Vasectomy reversal question

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I think Nance has a point…to some degree.

If a man’s vasectomy is something that he can afford (both monetarily and health wise) to reverse, then why doesn’t he consider it? If he realizes that getting sterilized was a terrible mistake and against what the Church teaches wouldn’t he want to “right his wrong”? Seeking forgiveness in confession with a priest would certainly be required as the first step. But if the guy really wants to live a life that reflects the Church’s teaching on marital love and being open to life, then it seems his next logical step would be to seek a reversal of his vasectomy.

Assumming a man has the money to pay for one, why doesn’t he go get it done?

My thoughts…I think it is easier to stay closed to life (procreatively speaking here) than to run the risk of bringing another child into the world. The couple would have to learn NFP and the challenges that that birth control method requires from spouses. I really don’t think most men (and even their wives) want to be bothered with having to “open that particular door” again after it has been shut for so long. It is easier to go to confession and later say, “If I had it to do all over again, I wouldn’t but that was a sin of the past…” How many sins of our past do we actually get a chance to truly make up for? Not many. We can’t get back a child that was aborted. We can’t physically reclaim our virginity once taken or erase all the fornicating we did prior to marriage. Wouldn’t it be a great penance if we chould though? I think what Nance is trying to say is that men should take a vasectomy reversal on as their personal penance since it is something that is reversable and in their power to fix.

I think it just goes to show that “contraception” is a matter of the heart. For folks who have grown up and been raised in a contraception culture and who have never had great guidance on the matter from the church (maybe even conflicting ideas from priests) then it is understandable that what has been so deeply ingrained in their thinking about being open to children at every single act of marital love is going to take a lot of “de-programming”. Actually, only by the grace of God will men and women’s hearts change.

The question really boils down to “How open to life are you REALLY?”
 
I think as Catholics we have enough to feel guilty about without telling someone they SHOULD do something to make things right. Jesus forgave all kinds of sinners and so should we without telling them they need to fix something that isn’t all that easy to fix. Confession is for forgiveness…confess…receive forgiveness…and move on.
~ Kathy ~
 
My husband had a reversal this past June. We are both cradle catholics but poorly catecized. We prayed about it for over 3 years. When we found out our insurance would cover 80% of the cost we felt this was something we must do.
I did tons of research and my husband was able to go to an excellent microsurgeon. His name is Dr.Marks.
The most difficult part was that he had to go across the country alone. I had to be home with our kids.
Physically he did wouderful. He said it hurt less than the vasectomy. His recovery time was about a week but no lifting for 6 weeks.
His vasectomy was 11 years old. We are both 41 years old. I concieved 6 weeks after the reversal but miscarried 2 months later. That was so very difficult. We pray to become pregnant again and are also open to life through adoption.It’s all in God’s hands.

We feel sooo blessed to be able to give our fertlity back to God!
 
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Katie1723:
I think as Catholics we have enough to feel guilty about without telling someone they SHOULD do something to make things right. Jesus forgave all kinds of sinners and so should we without telling them they need to fix something that isn’t all that easy to fix. Confession is for forgiveness…confess…receive forgiveness…and move on.
~ Kathy ~
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This has nothing to do with guilt. And no one is saying that the sin of sterilization won’t be forgiven until a reversal is made. Have you even READ the previous posts?

I’m saying IF it is easy for you to fix…fix it!
 
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momtofivekids:
My husband had a reversal this past June. We are both cradle catholics but poorly catecized. We prayed about it for over 3 years. When we found out our insurance would cover 80% of the cost we felt this was something we must do.
I did tons of research and my husband was able to go to an excellent microsurgeon. His name is Dr.Marks.
The most difficult part was that he had to go across the country alone. I had to be home with our kids.
Physically he did wouderful. He said it hurt less than the vasectomy. His recovery time was about a week but no lifting for 6 weeks.
His vasectomy was 11 years old. We are both 41 years old. I concieved 6 weeks after the reversal but miscarried 2 months later. That was so very difficult. We pray to become pregnant again and are also open to life through adoption.It’s all in God’s hands.

We feel sooo blessed to be able to give our fertlity back to God!
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The first inspiring post of the thread!! 👍
 
DVIN CKS:
The first inspiring post of the thread!! 👍
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For what it’s worth: my nephew had a vasectomy when he was in his early 20’s–after he and his wife had two children 12 months apart.

This marriage (for various and sundry reasons) didn’t last, and he remarried – his ‘new’ wife wanted a baby. He had his vasectomy reversed. I am not sure HOW he paid for it, but they did conceive and now (as of this date!) have a 4 year old daughter along with a son and daughter who are in their early 20’s!

(They are both lasped Catholics.)
 
My husband had a vasectomy shortly after the birth of our second child. We were both away from the Church at the time, and our marriage was under a lot of stress. The vasectomy was definitely the worst thing that ever happened to our marriage. I returned to the Church later that same year, and a couple of years later after a lot of discernment my husband had a reversal. He had the reversal done out of love for me, and the realization that what he had done was wrong and had damaged our marriage so badly. He is not a Catholic, but his love for me and our family and marriage prompted him to have the reversal. We are now completly open to life. I have miscarried once, but we are hopeful for another child if this is God’s will for us. I can’t emphasize enough how much the reversal and being open to life has strengthened our marriage.

By the way we contacted “One More Soul”, they put us in touch with a Catholic doctor in Arkansas who charged only for the anesthesia and equipment bills. The procedure itself was done for free, so it was very affordable ($500). There are other doctors around the country who donate their services for reversals. I highly recommend checking them out.

The procedure took about two hours and as far as the pain involved, my husband said that it was not any worse that the pain he experienced with the original vasectomy, and he returned to work 2 days later.
 
DVIN CKS:
If the vesectomy was done in ignorance of Church teaching, then the man/couple is not living in mortal sin and therefore they are not receiving the eucharist unworthily. Once the couple understands and are “enlightened” to Church teaching and want to live according to the moral teachings of the church, all that is required is a sincere confession. The church doesn’t demand or encourage that vasectomies be reversed. Cost and other medical risks have to be taken into consideration. This decision is entirely left up to the couple.

So, Nance…to suggest that a man who doesn’t get a reversal is in a state of mortal sin is false and not in line with Church teaching. He should confess this sin as soon as he is educated as to why the church views it as such. If he then decides to reverse it, that will be his decision to make and his soul will not be jeopardized.
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I had a vasectomy 4 years ago and I have dreaded it since. I made a full and sincere confession to my priest. He indicated that since my confession was sincere, I could go in peace. My wife and I have two very beautiful daughters but our marriage, until recently, had suffered big time. We went through a lot of financial and occupational changes over the past 4 years with much associated stress. If I had any advice for anyone, Catholic or not, it would be to really, really consider the consequences of your actions. It’s not so simple as just “getting snipped”.
 
I, like many others, have had a vasectomy. Yes, I was Catholic, and yes, I knew when I underwent the procedure that it was sin.

It took me a long time to confess this to my priest and he asked me many questions regarding the procedure. Primarily he asked why we were not open to new life. I told him that it was not that we were not open to life, but we had other things to consider. Primarily, we needed to consider my wife’s emotional state. She had suffered from a relatively severe case of post-partum depression after the birth of our daughter.

Father stated that was a valid concern and that many people read as far as the fact that it is a sin to use any form of birth control, and neglect the fact that there may be underlying considerations.

I confessed my sin was forgiven, and I thank God daily for both of my kids.
 
catholicdad01…many people like yourself have very valid reasons for avoiding pregnancy. Sterilization always seems like the best option despite church teaching. I just think men and women should think beyond the confessional and consider the possibility of reversing the surgery.

Too often, we have the mind set that since we’ve already confessed the sin and have been given absolution that we feel perfectly fine conducting our sex lives with a continued “contraceptive mind set”. Since we feel that being open to life isn’t an option, we are somewhat “off the hook”. Well, there IS something that can be done and it is called a vasectomy reversal. Granted, the church doesn’t require this and I can see why. However, IF you are in a position to consider it, I - my opinion here - think all means should be taken to have one done. Some couples who do not consider this option have even gone to the trouble to learn NFP and practice it and abstain when the woman is fertile as a form of penance for their sin. What better way to really live what you now believe to be a true Catholic teaching. What better way to be obedient to God and His will. Would the Lord want you to remain sterile if there were a way that you could change that?
 
DVIN CKS-

Thank you for your reply.

My wife and I have had discussions regarding this issue and there are a couple of things that are preventing us from going forward.

Number one is her emotional state. She still suffers from mild depression, for which she is on medication. Both of us are afraid of the ramifications to her well-being if we were to bring another child into this world.

The second concern is financial. At this time, we do not have the financial means to proceed with this type of procedure.

We have also discussed the option of NFP, even though I have undergone the procedure and those discussions are ongoing.

Again, I thank you for your reply. You have given me more to think about in this area.

God Bless!!
 
I just read an article about couples who chose to have their sterilizations reversed (both tubal ligations and vasectomies). Some were blessed with more children, others weren’t, but they all agreed that getting their sterilizations reversed had a positive effect on their relationships, even if it didn’t result in more children.

Certainly the Church doesn’t require a moral obligation to get it reversed, but sounds like there are certain benefits to doing it if it’s possible.
 
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catholicdad01:
DVIN CKS-

Thank you for your reply.

My wife and I have had discussions regarding this issue and there are a couple of things that are preventing us from going forward.

Number one is her emotional state. She still suffers from mild depression, for which she is on medication. Both of us are afraid of the ramifications to her well-being if we were to bring another child into this world.

The second concern is financial. At this time, we do not have the financial means to proceed with this type of procedure.

We have also discussed the option of NFP, even though I have undergone the procedure and those discussions are ongoing.

Again, I thank you for your reply. You have given me more to think about in this area.

God Bless!!
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Sounds like you have very valid reasons for avoiding a pregnancy, however it sounds like you still have the contraceptive mentality (even though fertility isn’t an issue anymore). I’m not trying to pick on you…I only bring this up because this is where I was in my thinking. It is the result of being raised in a “contraceptive culture” where we feel we are the ones “in control” of our fertility. It is very hard for folks like us to really trust God on these issues and have faith that His will is what is best for us. I have realized that what a vasectomy reversal all boils down to is this…am I willing to put my fertility back into God’s hands? Am I willing to cooperate and work with my natural fertility cycle to avoid a pregnancy if it is for a just reason? These are tough questions.

P.S. I learned that my insurance co. will pay 80% for my husband’s reversal 👍 .
 
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momtofivekids:
His vasectomy was 11 years old. We are both 41 years old. I concieved 6 weeks after the reversal but miscarried 2 months later. That was so very difficult. We pray to become pregnant again and are also open to life through adoption.It’s all in God’s hands.

We feel sooo blessed to be able to give our fertlity back to God!
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6 weeks after!!! That gives me alot of hope. I am going in for a second try at a successful reversal in two weeks. It has been 12 years for me since the vasectomy and 4 years since the first reversal. I am 41 and my wife just turned 40. My story is similar to others who have posted. I was immersed in the contraceptive culture and knew next to nothing about my faith even though I went to mass every Sunday. After 5 kids in 6 years I just figured that was the thing to do. Everbody does it. Other Catholics did it. A priest told my wife that it was ok as long as we weren’t doing it to “get ahead.” Well in my mind I wasn’t doing it to get ahead. But certainly my reasons were selfish. I wish he had told me **DONT DO IT!!!, **you are not God and it is not His will that you prohibit life, and you will burn in Hell, and your marriage will be worse because of it, etc. etc. etc…but he didn’t, and who knows if I would have listened to him anyway. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Thankfully, God is merciful and did not abandon me. Once I saw the error of my ways, there was no other recourse for me but to repent and attempt to make things right.

Father Peter Stravinskas, in The Catholic Answer Book advises as penance, and for the health of the marriage, for those who have received vasectomies but will not get them reversed (for financial or other reasons) to still practice NFP.
 
Brian…
Good luck. I hope you are going to a specialist who concentrates only on doing reversals. Technology has come a long way in the past 10 years or less. Trust your reversal to a microsurgeon. Here is a good doc to check out vasdoctor.com

You may feel you are in good hands (I hope that is the case). Doesn’t hurt to compare though. 👍
 
Brian Crane:
I was immersed in the contraceptive culture and knew next to nothing about my faith even though I went to mass every Sunday. After 5 kids in 6 years I just figured that was the thing to do. Everbody does it. Other Catholics did it. A priest told my wife that it was ok as long as we weren’t doing it to “get ahead.”
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My story is very similar to yours. My husband and I figured our marriage had been open to life with the three kids we had and that we were the ones who would determine when we were done. We still feel like we are “done” but are ready to be “open to life” again…leaving the big decisions up to God can be scarey, but at the same time very freeing. Wish a priest would have told us that obedience leads one to true freedom!!
 
So, men what made you change your minds about your vasectomy? Was there a moment, a book, a person that convinced you that having the reversal was the right thing to do? Sorry if I am hijacking this thread.
 
I’ll answer for my husband…it was his wife. Once I “saw the light” on this whole ABC stuff and our “contraceptive mentality” this just seemed like the next step to take in order to allow ourselves to behave in full obedience to God and be open to His will. I’ve read a lot and most importantly I’ve prayed a lot about this decision. I simply asked him to pray about it. I would have supported him whether he decided to go through with it or not. I let him know that it was totally his decision to make and that he needed to feel comfortable with it. I didn’t want him to feel like he had to do it for my sake. Fortunately, the Lord spoke to him in a quiet way and he now feels like this is what he must do.
 
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movingmom:
So, men what made you change your minds about your vasectomy? Was there a moment, a book, a person that convinced you that having the reversal was the right thing to do? Sorry if I am hijacking this thread.
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Short answer…My Wife!..and I thank God for her.

Longer answer (to the best of my recollection): Some time after we got our internet connection in our home in the late 90’s my wife joined a forum for Catholic mothers which led to other forums and e-mail lists. She began to learn alot more about the faith from these ladies and became convinced (rightly so) that I had done a grievous thing. She was never really pleased with it in the first place but this clinched it. She told our local priest of my situation and he was kind of taken aback that I had done this. She told me what she thought about it, about how sterilization was against Church teaching, even if many Catholics do it, and even if many priests turn a blind eye to it. She told me of our priest’s reaction to hearing of what I had done. This convinced me that I had done wrong. At this point, not getting a reversal never occurred to me, especially since I could afford it, but honestly, even if it had cost $50,000 I still think I would have done it. My mindset was (and is): I did wrong, and I need to make it right. I did not trust God before, so I’d better trust Him now. I was selfish before, so I’d better be unselfish now. I thought God would be pleased if I attempted to correct my situation.
 
Thanks for your responses!

I have been trying to convince my husband to repent, also subtly suggesting a reversal. He did say he was “sort of” sorry he did it, but there was no way he was going to go through a reversal. He said that the actual surgery, not the recovery was too painful to go through again. At this point I would be happy with reconciliation. He knows I mention it every time I go to confession (although I know I am forgiven, I still feel VERY guilty for my part), however he has not. I suppose if he is truly not sorry what is the use? I have been praying for him to change his mind. It has been 4 years. I have been sad for a long time.
 
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