Vasectomy Question

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caudy

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I’ve been married for 11 years and we have three kids. Two years ago I got a vasectomy. About 8 months ago I came back to the Catholic Church, I never really practiced my faith or understood it even though I was born and baptised into it. The holy spirit is working within me I can feel it, if this is what christian fundalmentalists say “being saved” feels like then that’s me. I’ve been saved twice for lack of better words. Anyway, I’ve been studying, praying the rosary and working with my parish and priest etc. I’ve rid myself of several sins that had been with me for most of my life, real tough ones. I’m doing my best to live without mortal sin and venial sin if possible.

Anyways, as part of my learning over the past 8 months I obviously understand what constitutes grave sin. Vasectomy is a grave sin because it is birth control. I can honestly say that I did not know that two years ago when I was away from the church. But I feel remorse so I brought it up during confession with my parish priest about 3 months ago. I told him that I now understood the gravity of the sin because I did this in the past, what should I do? He said you have three kids, you may continue marital relations and do not need to get a reversal, you are absolved of all your sins.

Does the priest have the power to decide the course of action for his parishoner? Don’t get me wrong, I would prefer not to get a reversal it is expensive and we do not want more children.
 
From what I have been told, you do not have to have the reversal.
 
caudy said:
Don’t get me wrong, I would prefer not to get a reversal it is expensive and we do not want more children.
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Not being judgmental, however, perhaps you should reflect a bit on your statement. Does it reflect true repentance for the sin as it seems to reflect more of your will than God’s will in the context of marriage? Just give that some thought.
 
caudy said:
Does the priest have the power to decide the course of action for his parishoner? Don’t get me wrong, I would prefer not to get a reversal it is expensive and we do not want more children.
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Well the priest wasn’t really deciding your course, was he? He just answered your question. And he is correct, you do not need to get a reversal; it is expensive and not at all guaranteed to work. I would gently suggest, though, along with David, that you pray a bit more about that last part of your post.
 
The priest is correct that you do are not required to have a reversal. Many people do in reparation for the sin and to fully live a moral marital life whether that involves the creation of children or not.
You have to be careful when you say you do not “want” more children. It wasn’t your decision alone to make. God had a part in that decision making and you took him out of it. There are 3 people in a marriage just as there are 3 people in the trinity. The more Catholic line of thinking is that we prayerfully discern whether God is calling us to create a child with each marital act. That is going to be missing from your marital sex life. So be careful about what you ‘want’ and ignoring what God wants. He might be calling you to open up your family life to a child whether through reversal an natural conception or another way such as adoption.
 
Points well taken, thank you everyone. Instead of writing “want” I should have written “we would prefer” not to have more than 3 children. If we were to get pregnant again (somehow God miraculously reconnects my vas deferens) we would accept that. Although not likely, its not impossible and has happened to individuals.

As far as married couples “wanting” additional children. Aren’t a wife and husband who pracitce NFP in a way making that choice as well? Although NFP is technically still open to pregnancy, chances of it happening are diminished by using this catholic approved form of family planning. In a way you could say NFP is contraception-lite because if a married couple were TRUELY open to pregnancy they wouldn’t be using any sort of family planning.

Just thowing some things out there on my continual quest to learn more. As a last statement I want everyone to know I support the church fully now (since 8 months ago as I previously stated) including all its doctrine. I’m finding it to be fullfilling and rewarding and helping me to be closer to God, Jesus, Holy Spirit and Mary!
 
caudy said:
Points well taken, thank you everyone. Instead of writing “want” I should have written “we would prefer” not to have more than 3 children. If we were to get pregnant again (somehow God miraculously reconnects my vas deferens) we would accept that. Although not likely, its not impossible and has happened to individuals.

As far as married couples “wanting” additional children. Aren’t a wife and husband who pracitce NFP in a way making that choice as well? Although NFP is technically still open to pregnancy, chances of it happening are diminished by using this catholic approved form of family planning. In a way you could say NFP is contraception-lite because if a married couple were TRUELY open to pregnancy they wouldn’t be using any sort of family planning.

Just thowing some things out there on my continual quest to learn more. As a last statement I want everyone to know I support the church fully now (since 8 months ago as I previously stated) including all its doctrine. I’m finding it to be fullfilling and rewarding and helping me to be closer to God, Jesus, Holy Spirit and Mary!
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The Church doesn’t object to family planning. It objects to contraception. Contraception is an object or action whether a piece of latex , a drug or action such as onanism that prevents the marital act from ending the way that God intends it too. NFP is supposed to involve prayer and discernment. A couple carefully evaluates the resources they have and determines with God’s help if it is time to create a life or not. The call to be generous with creating life is an integral part of the sacrament of marriage. So , while yes a couple could use NFP with a contraceptive mindset that isn’t the churches intention when she says that God allows it. We married couples are supposed to have serious reasons such as a lack of one or more of the usual resources it takes to raise a child in order to practice NFP. That being said I don’t think the church forbids the more “providential” approach to bearing in which the couple does not practice NFP at all and leaves the whole thing to God’s hands.

If you hang around here much you are going to see suggestions for Theology of the Body, Christopher West(Good News about Sex and Marriage and many Theology of the Body works) or Greg Popcak( Holy Sex…) as well as understanding the concept of Marriage and the Eucharist.If you take the time to look into those you will understand how the church views the meaning of the marital act and it’s relationship to the other sacraments especially the Eucharist.
 
Speaking as one who had a vasectomy many years ago when I was a small-p pagan, and then became a Catholic only a few years ago, I can testify that you have received good advice as far as the reversal is concerned.

I would add that every time you and your wife come together, you should be “open to life.” In other words, you need to be open to the possibility that God just might exercise his sense of humor where “barren” couples are concerned.

DaveBj
 
I too am in the same situation as you Caudy… And there was a time that I wondered if I had to repent for that sin each time my wife and I came together. I too highly recommend the Christopher West series on the theology of the body; Created and Redeemed. It will change and set your view of the matter straight. Now before the marital act, I pray that I give myself completely to my wife and not for my benefit.
 
This may sound weird, but I recommend doing NFP even if you don’t technically “need” it because of the vasectomy. I find that NFP is a huge asset to a marriage, allowing you to reconnect emotionally as well as find other ways to express yourselves intimately w/o having sex. Rediscover the fine art of kissing and “making out” 🙂 I find it really strengthens a marriage. Just my opinions. Welcome back to the Rock! and good luck on your continuing journey growing closer with the Lord!

In His Love,
Joyce
 
rrank said:
I too am in the same situation as you Caudy… And there was a time that I wondered if I had to repent for that sin each time my wife and I came together. I too highly recommend the Christopher West series on the theology of the body; Created and Redeemed. It will change and set your view of the matter straight. Now before the marital act, I pray that I give myself completely to my wife and not for my benefit.
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I had a vasectomy 25 years ago when I was a Protestant after the birth of our third child. I did it on the advise of our doctor. My wife had several complications with this pregnancy and doctor said we should not have any more children As with some others here I cannot afford the high cost of having the operation reversed. Now that I’m a Catholic I was feeling extreme guilt over this.
 
LegoGE1947 said:
I had a vasectomy 25 years ago when I was a Protestant after the birth of our third child. I did it on the advise of our doctor. My wife had several complications with this pregnancy and doctor said we should not have any more children As with some others here I cannot afford the high cost of having the operation reversed. Now that I’m a Catholic I was feeling extreme guilt over this.
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Also is this Christopher West series available on line?
 
LegoGE1947… I don’t know if it is online, he travels around teaching it a parishes… any Catholic bookstore would have it… It is actually an expose’ of a five year work by JP II called the Theology of the Body… it costs about $50, but if you can’t find it, let me know and I will get you a copy… It will change your life and it makes me wonder why every high school kid isn’t getting it taught to them before college…
 
rrank said:
It will change your life and it makes me wonder why every high school kid isn’t getting it taught to them before college…
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Now THAT is the truth if I ever heard it. Amen, brother, Amen!
 
rrank said:
LegoGE1947… I don’t know if it is online, he travels around teaching it a parishes… any Catholic bookstore would have it… It is actually an expose’ of a five year work by JP II called the Theology of the Body… it costs about $50, but if you can’t find it, let me know and I will get you a copy… It will change your life and it makes me wonder why every high school kid isn’t getting it taught to them before college…
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thanks:thumbsup:
 
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