Vasectomized - how to talk

[SahmomMN]

A close friend is getting a vascetomy today. They have four children, the youngest being a little over 6 months. We see them all of the time and my husband and I are just brewing with frustration and I have no idea what to say to them the next time we see them. I am so sad and upset over this - any suggestions? (Obviously we are praying for them)

 

[Mirdath]

Don’t say anything if they don’t want to talk about it. How is it your business what happens to your friend’s bits anyway?

 

[lizaanne]

Don’t say anything if they don’t want to talk about it. How is it your business what happens to your friend’s bits anyway?

I’m sure they don’t care so much for the bits as they do for the eternal souls. Good friends they are indeed if they care that much about them.

~Liza

 

[mamacita]

Don’t say anything if they don’t want to talk about it. How is it your business what happens to your friend’s bits anyway?

**
Maybe she is worried about her friend’s soul???

Are they CAtholic? Did you mention to them the side effects that come along with it?? Leading cause of prostate cancer, etc. There is info in CCL literature about all the health issues associated w/ vasectomies and tubals.

I don’t blame you for being concerned. My brother in law was supposed to get one. My DH sent him all kinds of literature in the mail before he did it and basically a long letter about the Catholic Church’s teaching on it. It went in one ear and out the other. We were told by DH’s parents to not discuss such issues in the family. What??? They also are all Catholic!!!. And also told us not to discuss religion either. CAn we say “cafeteria Catholics”?? However we got an earful when we told them we weren’t going to drive there for Christmas, afterall isn’t it a religious holiday and we aren;t to talk about that around them??

Anyway, sorry to get off topic. However we feel your pain, it hurts us when others make decisions that we know are against the Church, especially if the individual is also Catholic. **

 

[SahmomMN]

The are not Catholic but Christian - they are under 30 and were taking NFP classes. Their “elder” in their church is a vasectomized man and has squashed any true information we told them about the abortifacient birth control pills and about the neutering of males once vasectomized - I know they will bring it up and I am a type of personality that would rather avoid talking to them then getting into any sort of heated discussion.

 

[RichT]

**Are they CAtholic? Did you mention to them the side effects that come along with it?? Leading cause of prostate cancer, etc. There is info in CCL literature about all the health issues associated w/ vasectomies and tubals. **

No offense intended mamacita, but there is an equal amount of evidence to the contrary regarding vasectomies, althout it may be a concern. The truth is, according to most doctors I have spoken to is that any man who lives long enough will more than likely develop prostate cancer regardless. I’m only saying that this argument wont work for most men.

I would focus more on what will happen after the vasectomy. I had one in 2004. Within 3-4 months, I became very depressed at the thought of what I had done. I also began to experience pain on a daily basis that went on until recently. I still experience pain, but not daily anymore. Believe me the pain is not fun, and nothing can be done to take it away. Not all men will have this pain, but the majority will according to many articles I have read as well as what many doctors have told me. When I shower and wash myself, I feel sick everytime I feel the obvious lumps down there that are a cause of the sperm having no where else to go. I often think of how what impact this procedure may have on me in the future, as I am changed forever. Even a reversal does not guarantee a return to the way you were before.

Now don’t get me wrong, I have confessed this sin and I have moved on with my life as a happy Catholic man. I simply made a promise a long time ago and as part of my attrition for my sin to share this story in hope that it will help other men to avoid the mistake I made.

 

[Benedictus]

The are not Catholic but Christian - they are under 30 and were taking NFP classes. Their “elder” in their church is a vasectomized man and has squashed any true information we told them about the abortifacient birth control pills and about the neutering of males once vasectomized - I know they will bring it up and I am a type of personality that would rather avoid talking to them then getting into any sort of heated discussion.

Since 99.9% of all non-Catholics see nothing wrong with birth control, it’s not surprising that they see nothing wrong with it.

I’m not sure what you mean by “neutering of males once vasectomized” or what the “true information” is.

 

[mamacita]

No offense intended mamacita, but there is an equal amount of evidence to the contrary regarding vasectomies, althout it may be a concern. The truth is, according to most doctors I have spoken to is that any man who lives long enough will more than likely develop prostate cancer regardless. I’m only saying that this argument wont work for most men.

I would focus more on what will happen after the vasectomy. I had one in 2004. Within 3-4 months, I became very depressed at the thought of what I had done. I also began to experience pain on a daily basis that went on until recently. I still experience pain, but not daily anymore. Believe me the pain is not fun, and nothing can be done to take it away. Not all men will have this pain, but the majority will according to many articles I have read as well as what many doctors have told me. When I shower and wash myself, I feel sick everytime I feel the obvious lumps down there that are a cause of the sperm having no where else to go. I often think of how what impact this procedure may have on me in the future, as I am changed forever. Even a reversal does not guarantee a return to the way you were before.

Now don’t get me wrong, I have confessed this sin and I have moved on with my life as a happy Catholic man. I simply made a promise a long time ago and as part of my attrition for my sin to share this story in hope that it will help other men to avoid the mistake I made.

**
I am not going to argue with you, but maybe you should look at the CCL link and read up. Although it sure does have a high chance of contributing to prostate cancer, have you read any CCL brochures about it? They have an entire brochure about the link between the 2, that’s where I got my info. It was medical statistics in the brochure. Think about it, prostate cancer has become more evident also with the rise of vasectomies. Long ago, you never heard of prostate cancer, and men RARELY had vasectomies. NOw, it’s everywhere you go… we have heard people ask it “well is your husband going to get fixed?” We even had our chiropractor say “gee, (DH) if I were you I’d get something ‘fixed’ so you don’t have more kids” with an evil laugh, like it’s so bad to have kids??. So it goes to show that people are so ‘open’ to discussing it (neutering) like it is second nature. But God forbid, don’t dare ask anyone why they DID NOT have more kids or else that would be called being ‘nosey’…funny how this society of ours works… **

 

[Mirror_Mirror]

ccli.org/nfp/contraception/vasectomy.php

 

[johntkd]

**I am not going to argue with you, but maybe you should look at the CCL link and read up. Although it sure does have a high chance of contributing to prostate cancer, have you read any CCL brochures about it? They have an entire brochure about the link between the 2, that’s where I got my info. It was medical statistics in the brochure. Think about it, prostate cancer has become more evident also with the rise of vasectomies. Long ago, you never heard of prostate cancer, and men RARELY had vasectomies. NOw, it’s everywhere you go… we have heard people ask it “well is your husband going to get fixed?” We even had our chiropractor say “gee, (DH) if I were you I’d get something ‘fixed’ so you don’t have more kids” with an evil laugh, like it’s so bad to have kids??. So it goes to show that people are so ‘open’ to discussing it (neutering) like it is second nature. But God forbid, don’t dare ask anyone why they DID NOT have more kids or else that would be called being ‘nosey’…funny how this society of ours works… **

actually that response about long ago has little bearing on risk factors people live longer now and are subject to many other factors such as processed foods, plastics pollutions, etc there are scietifically proven risks for added prostate cancer risk for men whom use NFP as well how come you are not mentioning that? prolly for the same reasons Drs dont mention the added risks for a vasectomy each is trying to push what they want you to use on the person getting the risk, each leaves out the added risks involved.
so anyways the only way it seems to avoid a slight added risk to cancer is to not use anything

 

[jules11]

I would focus more on what will happen after the vasectomy. I had one in 2004. Within 3-4 months, I became very depressed at the thought of what I had done. I also began to experience pain on a daily basis that went on until recently. I still experience pain, but not daily anymore. Believe me the pain is not fun, and nothing can be done to take it away. Not all men will have this pain, but the majority will according to many articles I have read as well as what many doctors have told me. When I shower and wash myself, I feel sick everytime I feel the obvious lumps down there that are a cause of the sperm having no where else to go. I often think of how what impact this procedure may have on me in the future, as I am changed forever. Even a reversal does not guarantee a return to the way you were before.

Now don’t get me wrong, I have confessed this sin and I have moved on with my life as a happy Catholic man. I simply made a promise a long time ago and as part of my attrition for my sin to share this story in hope that it will help other men to avoid the mistake I made.

My husband had had a vasectomy when I met him and had the same thing, constant pain in his testicles. He had it reversed in 2003 and now the pain is gone. It was reversed after 8 years and now we have a beautiful son.

 

[kamz]

Pray for them for now and don’t say anything unless they are the ones to bring it up and then you can say “since you want to bring it up, I can only be honest in my feelings” if they don’t bring it up then just pray all the time for them.

 

[jrabs]

Pray for them for now and don’t say anything unless they are the ones to bring it up and then you can say “since you want to bring it up, I can only be honest in my feelings” if they don’t bring it up then just pray all the time for them.

I second this. It is actually none of your business however if they want to discus it, it opens the door.

Prayer is the most effect tool you have.

 

[marybee]

Yeah this is funny because an aquaitance told me that her husband was getting a vas and i gave her the contraception why not tape. I guess it made it an easier decision because she did not want to be on the pill for a number of years so her dh was going to get snipped instead.

I really wonder if i overstepped my boundries but I never asked her about her methods of family planning.

I do believe now however, that it is a personal matter that shoudl not be discussed with strangers. I think that is offensive in itself. I really don’t like hearing about others jibber jabber on the latest pill or the latest techniques that keep them from getting pregnant. I think they lack tact.

Oh and also, they ALREADY know your stance, no need to be a broken record. that may just turn them more off to you.

 

[kamz]

What can happen is that you can turn them off and they may end the friendship, I know from experience that this can happen.

But, to me, if they bring it up then it is totally out there to be discussed, some people will bring it up just to see how you’ll react, even though they know how you feel, they like to “get into it” well, in that case, you totally state your feelings!

I would pray unceasing ling for them, even if they go through with it, keep praying that they will see the error of their way, they may repent or even have it reversed, love them and pray for them, prayer is so powerful, your prayers for them could make the total difference!!

 

[RichT]

**I am not going to argue with you, but maybe you should look at the CCL link and read up. Although it sure does have a high chance of contributing to prostate cancer, have you read any CCL brochures about it? They have an entire brochure about the link between the 2, that’s where I got my info. It was medical statistics in the brochure. Think about it, prostate cancer has become more evident also with the rise of vasectomies. Long ago, you never heard of prostate cancer, and men RARELY had vasectomies. NOw, it’s everywhere you go… we have heard people ask it “well is your husband going to get fixed?” We even had our chiropractor say “gee, (DH) if I were you I’d get something ‘fixed’ so you don’t have more kids” with an evil laugh, like it’s so bad to have kids??. So it goes to show that people are so ‘open’ to discussing it (neutering) like it is second nature. But God forbid, don’t dare ask anyone why they DID NOT have more kids or else that would be called being ‘nosey’…funny how this society of ours works… **

I think you missed my point. All I am saying is that the PC argument wont work with most men, especially in light of what most doctors are saying. And as far as the CCL is concerned, when talking to a non-catholic, they will take a back seat everytime to an MD.

 

[mamacita]

I think you missed my point. All I am saying is that the PC argument wont work with most men, especially in light of what most doctors are saying. And as far as the CCL is concerned, when talking to a non-catholic, they will take a back seat everytime to an MD.

**
Couple to Couple league has people who practice it that are not Catholic, so therefore talking to a non-Catholic about it may be something of interest to them, one can always hope **

 

[kage_ar]

Every mainstream Protestant, Evangelical and non-Denominational Christian group teaches that birth control is not just okay, they teach it is part of good stewardship. When every pastor or elder out there would advise this and every married couple in their congregation that this is a WISE decision, you would need to work on a real converstion of the heart to change the mind of these folks.

You told them what the Church teaches, leave it to that and prayer.

 

[ltbpoe43]

I would stay away from the topic. It is a deeply personal matter between husband and wife. Pray they made the best decision for their family and do not judge. There may be facts unknown.

Best to leave it that way.

 

[Mirror_Mirror]

I would stay away from the topic. It is a deeply personal matter between husband and wife. Pray they made the best decision for their family and do not judge. There may be facts unknown.

Best to leave it that way.

Yeah, that is a great idea.

Now when another friend comes to you and says that they are pregnant and considering abortion, just stay silent. It is personal, so just pray for them.

Oh and if another friend is talking about their use of ABC and how they think tha the Catholic Church and Her teachings on NFP are “so out there” just smile and say “well that is your personal choice” and go home and pray for them.

When you find out that your best friend is wanting to cheat on thier spouse, stay silent, why say something it is they who will have to answer.

As Fr. Frank Pavone says “why are we silent, so much?” Why cannot you not express your opinion or (heaven forbid) speak the Truth?

Giving someone the facts is not judging. Caring about someone’s soul is not judging. Being a good Catholic (or Christian) is not judging.