire, one in discipline, one in the same service! They are both children of one Father and servants of the same Master, undivided in spirit and flesh, truly two in one flesh. Where the flesh is one, one also is the spirit.151

147 Lumen Gentium 11 § 2.
148 Lumen Gentium 11 § 2; cf. LG 41.
149 Gaudium et Spes 48 § 2.
150 Eph 5:21; cf. Gal 6:2.
151 Tertullian, Ad uxorem. 2,8,6-7L 1,1412-1413; cf. Familiaris Consortio 13.

 

[cascademountains]

how do you know it’s still a Sacrament?

 

[cascademountains]

to love one another with supernatural, tender, and fruitful love.

i have the impression… not many of these relationships exist anymore, such that the two are truly two in one flesh?

should there not be evidence of this potential entity somehow before receiving the sacrament?

 

[mrsdizzyd]

how do you know it’s still a Sacrament?

Sacraments actually do what they signify.

So long as the valid marriage is performed in accordance with the rubrics, it is a sacramental marriage. A valid sacramental union never ceases to be until death.

As mentioned above, people have a choice as to whether or not they respond to the grace that flows from their sacramental marriage.

 

[cascademountains]

what do you mean by “do what they signify?”

it’s clear that people have a choice whether to respond to grace given, even the choice is a grace… on what scale does the Church believe the grace is sufficient with the sacrament to begin with… perhaps that’s case-by-case depending on the influence of the Church for that union? Such as with baptism and confirmation, are you saying the grace is sufficient? I was under the impression that there needs to be some spiritual inspiration to receive a sacrament when beyond the age of reason. The intent wasn’t their for a college-age friend’s baptism into the Church, it’s was just a ritual to him as a measure toward getting a woman to marry him… so it was recommended he back out.

 

[mrsdizzyd]

what do you mean by “do what they signify?”

Look at CCC 1661. The Sacrament of matrimony signifies the union between Christ and the Church. It actually creates this union between husband and wife through grace. It is not merely symbolic. That’s what I mean when I say Sacraments actually do what they signify.

As to your other questions, there is a caveat in my response and that relates to the word “valid”. There are several criteria that must be met in order for a marriage to be valid. Rather than type out an essay here, I’ll refer you to this Article about marriage and annulment. It goes into detail about validity. I think it addresses most of your questions: http://canonlawmadeeasy.com/2007/07/26/marriage_and_annulment/

 

[Vico]

…

i have the impression… not many of these relationships exist anymore, such that the two are truly two in one flesh?

should there not be evidence of this potential entity somehow before receiving the sacrament?

It is the reason that a dispensation is required for a Catholic to marry a non-Christian and that permission is required to marry a non-Catholic. Only with a sacramental marriage will the sacramental grace be available and more likely to be fruitful with a Catholic-Catholic marriage.

 

[Titivillus]

If a marriage is validly contracted between two baptized parties, it cannot but be a sacrament.