Vasectomy for medical reasons, high risk pregnancies..anyone deal with this?

[BiologyBrain]

Hi Texas Ryan

Like your wife, I have irregular menstrual cycles. Although I’m currently due with baby #5, my husband and I intend, for very serious reasons, to avoid pregnancy in the future.

Our plan is to use NFP in a conservative way. If we have any doubts about my fertility, we will certainly abstain. If my cycles are tricky to decipher, we’re looking at lots of abstinence.

One thing that makes abstinence more bearable is that I’ve learned there are times when the most life-giving love doesn’t involve sex. Sacrifice, it seems, is the foundation of authentic love. It can be tough to put that in to practice, but the joy that enters a relationship centered on the teaching of our Lord is indescribable.

God bless you and your wife.

VERY GOOD! :clapping::tiphat::flowers:

 

[ComputerGeek25]

For the sake of the discussion, our OB GYN is a female pro-life doctor. She has been a blessing to our family. My wife had been going to the same male doctor all her life and got this new doc as a referral from a friend.

The Doctor’s first priority the the health of her paitent, my wife. When she tells us that further pregnancies would be harmful to mother and baby, we listen. She told us that if we did not have a scheduled c-section for the first baby, (it was breech feet first, then sideways), mother and baby would have had severe problems.

We are not going to shop for a medical opinion until we get the one we want. A woman’s relationship with her OB GYN is far beyond my understanding.

Needless to say, I trust this Doctor with my wife’s life and our babies.

Abstinence would make for a very rocky marriage.

If NFP did not work and we had a problem, I would never get over it. As parents, we have an obligation to be there for our kids. I am not going to put my wife’s health at risk. She has inconsistent ovulation and we can never have a normal cycle.

I am going to take this to our priest. Maybe speak to several.

Again - I’ll state this again.

No artifical type of contraception or NFP or combination thereof has a 100% sucess rate. Any repudable medical professional will most likely agree with this statement. We can come close, but abstaining is the only way that’s 100% effective.

NFP when practiced, is as effective as most artifical means. It doesn’t have any of the side effects that some artifical means have. Most people have been “brainwashed” to think that if it isn’t a drug or some physical barrier, that it isn’t an effective means of birth control, which is not the case.

You may priest shop and be able to get a liberal priest to agree with your doctor. However, this does not mean they are right in the eyes of the church.

As other posters have stated, why not get a second opinion from a doctor? Your wife’s current doctor may not be a specialist in higher risk pregnancies, hence her opion. There may be an element of covering ones behind here as well.

 

[jwashu]

A vasectomy is 100% effective as well if done correctly and sperm count tested before having unprotected relations.

 

[ALLGIRLS]

No, it’s not. It’s 99.99% effective (same as a tubal), but the vans deferens have been known to grow back together after the sperm testing (because a vasectomy is essentially one huge injury, and the body has a natural inclination to try to heal itself).

In Christ,

Ellen

 

[ComputerGeek25]

No, it’s not. It’s 99.99% effective (same as a tubal), but the vans deferens have been known to grow back together after the sperm testing (because a vasectomy is essentially one huge injury, and the body has a natural inclination to try to heal itself).

In Christ,

Ellen

And I don’t know if there are any unplesant side effects of said snippage, much like a tubal for women.

 

[jwashu]

While there are horror stories on the net I have to say that probably (and this may be a sad statistic) 80% of the men I know who have multiple children have had the procedure. I know 1 of them (say out of 20) who had some odd feelings for a few months but everyone else said they were good to go within a week. I know of no one with any complications other than a slight infection of the wound which can be treated in a few days with antibiotics.

Ellen you are probably correct, my bad, I should have said 99%. God could always cause them to grow back together.

I’m not encouraging this procedure against the teachings of the Church, just pointing out what I have experienced.

Joe

 

[EvelynEVF]

I would suggest that whether or not you ever speak to another doctor, that you consult the oldest, most experienced midwife you can find. Those who attend births at home have to work from a whole different model of care and may have an unexpected perspective on your situation.

 

[fermat]

I agree with this. We used a midwife with our last two and it was a great experience.

 

[budgie2]

While there are horror stories on the net I have to say that probably (and this may be a sad statistic) 80% of the men I know who have multiple children have had the procedure. I know 1 of them (say out of 20) who had some odd feelings for a few months but everyone else said they were good to go within a week. I know of no one with any complications other than a slight infection of the wound which can be treated in a few days with antibiotics.

Ellen you are probably correct, my bad, I should have said 99%. God could always cause them to grow back together.

I’m not encouraging this procedure against the teachings of the Church, just pointing out what I have experienced.

Joe

According to the Family Planning Association which runs family planning clinics here in the UK, and is also campaigning for the legalisation of abortion in Northern Ireland, vasectomy can cause chronic testicular pain for certain men. I don’t know how many suffer from that.

fpa.org.uk/Information/Readourinformationbooklets/sterilisation

When a man reaches near ejaculation, a muscle in the vas deferens contracts which propulses the sperm out of the testes and down the urethra. So vasectomy could have a certain amount of effect on orgasm.

 

[ThyKingdomCome]

Knowing that vasectomies are not 100% effective, I would be very nervous to have marital relations after a vasectomy if a pregnancy could be life threatening. Maybe it’s more effective with a couple who also practices NFP, but I would bet that most people who have undergone sterilization do not have a strong understanding of a woman’s fertility, and frequently have relations when (or around when) the woman is ovulating. Especially when a woman’s desire is often hightened during her fertile time, and the couple would respond to that assuming that they were safe.

What happens in that case, when the sterilization doesn’t take, and the woman unexpectedly becomes pregnant? I assume abortion is then considered more acceptable than before (for many couples, not necessarily yours), because the pregnancy wasn’t supposedto happen? Isn’t it a slippery slope? Even if you wouldn’t consider an abortion, what would you do if your wife got pregnant despite your vasectomy? According to what I’ve been reading, it IS possible.

There is such a thing as a middle ground between complete abstinence and throwing caution to the wind. Regular NFP is VERY effective - as effective as the Pill. Strict Phase III NFP is EXTREMELY effective (although I don’t know the exact stats). The biggest indicator of effectiveness is actually following the rules. Just like condoms don’t always work when you don’t always use them right, NFP doesn’t always work when you don’t always follow the rules.

I would be much more comfortable, reducing my marital relations to once or twice a month, in the super-safety zone of Phase III, than playing Russion Roulette with a sterilization. It’s not abstinence, it’s not immoral, and it’s not risky. Win-Win.

 

[alphabet]

…She has

Irregular ovulation cycles
Inverted cervix
Breech babies
2 c sections

…I started this thread to see if anyone else has been in the situation.

Yes - I have. I have had three high risk pregnancies and was followed by an excellent high risk OB. I also had 3 c-sections, 2 with significant complications, 1 with minor complications. Honestly, after my first pregnancy and C-section - I was done. I didn’t want to go through the experience I had ever again. DH had to do alot of convincing that DD shouldn’t be an only child.

Although still high risk with minor complications, my second pregnancy and C-section went like a “cake walk” compared to the first. So, we were open and blessed with a third.

During my last pregnancy, I asked my Dr about my risk factors for future pregnancies and he indicated a 1:6 chance of placental problems because of the repeated C-sections, greater risk for hysterectomy down the road because of repeated C-sections, higher risk of twin pregnancy because of my age which is significant because of my significant risk for pre-term labor which I did go through with my first pregnancy.

What to do weighed very heavily on me. My husband was happy with three children. Honestly my hands were full with two children and during my 3rd pregnancy I wondered how on earth I would handle three. I made the most difficult decision I have ever made and had a tubal when I had my c-section. It is a decision I regret and don’t know if I will ever fully come to peace with even with going to confession.

I wish I had learned more about NFP and had trusted it could have been a reasonable option for us. If anything I wish I would have even opted for ABC, even though against church teaching, as that is easily reversible.

I pray continually for God’s forgiveness. It has been a much heavier cross to bear than I ever imagined. I will pray for you and your wife.

 

[GretaH]

Tex,
I hope you haven’t given up on reading the posts here. I came to CA today to search for these same answers. I am in a very similar situation. I understand where you are coming from. Let me share:

I am a mother of 6 children. I had an emergency c-section with the first, VBAC to deliver the second, and my third was breech and resulted in a c-section. My doctor advised me I must have sections from that point on. I am now pregnant with baby #7. This will be my 6th section. My doctor has been very supportive throughout all my pregnancies. He is not a pro-life only doc, but we are very close and have spoken at length. He has never attempted to sway me into sterilization, birth control, etc. When I went to his office for my first meeting, he told me whatever I morally need to do to ensure I do not conceive again is now my only option. He fears for my life, my health and my future. Obviously I take him very seriously. I trust him with my life and my children’s lives. So I am left with probably the biggest decision I have ever had to face…what do we, as a couple do to ensure I do not get pregnant? I’m sorry but when my ob tells me he doesn’t want to be a part of my dying process, I am obviously going to listen. And I don’t care what others may advise, at this point it would be insanity to shop around for another doctor. This will be my 6th section, I am not confident in taking chances with another doctor.

My husband and I took the NFP course when I was pregnant with the 3rd child. I have nutty cycles, just like your wife. I may have some times that are consistent but inevitably the inconsistencies return and I immediately become pregnant. I am always thrilled to know God entrusts another life to my care, but we have been frustrated…we know each new pregnancy carries higher risks for my health. I seem to break most of the “norms.” For instance, I’m one of those “rare” women who have menstrual cycles while I breast feed. I am not going to divulge all my menstrual health issues, suffice it to say there are many. I am by no means implying that NFP can not or does not work. All I am saying is that we haven’t had much success in figuring out my cycles and irregularities. The point is, NFP is no longer an option for us. We feel the obligation we have to our other, living children out weighs the risks of having more children. SOOO, what options do we have?

I consulted our priest who told me the Church never condones a woman having children until she dies. He also told me if we can not use NFP than the best option is abstinence. BUT, he did go on to further state that a marriage is made up of two components: the pro-creative and the unitive. Until now, I hadn’t really considered the unitive act of our marriage. Now, probably since I may never be able to enjoy it again, I really see the incredible gift God has given us in the marital act. I don’t believe the sole purpose of that act is to pro-create. It’s also to draw us closer to one another and to God. I have overlooked this aspect of my marriage for years. A huge regret. In talking to the priest, he told me that women can typically see abstinence as a viable option whereas men can view it as a stumbling block in their marriage. How does your wife feel? After our long conversation, he advised we could become sterilized and still practice NFP…adhering to periods of abstinence to offer as a sacrifice. Though that sounds ok on paper, my husband and I are just not sure that works for us morally. We would be altering our beings, both physically and emotionally. I could go on and on…Ok, but abstinence sounds good on paper too. We know it’s the only 100% fool-proof method to ensuring we don’t conceive…but we realize we are human. We have selfish wants and desires…will we be able to control ourselves? In the same breath, is it right to ignore the unitive aspect of our marriage? We are constantly grappling, continually praying. We have time…baby is due in December. I know God will guide us, but what an emotional rollerocaster along the way!

ALL I’m offering here is some support from someone who is in a very similar situation. I am not passing out theological advice…I am too ignorant…I’m just saying I feel for you! I’m praying for you! This not easy!

Sorry for the legnthy post!

 

[a_cermak]

One of the things I find disturbing about some of these threads is when people espouse providentialism–the Almighty will provide. To espouse that is to say then that the Almighty has not provided for the children who wind up unwanted by either parent in family court, for the children who wind up living on the streets, for the children who are all too often, simply victims of circumstance.

 

[kage_ar]

One of the things I find disturbing about some of these threads is when people espouse providentialism–the Almighty will provide. To espouse that is to say then that the Almighty has not provided for the children who wind up unwanted by either parent in family court, for the children who wind up living on the streets, for the children who are all too often, simply victims of circumstance.

He has provided, he has provided His Church militant, on this earth and commissioned us to care for the orphans and feed the hungry and clothe the naked. The Almighty takes this so personally He says that when we do this to the least of these, the neglected children are part of the least of these, we are actually doing it personally TO HIM.

It is up to each of us to make sure we are not leaving our Lord hungry and starving and sick and alone.

 

[Corki]

Now, probably since I may never be able to enjoy it again, I really see the incredible gift God has given us in the marital act.

Greta,

I have not been in your situation so I can not commiserate with you directly. But, please don’t say “never”. Remember that aging is part of the fertility process too. Sometimes as women get older, approaching menopause, thier cycle, even if they are still irregular are longer and easier to work with using NFP. If you have to use a more prolonged amount of abstinence than you would like, just imagine the fun you will have when you are “over the hill” like I am. Hang in there.

 

[dkoinzan]

I am sure glad I got a second opinion from Dr. Hilgers of the Pope Paul VI Institute. He was able to diagnosis issues that allowed me to have our sixth child after our fourth and fifth were stillborn. She was my fourth csection.

Read the book “Theology of the Body for Beginners” by Christopher West. You really don’t understand the teachings of the Catholic Church. It surprises me how many people may know the rules but have never studied why we have the rules we have. You will never regret reading up on the Theology of the Body and your wife will love you for it.

 

[a_cermak]

He has provided, he has provided His Church militant, on this earth and commissioned us to care for the orphans and feed the hungry and clothe the naked. The Almighty takes this so personally He says that when we do this to the least of these, the neglected children are part of the least of these, we are actually doing it personally TO HIM.

It is up to each of us to make sure we are not leaving our Lord hungry and starving and sick and alone.

That’s not providing. That’s giving a few crumbs here and there. Sorry, there are a lot of children in truly horrific situations. To take the position that the Almighty always provides is by definition to take the position that he has not provided to these others. That he has looked away from children starving in places around the world. That he has not provided for the child sold into slavery in places where it is still legal. That he has overlooked the child who must dig through landfills instead of going to school just so the family can eat.

 

[BiologyBrain]

One of the things I find disturbing about some of these threads is when people espouse providentialism–the Almighty will provide. To espouse that is to say then that the Almighty has not provided for the children who wind up unwanted by either parent in family court, for the children who wind up living on the streets, for the children who are all too often, simply victims of circumstance.

Isn’t that what Bible (Torah, Old Testament, etc) scholars have told us? God will provide, but he does not necessarily provide in the ways we expect or understand. Its just like God does hear & answer our prayers, but not always to our expectations or even wants. That doesn’t mean God isn’t caring for us at all times. Instead it means that God allows things to happen in our lives for the betterment of our souls. The prophets suffered horribly at times, however, they always knew that God was there. We may not understand God’s ways, but God understands His (and our) ways for the both of us. That’s not to say we aren’t supposed to do everything in our power to make things better for our brethren. However, simply b/c someone appears unwanted on Earth doesn’t mean they are unwanted in Heaven. Just b/c someone appears unloved on Earth doesn’t mean they are unloved in Heaven. Its part of the mystery of God that we aren’t meant to understand.

 

[kage_ar]

That’s not providing. That’s giving a few crumbs here and there. Sorry, there are a lot of children in truly horrific situations. To take the position that the Almighty always provides is by definition to take the position that he has not provided to these others. That he has looked away from children starving in places around the world. That he has not provided for the child sold into slavery in places where it is still legal. That he has overlooked the child who must dig through landfills instead of going to school just so the family can eat.

We cannot blame God for people in need. Jesus told us “the poor you will always have with you” and He commanded us to care for the poor.

When people, children, adults, the elderly and the unborn, are in horrific situations it is because the people God has provided to care for those people OR the needy themselves have used their free will to disobey God.

Do you know that if one family in every church congregation in the USA would adopt or foster one child, there would be no children left in “the system”? Every child who has been placed with the state would be in a loving home. Wow.

So, what have YOU done today to follow the command of God to care for the least of these?

 

[Jennifer_J]

That’s not providing. That’s giving a few crumbs here and there. Sorry, there are a lot of children in truly horrific situations. To take the position that the Almighty always provides is by definition to take the position that he has not provided to these others. That he has looked away from children starving in places around the world. That he has not provided for the child sold into slavery in places where it is still legal. That he has overlooked the child who must dig through landfills instead of going to school just so the family can eat.

God does provide…however, humans reject and that causes suffering–suffering for those who reject God and for those who don’t reject God. That’s sin, it affects all. We must help those suffering and BE Christ for others.