Vasectomy

[cosborn]

Hello All,

I am scheduled for a vasectomy in two days. I know that having a Vasectomy is a sin. However, my wife and I have decided to do the procedure because we have been told by different doctors that if she becomes pregnant that her life is at risk. We have three beautiful children ages 5, 3, and 2. With each pregnancy, her platelets levels have dropped more and more. This last pregnancy there was major concern that she would not be able to clot properly. Am I wrong about doing the procedure for the well being of my wife and will God punish me for doing this?

Thanks in advance,

-Corey

 

[lo_amo87]

Hello All,

I am scheduled for a vasectomy in two days. I know that having a Vasectomy is a sin. However, my wife and I have decided to do the procedure because we have been told by different doctors that if she becomes pregnant that her life is at risk. We have three beautiful children ages 5, 3, and 2. With each pregnancy, her platelets levels have dropped more and more. This last pregnancy there was major concern that she would not be able to clot properly. Am I wrong about doing the procedure for the well being of my wife and will God punish me for doing this?

Thanks in advance,

-Corey

Hmmm, while I understand the outlook of abstinance is a difficult one, I’m pretty sure a priest would tell you and your wife to remain celibate rather than have a vasectomy…

 

[1ke]

we have been told by different doctors that if she becomes pregnant that her life is at risk.

You need to learn NFP and practice it with the stricktly

Am I wrong about doing the procedure for the well being of my wife and will God punish me for doing this?

Yes, you are wrong and you already know that.

I encourage you to cancel the procedure and not commit a mortal sin.

Please make an appointment with an NFP teacher.

 

[mcrow]

Hello All,

I am scheduled for a vasectomy in two days. I know that having a Vasectomy is a sin. However, my wife and I have decided to do the procedure because we have been told by different doctors that if she becomes pregnant that her life is at risk. We have three beautiful children ages 5, 3, and 2. With each pregnancy, her platelets levels have dropped more and more. This last pregnancy there was major concern that she would not be able to clot properly. Am I wrong about doing the procedure for the well being of my wife and will God punish me for doing this?

Thanks in advance,

-Corey

A vasectomy is going to be immoral either way, no matter the reason. Though I think this is complex enough that only a priest could really answer this for you.

 

[Joe_5859]

We can never do evil that good may come of it. Of course, your concern for your wife’s health is a good thing, but this act is not the answer. I would encourage you to talk to a priest about this (before the scheduled procedure) and learn NFP.

 

[Pfaffenhoffen]

Hello All,

I am scheduled for a vasectomy in two days. I know that having a Vasectomy is a sin. However, my wife and I have decided to do the procedure because we have been told by different doctors that if she becomes pregnant that her life is at risk. We have three beautiful children ages 5, 3, and 2. With each pregnancy, her platelets levels have dropped more and more. This last pregnancy there was major concern that she would not be able to clot properly. Am I wrong about doing the procedure for the well being of my wife and will God punish me for doing this?

Thanks in advance,

-Corey

If you could learn NFP well, scientifically, it would be better. But you must be good at it, with all the information in place.

 

[Castello]

Even if it were not a grave sin, vasectomy is not a guarantee - you do realize that, right? The only way to make sure you will not impregnate your wife is to have your testes removed or to abstain 100% until menopause.

You could go the moral route, and learn a conservative method of NFP.

Prayers for you.

 

[lifeisbeautiful]

Even if it were not a grave sin, vasectomy is not a guarantee - you do realize that, right? The only way to make sure you will not impregnate your wife is to have your testes removed or to abstain 100% until menopause.

You could go the moral route, and learn a conservative method of NFP.

Prayers for you.

That is true, and I did a quick google search to find stats and it said it’s about 1 in 100 chance…

Even if the chance were 0% it would be intrinsically evil (<- from Catechism).

Prayers for you both, I know it must be tough, but it is not worth risking one’s eternal life!

ETA: I do feel for you both, I have never had my platlets so low to be advised to not have any more children, but with my first my platelets went below 100 and that was scary enough for us. I have someone close to me that has had to use NFP extremely conservatively because of a situation like yours (mother and baby’s life at stake) and they are a great example to me. Please pray about this, ask God to push you in the right direction.

 

[Debora123]

Hello All,

I am scheduled for a vasectomy in two days. I know that having a Vasectomy is a sin. However, my wife and I have decided to do the procedure because we have been told by different doctors that if she becomes pregnant that her life is at risk. We have three beautiful children ages 5, 3, and 2. With each pregnancy, her platelets levels have dropped more and more. This last pregnancy there was major concern that she would not be able to clot properly. Am I wrong about doing the procedure for the well being of my wife and will God punish me for doing this?

Thanks in advance,

-Corey

Life at risk if pregnant again??

Sounds like a very scary situation.

I will pray for you.

 

[cmscms]

God punish me for doing this?

Ok, that sentence is where the whole problem is. Where did you get the idea God punishes??? We are held accountable for our action and face the possibility of going to hell but…punish while on this earth ???

First, to state the obvious, do NOT have the operation. Then, really try to find a priest or bible study or some kind of support to help you see the light. God loves you and wants the best. Sure these doctor’s know the medical facts and your wife has probably been through more than she cares to think of but… as Catholics we are suppose to get close to God by doing his will.

I am not denying this is a struggle but nonetheless the vasectomy will bring different problems.

CM

 

[twoangels]

Hello All,

I am scheduled for a vasectomy in two days. I know that having a Vasectomy is a sin. However, my wife and I have decided to do the procedure because we have been told by different doctors that if she becomes pregnant that her life is at risk. We have three beautiful children ages 5, 3, and 2. With each pregnancy, her platelets levels have dropped more and more. This last pregnancy there was major concern that she would not be able to clot properly. Am I wrong about doing the procedure for the well being of my wife and will God punish me for doing this?

Thanks in advance,

-Corey

This is a situation my parents were in many years ago. My Dad did end up getting a vesectomy though both my parents are pro NFP and speak very outwardly against contraceptives. Dad even wanted more kids. For years he was trying to get mom to agree to adopt, but Mom wouldn’t have it.

Is it wrong to get a vesectomy? Yes. Its important to recognize that you are not getting a vesectomy to save your wife’s life. You are getting a vesectomy to be able to engage in sexual activity without risking harming your wife’s life. Now having sex in marriage is very important. The bonding is important. And your wife’s life is important as well. As such, the real question you have is exactly how important is the procreative aspect in sex? Is it enough to risk someone’s life? Does it just trump everything? Its very easy to say "Ok yes it does, but if it does, than doesn’t that devalue her life and devalue the unitive aspect of sex to just say “I can throw our sex lives away”?

I think by asking the question you are showing that are indeed struggling to do the right thing. I would advise you to talk to a priest about this and strive to use NFP strictly. It may be wise to restrict sexual activity to after ovulation exclusively. Those are probably you’re safest days. I would definitely rely on BBT to confirm ovulation and set it as a priority to have sex on those days because you’re marriage will need it. If you ever suspect she’s going to double peak, than be cautious, but so long as you’re past ovulation you should be good. Pre-peak has a slight increased risk of pregnancy.

 

[defenderoftruth]

Forget NFP sorry but I’ve tried with the last 2 pregnancies (yes I got pregnant both times with calender/temperature/mucus all of it) it doesn’t always work. Abstaining is the only thing left. That will put REAL issues in your marriage like temptation of other people (since you aren’t getting the marital embrace from you wife) etc. You are in a real pickle. There is no easy “fix” on this one. Either you get fixed (mortal sin) or you try NFP that can and does fail, (I have 1 going on 2 babies to prove it) or abstain until she’s in menopause (could be years away).

Sorry it’s a sucky situation. You have my sympathy and I will pray for ya’ll.

 

[agapewolf]

Forget NFP sorry but I’ve tried with the last 2 pregnancies (yes I got pregnant both times with calender/temperature/mucus all of it) it doesn’t always work. Abstaining is the only thing left. That will put REAL issues in your marriage like temptation of other people (since you aren’t getting the marital embrace from you wife) etc. You are in a real pickle. There is no easy “fix” on this one. Either you get fixed (mortal sin) or you try NFP that can and does fail, (I have 1 going on 2 babies to prove it) or abstain until she’s in menopause (could be years away).

Sorry it’s a sucky situation. You have my sympathy and I will pray for ya’ll.

If you used a calendar with NFP you weren’t doing it right.

 

[twoangels]

Forget NFP sorry but I’ve tried with the last 2 pregnancies (yes I got pregnant both times with calender/temperature/mucus all of it) it doesn’t always work. Abstaining is the only thing left. That will put REAL issues in your marriage like temptation of other people (since you aren’t getting the marital embrace from you wife) etc. You are in a real pickle. There is no easy “fix” on this one. Either you get fixed (mortal sin) or you try NFP that can and does fail, (I have 1 going on 2 babies to prove it) or abstain until she’s in menopause (could be years away).

Sorry it’s a sucky situation. You have my sympathy and I will pray for ya’ll.

You know, when my Dad rationalized his vesectomy, he insisted that NFP just could not be relied upon. And it seemed true. My youngest brother and sister are only two years apart and Mom had 2 miscarriages between them. However now that my Dad has repented, he says they could have made NFP work, but that he wasn’t willing to sacrifice. And I’m not saying my Dad is a bad person. He sacrificed a lot. When my husband and I were not able to consumate our marriage, I was amazed at how different abstaining was when you’re married than prior to marriage. I commented to my mom that we stopped using NFP and got pregnant right away because we needed it for our marriage and she basically was like “That’s nothing.” and told me that she and Dad could not have sex at all while she was pregnant. So basically they were trying to figure out NFP, abstaining a lot, still getting pregnant, than abstaining for months to prevent premature birth and the death of my mom and they went through two pregnancies like that. So definitely my parents were abstaining a lot and it was a strain and felt like it wasn’t working.

But that said, the comments I get from my mom about NFP can be off the wall. She never did ecological breastfeeding, and yet has been trying to tell me its impossible to ovulate till your baby is completely weaned. She told me this when she found out I was charting while breastfeeding. She was like “Why are you doing that?” Then somehow ended up talking about charting, and any time she started spotting, she considered it her period.

 

[Joe_5859]

Forget NFP sorry but I’ve tried with the last 2 pregnancies (yes I got pregnant both times with calender/temperature/mucus all of it) it doesn’t always work. Abstaining is the only thing left. That will put REAL issues in your marriage like temptation of other people (since you aren’t getting the marital embrace from you wife) etc. You are in a real pickle. There is no easy “fix” on this one. Either you get fixed (mortal sin) or you try NFP that can and does fail, (I have 1 going on 2 babies to prove it) or abstain until she’s in menopause (could be years away).

Sorry it’s a sucky situation. You have my sympathy and I will pray for ya’ll.

I would still encourage the OP to look into it. Just because it didn’t work for defenderoftruth doesn’t mean it won’t work in general. And there are several methods that can be used. It would be good to talk to someone who knows a lot about this and can help the OP sort through what it all means to his specific situation. The Couple to Couple League would be one place to start.

 

[puzzleannie]

I can see arguments both for and against the procedure, but (as far as I am aware) there is no clear Church teaching. What do you think?

Dean

the Church teaching is absolutely clear and unambiguous, no surgical sterilization procedure undergone by either the man or the woman for the purpose of preventing pregnancy is ever permitted under any circumstances.

You owe it to yourself to have a conversation with your priest before you undertake such a radical and often irreversible action, which may fail in any case to protect against what you fear.

The medical aspects that lead to pressure for such decisions can be complex and hard to understand. The most helpful source I have ever seen is DR. Anthony Dardano (sp?) who is the expert Judie Brown contacts on her pro-life Q&A column at EWTN.com, you might ask her directly for his contact information or search past responses to the types of difficulty your wife is facing.

No God won’t punish you but you may harm your marriage irretrievably as now sex will just be about sex, and not unity and procreation, any more and you may not see the damage done to intimacy and your relationship until years down the road. Plus you have now put your life on a footing where you no longer trust God to know what is best for you and that is the scariest thing of all.

 

[defenderoftruth]

You all are acting like I am telling him to get a vasectomy. I “charted” (is that a better word than calender?) when I used NFP and kept meticulous records on temperature with the correct kind of thermometer, checked my mucus, and breastfed to boot. The couple to couple league’s stats saying 99% effective is a farce-sorry but it’s true. Not something someone should trust with their life. Guess what, “NFP is the cure all” people, it didn’t work. 3 kids in 3 years, 2 from NFP. I love my kids and I’m happy to have them but my body needed a break (I had a c-section and was supposed to wait 10 months to get pregnant) it only “worked” for 6 months.

You can try to tell someone to abstain but they are only supposed to do it for “a time” with prayer according to St.Paul because Satan would tempt one or both spouses. Not only that the marriage suffers from lack of physical affection yet this guy would have to gamble with NFP or suffer temptation for not having sex with his wife for however many years it takes for her to go through menopause.

BOTTOM LINE: So you are telling this guy to trust NFP (which CAN and DOES fail) with his wife’s life and or abstain until she’s menopausal or he can risk hell with a vasectomy because if he did he would just be some pig that couldn’t control himself and didn’t want to get his wife pregnant while still wanting sex-sarcasm.

I don’t have a solution for him and I don’t think you should try to play “counselor” on this one either he needs not only professional medical advice but priestly advice not layperson “NFP is the way” advice. I think personally anyway he goes they can get messed over. (unless by some miracle his wife has the platelet thing fixed)

I know the early church had celibate spouses but alot of them only had sex till she was pregnant too. (I’ve read Ante-Nicene writings) But what would I or my spouse do if I were to have a c-section again? We don’t know. I won’t and can’t pretend to know what to tell this guy. He has my true sympathy and understanding. Whatever of the three he decides is between him, his wife, God and the church not us.

 

[Joe_5859]

You all are acting like I am telling him to get a vasectomy.

I don’t know where you’re getting that from. I certainly did not intend to imply that you were making such a suggestion. My comment was meant simply for the OP to not let your personal experience with NFP cloud his perception of NFP as a whole. I could list lots and lots of couples I personally know who have used NFP with 100% success (avoiding when they want to avoid and conceiving when they want to conceive). I know other couples who have had problems with one method of NFP or another because every woman’s body can be a little different, but they’ve still worked out solutions that did not end with sterilization or total abstinence.

Since you do not want anyone here at CAF to “play counselor”, I assume you do not want the OP to let your personal story push him to one particular course of action. That’s why I encouraged the OP to get more information from sources who have the expertise and are accustomed to handling these sorts of situations.

 

[defenderoftruth]

I don’t know where you’re getting that from. I certainly did not intend to imply that you were making such a suggestion. My comment was meant simply for the OP to not let your personal experience with NFP cloud his perception of NFP as a whole. I could list lots and lots of couples I personally know who have used NFP with 100% success (avoiding when they want to avoid and conceiving when they want to conceive). I know other couples who have had problems with one method of NFP or another because every woman’s body can be a little different, but they’ve still worked out solutions that did not end with sterilization or total abstinence.

Since you do not want anyone here at CAF to “play counselor”, I assume you do not want the OP to let your personal story push him to one particular course of action. That’s why I encouraged the OP to get more information from sources who have the expertise and are accustomed to handling these sorts of situations.

Counselors give advice Joe, I’m not giving advice I’m telling what happened to me and telling others that it’s not their business to make such a huge decision for this guy. Let’s grow up and not be snarky to eachother ok? What’s the problem with leaving this up to professional medical personnel and a priest? This is a forum for discussion and while he asked for advice I don’t think the “NFP is the cure all” advice given by laypeople is sufficient, we should all tell him to talk to more doctors and a priest not give him some pat answer.

 

[PaulinVA]

My wife and I have successfully practiced the symto-thermal method of NFP for over 22 years to get pregnant and avoid pregnancy. It works if you are disciplined and use it correctly.

Sterilization is always wrong when done for contraceptive purposes. There is no wiggle room there.

So, these really are your choices:

1. Practice NFP conservatively
2. Abstain until menopause