Valid to miss mass because of new baby?

[neslor617]

I had a baby girl January 20th, and want to wait until she is 6 weeks old to go back to mass…at that time she can start taking a bottle and I feel it is safer to bring her out. If I’m totally recovered and healthy, is this a valid reason not to go to mass? Thanks

 

[Katie1723]

Congratulations on your new baby! But is there not someone who could baby sit for an hour or so? And why must you wait six weeks?
Kathy

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

I had a baby girl January 20th, and want to wait until she is 6 weeks old to go back to mass…at that time she can start taking a bottle and I feel it is safer to bring her out. If I’m totally recovered and healthy, is this a valid reason not to go to mass? Thanks

Of course, but is there is no one else who could care for the baby while you are gone for a few hours? The Baptism should take place before six weeks, or is your pastor one who refuses to Baptize during Lent.

 

[bpbasilphx]

It is custom in the Orthodox Church for a new mother to wait 40 days after the birth before she returns to church, when she’s given a special blessing.

I don’t know of Eastern Catholics still follow this.

 

[MooCowSteph]

Please don’t feel pressured to leave your baby in those early weeks. It is a valid reason to miss Mass. Babies need to nurse on demand and need their moms. Leaving a newborn baby for even an hour and a half can be very difficult on you and the baby. I think I missed 3-4 weeks after DD was born, just getting then hang of nursing, being a mom, etc. Totally normal. And please, don’t feel like you need to bring a bottle to Mass. Pop on over to the parenting board and you’ll find lots of support for nursing during Mass.

 

[MooCowSteph]

Of course, but is there is no one else who could care for the baby while you are gone for a few hours? The Baptism should take place before six weeks, or is your pastor one who refuses to Baptize during Lent.

I thought the “rule” was that it was to be done quickly, but not necessarily within 6 weeks. My DD was baptised at 7 weeks. Sometimes it can take that long just to have a date that works for you and the pastor. It’s not like you can plan it in advance of the birth, except for the rare case of a planned c-section.

 

[SacredHeartFan]

I believe that it is a valid excuse. God gave you the baby and by gosh he wants you to take care of that baby! If you have a friend in your parish ask him/her if they could bring a pyx for you. You would have to pass this with the pastor, but if he is reasonable, he will understand. If not you just print this out and bring it to him!

 

[Seatuck]

Can. 867 §1 Parents are obliged to see that their infants are baptized within the first few weeks. As soon as possible after the birth, indeed even before it, they are to approach the parish priest to ask for the sacrament for their child, and to be themselves duly prepared for it.

§2 If the infant is in danger of death, it is to be baptized without any delay.

 

[Seatuck]

Child care is a valid reason. But it is better spiritually for you to go to Mass if you can.

 

[eli1118]

I didn’t go to mass until my son was about 8 or 9 months old. I thought I needed to fulfill his needs and was too little to go. That didn’t mean that I wasn’t loving God or planning on attending. I think sometimes we judge ourselves and others harder than he does.
You go to mass when you and that baby fill ready–God loves you guys and understands.
Just my 2 cents.

 

[neslor617]

Thanks for all the replies! With baptism, I have no choice. We have a pastor who only baptizes on the 3rd Sunday of the month and doesn’t do it during Lent, so she won’t be baptized until April 20th when she is 3 months old. I’m not happy about this, but have no choice…our pastor is the only priest.

I say 6 weeks because I’m nursing, and experts agree not to introduce a bottle until 6 weeks, when nursing is well established. I do not feel comfortable nursing in public at all, and our church really doesn’t have a place to go in private.

It has been very difficult for me not to go to Mass…I’ve missed it; craved it really…and the weeks are hard to get through without it, so I know how spiritually important Mass is. I’ve prayed daily and worked on my relationship w/ Christ during this time. A couple more Sundays and I’ll be back at church. I hope He understands, and I’m thinking that He does

 

[palmas85]

I had a baby girl January 20th, and want to wait until she is 6 weeks old to go back to mass…at that time she can start taking a bottle and I feel it is safer to bring her out. If I’m totally recovered and healthy, is this a valid reason not to go to mass? Thanks

Are you working or a stay at home mom?

 

[neslor617]

Sacredheartfan-What is a pyx??? Sorry if this is an obvious answer; just never heard of it.

 

[neslor617]

Palmas85-Right now I’m a stay at home Mom…but plan to go back to teaching in the fall. That will be very hard, but I don’t have a choice there either…my husband is a teacher also and we need my income.

 

[palmas85]

Palmas85-Right now I’m a stay at home Mom…but plan to go back to teaching in the fall. That will be very hard, but I don’t have a choice there either…my husband is a teacher also and we need my income.

Just wondering. A while back before the crash, we had a similar situation. The new Mom couldn’t bear to leave her child to come to Mass or apparently bring the child with her for some unknown reason, , but she was working full time, leaving the child with her mother if I recall correctly.

As far as going to Mass, I don’t think having a new baby gives one dispensation not to attend unless there is some medical or health reason on the part of the mother or the child. Having a nursing child or being embarrassed to nurse in public I don’t think would qualify as a valid reason not to go. Sorry.

I know that flies straight in the face of some of the responses you have gotten, but I believe that it is ultimately true.

 

[jc-servant]

We have many new babies at my parish. Usually the mother stays home with them while the father goes to mass and vice versa, even shortly after the delivery. All of my friends with newborns are nursing so that is not a reason to stay home either. As soon as the mother feels able to sit through mass herself, then back she comes.

The ones who live close to the church leave the baby at home with Dad at first and then bring a cover and nurse at church. The ones who live a little more of a drive away bring the baby and come on to church even less than one month after the birth. I would just be careful if the weather is really harsh. Many of them just make sure that no one touches the baby before the shots are given, especially now that we are in cold/flu season.

 

[SMHW]

I had a baby girl January 20th, and want to wait until she is 6 weeks old to go back to mass…at that time she can start taking a bottle and I feel it is safer to bring her out. If I’m totally recovered and healthy, is this a valid reason not to go to mass? Thanks

Caring for an infant is considered a valid reason to miss Mass. And not everyone recovers from childbirth as quickly as some others might. The birth of a first child can be especially difficult, both physically and emotionally. I know that it surprises many people who have this idea that babies feed less frequently, but many, if not most newborns, nurse at least every hour, 24 hours a day.

But that said, I took my newborns to Mass when they were less than a week old. They were actually less trouble then than when they were a few months older. And I (rightly or wrongly) didn’t really worry too much about them contracting any illnesses. I never could have managed without my husband or someone to help, however. And it was very rare that my babies didn’t want to nurse at some point while we were at Mass.

 

[Andreas_Hofer]

As far as going to Mass, I don’t think having a new baby gives one dispensation not to attend unless there is some medical or health reason on the part of the mother or the child. Having a nursing child or being embarrassed to nurse in public I don’t think would qualify as a valid reason not to go. Sorry.

I know that flies straight in the face of some of the responses you have gotten, but I believe that it is ultimately true.

bpbasilphx mentioned the traditional “churching of women” after 40 days, and my very traditional pastor told my wife after the birth of our first child that she got 6 mo. before she had to come back to Mass (this was of course half-joking, but it was a traditional number reflecting the fact that childbirth used to take a higher physical toll at the same time that Mass could be much harder to get to). However, this has to do with the physical/medical necessity of mother or baby needing to stay home.

In the OP’s case, the main problem seems to be embarrassment. My daughter was born over 4 weeks early in the cold middle of December, and she was at Mass the very next Sunday, along with my wife. If there is no added medical risk (beyond the standard “keep the baby warm” etc.) and the mother feels physically able to attend Mass, she needs to be going. Child care is a valid reason for missing Mass, but being embarrassed to care for your child while at Mass is not. There are ways to alleviate the embarrassment factor. My wife was also embarrassed to breast-feed in public, so she would step just inside the church hall or vestibule if my daughter needed to nurse at Mass - she could still follow the Mass but couldn’t be seen. If that is not a possibility, you could at least sit in the very back pew, or even see if there are some folding chairs in the back used by the ushers.

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

I thought the “rule” was that it was to be done quickly, but not necessarily within 6 weeks. My DD was baptised at 7 weeks. Sometimes it can take that long just to have a date that works for you and the pastor. It’s not like you can plan it in advance of the birth, except for the rare case of a planned c-section.

I recommend that the parents take the Baptismal preparation class near the beginning of the pregnancy and have the Godparents names and parishes available by the 6th month that way the parish can be contacted and the necessary letters insuring that the Godparents are canonically qualified (if required) are received with plenty of time. The Baptism can be scheduled about 3 or 4 weeks after the expected due date.

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

I didn’t go to mass until my son was about 8 or 9 months old. I thought I needed to fulfill his needs and was too little to go. That didn’t mean that I wasn’t loving God or planning on attending. I think sometimes we judge ourselves and others harder than he does.
You go to mass when you and that baby fill ready–God loves you guys and understands.
Just my 2 cents.

I have a hard time believing that you didn’t take your child out of the house for 9 months! If they are old enough to go to the Mall they are old enough to attend Mass for an hour and be Baptized.