Valid or invalid?

[s4angel]

I was married in 1997 to a man who I had 3 beautiful children with one of which went home.My husband was baptised catholic but for some reason I was never able to ascertain hated the catholic church and still does to this day. We were divorced in 2003 and it was just as much my fault as it was his.

We were not married in the church and never had our marraige blessed indeed I myself did not come to be a true catholic of the heart untill just recently though I have always felt the call ( I wanted what I wanted when I wanted it) I have never remarried and for many years I did live my life in sin and have lived to regret it.

I don’t know that I will ever want to marry again. I have had my offers but I would rather live my life in obediance now even if it means that in this world I am physicaly alone. chastity is no problem for me now I have found more happiness respecting my body as I should have done so many years ago. My family keeps wanting me to go out and find me a nice catholic man but I find myself confused

My ex-husband is remarried but am I not still married to him by god? Wasn’t it a valid marriage? and if it was not then does that make the children I had with him born out of wedlock in the eyes of god? what if I feel that it was a valid marraige after all I did believe at least for part of my marraige and it was I that knowingly walked away. I guess my biggest fear is this.

I know that in a marraige that with one non-believer and a believer that the one that believes cans sactify the one that does not believe so If I have the marraige annuled where does that leave his soul? Not only that but my sins were just as great as his if not more so because I knew about the lord and always had the calling even when I refused to hear it does that not make me at least half responsible for him because I did know even if I did not understand at the time?

 

[passus]

Was his marriage to you your ex-husband’s first marriage? Am I correct in understanding that both you and your ex-husband had been baptized Catholic prior to your marriage?

 

[s4angel]

I was baptized in the catholic church and though we never spoke of it I am quite certain having known his wonderful mother that she did indeed have him baptised as well.

 

[s4angel]

yes it was both of our first marraige.

 

[passus]

Because Catholics are bound by the marriage laws of the Church, two Catholics (assuming your ex-husband really was Catholic at the time of your marriage) who marry outside the Church would have an invalid marriage, which would be grounds for an annulment, the impediment being a defect of form.

 

[s4angel]

so what about our kids? are they “born out of wedlock?” If the church does not see my marraige as valid then is the baptism of our children invalid as well? it does list him as the father and I know (unfortunatly by experiance) that if you are not married then only the mothers name is listed on the baptism certificate. I know that in my heart I still feel married to him, years have not changed that nor the sin commited in the interim. I don’t know how to stop feeling this way or stop the connection I have always had to him. I pray all the time for him to come to knowledge of the lord and grow in love with him. I pray even for his new marraige though I must admit at times it is hard when I don’t even know which marraige I am praying for. I guess I need to talk to my priest about this but I am afraid that the one thing I thought I had right (the legitamacy of my children) will be nothing more than just another sin.

 

[passus]

so what about our kids? are they “born out of wedlock?”

Check the following thread.

			[Does annulment make the children illegitimate?](http://forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=22314)

If the church does not see my marraige as valid then is the baptism of our children invalid as well?

Yes, the baptisms are valid. Your marriage’s status has no bearing on the validity of your children’s baptisms.

it does list him as the father and I know (unfortunatly by experiance) that if you are not married then only the mothers name is listed on the baptism certificate.

I can’t really comment on this, but it’s not as though your children’s baptismal certificates are going to be re-issued. I also don’t see why you’re concerned about it. The certificate is, after all, just a piece of paper.

I know that in my heart I still feel married to him, years have not changed that nor the sin commited in the interim. I don’t know how to stop feeling this way or stop the connection I have always had to him. I pray all the time for him to come to knowledge of the lord and grow in love with him. I pray even for his new marraige though I must admit at times it is hard when I don’t even know which marraige I am praying for. I guess I need to talk to my priest about this but I am afraid that the one thing I thought I had right (the legitamacy of my children) will be nothing more than just another sin.

Continue praying for yourself and your husband. It would be a good idea to set up an appointment with your parish priest to have confession, discuss these feelings and, when you’re ready, to clear up the legal matters surrounding your marriage.

I hope that helps.

 

[Ron_Conte]

so what about our kids? are they “born out of wedlock?”

You had a natural marriage, but not the Sacrament of Marriage. So your children are legitimate; they were not born out of wedlock.

You would most likely be able to obtain an annulment.

 

[1ke]

The marriage is invalid due to lack of form. I suggest you get with your priest and start the paperwork today. It is a good idea to have your canonical status settled so that if in the future you do decide that you want to pursue a relationship with someone, it is all taken care of.

Your marriage is invalid, but you entered into it in good faith (perhaps not knowing of the requirement to be married in the Church?). If the Church considers your marriage to be putative, children are legitimate under Canon Law:

Can. 1061 §3. An invalid marriage is called putative if at least one party celebrated it in good faith, until both parties become certain of its nullity.

Can. 1137 The children conceived or born of a valid or putative marriage are legitimate.

Even if the Church did not consider your marriage putative, or your children “legitimate” it doens’t have any impact on them canonically or sacrametally. Your children’s baptisms are 100% valid. There is NOTHING to worry about in this regard. My own parents’ marriage was invalid due to lack of form. It has NO impact on me at all.

So, don’t think any further on this matter, distressing yourself unnecessarily.

Go see your priest. All will be well.