Valid vs. invalid marriage

[DittosMommy]

I am confused and need some assistance. I am having a hard time understanding the difference between valid marriage and invalid marriage.

I was told the church considers all marriages valid unless proven otherwise, which is why I have to petition for a declaration of nullity from my first marriage. So assuming that my first marriage is found to be invalid, would that not then make my second marriage valid? If so, why do I have to have it convalidated? Neither of us were Catholic at the time of the wedding.

But I am being told by my deacon that I have to have my present marriage convalidated, otherwise it is not recognized as a valid marriage by the church and I would be still committing adultery. So after I receive the declaration of nullity (which hopefully will be by next Easter so I can be confirmed next year) I have to wait for 6 months, go to pre-cana, etc. We’ve been married 19 years and by the time I am confirmed it will be 20 years!. So how do I explain to my husband (who practices no religion) that after I am confirmed next year we must live as roommates, not spouses, until the convalidation 6 months later? If a non-Catholic wedding is invalid, then why must I get a declaration of nullity? And if all marriages are valid, why do I have to have the convalidation?

I am trying to make sense of all this and really need some answers. I want to do the right thing. My husband is willing to go to talk with the priest before the convalidation and is even willing to do the pre-cana seminar, but I have not yet told him about the 6 month wait. It just seems silly to me that a couple married for as long as we have been would have to wait that long. It’s not like we are planning a “wedding”. I was not even considering anything major, just repeat the vows and get the papers signed and be done with it.

Any assistance to help me understand would be greatly appreciated.

 

[joanofarc2008]

To make a long story short and say this basically it is due to the fact that the time you were married to your OH (other half) you were still married to your first husband. If your first marriage is found to be invalid then you will be required to go through a period a period of pre-Cana in order to discern whether or not you wish to convalidate your marriage to your OH. The decree of nullity process will give you some time to heal as well as learn what lead to the marriage not being valid in the first place. It will allow you to look at your relationship with your OH now with fresh eyes and make an informed decision of whether or not this is right. As far as how to explain it there are other people that would be better at giving advice then I would as they have been in this situation. God bless, I hope I have not been too harsh or unloving. That is certainly not my intention. I have been through this process and I only wish to share that it was a learning experience and it did heal.

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

I wouldn’t assume that you have to wait six months after a declaration of nullity before you can convalidate your marriage. Talk to your pastor. Often the preparation time in these situations is minimal, especially for a couple that has been together for 20 years.

 

[joanofarc2008]

That is also true.

 

[1ke]

You are correct. If your first marriage is found to be invalid, your second marriage is valid. Neither of you is Catholic, therefore a convalidation does not enter into the equation.

I suggest you talk to your pastor or the vicar general of your diocese.

A convalidation would be needed if your current spouse was a Catholic, because your current spouse would have been required to marry in the Catholic form. Perhaps the deacon is confused by this point.

See here, bottom of page 3:

dioceseofbmt.org/lifelong/content/resources/PreviousandorInvalidMarriages.pdf

 

[bzkoss236]

To keep it simple:

For Non-Catholic Couples (meaning never been Catholic):
Marriage is considered valid

For Non-Catholic Couples where at least one is seeking to become Catholic:
Marriage is considered valid unless there is reason to question validity (such as a previous marriage)

For Couples where at least one person is Catholic:
Marriage is valid if in the Church or a dispensation is received to have the ceremony outside of the Catholic (big C) Church, or outside of a Catholic (little c) church, and invalid otherwise

And the wedding is considered sacramental if both (I think it has to be both) are baptized Christians.

 

[JackieMom]

I am confused and need some assistance. I am having a hard time understanding the difference between valid marriage and invalid marriage.

I was told the church considers all marriages valid unless proven otherwise, which is why I have to petition for a declaration of nullity from my first marriage. So assuming that my first marriage is found to be invalid, would that not then make my second marriage valid? If so, why do I have to have it convalidated? Neither of us were Catholic at the time of the wedding.

But I am being told by my deacon that I have to have my present marriage convalidated, otherwise it is not recognized as a valid marriage by the church and I would be still committing adultery. So after I receive the declaration of nullity (which hopefully will be by next Easter so I can be confirmed next year) I have to wait for 6 months, go to pre-cana, etc. We’ve been married 19 years and by the time I am confirmed it will be 20 years!. So how do I explain to my husband (who practices no religion) that after I am confirmed next year we must live as roommates, not spouses, until the convalidation 6 months later? If a non-Catholic wedding is invalid, then why must I get a declaration of nullity? And if all marriages are valid, why do I have to have the convalidation?

I am trying to make sense of all this and really need some answers. I want to do the right thing. My husband is willing to go to talk with the priest before the convalidation and is even willing to do the pre-cana seminar, but I have not yet told him about the 6 month wait. It just seems silly to me that a couple married for as long as we have been would have to wait that long. It’s not like we are planning a “wedding”. I was not even considering anything major, just repeat the vows and get the papers signed and be done with it.

Any assistance to help me understand would be greatly appreciated.

Your first marriage is assumed to be valid until you obtain the decree. If we assume your firat marriage was/is valid, then your current marriage is assumed to be invalid. When and if you obtain the decree of nullity regarding your first marriage, then we can assume your current marriage is valid (provided your current husband has never been married before and was never baptized a Catholic, even as a newborn.).

The truth is that the deacon should be advising you to live as roommates NOW since it is presumed that your current marriage is invalid pending the outcome of the tribunal re: your first marriage. This is true even though you have not been confirmed. You would be able to live again as spouses once you obtain the decree and it is shown that your current marriage is valid. If that is the case, you would not need a convalidation. You do not need to have any sort of ceremony regarding a valid marriage that was conducted before you converted.

 

[Chantal25]

Great post!

 

[1ke]

Let’s say this is your first marriage, and not Catholic, it is valid only in a sense that you cannot divorce but you need to get it blessed by the Catholic church because you are committing the sin of flesh but once this is blessed, you are ok.

This is NOT correct. Non-Catholics marry **validly **when they marry. If both non-Catholics are baptized, they also have a sacramental marriage. If unbaptized, it is a valid natural marriage.

There is nothing for the Catholic Church to “bless” and they are NOT committing any sin.

 

[JackieMom]

Let’s say this is your first marriage, and not Catholic, it is valid only in a sense that you cannot divorce but you need to get it blessed by the Catholic church because you are committing the sin of flesh but once this is blessed, you are ok.

Since this is your second marriage, you need to get your first one annul. Then get your current marriage blessed. In the mid time, you must live as roommate until this is resolved, if you want to follow the Catholic rule or 10 commandment.

All the best!

She does not need to get a valid marriage “blessed.” Only Catholics are obligated to marry in the Church. If this second marriage is found to be valid (by way of her first marriage being invalid), then nothing needs to be done.

 

[Chantal25]

This is NOT correct. Non-Catholics marry **validly **when they marry. If both non-Catholics are baptized, they also have a sacramental marriage. If unbaptized, it is a valid natural marriage.

There is nothing for the Catholic Church to “bless” and they are NOT committing any sin.

After reading the thread, i edited my post. I know that if you aren’t married Catholic, you must live as roommate. I am in a similar situation as her and our priest wanted to bless our marriage (Not sure what he meant, this is what my husband told me). Anyway, my post wasn’t intended for you, please be respectful. She will discern her replies and make the decision that is best for her.

 

[Chantal25]

She does not need to get a valid marriage “blessed.” Only Catholics are obligated to marry in the Church. If this second marriage is found to be valid (by way of her first marriage being invalid), then nothing needs to be done.

Wow, i edited my post, you girls are quick to pick on this.

As explain to my previous reply, i have an exact situation as her and this is what our priest told us. I decided to edit my post because i felt she had enough information for her to decide. Our priest doesn’t seem to agree with your post, but this is up to her to decide.

 

[1ke]

After reading the thread, i edited my post. I know that if you aren’t married Catholic, you must live as roommate.

This is true if one of the parties in the marriage is a Catholic and did not marry according to Catholic Church law.

This is not true if neither party is Catholic.

I am in a similar situation as her and our priest wanted to bless our marriage (Not sure what he meant, this is what my husband told me).

You would have to ask your priest for more information. Are one or both of you Catholics? Did you marry outside the Catholic Church without permission? If you answer yes to these two questions, that explains the need for convalidation. If neither of you were Catholic when you married, then you would need to discuss this with your priest to get clarification on why he believes your marriage to be invalid.

Anyway, my post wasn’t intended for you, please be respectful.

There is nothing disrespectful in correcting inaccurate information. The OP needs accurate information.

She will discern her replies and make the decision that is best for her.

This is not a matter of discernment, it is a matter of factual information.

 

[JackieMom]

Wow, i edited my post, you girls are quick to pick on this.

As explain to my previous reply, i have an exact situation as her and this is what our priest told us. I decided to edit my post because i felt she had enough information for her to decide. Our priest doesn’t seem to agree with your post, but this is up to her to decide.

Non-Catholic, never married couples married outside the Church are presumed to have valid marriages. For example, two Methodists marrying for the first time in a Methodist church are validly married. A courthouse wedding between two non-Catholic people is presumed valid. If your priest is trying to tell you that all non-Catholic marriages are invalid, you need to seek help elsewhere.

 

[Chantal25]

There is nothing disrespectful in correcting inaccurate information. The OP needs accurate information.

Perhaps this is what you tell yourself to make it right but kindly be respectful, thank you!

Anyway, blessing and love to you!

 

[Chantal25]

Non-Catholic, never married couples married outside the Church are presumed to have valid marriages. For example, two Methodists marrying for the first time in a Methodist church are validly married. A courthouse wedding between two non-Catholic people is presumed valid. If your priest is trying to tell you that all non-Catholic marriages are invalid, you need to seek help elsewhere.

Ok, i will check on this, thank you for the information.

Blessings and love!

 

[TheWarriorMonk]

As explain to my previous reply, i have an exact situation as her and this is what our priest told us.

It’s important to note that you DO NOT have the exact situation. Your status indicates that you are Catholic, thus you are required to marry in Catholic form. The OP is not Catholic, and assuming her husband is also not Catholic, they they are not required to marry in Catholic form. Very different situations.

 

[HoosMommie]

I wouldn’t assume that you have to wait six months after a declaration of nullity before you can convalidate your marriage. Talk to your pastor. Often the preparation time in these situations is minimal, especially for a couple that has been together for 20 years.

Husband and I are having our marriage convalidated today and have waited approximately 10 days from the time it was mentioned that we had to do this. No marriage preparation was required as we have been civilly married for nearly 35 years. I am coming into the Catholic Church, he is not, although we are both baptized, so we will have a sacramental marriage.

 

[Chantal25]

It’s important to note that you DO NOT have the exact situation. Your status indicates that you are Catholic, thus you are required to marry in Catholic form. The OP is not Catholic, and assuming her husband is also not Catholic, they they are not required to marry in Catholic form. Very different situations.

As said to Jackie Mom that i will check into this.

Thank you anyway for pointing this out.

Blessings and love!

 

[Chantal25]

Husband and I are having our marriage convalidated today and have waited approximately 10 days from the time it was mentioned that we had to do this. No marriage preparation was required as we have been civilly married for nearly 35 years. I am coming into the Catholic Church, he is not, although we are both baptized, so we will have a sacramental marriage.

This is great news, congratulations!